Not bad at all Lilah. Details good and easy to read. I like both your beginning and ending. For a first chapter you did alright. Know all you have to do is finish the book. I assume that's where you are headed with this nice little piece of writing? Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
McDonalds is still a favorite only not as often as it used to be. The children have their own families now but I still like to stop the occasionally. What breed of service dog is it? Thanks for sharing this well penned poem and above all, keep writing.
Nicely crafted poem about my three daughters. I think you gat cheated on a son. The girls, however will keep you busy enough. I have two grown boys and believe me! They have kept us busy most of the time. The big question comes when they decide to have their own families. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
Nicely penned and a visual treat for the senses. I could feel the heat and the sun as I read. The ending resounds as the lizards become children in the sun. Great work on this short but powerful poem. It is well crafted and easy to follow. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
We see what we want to see when we fall in love. Not always what we should see. A very nicely penned poem my friend. I haven't had to judge my love in decades but I still remember the issues involved in dating and going out together. All the uncertainties that beset the best of relationships. I love your poem and it's fairy tale format. Good luck. Keep writing and sharing.
A truly religious poem and a look into the past at our ancestors who placed great stock in our creator. You can find God anywhere any time if you open your eyes and truly see. This poem has many good points and is well versed. I detected no errors in it's execution and delivery.
Thanks for sharing it with us and keep writing.
Yes, no matter how hard you try to avoid them there's always one in every crowd. God help us if their numbers increase! This was not only excellently crafted and a good plot but it had a hilarious ending. I detected no errors or distractions. Very nicely penned and a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
Very nicely crafted poem about the pleasure derived from the simple things nature displays for us every day in our own surroundings. Your descriptive powers are superb in this delightful cruise through the neighborhood of sensory delights. This was a beautiful poem of the earthly delights that some are too busy to notice. Well done my friend and a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing.
If I could choose my family I'd keep the one I have because I love them for who how they are, "Warts and all." This was an excellent giving the reader the option of choosing his or her family. In fortunately that is not a choice we have but we can dream can't we. Thanks for sharing this fascinating poem.
Nicely penned fiction about two boys caught sneaking back into the house. What makes it worse for them is their father standing in the door with his arms crossed. That's exactly the type of trouble boys will get into. I know, "been there and done that!" Thanks for bringing back some memories. I detected no errors or spelling goofs. Keep writing and sharing.
My late uncle used to have a sign on his front door that said, " No Agents Allowed. " Reading your story and how she dispatched this salesman was really amusing. I've often thought of ways to discourage salesmen and telemarketers. It's amazing how many calls come in during the week around here. I found your story easy to read and entertaining. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
Excellent poem, Intuey. It is amazing how people band together in times of need or disaster. Whether hurricane, flood, fire, snow or tornado. I've been around long enough to see this show of concern for our fellow human beings in time of need quite often as it should be. After all, who can we look to if no one ever cares?
Nicely penned poem. Glad you posted it and keep on writing.
A blessing he was there. Some animals are sensitive to danger. This was a fine example of animals aiding human masters in time of need. Has he stopped snapping at you? Some dogs have a jealous nature and have a problem snapping at their masters. It is something that is born to some dogs and takes patience and love to alleviate.
I saw no errors in spelling or grammar. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
An excellent monologue and excellent group, the scouts. It is always better to give than receive. Giving makes the heart and soul feel good. It catches too. One person can set an example and the next thing you know everyone is caught up in the gift of giving. Thanks for writing and sharing this.
Being a highlander from western New York State and leaves me yearning for the beautiful blue green waters of the Caribbean. My wife and I went there once and had breakfast on a gentleman's seventy foot yacht. Which he conveniently had tied to the moorings outside our hotel suite. A wonderful way to live. Thanks for writing and sharing this captivating story of your perfect writing scenario. It is exemplary in its content and its structure.
Sometimes it takes a civil suit to get a goo bowling score. I haven't bowled but three or four times in my life but I had fun when I did. It was a shame too because my best friends father owned the local bowling alley and theatre. I worked for him in the theatre when I first graduated from High school. He was a great man. Keep writing and sharing. This is excellent work.
Flying cars and aliens -- yes ! Great idea for a short story. I can imagine the puzzled looks on the faces of the mechanics around here. That would be the talk of the town. I give you credit for an original story line and you left room for more of the story at the end. Nice work my friend. Keep writing and sharing.
This is a reflection of modern times in the classic style of "The Night Before Christmas." Nicely thought out theme with a touch of nostalgia added to the mix. A good fantasy and kept me reading all the way through. I saw no spelling or punctuation errors. Keep on reading writing and sharing with your readers. Thanks
That was an amazing poem. Now repeat all thirteen lines thirteen times back to us rapidly in succession, lol. Nicely crafted shape poem. Well placed lines and followed your plot religiously. Thanks for posting this most different poem. Keep writing and sharing.
Not only is it different but it is also lovely in it's composition. The first daffodil stanza captured my interest and the following lines tell the story. Nicely penned and a pleasure to peruse. Thanks for sharing this marvelous poem and above all keep writing.
A very fitting tribute/prayer to a fallen soldier In just a few words you have brilliantly penned this wonderful epitaph. It will be remembered by all those it is written for. Thenks for sharing this little gem. I'm glad you posted it.
"seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future and always faithful. We could all learn from those credos.
They tried to put a rifle in my hands in "69" but the lottery saved me from the rice paddies. I was going to enlist but my father needed me on the farm more. Guess I was lucky all the way around. I have always held the highest regard for those who served and are serving and for those who gave the sacrifice for their country. Thanks for a thought provoking poem and your service to your country.
A sad but nicely penned tribute to your friend. Keep sharing and writing.
Well, from what I see here there is nothing wrong with your writing. This is an excellent example and was a pleasure to peruse. You most definitely have the experience and knowledge to succeed as an author on any level. I have to ask, How's the book doing that you wrote at your children's suggestion? Keep writing and sharing my friend.
I was once in a crowd of five hundred thousand people to see AC/DC, Rush and The Rolling Stones. This little poem of yours reminded me of that day. It was a perfect summers day in Toronto. Thanks for posting this. The best part is the last which you said you built from. It never ceases to amaze me of how the muse strikes us at times. Nice work!
I most thoroughly enjoyed this holiday gem of a story. You left me with vivid pictures dancing through my head of Christmas Trees and décor of seasons gone by. This is an extremely well crafted story fit for Santa himself. It follows a well ordered plot and give the reader an enjoyable ride through fantasy. Excellent crafting of this wonderful piece.
Thanks for sharing.
T.L.Finch
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