Another great comedy piece from you! I loved how you described the main character, in their fuzzy slippers and bathrobe, the perfect picture of someone miserably sick! I had a good laugh as to why the dog told her not to eat the cheese, the cat licked it. It was also funny that the character though the voice she was hearing was because she was dieting. The beginning seemed a little rocky, maybe a little more description like she was sitting on the living room couch when a voice said..... Just a thought.
What a fun piece to read! I love the personality you gave the coffee pot, sounded like an old grandpa or maybe someones surly uncle. The poor thing has been abused enough and it let you know! I love the last line; "Okay, okay. I get the idea! You won me!" Had me laughing out loud. A great piece!
A great and sad story. It tells the tale of how desperate a man can get when there is no money and no food to support his family. Your story also captures the reality of illiegal immigrants trying to make a living in the United States, and how desperate they are for work. I loved the way you described the family atmosphere. It was warm and loving, and you could tell Jose really cared for his family. The reader could also tell how much his family loved him and how he wished to provide a better life for his children. Very well done!
This struck a cord with me because my father is a postman. He never did anything like this but I enjoyed the story. I liked how Jack kept the mail safe, so his friends on his route could rest knowing that their mail was safe. It was unexpected to find the mail in his house and I liked how concerned everyone at the post office was for him. It captured the comradery at the post office perfectly. Well done and keep on Writing!
Those poor girls, having to put up with everything. I really am glad I wasn't alive during that time, I would have gone insane. I really enjoyed Joan and Ruth's conversation and how you managed through said conversation to allow the reader a glimpse into the social norms and their personalities. The description for of The Palace we enjoyable, I could clearly see a bunch of bored, rich people sitting around getting drunk.
I do have a suggestion, when Ruth thinks, I would put that in italics to offset it better. That way the reader knows for sure that it's nothing spoken out loud.
My favorite part had to be the drunk asking them to dance and then his wife accusing them of trying to steal her man when all they were doing was having a drink. Well done and Write On!
A very well done piece, I was wondering why Margie could see the woman in read, glad I found out! I love the mystery element to it and how Margie was trying to push the images out of here head. I would have thought she would think herself insane, but that never was mentioned. I love how descriptive the piece was, and it was fun getting to know Margie and what she thought of her bosses, that part made me laugh.
I do think her friends were a little too accepting though. Most people would think their friend was going insane or seeing things, not immediately think she was right. How did they know she had that gift? Is it something common or do the two guys have some sort of gift themselves? These are just a few questions that came to my mind when I was reading this piece. You might want to expand upon that a bit more.
Well done and keep on Writing!
-Jewel of Arabia
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A cute little song that had me laughing. I would hate it if anything like that were to happen to me. Can you even imagine being stuck with your father as a teacher? The jokes would be horrible. I could hear the melody in my head, very well done!
The first Review I owe you for the package you won!
I loved the imagery you used in this piece. The reader could clearly picture the old house, the well, and the old shed. Along with the beautiful area they were relaxing in. I loved the suspense and drama that is in every paragraph. You sit on the edge of your seat, wondering what is going to happen next.
I love how nobody has ever been able to stay in the house long, it adds to the mystique the children feel. Any place that has that sort of history is bound to attract curious children. I wanted to know what the noise was but I can see why the kids would run instead of finding out. I probably would have too. Well done. Keep on Writing!
Another great comical tale from you. I had to laugh at how everyone noticed Tom was bored in the picture but you had no idea. I have to admit, unless someone pointed it out ot me, I probably wouldn't have notice either. I have no idea what in the world electron tunneling is either so if you started talking to me about it, I would have the same look. I loved the ending where your kids patted their upper pocket like they were looking for a pocket protecter. My favorite part has to be about your mom not saying you were a dweeb and handsome. Well done!
Hi silverfeathers! After reading "Silence" , I offer these comments:A wonderfully well written piece about friendship and love being all mixed up. Jared wished he could have his best friend, but know his friend is straight. He pines for him, loves every moment he spends for him but does not wish to add any burdens to Damon. Very well written. The characters are polar opposites yet they interact like they belong together. One a writer the other a mathematician.
First Impression:The images you use were incredible. I felt like I was the person in love with Damon, the way you described him would make any red blooded person fall in love. The way you described the Beanie Bag was well done too, you could feel how comfortable the characters were. The descriptions of Damon's hands as he talked and the sparkle in his eyes was incredibly realistic.
Suggestions:At the beginning when you are first describing Damon, the sentence was incredibly long. I wished for it to be split up, you may consider doing that. Otherwise it was very well written.
Keep on Writing and thank you for this wonderful piece.
A truly lovely poem about the challenges we face as writers. We wish to be noticed, to make your imprint on todays culture, but what comes with that is the fear of rejection. We get tossed and turned around in this world and bullied but we keep coming back because we enjoy what we do. A truly masterful piece. Keep on Writing!
You had me laughing all the way through this piece! I loved it! I just can't pick out a part I liked more. I have a friend who works at Shop-ko and she hates the holidays. Way to many crazy people waiting in lines for stupid stuff. I enjoyed the part about you being fluent in 17 different languages to say "screw you" and that Redneck was one of them. I also enjoyed the part where you must have been in a coma to be coerced into going to Wal-marl to get an X-Box. I can't list everything I liked about this piece. Well done! Keep on Writing!
A very cute piece. My friend has a cats an they tend to bring in presents like that too, thinking that humans enjoy them. I loved how you described the hunt, especially since it's from a cats POV. The poor cricket didn't stand a chance.
I wish you the best of luck with all your resolutions. Especially the one about quitting smoking, I know how hard that one is going to be to keep. My mom is a hard core smoker and has tried a few times, halfheartedly. I hope you do better, for we need you around! I hope you have a wonderful New Year!
An incredibly well done poem. I loved the image of a fairy coming to ease the pain of those that are in need. I could clearly picture a fairy winging her way through the world, trying to heal those that are in need. I wish that magic dust would stop the wars and heal this broken nation. Great poem!
A very well thought out poem. I loved the cute images and the color you used, it added to the fantasy element. This makes me want to look out my window and wait for an enchantress to come and whisper in my ear all sorts of stories of things she has seen and done. Well done!
A sad piece that reflects what everyone must be thinking when a loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness such as cancer. I hope things will work out for you and your family. A truly bittersweet piece. Keep on Writing!
A truly strange story, I was utterly convinced that Will's mom was the one that was dead and not Will. It was an interesting idea of having a phone that you can contact the dead. I never read anything like that. Some of the wording was a little stilted, so I would look through in one more time. At first I thought that his mom was in a war or something. Truly interesting. Keep on Wriitng!
A truly inspiring poem that all those that are suffering from abuse should read. They need to know that they can walk away, even though it may seem hard. I liked the structure and the worde choices. I really liked how you capitalized Walk. Keep on Writing!
This was a very distrubing poem but very well done at the same time. I get the image of an crazed mother singing to her child as she strangle them. The language you used was perfect to describe the horror and I still have chills going down my spine. Well done!
A very interesting piece and one that actually does tell a tale in 55 words. I have read others works for this same contest and have not seen a tale. It shows how easily a man can be blamed even though he did now wrong. Well done! Keep on Writing!
I had a good laugh at this story. Very well written and I liked how you compared the businessmen to animals finding the best spot to relax. I found it funny how easily we trust people behind a desk, and think they actually belong there. I'm surprised you didn't get caught, but then again those information desks don't seem too well manned. At least you had fun. Keep on Writing!
A very interesting piece that is melancholy. It brought to mind a person sitting and listening to the radio and when a familiar song came on the radio, sitting back and getting lost in thier memories. I would separate the poem into stanzas, for instance I would put one after: And visions of you at my side? Then again after: Or never was
Of course this is only my opinion and this is your poem. Keep on Writing!
I liked the way you describe the house, it sounds like what are house used to be like before my mom's back starting to get bad. Although, in your poem, ;you perfect house his an imperfection. Too many people look on the outside without bothering to look deeper. Great poem. Keep on Writing!
-Jewel of Arabia
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sweatpea/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 8:11am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
