Kinda of short in length, but that's a'ight. I gotta say that I really enjoyed reading this piece and that my most favourite bit would have to be both your writing style in general and your description. That's what I first look for in reading, and this was amazing despite the fact that it wasn't very long. :) Great job.
Oh wow this is incredible!! I love your use of description in this piece and your diction is absolutely superb. I very much enjoyed reading this piece and it seems to me you definitely put a lot of time and effort into it. It's very beautifully written. Great job! :)
I know this is not very helpful, and won't really help you improve or anything, but I just want to say I am quite enjoying this story. It's really creative and I am very much enjoying the great amounts of dialogue, description and how it is paced. Great job and I do hope you continue on this. :)
I am a horrible poet so I can't really say anything constructive but way to go on this. I actually liked it, and I am definitely not a poetry fan. Very well written, and despite the short length it was really touching for me. Great job!
Wow, I gotta say, I rather enjoyed this. Not a poetry fan, at all. Always hated it in school when we had to do it, and never did understand most of the stuff we were required to read, but this was incredible. Extremely well written!
I quite enjoyed this piece and it actually made me smile to read it, which after waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning (like five minutes ago actually) - I needed that. My favourite bit was definitely,
"It's not an obituary, dammit. I'm trying to tell you that I'm too old for you. You're not even 20 years old. People look at me like I'm robbing the damned cradle. And they think all I want to do is get in your pants."
"You are in the cradle, handsome, and you have been in my pants." She laughed.
Got a giggle out of me. Great job! :) Wonderful visuals.
I thought your use of description was great, and so I really loved that in reading this piece, but one thing I would do is try and break this up into more paragraphs so it's not a bunch of huge, intimidating chunks. But I did enjoy it despite that once I got through it, even though sometimes I lose my spot in big huge paragraphs like that, but I read straight to the end. :) Well written.
I'm not a big poetry reader, so I'm not sure how much my opinion on this matters, but I actually thought this was really well written. What I took from it is that this person was not prepared for what happened to him and the way he imagined everything to be was far from what it actually was.
I think I probably say this a lot, but this is my most favourite part when reading because it lets me use my imagination to the fullest - I loved the way you used your description here! I would love for there to be a bit more when it comes to the characters speaking, instead of just 'he said' 'she said' and then moving on. If you get what I mean. I just like a bit more meat in between when possible to describe the characters actions along with their words and such instead of just one line of dialogue to the next. That being said though, I though you did well with the description here. Just more would be even better. :) Wonderful job.
Really good start so far I'd say, and as I'm a big description fan I applaud you for your use of that, because it was for sure good, I just would have liked a bit more of it to spice up the situation, conversation and surroundings a bit more (if that makes sense). But overall, it's quite good. :)
I am asbolutely loving this!! I particularly liked your description of the rain falling, and I could really picture those fat, old drops falling down. How I could really see in my head a vicious storm of water and wind and flailing tree-branches .. it's amazing. The imagery in this I thought was wonderful and very juicy. I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. (I quite like the name Ai'Liel as well. :D)
Now, I'm not sure contributing my opinion on this will make any difference since clearly you know what you are doing and I'm still quite the amateur when it comes to the writing game, but I have to say that I loved this. I think the description in this is absolutely incredible and I found it felt like I was actually there. I really enjoyed it.
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