*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tammiemachelle/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
1,008 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next
226
226
Review of Chew on This  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
I loved your poem. Food for thought or words for food..? *Smile* Either way, the words of your poem were easy to digest with just enough bite of truth to make you want to chew the fat a little longer so that you have time to ponder the last stanza. I, of course, can offer you nothing that would enhance your piece.Nice job. thank you for sharing and for allowing me to read it.
Taryn
227
227
Review of Torn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Elizjohn,
I love your poem. The rhythm and rhyme of your piece is fantastic, but the feelings behind it are what sell it. The melodic flow of your poem lends to the words you have written, a heart wrenching sorrow that many people can relate to. I happen to be one of those people. I feel that it is a cruel joke that only life can pull. I can see why you are having a little problem coming up with a title for this piece. Everything I can think of just doesn't do it justice.....A Heart's Tragedy?....Travesty of the heart? ....Crossroads? See what I mean, I am horrible at titles..*Smile* I am sure someone can do much better. Either way, I love your poem. Obviously, I wouldn't change one word. I think it is perfect the way it is..thank you so much for sharing it.
Taryn
228
228
Review of Last Heartbeat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
I saw your poem on the request page and I thought I would check it out.
I did enjoy your poem. There are few spots where the rhythm isn't as smooth as it could be. And even though I understand the reason for the Ba-dumps in between each stanza, I feel that it slows down the flow of your piece. I think that just putting it at the end would send the same message and it wouldn't change the flow of your piece. Overall, i think your poem is good. The feeling behind it is evident and it rings true with anyone who has suffered from a broken heart. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
Taryn
229
229
Review of Nude Bowling  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
lol,
I thought your poem was very cute. The visual component to your poem is striking and comical (not sure if it is meant to be comical, but I couldn't help but chuckle). Obviously I think your poem is great. The rhythm and rhyme is very easy and unforced. I really enjoyed your piece. As always, I think you did a fantastic job. Thanks for sharing!
Taryn
230
230
Review of Nature  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
I liked your poem. I thought it was original, had true depth, and great imagery. The style of language was consistent through out your poem, as was the rhyme scheme. I also appreciate the psalm-like quality of your piece. Nicely done. There were, however,just a few minor things that I thought needed to change.
1. I didn't understand the random capitalization through out your poem. It was a constant distraction from the rhythm of your piece.
2. In the third stanza: third line, I think " cared " should be care.
3. In the same stanza: fourth line, I think you should do away with the first comma.
4. I had a few issues with the punctuation, just because you capitalized the first letter of every sentence. For me, if you are using punctuation, then it means that you are following the general rules it carries. Meaning that just because you have come to the end of a line, doesn't necessarily mean that you have come to the end of a thought or sentence. If that is true then you don't have to capitalize the first letter of the next line. If you aren't using punctuation then capitalizing the first letter of every line is the norm in poetry.

Again, I thought that over all your poem was great, and with a few changes I feel it would be five stars I hope I was able to help. Thanks for sharing and welcome to the WDC.
Taryn
231
231
Review of Cat Napping  
In affiliation with Secret Admirers of WDC  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,
I know that you asked for reviews on the descriptive points in this poem, but for me I think there are other things that would help with the overall aesthetic to this piece. And in turn will make the descriptives that you have used a lot easier to visualize.
For me, while I was trying to visualize what you were writing, I was distracted by a few things.
1. I didn't understand why the sentences are broken up they way they are. Some of it rhymes and some of it doesn't, which is fine; but I find it hard to find a rhythm with the way it is written.
2. The first letter of every line is capitalized, even though your use of punctuation dictates that you are using complete thoughts and sentences.

I think the imagery in your poem is great. I see nothing wrong with that. And if you don't see any issues with the points that I made, then your poem is perfect. This is just my opinion. I hope I was able to help. Thanks for sharing the enviable life of a cat. *Smile*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
232
232
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
HI,
I found your request on the WDC Power Reviewers Request Page and I thought I would give it a read.

I liked your poem. Yes it is dark, but it is interesting. It captivated me and held my attention to the very end. Lately that has been a real task for me. The thought behind your poem was original. I also thought that the rhyme scheme was good and easy to follow; along with the fantastic imagery. I like the way you weave your warning to men and how you tell the overall story. I really see nothing that I would change about your piece. I think you did a great job. I am glad I stopped to read it. Thanks for sharing it. Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
233
233
Review of Lighthouse  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
I loved your poem. The rhythm and rhyme was great, but the imagery was fabulous. It almost felt like a nursery rhyme to me, but that could just be the mention of a castle and a tower. I happen to love nursery rhymes. Either way, I think you did a great job with this piece. You drew you reader in easily, and before they know it the poem is over; you leave them wishing for more. There is nothing I would suggest that you change, obviously. Thank you so much for sharing it. Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
234
234
Review of Wings  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. It held my attention, flowed well and the rhyming was good. I thought that your thought process was clear and easy to understand.Though the idea of hopes and dreams is not original, the way you spoke about it is. There is nothing that I would suggest you change with this piece. Thank you for sharing. Happy writing!
Taryn
235
235
Review of Love has fooled  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi,
I can see where you are trying to go with this poem. But I can see some issues with it, and the best advice I can give you besides edit; is to challenge yourself more on your word choice. I felt that some words you chose, you chose because they rhyme; and not necessarily because it makes sense to your poem. With this poem, I would look at it again and try to reevaluate what I want to say exactly. And then start over.
This is just my opinion. I hope I was able to help. Thank you for sharing!
Taryn
236
236
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi,
I think your poem has good bones, but it needs to be edited. Sometimes what I have to do with my own work is to walk away from my poem for a day or two, then read it out loud and make the necessary changes.
There are several inconsistencies with your poem. Some thoughts look complete without punctuation, which is fine in poetry. But then others do not look complete, yet the next line will start with a capital letter even though the previous line ended with a comma.I also notice that the last line is the only line in the entire poem that is punctuated correctly and is complete. There are too many comma's in this poem, and I am confused by the use symbols. I would never use symbols in the place of words in poetry. It makes your work appear unfinished;as if the reader is looking at the rough draft.
As I said, I think your poem has great bones and a lot of potential. It just needs to be edited, and the form readjusted. These are just my opinions, I hope I was able to help. Thank you for sharing. Write on!
Taryn
237
237
Review of If Ever...  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. To be so brief, it hits all the major points: feeling, imagery, rhythm and rhyme. I thought it was great. I like poems that are short yet thought provoking.There isn't anything that I would suggest you change. Nice job. Please continue to post and share your work.
Taryn
238
238
Review of Abandoned  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,
I thought your poem was good. But I think it could be better. I think that the subject matter is sad; and the way you write about this subject, I think is original.
I like the fact that you did not start each line with a capital letter. That helps with the rhythm. But the way the sentences are broken up combats that. I would definitely restructure this poem so that the flow is easier to find. This will also cut down on the length of your poem, which isn't bad. You have enough imagery and feeling in this poem that the brevity of it will not be a problem.
This is just my opinion of course. Hope I was able to help. Happy writing!
Taryn
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
239
239
Review of The cat did it.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
I am returning the favor of your kind review by visiting your port and doing the same.

Ha! I loved it. Especially the last line. Great imagery also. That darn cat! There is nothing that I would suggest you do to improve this poem. Very funny and entertaining. It held my attention from start to finish.Thanks again for your review.. Write on! Taryn
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
240
240
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,
I think your poem has great potential. The imagery you paint is great, and the rhyming is pretty good for the most part. There are however, some things I would change to make your poem just a little more polished. *Smile*
1. I would consider using punctuation in this poem. Because of how it reads, the conversation you have put in the poem, and the fact that there are random words capitalized; implies that you are using complete sentences, but since you are not using punctuation it makes it harder to read.
2. Whenever you are using " i " or " i'm " to reference a person, you should always capitalize the " I ".
3. I think you should read your poem out loud, and get rid of any extra words that slow down the flow of your poem.
4. I would rethink the last line. Up until that point, the rhyming has been pretty consistent. But because the last line does not rhyme with anything, the poem ends awkwardly.
Here is an example of how I would implement some of these changes:
Softly does the wind blow
through my lovers hair.
He doesn't know I'm watching,
doesn't know I'm there.
With innocence in his eyes,
he gracefully glides by.
He asks how long I've been there.
I tell him only a little while.
I think that your poem has great bones. With a few finishing touches, I think your poem could be outstanding. This of course, is just my opinion. I hope I was able to help. Thanks for sharing and happy writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
241
241
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,
I think that your poem has great bones, but could use some small changes to make it five star. *Smile*.
1. I think you should reevaluate your use of comma's. I think that your poem would benefit more from periods in a few places than comma's.
2. For the last stanza, I think that you should stick to the format you set in the previous stanza's. I think your third line should say something else. Maybe (just an example) say something like : To no one do I have this to prove.

Overall I like your poem. I just think it needs a little more final editing. Thank you for sharing and write one!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
242
242
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,
I thought your poem was interesting but there are some things that I would work on.
1. I would challenge myself more on rhyming. I think in many ways you took the easy way out. I think you could have said some things a little differently, but a little more poetically.
2. I would edit this poem again. Words like wont and dont, should always have an apostrophe.
3. And in the future, I would forgo using text language in a poem ( cuz ). It makes your poem appear to be unfinished.
4. I was a little confused by the punctuation at the end. There is no punctuation any where else in your poem except the last line.
5. Lastly the random capitalization (stanza's 3 and 6); for me, threw the rhythm of your poem off.
From my understanding, rhythm is very important when it comes to poetry; regardless of whether you are rhyming or not. These are just my opinions. I hope I was able to help. Thank you for sharing your poem, and please keep writing *Smile*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
243
243
Review of My X-treme  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi,
I thought your poem was original, interesting, and thought provoking. However the random capitalizing of certain words in your poem are confusing. I don't understand the significance. Also, in the second to last stanza-third line; I would make quiet- quite. Other than that I thought your poem was good. Thank you for sharing it. Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
244
244
Review of Secrets  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,
Congrats on your first submission, and I am glad to be the one to give you your first review! *Smile*. I liked your poem. I thought the flow was very nice and easy. I thought the rhyme was also well done. Your poem is well written and well thought out. There is nothing that I would change with how you have written your poem. Well done! Thank you for sharing. Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
245
245
Review of Writer’s Block  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi,
I liked your poem. As writers, I am sure there is not one soul who hasn't experienced writers block, along with the panic and doubt you feel. I think you expressed and described that feeling perfectly. There is nothing I would change with how you have written this poem. I think you've done a great job. Thank you for sharing it and thanks for joining our group!
Taryn
246
246
Review of Pain Again  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi,
I thought your poem was nice and original. The rhyming is okay, but the rhythm threw me off. The stanzas are not equal in meter or rhythm. I kept trying to figure out how the flow was supposed to go. I think if the rhythm was a little more regulated, your poem would be easier to read. Other than that, I see nothing wrong with your poem. Thank you for sharing it and welcome to our group. Write on!
Taryn
247
247
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi,
I thought your poem was steeped in imagery,very vivid and somewhat easy to follow. I thought your poem was more like a prose than a poem, but that is just my opinion. I thought that the format of your poem was a little hard to grasp. The random capitalization in the middle of some of your sentences is confusing. If you weren't using punctuation, capitalizing the beginning of each sentence would be ok, But because you are using punctuation, the format seems a little chaotic. Other than that I thought the overall thought process behind your poem was good. Thank you for sharing it and thanks for joining our group. Write on!
Taryn
248
248
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi,
I liked your poem. I thought the imagery was great, and that the feelings you depicted were vivid and deep. There is however, one thing I would change with your poem. The punctuation and capitalization does not have a standard form in your poem. Meaning that in some instances, you did not follow the usual rules of punctuation and capitalization. The second stanza, last three lines should look like this to me: Screams filling the air;
they breathe a last breath,
then breathe no more.
Same issue in the third stanza. I just feel that if you are going to use punctuation, then you should use the rules that follow. This is just my opinion. Overall I think your poem is great.Thank you for sharing it and for joining our group. Write on!
Taryn
249
249
Review of It is True  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi,
I liked your poem. It is melodic, and the flow is easy to follow. I think the person you wrote this poem for would know without a doubt what they mean to you. There is nothing I would change with how you have written this poem. I think you've done a good job. Thank you for sharing it and thanks for joining our group. Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
250
250
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. It has a melodic tone or maybe rhythm to it. I thought it was well written, and I like the color you chose too *Smile*. I think you aptly described how the absence of someone in your life that you love can affect you. I think you did a great job with this poem. There is nothing I would change with how you have written this piece. Thank you for sharing it and thanks for joining our group! Write on!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
398 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 16 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tammiemachelle/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10