Hi,
I can see where you are going with this poem, and your feelings are well expressed. However, there are a few things I would change to make it just a little better.
1. I would do away with the "texting" spelling of words. For example: u should be you, n should be and.
2. There are a few misspellings. For example: you'r should be you're. I think it was just an oversight..
3. There are random words capatalized. Since you are using punctuation, fixing this would make your poem easier to read.
Basically, I think your poem is good, it just needs to be edited. This, of course is just my opinion. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing. Taryn
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. The rhythm and a rhyme worked well together. I thought that your feelings were expressed nicely, and the imagery was good. The only thing I would change would be the last line. Instead of "That never to compete" I would write "Than never to compete. Other than that, I thought it was well done. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing.
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
Hi,
I liked your poem a lot. The imagery you depict is very vivid and thought provoking. For those that have never suffered from an addiction, it is hard to explain. I think your poem does a good job of explaining what role addiction can play in some of our lives. I wrote a poem about addicition a long time ago, it is not as indepth as your piece, but maybe one day you will check it out. I thought your poem was well written. There is nothing that I would change . Thanks for sharing it and please keep writing!
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Hi,
I enjoyed this piece. I felt that it was written well. The rhythm nd rhyme are done nicely. Everything seems natural, flowing easily, nothing forced. Though it is short, I feel that it says exactly what it should and no more. Straight to the point, and yet full of things unsaid. The magic of poetry! The only thing I wanted to do was add a comma after love in the second to last line. Other than that, I think your poem is great as it stands. Thanks for sharing! Taryn
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Hi,
I enjoyed your poem very much. The nice easy flow of it gives it a longing feel. The imagery you depict touches all the senses. You've done a nice job on this piece. There is nothing that I would change. Thank you so much for sharing it and please keep writitng! Taryn
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Hi,
I see what you're trying to do here with this poem. The imagery and feelings that you express are nicely written, and yet simply spoken. Nice job. However. there is something that I would change.
In the first line, I would seperate the sentences. If not by a period then by at least writing them on seperate lines. As they are now, they look like a run-on sentence, or at the very least it looks like your thought process is a little erratic; and the nice and easy flow that I assume that you are trying to accomplish with this piece is lost in the first line. If not that, then I would put a comma after yellow and make the I in It lower case. This of course is just my opinion. Thank you so much for sharing and please keep writing! Taryn
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Hi,
I liked this poem a lot. The imagery is very vivid. The emotions and the feeling this poem emits is very calming and peaceful; just the sort of feeling that one would have while taking a break at the arboretum. I think this poem was nicely written and there is nothing that I would suggest to change it. Thank you so much for sharing and please keep writing! Taryn
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Hi,
I liked your poem The emotion is clearly written. The flow, rhythm and rhyme are also well done here. The only real issue I had with this piece is that it is double spaced. With longer pieces, I feel that double spacing makes the poem seem that much longer. And for me, it helps me keep your thoughts together in my head while reading it. This of course is just my opinion. Thanks for sharing and please keep writing!
Taryn
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Hi,
Although violence is never the answer, it is something that has crossed all of our minds at one point or another when it concerns love. It is just human nature. Aside from that, I thought your poem rhymed and flowed well. I thought it would be a much easier read if you did not break the sentences up into stanza's. Normally I am all about grouping like thoughts together. But with your piece, I think it would just read better as one congruent piece instead of broken up. This of course is just my opinion. Overall, I did like your poem. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing. Taryn
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Hi,
I thought your poem was very simple and sweet. Nicely written with good flow and rhyme. There are only a couple of things I would change. In the line third from the bottom...I would make I'd just I, and the last every I would remove all together. I think this is just a typo, and I 'm sure you just overlooked it. This of course is just my opinion.Other than that, I thought your poem was great. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing! Taryn
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Hi Magoo,
This review is a thank you for all the reviews that you do....Thank you!
Loved this poem and giggled all the way thru it! I thought the everything about it was good...the imagery, rhythm and rhyme were all good. This poem was so cute! This piece had me engaged from beginning to end. There of course are no recommendations that I can give you for this poem. Thank you as always for sharing! Taryn
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Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. Though short, you get your point across well. The imagery is great, the rhythm and rhyme are also good. The only thing I would change with this piece is the spelling of "automn" should be " autumn". Other than that I liked this piece a lot. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the WDC! Taryn
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Oh how lovely!
I enjoyed this piece a lot. The rhythm and rhyme are perfect. The flow is so easy going, light, and wistful. To be so short, it is full of imagery and feeling. Every word has a purpose. And to top it off, I can sorely relate. I of course have no advice for this poem. There is nothing I would change. Thank you so much for sharing it and giving us the chance to read it. Taryn
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Hi,
I saw a review request for this poem on the request review page, and I decided to check it out. This poem adequately depicts what every working person in America is going thru right now. No job is safe or secure. And these thoughts have crossed each of our minds at some point or another. I found nothing that I would change with this poem except in the very first line. "Dear God, one's belief in oneself", I would change to "Dear God, a belief in oneself". I just feel like there were too many ones mentioned and makes for a mouthful. As you know this is just my opinion. I think your poem is great. Thanks for sharing it. Taryn
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Hi,
I enjoyed your poem very much. I thought it was well written. The rhyme and flow are natural and easy. The last stanza is my favorite. And though the subject matter is not new, the way you wrote about it is original. I found nothing with this poem that I would change. Thank you for sharing, and please keep writing! Taryn
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Hi,
I thought this poem was really cute....I smiled all the way thru this piece. Funny concept, orginal idea. I saw no problems with rhythm, rhyme, or flow. There is nothing that I would change with this poem. As usual, I think you've done a great job here. Thank you for sharing it! Taryn
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Hi,
I liked this poem a lot. The rhythm and rhyme are excellent, and the flow is easy. The imagery is very vivid. I think you did a great job with this poem. There is nothing I would change about it. Thank you so much for sharing, and again, thank you for the nice rating and review of my item.
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Hi,
I enjoyed your poem. I feel that you adequately described feelings that a ballplayer would have after while making a play like that. I thought your poem was well written. I thought the imagery was great, rhythm and rhyme were also good. Thank you for sharing, and please keep writing! Taryn
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Hi,
This poem tugged at my heartstrings, and then when I got to the end; it just yanked my heart out. I thought that for the most part, your poem was well written. The emotion is evident. The only issue I had with this piece is in the first stanza, last line "Why did you leave me for?" I feel should read " What did you leave me for?" Saying why didn't sound right to me, but this is just my opinion. Overall I think your poem is great. Nice job. Please keep writing and thanks for sharing! Taryn
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Hi,
I liked your poem. I liked the "in your face" element of it. The rhythm and rhyme were written in well here. I think you did a great job. The only thing I would change is the first "it" in the eleventh line; I think you meant is. Other than that, great job! This poem fits my mood today. Taryn
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Hi,
I saw the title to this poem, and saw your name listed as the author, and I almost threw a fit; because I also have a poem titled To The One I Love. Once I read your poem I calmed down. I think you did a nice job with this poem. The flow is nice and easy. The rhythm and rhyme are not forced and come naturally. The feelings you express are contagious. Thank you so much for sharing. Taryn
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Hi,
Overall, I think your poem is a good one. Very sad to me, being a mother, that you ( as someone's child) feels this way. It hurts me. I don't understand the situation, but from reading this poem, I do know that you are hurting ( assuming that it is autobiographical). I am sorry you feel this way.
Aside from that, there are a few things I would change with this piece.
1. I would capitalize all the " i 's" that are in reference to you.
2. In line five, "wat" should be what, and the " u " should be you.
3. In line six, "smileing" should be smiling, and " ur " should be your. (same thing for line seven)
4. In line eight "didnt" should be didn't.
5. In line eleven, "squeesing" should be squeezing.
6. In the last line, "im" should be I'm and "there" should be their, and "then" should be than.
The text color is a little light for me, but that is a personal thing. These of course are my opinions. I hope I was able to help you out. This is a good poem. It tugs at the heart, even if you aren't someone's mother. Thank you for sharing, and I hope things get better for you. Taryn
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Lovingly,
I thought this poem was lovely . I thought it was very sweet, and descriptive. It has a nice eay flow to it. I didn't feel like any of the words were forced to rhyme. You did well here. I don't see anything that I would change. I think you did a fantastic job writing this poem. Thank you so much for sharing it. Taryn
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Hi,
I loved your poem, it made me laugh, and it is very true. I think you did a wonderful job with this poem. The rythm and rhyme of it reminds me of a nursery rhyme. I had no issues with this piece except I'm not sure if you meant to write hamburg or hamburger in the fifth stanza, first line. Either way, I think this poem is great. Thank you so much for sharing and giving me a laugh today...I needed one. Taryn
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