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16 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by tblaine
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Invalid Item

Initial Reaction

Hello, my name is Tim and I would like to offer the following reviewing on your short story Is your mummy or daddy home.

I found your story amusing and have a similar anecdote. This happened a couple of years ago but I was still in my forties. Since in high school I have had white hair, not completely but shall we say more salt than pepper. That is part of the reason I shave my head. But I have always sported a goatee and the white did not discriminate where it appeared. My wife and I were sitting in Applebee’s and I ordered a beer, our waitress, who could not have been old enough to drink herself, asked me for my idea. My wife and I, in addition to the neighboring tables, just looked at her when she asked to see my ID. As she realized the reaction from those around she said, “It’s company policy to ask for ID if you don’t have white hair and you don’t have any.” I think she was confused by the chuckling of all those within hearing.


Characters
You are obviously have a sense of humor and are comfortable with yourself and until I read the disclaimer, and later your bio, I did not realize you have Cerebral Palsy. I had assumed, originally, that you were merely youthful looking.

The saleslady appears to be one of those that frequently can be seen anywhere. Not properly trained and uncomfortable outside her element she became easily flustered when . A good salesperson would have gone on with the pitch even if it was apparent their product would not be suitable for the individual they are talking with.

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation

The sixth paragraph’s in her judgement has an often misspelled word, it should read in her judgment.

The next paragraph contains another common mistake with that's okay dear, I am. The comma (,) should actually be a semi-colon (;
) for that's okay dear; I am.

In the tenth paragraph no one home since since I was the second since is redundant.

In the same paragraph whatever it was she was sell this should read whatever it was she was selling.

I believe in the last paragraph carried on my day if you included the preposition with it would sound more natural carried on with my day.

Quotable

Well, sadly that's me then mind you, I wish it wasn't - household bills cost a bomb. ~ No matter how proud we are of our demesne all of us have at one time or another felt this way

I felt that since she had disturbed me peace, I should at least have had even just a snippet of her sales pitch! ~ I truly enjoyed this as you stated after the knock Sigh, another sales person no doubt.

Closing Comments

I enjoy reading of people’s idiosyncrasies when encountering the unexpected. All too often we, and I have fallen in this category myself, become flustered when meeting with someone, something or a reaction unanticipated or untrained to handle.

This review is being made on behalf of "Invalid Item as a part of your current shower.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by tblaine
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"Invalid Item

Initial Reaction

Hello, my name is Tim and I would like to offer the following reviewing on The Lost Souls Of Eibergen. I found this to be a powerful piece on history that many in the world today are attempting to deny occurred.

I am pleased to find such a well written story about providing the tale of these poor victims of a madman.

Characters

Many of those that read this may make the mistake of calling Mr. Levine the lead. Others may believe the poor victims. And all are an important part of this tale, however for me the armoire is the centerpiece to this. The Tabernacle for forty-one lost souls holding the secrets for so many years, protecting them even after some were betrayed by other means. This wardrobe became a symbol of history when the church entrusted it with the lives of men, women and children.

Grammar and Punctuation

I was pleased to discover no grammar or punctuation errors throughout this work.

Spelling

The hardest words to spell are often proper names especially foreign, however I did not find any such mistakes in this paper

Research

This was a well-researched paper. From the description of Bergen-Belsen as a “privileged” camp to Mauthausen being nicknamed Knochenmuehle or the bone-grinder by the Reichssicherheitshauptamt, Hitler’s organization designated to fight the enemies of the Reich, to the description of the train being stopped to kill all the prisoners even up to just days before the unconditional surrender of the Nazis.

I found this to be one of the most accurate portrayals I’ve read in quite some time.

Closing Comments

I was really touched by this entry and found it riveting. I think the research you showed to this project illustrates your dedication to your art.

I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you.

This review is being made on behalf of "Invalid Item as a gift for your upcoming birthday.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Bad.  
Review by tblaine
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Invalid Item

Initial Reaction

Hello, my name is Tim and I would like to offer the following reviewing on Bad. I must say the first word that came to mind after reading this was Wow. This is a strong piece that has an emotional impact.

Rhyming and Rythym

You used free verse to good effect and even included a rhyming pattern of the first and third line of each stanza. Holding to a four to six syllable per line style can make for awkward reading but you pulled it off with flying colors.

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation

Your spelling, punctuation and grammar were correct throughout.

Emotional Impact

As I said earlier, wow! At the beginning I had believed this was someone trying recreational drugs for the first time.
You described a high in the manner that a first time user might experience, the odd sensations and apathy. It is not until the eighth stanza does anything seem amiss.
It’s getting harder to
Breathe and it hurts badly.

This is where the reader knows something is different, even a reader that has not tried mind altering compounds knows pain is not supposed to accompany the experience.

But your last nine lines hold the emotional nuke for me. This poem tells me this person’s last thoughts in life and that he or she regrets having gone this far. And, finally, at the ends realizes death is to be feared.

Closing Comments

Thank you for sharing this. It was a marvelously written work and very thought provoking.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by tblaine
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Invalid Item

Initial Reaction

Hello, my name is Tim and I would like to offer the following reviewing on your rant Google Supports Criminals. This originally caught my eye as I have always believed this and, of course, the latest scandal from the DOJ and Internet companies are still a newsworthy item.

I found your article to be well thought out and clearly presented.

Grammar and Punctuation

These days many writers do not use proper punctuation, some even seem to leave it out altogether except for the occasional period. I was glad to note your usage of the punctuation throughout.

However, I did find some over usage of the comma as well as other punctuation missing.

In the first paragraph to stop the spam linking, the comma can be deleted as the rest of the sentence is enclosed in parentheses.

The second paragraph contains the following grammatically error a SEO managers, this confuses tense and contains the wrong indefinite article, it should be either an SEO manager singularly or the plural SEO managers.

Also in the second paragraph Cash Code is a scam, But I sorry, if either the comma should be a period or the b not capitalized. In this same set it should read I am or I’m. The final sentence of the paragraph contains I know its mean there should be an apostrophe making this it’s the contraction for it is.

The next paragraph Google's unethical, support the comma should be deleted. The comma in action, Of should be a period. With , (Google does not care), as long as, the ad generates the second and third commas are unnecessary. Continuing on that sentence revenue they would list, and promote anything either the comma needs to be removed after list or one needs to be added after the word promote. With no matter, how detrimental the comma should be removed.

The first sentence of the fourth paragraph reads Look my friends, only we the users can stop these guys. It is missing three commas, one after each of the words Look, we, and users. Anytime you are asked, for the money the comma does not belong. I am sure this is just a typographical error however this,"if you is missing a space after the comma. With super secret, information it should be hyphenated and without the comma to read super-secret information. The last correction of the paragraph you need to do, is pay them for the cost of printing, and organizing the information this section should have no commas.

In the last paragraph When you find that, you have inadvertently the comma is unnecessary. You are missing the definite article in then report fake website this should read then report the fake website . With the conjuction or in is fake or scamming, or phishing, or what ever your problem the commas should be deleted. MS Explorer should be one of the following MS Internet Explorer, Internet Explorer or Windows Internet Explorer. In the second to last sentence hard to report anything I guess they don't care there should be a comma after anything.

Spelling

I noticed only one spelling error and it occurred in the second paragraph. The word internet should be capitalized. The Internet is the proper noun for the world wide web and as a proper noun gets capitalized. The internet is usually only found in discussions of networking

Closing Comments

Again, I found your article to be thought provoking and am glad I found it. If this is a sample of your weekly rants I look forward to reading more of them.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Memory  
Review by tblaine
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Initial Reaction

Hello, my name is Tim and I would like to provide my review for your draft for the scene Memory.

This proved a fascinating read and I would be interested in seeing more of the twin’s story. You provided an insight to the brotherly love that siblings, not just twins, share. While they may care about each other, teasing can be a constant but beware any other that chooses to taunt the sibling.

Characters

The two main characters are obviously from an impoverished family, poorly educated, using slang and southern colloquialisms.

You created a believable character in James, providing him with depth and feelings. Tour presentation of Clint was not as descriptive, but as this seemed to be more from James’ viewpoint it is acceptable, perhaps even preferable that we cannot see into his mind.

The older boys were typical bullies found in cities and rural communities. Oddly enough, and an aspect I liked, you provided the leader of these bullies with a grudging respect of James when instead of punishing James as his gang expected he walked away.

Setting

The rural playground setting you described covered enough to provide the backdrop for this scene.

Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling

The lack of spacing between paragraphs did make this a bit difficult to read and review. I would suggest double spacing between paragraphs.

Your use of the grammar of poor young boys was accurate. However, some words might be better chosen. As well as James’ continued usage of “Seb” in referring to his brother Clint, I am unfamiliar with this term except as a nickname for Sebastian. Perhaps it is a colloquialism I have not heard before, which may also confuse other readers. It could also be his nickname for his brother but without an clarification I do not know.

Your second paragraph is " I didn' say I was gon' jump." I am sure it is just a typographical error, however there should not be a space between the first quotation mark and I. Also the word “gon'” should, in most cases, be “gonna.”

Your seventh paragraph has four errors, two grammatical, another colloquial and the third a misplaced word. “"I ain't never seen you do it b'fore," he said, allowing a small amount of a taunt to weave it'sits way into his words.” Again, the usual word in the place of “b’fore” is “a’fore.” It should read “its way” without an apostrophe. “Its” is the possessive form of it, “it’s” is the contraction of “it is.” Your misplaced word is in “so he had hoped his Clint could easily sense” it should read either “so he had hoped his brother could easily sense” or drop “his” and just leave it as “so he had hoped Clint could easily sense” also the word “had” is not only unnecessary but changes the tense.

The ninth paragraph is "You prob'ly won' even do it, I bet." The colloquialism is “prolly” or “probly” without the apostrophe. Although the latter term is a recent addition attributed to misspelling in texts and chatting on the Internet.

The tenth paragraph contains “There was no doubt that he was hooked in now,” I would suggest dropping the word “in” as it would make the structure flow smoother.

In the thirteenth paragraph, you stated that the kids pushed James to the side without stating that he fell to the ground as shown in the fifteenth paragraph “before pushing himself back up to his feet.” I would suggest adding editing “The other boys behind him laughed rather quickly, completely unaware that James was now giving them all.” To
“The other boys behind him laughed rather quickly, completely unaware that James was now giving them a furious death glare from the ground where he had fallen as they pushed him out of the way.” in the fourteenth paragraph to show this. In addition, the all is unnecessary, as you have already said “them.” In the same paragraph “Their was a struggle falling into his eyes and for a moment” the “Their” should be “There” I am also not sure about the phrasing “falling into his eyes” and perhaps “There was confusion within his eyes” or “The struggle for words was apparent within his eyes.”

In the seventeenth paragraph, you missed the apostrophe in “hit hard against the boys face” correctly it should read “hit hard against the boy’s face.”

The eighteenth paragraph reads “He snapped his fingers once and before James get himself away” is a bit awkward and I would suggest “He snapped his fingers once and before James could get away.”

In the twenty-fourth paragraph you have a wrong word choice in “those boys could not leave thinking they had one.” It should read “those boys could not leave thinking they had won.”

The next paragraph read “He could taste iron within seconds” however the taste of blood is most often referred to as copper.

In the thirty-fourth paragraph “James just sort of starred blankly” should be “James just sort of stared blankly.”

Finally, my suggestion for the thirty-fifth paragraph is a word change in “Clint's heart sank miserably beneath his chest” to I would switch “beneath” to “Clint's heart sank miserably inside his chest.”

Plot

You provide a good interaction between siblings when one enjoys displaying a subtle control over the other. This same character also displays the protectionism that tempers their rivalry when others try to interfere. James is a typical example of someone not afraid to stand up for himself despite the odds against him. He has only two futures ahead of him, either the hero or, as in your description, the psychopath.

Closing Comments

I enjoyed reading the scene and the interaction between all the characters. I believe everyone has seen examples of each of these boys and can feel empathy for them on some level. I look forward to reading more.

There is one more final suggestion I would make. In the description you point out one of the twins grows up to be a psychopath. This scene describes only a few minutes in their young lives and I do not think it necessarily needs to be in there.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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