*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/taizia2u
Review Requests: OFF
395 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 ... Next
1
1
Review of Admonitions  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Ken..

The first verse isn't sitting on my tongue too pretty.

The polar bears are losing ground, drought is record breaking,
and yet some people still contend that scientists are faking
the claims they make about what in our future lies.

Mostly, it is the sway of the third verse that upsets my rhythm of the reading. Hmmm, I want to end it at "faking" and start a new sentence on the third line.

It could be just me..I am rusty afterall.
2
2
Review of My Lucky Star  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi piewhackett1, thank you for allowing me to review "My Lucky Star.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Cute poem about the bright lucky star. I like the imagery and hopefulness of this piece.

Suggestions:

"Be proud you are a bright shiny star."
The flow of this line doesn't flow like the rest of the stanza. Try reading out loud and rephrasing.


Overall Impression:

I think this is a great piece that needs a little bit of tlc to sparkle...pun intended *Smile*. Try reading it out loud and see what you can do. You are on the right track with this piece.

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
3
3
Review of McMENSA  
Review by Taizia
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting piece. Very expressive. The flow works well and the Capitalization is used with nice emphasis. Good job!
4
4
Review of Dream  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a lovely poem full of emotion. I love the desire you express towards the other...well done.

I have one suggestion.
"This must be perfection; I know it's happiness, " I would put a comma after "I know" for a dramatic pause...it will work. See if you like it. If not, then don't use it...it's your choice.

Love the poem!

~Taizia

Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!
5
5
Review of My Wish  
Review by Taizia
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the melting of the chocolate in your mouth and comparing her to the delicate, delicious candy. Nicely done!
6
6
Review of CHANGE  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sorry about a second review but I hit the wrong button.

This is a powerful poem and I totally can relate to that feeling. I was married to a guy...lets say we had our differences and I had thoughts about doing something to him...with anger. Your poem reminded me of that feeling...Well done!


~Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!
7
7
Review of Defiance  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi HuntersMoon , thank you for allowing me to review "Defiance.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Another beautiful piece Ken! I love the strength you describe and the determination!

My favorite part:

Once tall and stately, this mighty tree
stood like a bulwark within the wood.
It fell to the lessons of history
by its very nature. There it stood
spreading its branches protectively
in a posture of shelter, yet its shadow cast
a darkness which diminished collectively
its competition, both future and past.

Suggestions:

There were no errors and couldn't suggest anything.


Overall Impression:

This poem is smooth and well polished...a true Gem to your collection!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
8
8
Review of Illusions  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi HuntersMoon , thank you for allowing me to review "Illusions.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

I have to say this is a funny piece Ken. My favorite part was the unveiling of the aliens and their extermination.

Suggestions:

"The sound of his voice startled him. A dark thought occurred to him."
This is little repetitive right next to each other. Might consider rephrasing.

Overall Impression:

This is a great piece and I love the way you don't know what the aliens really are until almost the end. This was brilliant!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
9
9
Review of Final Breath  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The flow of this piece is beautiful but the poem confuses me a little.

How can your last whisper be exhaled on someone else's lips? And why would the person be exhaling his own name and not the other person's? Maybe I'm over analysing it.

~Taizia
Newbie in the paper doll gang!
10
10
Review of The Past  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice poem about finding a salvation that frees the soul from the past.

My suggestion would to dig deeper into your poem and show us your feelings more. You illustrate a poem but what about the heartache, the pain...what did it feel like? What was it like when you were saved? Add this to your poem and you'll have a little gem here.

~Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!
11
11
Review of SILENCE  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this was a great poem. I like how you added "pregnant" as a description. So many times you hear the term "pregnant silence." Nice Job!

I think there are few spots you force the poem to fit the format and syllable count. You might take a day or two off from it and relook at it with fresh eyes. This piece it just almost there!

~Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!
12
12
Review of Folgers Falls  
Review by Taizia
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi George, here is my review on "Folgers Falls. Just a reminder, I am not an editor and these are just my opinions and what you do with them is up to you.

First impression:
This is a great hilarious story. I wrote my comments in green within the text of the story. I thought this started off a little slow but toward the end had more punch. Try reworking the begining if you can. I think this is a great piece.
Suggestions:

After tossing and turning all night, I got up an hour earlier than usual. Well, at least I'll get to work early, I figured, and have a little peace and quiet before the rest of the crew rolls in. I would make these thoughts two seperate sentences so it is easier to follow. My rough night became a rough morning. Two wrecks on the way in ballooned my commute time from the normal forty, to an hour and twenty minutes.

Is there any way to give this a little more pep right of. I feel like it's being said with a great big sigh or breath and the person is just telling me because they have to. I want to feel pulled in.

Slumped over at my desk, I had just brought up my emails when I heard, "Hey Georgie Porgie! Let's go get some coffee, old man!" So much for the peace and quiet. I like this interaction between characters it shows personality!

I winced at the early morning burst of energy and enthusiasm from my young buddy, Mark. I love the guy, but Geez, Louise! I grunted with the effort it took to pry myself from my chair. Grumbling, I followed Mr. Go-Getter down the hall for our obligatory morning ritual: a cup of coffee and his "thrilling" account of playing tennis, or hitting the bars, or whatever he did last night. God forbid he should ever have to spend a quiet night at home. Reaching the break-room we discovered no one had made coffee. Personally, I don't usually get an eye-opening burst of energy from a cup of coffee. I'd have been just as happy to grab a Coke Zero, but "Zippy" wouldn't go for that. I like this paragraph a lot better than the first and agian get to see more interesting snapshots of personality in this.


Mr. Attention to Detail had forgotten to place the pot back on the burner. A vigorous stream of freshly brewed coffee poured straight down, directly onto the circular burner, splashing over the raised, rounded edges and onto the counter before cascading to the floor. nice build up to this point...with me chuckling just imaging the scene!

For a change, our morning coffee ritual had proven to be a real eye-opener. "Oh look!" I chuckled, already feeling a surge of energy. "Folgers Falls." ...loving it!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
13
13
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Magoo , thank you for allowing me to review "I'm New Around the House.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

I'm loving that this is from the perspective of a baby. I thought it was so cute how the baby was asking the mom all these questions and I giggled about the dad!

Suggestions:

I thought this line "and chase away fright" should be "and chase away the fright".

Also I thought it would be cute to put "all that powery stuff" because they don't know what it is and adds that element of being by a baby.

I would also put a question mark at the end of this line "What do you say we make this a nightly show?" and have the next one on its own.


Overall Impression:

Wonderful poem that needs just a little tlc to be even more special than it already it...Well done!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
14
14
Review of Under the Bed  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Starr* Rathburn , thank you for allowing me to review "Under the Bed.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Keep you feet up! Keep them up! Our childhood fears don't always go away but they may change shape.

Suggestions:

I love how you captured the insight of the child's nightmares of monsters under the bed;however, I did notice that the flow seemed off in places like the lines were drawn out and as lyrical as they could be.

That being said...I also love the imagery you used.
"Night-light glowing,
shadows growing:"

and

"I'm an adult now, and
I know what's right.
I know those things are not real.
Such things no longer give me a fright. "


Overall Impression:

This was really great and I thought you captured the fright very well. Great Job!!!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
15
15
Review of Balloons  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TaMmY , thank you for allowing me to review "Balloons.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

I love the personifications of the colors...and how you utilized their essence...or rather, how you captured their essence in this piece.

I loved this:
I would not be the black one, that'll absorb too much heat and burst
Nor the red one, who always wants to be the first
Definitely not purple, that considers itself so royal
Or green, who is jealous and unstable


Suggestions:


No errors = no suggestions

Overall Impression:

The flow and rhythm of this poem was great and I thought it was very cleverly done! I especially loved the white baloon. Too often people over look the most sparkling one! Great Job!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
16
16
Review of Death awaits me  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi dragongirl , thank you for allowing me to review "Death awaits me.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Death is waiting and whispering in all of our ears...question is...should we answer? lol!

Suggestions:

"While i walk down the street
waiting for me as I cross the street"

I would rephrase these lines. You have street twice in a row and with a small poem, unless it's intentional like Death awaits me, you should try not to repeat a word or phrase.

"death awaits me death awaits me" ...you should put a comma after the first me.

I would also break it up into irregular stanzas where Death Awaits Me is the first line of each stanza...I think it would work.


Overall Impression:

I thought this was a nice poem and I love the use of repeating the main line "death awaits me." There is just a little bit of work and this piece will shine! Great job!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
17
17
Review of Nowhere  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SWPoet , thank you for allowing me to review "Nowhere.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Awe!!!! This is touching. Reaffirmation that your not going anywhere to a loved one. I love it!

Suggestions:

It was hard to find one part I liked more than another but I really liked the ending:

I will wake up beside you
even when you go to bed alone,
in your heart, having built a wall
even God will have trouble penetrating.
My love, I am going

nowhere.

I thought this was simply reassuring and tugged on my heart.

Overall Impression:

This was well written and thought out. I loved the flow and rhythm of the piece and there wasn't one spot that I tripped or got bumped...well done!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
18
18
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SWPoet , thank you for allowing me to review "Four Seasons Pizza.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Nice analogy ...love the division of the pizza and reflection on life and marriage! Bravo!

Suggestions:

My favorite part:
Pizza unlike any we'd tasted in America.
In Italy, we learned to appreciate their
Zest for life. The seasons of two lives, divided, like the pizza.
Zones for each decade of our lives together, joined in one single creation.
A lesson in food and marriage, and in life. Thank you, our beloved Italy.


Overall Impression:

I think you did a wonderful job describing the various toppings and then adding just enough visualization to see the comparrison.

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
19
19
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi piewhackett1, thank you for allowing me to review "Don't Close The Door.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

A poem that comes straight from the heart...very nice!

Suggestions:
The rhyme is spot on and the rhythm is good.

This part of the poem I thought could use some editing to help it flow more with the piece.

I want and need you in my life everyday.
As a lover and friend tell me you'll stay.


to:

I need you in my life everyday (makes it seem a much deeper desire this way)
As a lover, a friend, tell me you'll stay. ( I think this adds more to the pleading)

mind you, it is up to you...this is a good piece the way it is but think about it.

Overall Impression:

I thought you were able to capture the heart of the need for someone to stay in a person's life. Well done!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
20
20
Review of Tribulation  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi HuntersMoon , thank you for allowing me to review "Tribulation.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Hi Ken! Love the design/layout of the diamond and the reference of it in the poem.

Suggestions:

The poem reads smooth without any bumps.

My favorite part:
Hmmm, that would be "against self-sold shakles well sealed."


I didn't notice any flaws in this diamond of yours...well done!


Overall Impression:

I like how you are able to describe the shild. To me it is like a shield to the heart that we often put up around it to keep others at bay. Nice work!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
21
21
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Puja , thank you for allowing me to review "My Love for you….

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

I Love how Love is spelled out in the second stanza...very nice touch!

Suggestions:

I love the line:

My love for you is divine,
Sweet or sour, you are mine.

Overall Impression:

Sweet little note of affection to a special someone. I think it is nicely put together. It is simplisitic and yet very lovely.

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
22
22
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Paul , thank you for allowing me to review "A Good Nights Kiss -- Extended.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:


First Impression:

Love the story told out completely. This was great.

Suggestions:

This poem is really smooth with a nice rhythm the rhyme was spot on!

My favorite part (mind you hard to pick one):
He stole the night, embraced the black,
And ran - no - glided forth. Love this line!
‘Til all the trees fell to his back,
And ahead; the cottage porch.

But there were a couple of things that stood out that I thought you might revisit:

"The window tossed an orange glow," ...Every time I read this line, it seems to bump the reading...throw it off so to say. Maybe change it to amber instead and see how it changes the flow. For example, "The window tossed an amber glow." I think it would fit better with the smoothness of the poem. You need to decide but I've often heard amber hues used to describe the sun. This might actually assist you with your poem.

Also, with the line "Skin burning, she’ll ask “why”." You should add some assonance to the piece... "Skin singed, she'll ask why?" Note the question mark too. Also this will keep it in the past tense by droping the "ing" off of burning.


Overall Impression:

I think the version you submitted to the Bite Size Poetry was nice, but this one shows the whole scene and feels more complete. You definetly have the flare for poetry and I really loved this piece. Bravo!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
23
23
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
After re-reading your piece, I have to say this is so much better then your original version. It is smooth and delicious as well. I think that your piece, "A Good Nights Kiss, is simply wonderful.

Nice improvement of the last line. You can now since the intended meaning in this piece and the love of the vampire to his new companion.

Well done!

Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!!!
24
24
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Grateful Fyn , thank you for allowing me to review "The Train Trip to Tomorrowland. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

Comments:


First Impression:

This poem can also be read two ways like your poem "Press On Regardless

Suggestions:

The rhythm and flow of this piece are spot on...very beautiful!

My favorite part is the seventh stanza..."we pass the station of defiance, regret and guilt come close behind." Love that line!

Overall Impression:

Your poetry has a great depth which is refreshing to me.

I love how this poem reflects putting the past behind us and comparing it to a train ride. Very well done!

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
25
25
Review of Sunrisings  
Review by Taizia
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Grateful Fyn , thank you for allowing me to review "Sunrisings. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

Comments:


First Impression:

I felt the shock/surprise of the event you described during this poem. Well done!

Suggestions:

The poem seems like prose since it didn't have the typical rhyme/rhythm of poetry...not like that's a requirement.

I thought this was done well with sharing the story, the shock, and joy that was mixed with a child eloping and giving you a seconds notice with no chance of meeting up with them to participate.

Overall Impression:

This was a touching poem..very enjoyable.

Thank you,
*Heart**Heart**Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
117 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/taizia2u