11Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4193786 Review of That Beautiful Stranger Over There Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Feb 4, 2016 at 12:50pmLength: 3,999 Characters | 3,529 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Vi Williams Poem : "That Beautiful Stranger Over There" Subject Your poem describes heartbreak for a loved one you now consider a stranger. You narrate a lonely walk back to an empty house through the city, which seems all the more painful because of the memories and the future both of you once created together. Your heart is shattered, though your sanity remains, and it's all you can do to offer condolences to that beautiful stranger. Your poem is an interesting take on a breakup. Stepping back from the immediate emotion, you show us the bigger picture of how you've come to view this person. You still long for this beautiful stranger, yet you've understood that you no longer know them as well as you thought you once did. I'm sure everyone has had a relationship like the one you've described here and because it's so relatable, what you've expressed will have both a profound and different meaning for different readers. Imagery The imagery in your poem comes mostly from the inner turmoil you feel. For the setting, I'd picture a cold night in a busy city - your poem gives me the vibe of being alone in a crowd. Your poem gets straight to the point in terms of the description - there's no two ways of interpreting what you feel because you're concise with your wording. The characterisation is typical of a person letting go of a loved one, a bittersweet experience at best, their emotions in constant conflict with their rationale. Form Rhyme - abbba cdddc Flow and coherence - I feel in certain areas you're trying too hard to maintain the scheme. I'd suggest free form for the poem because of the subject and the freedom it requires to express it in full without being hindered by the rhyme scheme. Style of writing Straightforward, simple, easy to understand. Errors/Typos Walking home with wind blow - Tense. I know poetry is usually exempt from the strict rules of grammar applying to prose, but I feel at least the hook should be strong in this aspect. I could make suggestions, but that would mean tampering with your scheme - please play around with it a little and let me know if you need any help. steepened my pace and I go slow - 'steepen' means to increase. Wouldn't you go fast if you increased the pace? the cold of rain - Of is unnecessary here. dare do not wish to purposely impose - Try I dare not wish to impose I have no mind to attend my thinking - Here you abandon that scheme you work so hard to maintain throughout the rest of the poem. Try I have no mind to think clearly It is almost as suddenly as if my soul has died - Try It is almost as if my soul has suddenly died beautifulness of it all - Beautifulness doesn't sound right because you use 'beauty' a little later on. Try another word like 'glory' or 'splendour'. Feel free to experiment. Favourite part "I have no gut to speak for me I have no heart to beat freely" To me, this hit harder than any other part of the poem because it spoke to me deeply. Final thoughts I believe every poet has to dig deeper when it comes to writing - for literature so short in its form, the writer has to feel strongly enough for the words to come alive. Your poem was a good read and I liked that you've managed to convey your emotions with clarity. I hope to read more from you - welcome to the WDC community Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4174030 Review of Madame Birch Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)Given: Nov 13, 2015 at 6:39amLength: 2,011 Characters | 1,607 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Annie Poem : "Madame Birch" Subject Your poem is about Autumn. You show us the turn of the season in all its glory, portraying green leaves amidst golden ones. It's been quite a while since I enjoyed poetry about nature. Your piece had a subtle complexity and was very well written. Imagery This is the best part of your poem. The way you write makes me see things through the eyes of someone who truly loves nature and took the time, and more importantly, careful effort to craft a piece around this passion. The imagery was splendid and for a person who's never witnessed autumn, I got a nice mental picture from this piece. Form Free form Devices - Alliteration, Assonance, Personification Flow and coherence - Style of writing Elegant, high prose style Errors/Typos Other than a comma being required after "pressed pennies", I found none. Great Job! Favourite part Madame Birch, if I may be so bold, where do you hide your silver Beneath your cloak of green and gold? Or will your precious secret remain forever hidden in its folds? Final thoughts Yours is actually the first piece I've reviewed in months. Well, I have to say there was a really good reason to - you're an exceptional poet. You've done a brilliant job with this piece (and this is not just me being nice ) You've got a lot of potential and this poem was an elegant, beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the WDC community. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4137655 Review of Can you? Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)Given: Jul 15, 2015 at 3:53pmLength: 2,122 Characters | 1,682 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Aiddy Poem : "Can you?" Subject Your poem is about the small ways someone can hurt you. Ignorance can hurt just as much as words can, and every time someone doesn't notice how much you're in pain, you're left to question the love they have for you and if it's real. Your poem had a simple theme but the emotion behind it is too deep for simple words. Pain just gets worse when it's not seen - perhaps it's time you confronted whoever hurt you and caused those tears. Imagery Your poem relied heavily on tell, seeing as you asked many direct questions. Yet somehow the way you asked them consistently with the same theme throughout conveyed the emotion of being hurt and not knowing what to trust anymore. Form Refrained and structured Rhyme - abbba Flow and coherence - Style of writing Simple, and easy to understand Errors/Typos Or your just I'd suggest using this alternative every time you have this refrain : Or are you just are feeded...bleeded - "Feeded" and "bleeded" aren't words. Please use "fed" and "bled" and change the previous line to match the rhyme. your sure - I think you mean you're sure Favourite part You hook (opening stanza) Final thoughts Your poem mustve been very emotional for you to write - I know this style of poetry has a name but it evades me at the moment because it's past midnight and I'm barely functional. Nonetheless, your poem was well written and I liked reading it - thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4137646 Review of Death Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 15, 2015 at 3:19pmLength: 2,744 Characters | 2,289 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : ShawnaHamm Poem : "Death" Subject Your poem is written from death's perspective. You mention how when he walks down the road everything around him dies. He walks into the house of a woman and takes her husband's life, the gram reaper come to do his bidding and take the man's soul. Your poem, given the subject, shouldn't have been witty but it was. It was the subtle sarcasm you used that caught and held my attention. You're very creative to write this piece from death's perspective, but you've managed to keep things light which both surprised and delighted me. (I love dark humour. I'm twisted that way - can't be helped ) Imagery Your poem painted death as a slightly bored, deadbeat (I know, not that punny...) character who didn't particularly enjoy his life as the Grim Reaper. He was likeable in a way, but also gave off the vibe that he'd much rather be doing something - anything - else right then. Your poem had enough descriptions to picture what was happening, but I'd suggest clarifying the penultimate stanza a little more for the benefit of your readers. Form Free form Rhyme - Some rhyme, no set scheme (I figured there was one, but you deviate in too many lines to make it a proper scheme) Flow and coherence - Style of writing Descriptive, engaging and immersive Errors/Typos inside is as quiet as a - the first "as" is not required. women from insides sob - Seeing as you're abandoning the rhyme scheme altogether after a few lines, why not just write women sob from inside? because the way you've phrased things now gives off a slightly wierd vibe and different meaning. its over I've - Please consider it's over... Also, while I know a lot of poets who manage well without punctuation, your poem tells a story in which case punctuation becomes essential to separate phrases. Please consider adding punctuation to your verse. Favourite part Your grave humour Final thoughts Your poem was interesting and creative - bordering on dark but with a nice dash of wit to it. I enjoyed reading this - thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4137634 Review of Welcoming Committee...for Daddy Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 15, 2015 at 2:34pmLength: 2,732 Characters | 2,329 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Pristine Poetic Poem : "Welcoming Committee...for Daddy" Subject Your poem is a tribute to your late father. You describe his descent into heaven to meet God and walk beside him. He might've left all the pain and sorrow of life on earth. but he wished for his family to join him in eternal life. Yet their time had not come yet, so here you wait, hoping that one day, you'll be reunited with your father. Your poetry shows the deep connection you have with your family. You have my heartfelt condolences and regards. This poem went a step further into the imaginary side and you describe what happened after his death - it was an interesting concept, going beyond the pain of death and exploring the joy of the soul after that. I applaud your bravery to face your demons and look at them in a different light. Imagery This poem, unlike, the other one I reviewed earlier, went a little deeper as far as imagery was concerned. So I think the issue was with page space - experiment with lengthier poetic forms to give you space to explore your creativity. This poem again didn't focus on show, relying more on tell (in fictional terms). But it told a story successfully and I believe all good poetry will do that in one form or another. Form Free form (poetic prose) Rhyme - Some rhyme, no set scheme Flow and coherence - Please play around with this some more. There were areas that felt too short and long - rewording to make the meter consistent will improve this aspect. Style of writing Simple, clear and easy to read. Errors/Typos in the front line - Please consider on the front line past-time - The use of "time" in the previous line makes this sound repetitive and it takes away from the flow. Please consider rewording it. Favourite part We also would face our own battle And reach to God in great display Of humbleness and gratitude Final thoughts Your poem was beautiful and a great tribute to your father. I love the way you focused on the positive side of things - so many of us dive into dark poetry when faced with tragedy (and I'm not an exception to that either.) Your poem was optimistic and well written. Thank you for sharing Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4137628 Review of For The Best Mom On Mother's Day Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 15, 2015 at 2:15pmLength: 2,284 Characters | 1,862 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Pristine Poetic Poem : "For The Best Mom On Mother's Day" Subject Your poem is about your mother in celebration of mother's day. You mention that the love you have for is great and that she sets an example that you look up to. God's word shines through her and she's a woman of great love and compassion. I think this is a wonderful gift to your mother Your verse was short and sweet preserving an innocent, child-like tone which emphasises how much your mother means to you, even today. She's a very lucky woman, to receive such a sweet poem from her daughter. Imagery Your poem told us what your mother's love was like from your own eyes. As far as poetic devices are concerned, this poem is overtly simple - I'll admit this was a little too generic, in the way family tributes are. A little more imagery, or just complexity in your wording, would be effective, I feel. Please play around with it a little more until you're satisfied - who knows, the new updated version would make for a more elaborate and thoughtful gift even if it is presented a later date - it's the dedication that's behind it that matters, after all Form Structured poetry Rhyme - aabbcc Flow and coherence - Style of writing Simple and easy to understand Suggestions is your number one. - Her number one what? Please consider rewording this as it interrupted your flow, which was otherwise very good. Favourite part Thank you for the love you bestow, A heartfelt love that grows and grows. Aww That was very sweet Final thoughts Your poem had simple emotions and an innocent love that is touching. I'm sure your mother would've loved this tribute - very good job. Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136995 Review of Love, and then what? Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 13, 2015 at 7:52amLength: 2,554 Characters | 2,163 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Victoria Victorious Poem : "Love, and then what?" Subject Your poem is about what really happens in love, It doesn't last forever since we don't as humans live forever. We get old and weary - even love that was once exciting becomes lacklustre with time. If before there was a hollow stomach, now it's because of hunger. Before if there was perfection, now you need glasses and you still can't find it. When yesterday, he would've made you weak in the knees, today it's because your body is old. I admit, I expected a different direction for your poem. When you meant love doesn't last forever, I thought you were going to talk about a break-up. It's an interesting concept exploring what happens when 'love' lasts but doesn't live anymore. Imagery I like the way you counteract the most common ways writers address love. The butterflies being set free was especially a good line. However the part about glasses and being weak at the knees threw me off a little. From your first two stanzas, I assumed this was young love - going to another age group was sudden - perhaps a linking verse to make the transition easier for your readers would be better. Form Free form Rhyme - No set rhyme scheme Poetic devises - Alliteration and Metaphors Flow and coherence - Other than the rushed time line (which I mentioned earlier), the flow was good. Style of writing Simple and easy to understand. Errors/Typos They're just a reflection now, of where they've always been - Not only is this line abnormally long from the others in your piece, it's meaning didn't come through clearly. Please consider rewording it. Favourite part Eternity doesn't permit happiness Just a fond memory Quite cynical but it's true. Final thoughts Your poem had an original and interesting concept. I liked your contradictions to love's proposals - nice to hear both sides of the story. It was a clever second perspective, years down the line in a relationship. Good job Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136303 Review of The Accident Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 5:18pmLength: 3,368 Characters | 2,949 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Author : Kim Story : "The Accident" Story Your story is about a woman who is rushed to the hospital by her friend. She's not told where they were going or what was the reason. Once at the hospital, she sees the family of the man she liked, mourning what happened to him. He seemed to be in an accident of some sort and he's suffered from extensive injuries. Although their relationship is complicated, the protagonist feels shaken and sad beyond the point of consolation. Despite her own emotions, she knows she has to toughen up and meet the man's family. Your story is a work in progress and I believe this is a good start. It made me ask a lot of questions, so that's a good thing. Hopefully, these are some I'd need answered as a reader when you expand it : why was their relationship complicated and would he recover? I like that you've started this on mild suspense then gone on to some action then drama - a mix of genres is a good way to keep your readers interested. Characters The girl seems like the brave one - despite everything she feels, she still has a level head and she knows what to do, which is more than I can say for many of us when put in the same situation. Her character clearly showed love for the protagonist whether or not you intended it to - this scene told me that she had deep feelings for him no matter what the status of their relationship was. Are you sure you want to reveal your character's affection this early on in your work? Most romance writers wait a while to get the momentum of the plot going before they reveal the main character's emotions. Descriptions and dialogue I feel you could use a little more in this department - more show would certainly help. Your piece thus far focused mainly on what was happening and what she was doing rather than the setting and descriptions. For this genre, show matters almost as much as the plot, so please consider showing us more - descriptive passages that immerse the reader in your work are necessary to make the story move forward in a believable and good pace. Style of writing POV - First person Tense - Past Narrative, simple and easy to understand Errors/Typos Whats going on - Please consider what's going on without having to be told - I think you mean without needing to be told Susan & Sam - Occasionally, it's a good idea to use the symbol instead of the word. But if you want to sound professional, I'd suggest going the long way and using words. Favourite part The main character's determination Final thoughts This is a good start to your story - I'd love to see where you take me with this and how the accident is going to affect both protagonists' lives. I enjoyed reading this piece, thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136290 Review of She Waits Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 4:49pmLength: 2,772 Characters | 2,346 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : That Short Girl Poem : "She Waits" Subject Your poem is about a person. She's filled with rage to the bursting and she feels like anger consumes her. She is tired of hiding and waiting. She can no longer pretend to be calm as her emotions are rising like storm threatening to flood her. Some day, her calm exterior was going to break and the whole world was going to see the true person inside - you. Your poem was on many levels true for me. I'm a very mild mannered person, or so people tell me. It's quite hard to keep emotions bottled up and your poem explained what it feels like to hold back certain emotions, like anger, which is easier said than done. I liked what you did at the end there - I expected it, but it was a good ending nonetheless. Imagery Your poem mainly focuses on the emotions you have - primarily anger. You describe anger as a storm under a calm surface and the comparison was good use of poetic imagery. I like the contrast you've used here of "jaded eyes" and "watching and waiting" to what is actually going on inside you - your poem reminded me of a panther ready to leap into action, a coiled spring of sorts threatening to break free. Form Free form Rhyme - Complex without a set scheme. You write poetry the way I do - it wouldn't entirely qualify as free verse because there is rhyme. But as there is no set scheme to the madness, it doesn't read like traditional structured poetry - this gives you more breathing space to explore your creativity while preserving good flow. Poetic devices - Rhyme, assonance and metaphors Flow and coherence - Style of writing Descriptive, simple to read and easy to understand Errors/Typos brewing silently - The double usage of adverbs (-ly words) disrupts the flow. Please consider rewording it here. I can too be - Please try I too can be Favourite part The ending and your descriptive endeavours Final thoughts Your piece was an interesting verse about hidden emotions - aren't they the most important, after all? What one is on the outside is but the tip of an iceberg and your poem drove that point home. I liked reading it, thank you for sharing. Welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1010Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136277 Review of Deception Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 4:15pmLength: 3,535 Characters | 3,102 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Author : pamela Story : "Deception" Story Your story is about a woman who visits her father in prison. She says she needs to get rid of her partner permanently because she suspects that he's having an affair or simply because he didn't take care of her well enough. She's asked to wait for her assassin and given a specific set of items by which to recognise him. Three days later when he finally comes to meet her, she finally finds out what her husband's job is. He's trained to kill and his client has become his new target. Pamela, I have no words to describe what I felt after reading this. This is my favourite style of fiction - short stories, dead serious, with a really good twist at the end. Have you considered entering The Twisted Tales Contest - I'm sure you'll do well there. Despite the subtle pointers you threw in there, that ending threw me off and I had to read it once again, just to see how many bread crumbs you dropped Overall, your plot development was very good and the twist was well executed. Characters This is the problem with couples - they just don't talk these days That woman should've just asked her hubby about what he was up to or perhaps followed him - that would've elicited a harsh response if she got caught, but surely not as much as ordering to get him killed. I like your antagonist - in my own twisted way, I found him a lot more likeable than his wife. Surely he was trying to protect her and no matter what she suspected (an affair or otherwise) she shouldn't have tried to kill him. Twisted karma? Oh yeah Descriptions and dialogue Your story is sufficient on this front for a short piece - if in the future you want to expand this, add more descriptions about the settings and such. You're like me in this respect - where twisted stories are concerned we tend to neglect the surroundings and focus on the plot. There's nothing wrong with only hinting at the background but if ever your muses feel you need to revise this, hit that department. Style of writing POV - Third person Tense - Past Engaging, plot centered and easy to understand. Errors/Typos "I've no idea dad and he's not going to be telling me.” - This line stops the good flow you had going. Consider "I've no idea, dad, and he won't tell me.” There were some issues with punctuation - just typos but quite a few stood out where quotation marks ("...") were concerned. Please proofread once to correct for this. (Do feel free to mail me if you need help.) Favourite part The ending It was too good for words. Final thoughts Your piece was probably the best I've read today - I loved everything about it from the characterisation to the twisted what-comes-around-goes-around theme. Perhaps I shouldn't be saying this, but there's an important lesson to be taken away here - Talk to your hubby before you try to kill him Your piece was an enjoyable read, thank you for sharing Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1111Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136264 Review of The Least Redeeming Friendship Ever Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 3:46pmLength: 3,742 Characters | 3,316 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Author : tnt410 Story : "The Least Redeeming Friendship Ever" Story Your story is about the events in your life that have taught you to be the person you are now. From an abusive relationship with your father to a horrible phase in your life with a drug dealer, you've chosen to take the high road. You've learned that the bed you've chosen to make was a life free from drug addiction. This opened your eyes to who you thought was your idol - even in death, he taught you that you'd made the right choice by picking a life without him. Perhaps it's my twisted perception of the world speaking, but I have a great deal of respect for people who can admit that they did drugs but found the courage to realise they were more worth than that. This story hooked me from the first line - you call things the way you see it and until now, I've only ever seen one person do that here (he's currently my best friend on WDC, I can throw in an introduction later on if you like.) I'll tell you what I told him - your style of writing feels real. You don't polish it up with pretty words, you call the shots the way they are and that makes for compelling stories in the dark genre. Characters Your character development was hopeful - I know it could've gone either way seeing all the cards you were dealt. Your character showed courage, not just from overcoming drugs itself, but from the little things. You didn't back down from your father's abuse, you tried to find the good in a very bad deal with a drug addict and even later on, after you see him for who he is, you still try to find good in him. This tells me your character is the kind that believes in optimism, though more like vague dream more than a reality. And that takes courage - to remain optimistic in the worst of situations demands great courage. Descriptions and dialogue Your story is autobiographical in nature. I'll admit my mind is wired to expect dry and lack lustre writing when I hear the word easy. Your hook cleared up any confusion in that department - you did a really good job of telling your readers this essay was going to be different. You don't go in-depth into any of the events but the way you describe them was what made me read on. You hit everything, even serious matters that require no smiles, with a tinge of sarcasm which makes it interesting for the reader. Style of writing POV - First person Tense - Past Descriptive, immersive, and engaging Errors/Typos had and still do I think you mean had and still don't downs hair neatly - Normally, I'm not picky on punctuation but this paragraph (not just this line) lacked a few commas - please mail me if you need help proofreading. jagged edge - Repetition of edge slowed down the flow here. Favourite part "Living well really is the best revenge" Amen Final thoughts Your piece was an inspiring and hard hitting piece - you must've confronted quite a few old demons with this one. I applaud you for the way you write without flinching - your breed of authors fascinate me in that you deliver on the page with nothing holding you back. Thank you for sharing and welcome to our community. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1212Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136187 Review of Silver Lining Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 11:44amLength: 2,227 Characters | 1,827 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Miwli Poem : "Silver Lining" Subject Your poem is about a conversation between two people who, I believe, are a couple. One feels pessimistic - he shouldn't reach for things they can't have and he feels that the heart grows weary of every blow and tries desperately to mend the broken pieces. However, his partner replies simply that it only makes the heart stronger in doing so. Your piece was simple yet beautiful in its meaning. Indeed the heart breaks more than it heals, but every time we make the effort to mend ourselves, we grow stronger. Your poem had a lot of layers to it and I liked the contrast with the simplicity of it. Imagery Your hook had some great imagery and it served well to pull me into your piece. Your poem's atmosphere was one of sad longing - it was like the man wanted desperately to believe in love but his past failures held him back. The woman with that last line changed the tone of the poem and it ended the verse on a hopeful note. Form Occasionally rhymed, free form for the most part Poetic devices - Metaphors and assonance Flow and coherence - Style of writing Simple and easy to understand Suggestions on ears so deaf and And then she said - These two phrases didn't fit in well with the overall tone of your piece. Please consider rewording them. Favourite part The heart may break and heal again but never it grows fonder Beautiful and true Final thoughts Your poem was an interesting read about two different perspectives on love. I liked the way you've used simple words to convey a lot of meaning in this piece. I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing. Welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1313Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4136181 Review of Darkness be my friend Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 10, 2015 at 11:31amLength: 2,637 Characters | 2,197 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : sara Poem : "Darkness be my friend " Subject Your poem is about your relationship with darkness. You want it in your life because everything else has abandoned you in a time of need. You mention that darkness reminds you of failures, but you'd much rather put up with it than being alone. Your friends may have left you, but darkness hopefully will never leave your side. I'm going through a really rough time since my best friend's left me, not intentionally, but it still hurts. Your poem was relatable on so many respects because this is exactly how I feel right now - welcome to the dark side. While I know I should encourage you that life gets better, right now I feel it's probably the best company to keep. Imagery Your poem explained what you were going through - almost like a letter to darkness. I feel it could do a little more in this aspect - darkness is quite a common theme so most of us expect vivid imagery in this genre of poetry. We expect fear, emotion, desperation - anything you feel, you've got to make your readers feel. Your poem told me what you had experienced, but not exactly what you felt. Does that make sense? Maybe you could expand the poem to show what darkness is in your mind, since we all have different definitions of it. Form Poetic prose Rhyme - No rhyme scheme Poetic devices - Alliteration and assonance (you can use comparisons to bring out your imagery) Flow and coherence - Style of writing Narrative, simple and easy to understand Errors/Typos when your there - I think you mean when you're there thats what I think - Please consider that's what... When your gone - Try When you're gone Favourite part "When you're gone I'll be alone, the irony of that is wrong" True. Sad but true. Final thoughts Your poem was dark in a way I didn't expect - it told me what was happening in your life. You've addressed this verse to darkness itself and extended an invitation - I found that creative. Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1414Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4134309 Review of The Visitor Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 4, 2015 at 9:43amLength: 3,021 Characters | 2,623 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Author : MK Story : "The Visitor" Story Your story is about a woman who misses her husband. She works hard the entire day with her household chores while her husband is far away. All she can think off is him and how much she wanted to be with him. Unfortunately she can't. But that night he returns home and he spends only a few hours with her sleepy self and she has wonderful dreams of them together. When she wakes up he's gone again and it's all she can do to be content with his cologne on the pillow. Aww Long distance relationships have that endearing way of breaking your heart yet pulling you closer to the other person. This story was very touching and realistic - I know quite a friends in a similar situation. It was very sweet towards the end that she contented herself with the smallest of things - it was a fitting ending to your plot line. Characters As far as characterisation goes, your protagonist came off as a hard working woman. From what you've said, she usually doesn't feel this desperate, but it still spoke a lot about her love for her partner when she regrets not picking up the phone sooner. It was the small things that made her character strong. Overall, she was a woman who accepted reality, no matter how hard it was to do so and she satisfy herself with the smaller things in life. Descriptions and dialogue For a piece of this length, the descriptions were just enough to tell me what was happening - in other words, you've relied mostly on tell (or plain narrative) to carry your story forward. May I suggest expanding this piece with more show? A little more description never hurt anybody Towards the end, where you describe what happened in the morning, that would be a good area to include more show as it'll polish your closer. Style of writing Your POV is first person Your style of writing was clear, simple and easy to understand. Errors/Typos In the first four paragraphs (minus the opening phone call), you use present tense. Then you suddenly switch over to past. Please correct this. Also, I'd suggest proofreading once for punctuation. (Please mail me if need further help with this.) Favourite part That closing line It was beautiful and the perfect ending to your story. Final thoughts Your piece was sweet, touching and emotional. The protagonist's desperation and her deep love for her partner showed through clearly - good job. Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1515Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4134303 Review of Oh How I Wish I Could Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 4, 2015 at 8:55amLength: 1,982 Characters | 1,578 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : Mrs.Brightside Poem : "Oh How I Wish I Could" Subject Your poem is about everything you did to help your sister through her anxiety attacks. You listened to her talk, tried to make her smile and tried to inspire her in vain, hoping that one day, she'd return to the person she once was. Can I say I relate to this entirely? My father suffered from anxiety and it's not easy seeing a person you love give themselves over to the disease. Your desperation showed through with this poem - you're a really good sibling. Imagery Your optimism was the most poignant part of this piece - yes, it was dark and depressing as well, but the way you mention that you did everything in your might was the most powerful aspect of this poem. At last, it was resignation, but even then it was a hopeful one - that you definitely would do anything, if it meant curing her. Form Free form Rhyme - Occasional Flow and coherence - Style of writing Narrative, clear and simple to understand. Errors/Typos I hear her say - I think you mean I hear her talk Also, I'd suggest a proofread for punctuation. (Please mail me if you need help with this.) Favourite part I think to myself, oh how I wish I could. Aww Final thoughts Your poem was deeply moving and beautifully written. The optimism you show in contrast to the darkness of her disease was a good contrast. Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1616Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4134297 Review of Lives In Posterity Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 4, 2015 at 8:33amLength: 1,984 Characters | 1,562 w/o WritingML Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Poet : orchiddragon Poem : "Lives In Posterity" Subject Your poem is very open to interpretation, so I'll tell you what I understood about it. I assume this is about a relationship where one partner lies to fit in to society and their lifeless conformity brought the end of the relationship. Your poem made me think - and I'm a big fan of those that manage to evoke thoughts and confuse me There are many ways to interpret this poem - perhaps it may even be addressed to yourself. I found it an interesting read with its many meanings. Imagery Your poem had good poetic imagery. I especially liked the 'monotone' aspect. Why does the person die here, I wonder? Is that a metaphor for something else entirely or does it mean actual death? Form Structured poetry Rhyme - aaaa bbbb Flow and coherence - Style of writing Simple and clear phrasing Errors/Typos None I could find - save for the non-captilised 'i' (Please be careful about that kind of thing - while you're poetry is good, it takes a lot of credibility away when when we mess up the simpler things. Please proofread your work ) Favourite part Your heart, you sold Just to fit the mold (Pun not entirely intended ) Final thoughts Interesting poem - perhaps it has a philosophical undertone? The simplest ones always do though we may not often realise it I liked reading this, thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1717Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4133963 Review of Never To Forget Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 2, 2015 at 2:42pmLength: 348 Characters | 297 w/o WritingML A touching poem of love Hopeful and beautiful Yet now that it has gone Sorrow resides, not for long Cherished will be the memories Never shall they leave. Your poem was elegant, Moving and true For the ones we love may leave us But they shall live forever in our hearts. -TG My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1818Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4133901 Review of A stranger stands Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jul 2, 2015 at 10:52amLength: 403 Characters | 357 w/o WritingML Poetry of a dark, macabre tale Gripped me to read What you offered to show - A trip into your world, Where a dark stranger awaits Making you feel fear, hatred. Dark thoughts surround your verse A little polish I found lacking Nothing much, a proofread Of punctuation to complete Your twisted nightmare Spun from imaginary depths. -TG My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1919Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4133899 Review of Dog Daze of Summer Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jul 2, 2015 at 10:35amLength: 339 Characters | 288 w/o WritingML Reviewing poetry with poetry Your poem was about stars And happy times long past Interesting was your story You told me of memories Of dog days gone. Beautiful was the imagery Thoughtful emotions evoked. You have such good talent I'm glad to have read your work. -TG My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2020Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4132900 Review of GOOD STUFF! Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)Given: Jun 29, 2015 at 2:17pmLength: 2,796 Characters | 2,399 w/o WritingML HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Author : Joy-Happy 26th WdC! Title : "GOOD STUFF!" Story Your story is about a man who is exceptionally unobservant about the state of affairs in his household. His wife dies and he's only notified of the fact nearly a week after her demise despite living under the same roof. Even after that, he's so out of it that when he's asked to finish the paperwork, he posts an add in the newspaper about his wife's possessions - now for sale. This story was funny because I know a guy who acts pretty much the same way in real life - well, not completely but in certain ways, he's just out of it. It might sound fun watching him act like he has nothing on his mind for five minutes, after which his ineptitude comes back to slap you in the face. Your story was creative and humorous - great job with the plot line. Characters The man you just described - I felt he lacked a brain for some reason - he was incompetent every way, arrogant and ignorant all at once. I understand that it's near impossible to find someone exactly like this (idiocy comes in many shades and varieties - but this person is like all those shades were mixed in to create a murky indistinct colour.) Descriptions and dialogue Ample and sufficient - your tone suited this piece as well. It was simple and short, all the better to convey his slow thought process. Again, not a piece where excessive show is needed - this piece was balanced and read well just the way it is. Style of writing Your POV is first person Your Tense is past Clear, simple and humorous Errors/Typos from the Goodwill Industries. - "the" is implied and unnecessary due to the capitalisation. There was some issue with the formatting that distracted me from reading during the wife's dialogue - please double space it or italicise that one dialogue seeing as that's the only one she has. Favourite part I always offer good stuff. I bet he does Final thoughts Your humour is refreshing and creative yet it's simplicity is what makes your pieces shine. I liked reading this one - your protagonist was strongly developed albeit very stupid - I'm guessing that's the effect you were going for, so I'm happy to say you nailed it Thank you for sharing! Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2121Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4131013 Review of Late to School Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jun 26, 2015 at 2:27pmLength: 2,114 Characters | 1,764 w/o WritingML Author : Andrew C. Title : "Late to School" Story Your piece is about a boy who is woken up rudely to go to school. He falls asleep again and thinking that he missed the bus, runs all the way to school, sprayed with dirt and water from a passing car in the process. Once inside school, he's told that the bus was running late, much to his annoyance. No, I haven't had this exact sequence of events happen to me, since I walked to school everyday. That kinda gives you practice to dodge when cars get too close to you during the rains Your story had a very ironic twist at the end which made it very amusing. Characters John's morning woes are totally relatable. I don't think I've woken up on time for school. Ever. The second time sleep session usually comes in during the first break (I'm in college now and that's still a hard habit to break), so it was probably a good thing that John did the noble thing and slept it off before school started. Descriptions and dialogue Seeing as this is flash fiction, I wouldn't stress on adding more show - besides I like the simplicity of this piece the way it is. A twisted story requires a simple premise to let the plot shine and I like that you've done exactly that in this case. Style of writing Your POV is third person Your Tense is past Clear, simple and easy to understand Errors/Typos None I could find, though I'd suggest proofreading once for punctuation. Favourite part Your plot twist Final thoughts Ironic. Your story was humorous and witty with a well executed twist thrown in for good measure. I liked reading this piece, thank you for sharing - good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2222Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4130674 Review of Trolly The Search and Rescue Dog Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jun 26, 2015 at 1:36amLength: 2,236 Characters | 1,877 w/o WritingML Author : ~ IVELTAC ~ Title : "Trolly The Search and Rescue Dog" Story Your story is about a police force that rescues a lost child. Their search and rescue dog, Trolly, finds her and leads her away from a bear and the girl is reunited with her mother. The open ending about another call leaves this piece open for further expansion. I've always had respect for police dogs - their intelligence is way above an average house dog's. Perhaps it's the training or perhaps the disciplined environment, whatever the reason they make really good subjects for a story. Characters Trolly sounded like a dog on a duty and she was determined to find the child and protect her even if came at the cost of defending the girl from a bear. The dog's loyalty showed through with that. Descriptions and dialogue I feel your piece could use more show. Perhaps you were working under a limit - once you're free of that please consider adding more descriptive passages. Your show currently relies only on tell so a little balance would be nice. Style of writing Your POV is third person Your Tense is past Straightforward and very simple Errors/Typos whether. - I think you mean weather. pulled a search - I don't think you can "pull" a dog out - that sounds a little awkward. Please consider brought a search or "led" would work too. bear came running - The close repetition interrupts the flow. Consider a different word for running. Favourite part Trolly sounds like a good police dog Final thoughts Your story was a hopeful tale of how a dog reduces a girl with a reunion in the end. My only suggestion would be to expand it appropriately - with a little polishing your piece would shine. Thank you for sharing and happy birthday Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2323Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4130461 Review of Hey Jude - Beginning to Make It Better Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)Given: Jun 25, 2015 at 2:15pmLength: 1,922 Characters | 1,776 w/o WritingML Hello LibraryPat Thank you for your entering "Invalid Item" . Here is my review of your entry "Hey Jude - Beginning to Make It Better" . Judging Criteria : Plot : Your plot was meaningful and your story was very touching. I'll admit it was slightly confusing at first. I assumed the whole piece was going to be a dialogue, in which case as a reader, by the third paragraph I patched things up and started guessing what was happening in my mind. Yet going further, you bring in narrative - as a friendly suggestion, it would help your readers if you introduced the setting early on. Otherwise I thought this was a sweet story of a father trying to spend more time with his daughter. Characterisation : Your dialogue carried the major part of Harry's character - the reader is led to believe that he wants to be with his child, yet he's found no way or lacks the effort to make that happen. After that last line of "making things better", he has a change of heart. I like that you don't rush into anything here - he's taking a small step at the end and that made it more believable than any grand gesture from his part. Narrative balance : I felt your story could use more show. Given that you're well under the limit, I would've liked to see more of Britanny's theatre performance since that's an important event. Technical execution : Suggestion : parents beaming and extreme effort - Please consider parents beaming at their extreme effort Otherwise, I found no issues regarding grammar. Overall thoughts : This was a meaningful story about a father who wants more time to spend with his daughter and realised that it was up to him to make that happen. I like that you incorporated the lyrics well into the story. Good Job! Good luck and keep writing! -TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2424Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4129280 Review of Mermaid or Mirage? Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)Given: Jun 23, 2015 at 5:21amLength: 2,384 Characters | 2,045 w/o WritingML Poet : alfcollier Poem : "Mermaid or Mirage?" Subject Your poem is about a shipwreck in which a sailor survives. He's saved by a mermaid and falls in love with her. But she abandons him one day and now he can never forget the heartache. Everyone thinks he's mad but he knows otherwise - he misses his dear mermaid. Poor guy. Your speciality seems to be love at first sight. The sense of attachment he has seems slightly unhealthy if you ask me - surely he should've known dating a mermaid isn't going to get him anywhere. Even so, love seems to be blind to most anything (even species, apparently) and that fact was conveyed clearly in this poem. Imagery I love your descriptions! The stormy seas and the impending doom of a ship wreck pulled me into the scene and made me picture what it's like to have a life out there. I would've liked more description of his beloved mermaid, seeing as she's the subject - a quatrain describing what he saw in her that made him fall head over heels would be nice. (And not just generally - did she have a fish tail? What colour were her eyes? That kind of thing ) Form Structured poetry Rhyme and rhythm -aaaa Flow - Very good flow Coherence - Meaningful, logical coherence between your lines. Style of writing Descriptive, immersive and engaging Errors/Typos call, ‘a Please consider call, "A (I usually don't correct for punctuation but seeing as this was the one thing that stood out in so many lines of perfect verse I felt I should point it out.) Favourite part His memories are real to him, the only one who knows The mermaid who had rescued him and helped to ease his woes Poor thing Final thoughts This was a very interesting story about a lovesick sailor. I feel for him, I truly do - I wonder what he did that the mermaid abandoned him out of the blue. (pun not entirely intended.) I liked this piece a lot, thank you for sharing! Good luck with your writing and have a great day! - TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2525Only reviews from the past 14 days may be credited.#4127868 Review of Old Trees Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)Given: Jun 20, 2015 at 6:06pmLength: 1,848 Characters | 1,508 w/o WritingML Poet : fyn Poem : "Old Trees" Subject Your poem is about everything you want - you describe an old tree, ancient with many twisted branches and roots with a perfect place for a swing. You want an old fence and a stone house with meadows behind them where you can ducks in the lake beyond. Should you want to, you can take a walk amidst the oak trees and only then do you know that you are home. This was a beautiful poem - very elegantly written and I loved every line. There's certainly a place in nature where one feels entirely at peace - you're truly blessed if that place is your home. This a perfectly reasonable wish - a life amidst nature's peace is a wonderful goal. Imagery Your poem had such beautiful descriptions - they showed me your dearest wishes and how you dream of home. Everyone has a different definition of what that feels like, and I'm glad I got to read what yours was through this poem. Form Structure - Poetic prose Rhyme - No set scheme Flow and Coherence - Style of writing Descriptive, immersive and engaging Errors/Typos None I could find Favourite part Other than your beautiful descriptions? I am home. Final thoughts This is my favourite piece in your port thus far and it was my pleasure reviewing for you. You're a very talented poet, Fyn - I enjoyed reading all your poems. Thank you for sharing them! Good luck with your writing and have a great day! - TG The Power Reviewers Group [E] #1300305The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!by Maryann ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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