|Hello! I found your poem through the random read. Please understand that my review is my humble opinion and is only meant to help and encourage. Please accept it in the spirit it is given.
In my life, love and heartache never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I couldn't hurt more or feel any lower, I am proven wrong. Love has the capacity to color your entire world in such a way that you may never see it the same again. I thought your poem expressed this thought very well.
There are several points that I thought might need a second look. I love poetry because the interpretation can vary with each read and reader. I also know that there are different styles, forms and formats of poetry. I have used quite a few, but I tend to stick with one staple through them all. If I use punctuation (which I do quite often), then I follow the normal rules that apply when writing a complete sentence. I only capitalize the beginning of each thought or idea, and not necessarily each line. I think you have to be careful when you using punctuation in poetry because it can hinder the flow if done incorrectly. With your piece I fell that it would benefit more without punctuation. Because of how your piece flows, I feel that the punctuation hinders it just enough to cause me to miss the meter a few times. If you choose to do away with the punctuation, then I would encourage you to remove the comma's also..without the punctuation they will be obsolete. I also noticed the flow change between the first four stanzas and the last two; which in poetry does happen. I think the last two stanzas compared to the first four are somewhat wordy, and removing some the unnecessary words will make all of your stanzas more cohesive with each other and make your poem a smoother read. In the third stanza, I felt that fitted should be fit. I thought that they rhyme scheme was great with your piece until I got to the last stanza. It is the only stanza that did not follow the pattern you set with the rest of your poem. I think these corrections will make your piece more polished and complete.
My favorite stanza of your piece is the first one. I thought it set the tone of your poem well, and it pulled me into your piece.
This concludes my review. I hope it was helpful and encouraging. Again, my suggestions are just my opinions, and they don't carry a lot of weight. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of reading and reviewing your work. I wish you continued success here at the WDC. Write on, read on, rate on! Taryn
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
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