"Buck Up Buttercup" is strong and direct, yet the loving guidance of the parent comes through admirably. The writer here uses strong and active language, and in fact there are a few lines that basically jump out: "Put some steel in your spine." and, "Remember- / A closed mouth does not get fed." These are very fine and memorable lines. The essence here is to instill to sense of worth, that everyone is someone, and that some pride, indeed, can pick up the stride.
"Time and Again" is a finely written poem about addiction, the war within, as "The war outside is over." The writer speaks both clearly and poetically, with good word choice and arresting phrases like, "My mind flutters full of florescent images of surrender." We are drawn in, and carried along in a fix of skillful assuredness, and are comforted, more or less, by the ease and sound speech framed in the foresight of open mind. At the very end, the writer abruptly alters the output, as if a stark reminder of what the demon was, or is, or can be, for the freedom from it is the virtue and profit indeed. One can be free to remain free. And one can be addicted to fine writing, time and again.
"Forbidden Feelings" explores deep feelings of love and hurt, for the writer has the deep feelings of love but ultimately it is not reciprocal, that age-old story. The writer does a fine job expressing it here, this 17 line poem which is error-free, soft spoken and yet strong enough with its sense of loss and despair. It's matter-of-fact ending highlights the sense even more, for the heart feels the pain when knowing that the road now is in a new direction, and feelings are compelled to witness new found scenery. Write on.
"Ashes" is a fine poem with good language and well-thought phrasing. The writer looks at the devastation of the city, a "trampled city", and then goes on to paint the city in pretty bad terms. It is a "metropolis of mischance" that contains both the repugnant and the repulsive. This is descriptively strong, this 15 line poem that ends strongly, taking us on a ride among the ashes of this city, well done and write on.
A fine tribute to Autumn with good flow and crisp images. One can hear the "Screeching cicadas" and see the leaves as they "cartwheel down the street." The words, flow and pattern of this 4 stanza poem convey a pleasurable insight and vision of all the interesting and unique particulars of nature arising and interacting in autumn. Well done.
"How to Buy a Laptop" is a well-written piece on what to consider when looking for a laptop. The author gives practical advice, outlining what to look for pursuant to the buyer's needs and wants. Some things that are considered are portability, graphics, gaming and budget, as well as if one is a student. The author touches on the technical as well, considering RAM, hard drive memory and various ports. Some best choices for 2010 are given, as well as Internet references. The author has written a very good piece here that should help anyone in the market for a laptop. Kudos.
"The Hapless Tree" is a wonderful poem that is evocative and a joy to read. It tells the story of two trees and the relationship and sacrifice and of the resultant appreciation and thankfulness. This free verse piece is well-written and heartfelt. A metaphor of nature that can be applied to our lives. Very well done, write on.
"October Skies" is a marvelous poem with wonderful thoughts and imagery. It is a tour of many things and seasons and even reasons for existence. We are taken on a yearly tour of seasons, returning to October which is the precious month and the point. This poem is quite imaginative and a pleasure to read. "We see God in cigarettes and bottlenecks,..." causes reaction, thought. "We thank starless skies..."; Here I would prefer starry skies but his works as well. We have, "...prophecies frozen in ice"...now that is just too cool. Great work, write on.
In "I See God" the writer sees God in different people, apparently a daughter, a mother and then even the father, then perhaps this man was the son; "Seeing the man that his son was no less." The writer focuses on the eyes: "The compassion in his eyes one can not miss". The reference to eyes is mentioned in each line of this 4 stanza poem, with compassion, twinkle, trouble and respect being seen, or more specifically, "one can not miss". This theme is repeated, as is the "I see God in him" (or them). The lines rhyme directly with the first stanza containing half rhyme. People see God in all sorts of ways, just as is the very definition of God; a subjective matter to be sure. The reference to life, the newborn, and of life, "waiting to stem" are good. There's an interesting line, "Life of a martyr at the rim" which I don't quite understand. Good line though. This poem is a worthy effort and soft and sincere. Thanks for sharing, write on.
"Time" is a fine poem, well-written, thoughtful. There are good images and good phrasing: the best is, "Gold cannot deflect/Time's leading arrow". Just as good: "Kings and Beggars/To the same dust are fallen". This is fine word order, poetic to be sure. I love poems on time, one of my first poems posted was on time. And time is relentless, is ambivalent, to us, and the writer here presents that fact well. The writer sees time up on his "high horse" which is a cool way of looking at it. Time doesn't care about us, but we care about time. But you can't beat time. I recommend this poem highly; take time to read this. It's about time.
"Everything" is a sweet, simplistic poem, 14 lines, 3 stanzas, consecutive rhyme. It is for a bf, and the writer begins with,"You are everything to me" and also says that "Everything I do reminds me of you." We are told that the bf is "...always by my side." There are some errors, such as line (8) with the word "your" when it should be "you're". In the last stanza we are introduced to the word, "Nugorata" which, we are told is their ("our") word. Maybe a footnote explaining this would be helpful. Some imagery would help, perhaps the introduction of metaphor: this person is everything to you, perhaps this would be a good place to tell us how. "You are the music on my ipod", "the comfort for my soul ", or whatever. Thanks for sharing, write on.
"Old and Grey" (Gray) is a short poem but it is potent and well-stated. The writer laments of physical decline, mostly that of eyesight, and that is felt in the reading. Light is held in "secret corridors" and the writer wonders who holds "my shamed skeleton"--that's a cool phrase. A question is put to God: a bitter query, very understandable, as the writer expresses this feeling well. A good write, it is summed up well at the end with just six words. Thanks for sharing.
"Metamorphasis" (Metamorphosis) is a sweet poem, well-written that speaks to pain, it is one of consolation. There is a butterfly and a girl, and the butterfly consoles the girl. In just 15 line a lot is said. This piece speaks softly yet powerfully. The wise butterfly knows that only through pain comes growth, and with it the essential brightening of beauty. Write on.
"Finding Light in the Darkness" is well-written prose the weaves the writer's Christianity into examining the long and dark winter months and finding good and productive ways to use this time. Some practical examples are given such as helping with kid's homework or talking to your spouse. Since this is a Christian perspective, God of course is promoted, and not just any God but the God of the Jews, that is to say the God of the Bible. So in this regard the piece slips into the subjective, which is the definition of religion. A passage from the Psalms is even given at the very end. But the piece starts out with an immediate drag-down: "A season of lowliness and humility as we consider our sin." The die is immediately cast, the tethers of religion bind and jiggle the victim like a marionette--which is the goal. For me, I prefer to consider the mind. That way, there is worth, and not unworthiness. For whatever God you choose to believe in, if that is your choice, then He created it, and to not use it is the greatest sin. Sheol enough.
"Global Warming" is an interesting poem, it helps bring to our attention this serious matter. There is science here, politics, geography and even a bit of humor at the end, with the reference of the quote by Bill Cosby. Things are changing, the climate is changing, ice is melting, the population is increasing. This poem is a mixture of different aspects and references, a poem that is stark and thought-provoking. Write on.
There's something fascinating about "saturday's bulemic cat", a poem that entertains and at the same time causes a head tilt but with a profound smile. This twists your mind while at the same time tickles it; one of my favorite lines is "performing sleek, black yoga in the sun,..." Modern verse to be sure, enigmatic yet penned to supply both domestic and prurient images, more than what the cat drug in.
When I got to the end of "Shifting Sands" I immediately thought of The Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" and the famous line there, using that word which the writer uses here, making the assertion using that word. At first I disagreed, thinking in reality's terms, but then thought perhaps the writer speaks of the relationship; I think that's it. It ends on a provocative note to be sure. This poem is 2 stanzas of 8 lines each, with a lot of philosophic questioning. To me the flow is somewhat of a struggle, especially the first stanza, but still the poem is above average and is thought provoking. I would like to see some punctuation but that's just me; it doesn't affect the green dot in the circle. Read this poem and see what is there and what is not. The cold hearted orb may rule the night, but we decide which is right.
"My Heart Ache" is a pretty passionate poem where the writer expresses deep and sincere feeling about her husband. There is a lot of anatomy here, with emphasis on chest and breathing. For example, the writer loves, "...to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath you take." The 10 lines flow well, and I don't detect any spelling or syntax errors. It's a nice poem, but I am just a little critical of line (7) with the phrase, "...hearts and breaths sync up to become one." That sounds a bit odd, but I'll ask if that's done deliberately. Is that a deliberate play on words there? (Opposing words) Just curious, but if so I don't think it's in keeping with the poem, which is all right. You put in good and sincere emotion.Thanks for sharing, welcome, and write on!
"Reminiscing" is an excellent poem. Not only does this flow well, and is a joy to read, but it conveys a strong and well-structured message. This is very good writing; right from the first line, "I used to be a soldier on the battlements of life", it continues on like a powerful river, deep, on its way to a life-filled ocean. There is ample meat here at this poetic repast. One of the remarkable things is that each line is 14 syllables for the most part; this writer had much to say and says it well. Wonderful write, it does not swerve...you maintain the nerve. Write on.
"3 W's" is a poem divided into 3 stanzas, the first one about "wishing" the second one about "wanting" and then the third about "waiting". It is a poem from the heart, about love (or perhaps more specifically about desire) in that the writer wishes someone "were here to hold me tight". That exact sentiment in repeated in the second stanza, in the "wanting" stanza. The writer wants this someone to "lay by my side forever" and also waits for this someone to "...come lay beside me", you get the idea. This is a pretty simplistic poem, well expressed but could use a bit more zest of creativity. Perhaps there could be more of a "show" instead of tell, for example in line (7) where: "wanting to feel your love surround me", some specificity here might be just the thing, for "love surround me is pretty vague. I'm just suggesting some images, something we can see, i.e., lips, muscular arms, blue eyes. and so on. But it is sincere and well stated, closing with a one line sentiment separated from the third stanza. All 3 W's are there, tying the poem together. Write on.
This is quite good with vivid images and a mixture of tangible with intangible. Some fine phrases: "...clean smell of skywater (sic)", "...strong scent of lilac across the bedclothes". The rain, as a metaphor to encourage thought and reflection. You veer very well at poem's end, highlighting with even more color an already rainbow piece. One error, in line (20), a typo where you have "pf", should be "of". This is fine work, ending with sparkle and fine-tuning; last few lines renovate the cellar walls.
"My Love" is a bittersweet poem, reminiscing on a love. It is 20 lines long divided into 5 stanzas. It flows pretty good and invokes emotion. The last stanza is the best, unforced and sharp, with a unique ease. However, the fourth stanza needs some work, as line (16) is rather awkward and redundant. Rework this and this poem will shine much brighter. Good effort, write on.
Would you mind repeating that? Or, I can just say, hey, that was a mouthful! "Sins of saints" is a poem that combines words like DNA molecules into living organisms sucking sweet foxfire nectar from the depth of forest no human eye has seen. It is on an Everest ledge, where wheezing is prevalent due to thin air, and phrases are the climb. I love many of the words: "synergistic", "isomer", "serpentine". Now, here's a word to put in your lunch box: "phonoaesthetically"; Okay, all right, uh huh. I must confess I do not know of Saul Williams, but it's good to know he has warrior women. At any rate, credit for this effort albeit an unclear one. There are some good phrases; I'll be thinking of the "octopus king". Keep writing, try something a little more clear and down to Earth. And if poetry is not in line, there's always the PDR.
"Couldn't see the pain" is a poem in paragraph form that speaks of an emotional fall (regarding love) and then a subsequent "rise from those ashes ("I picked myself up..."). The writer is grateful: "I want to thank you for showing me that I could love again." I would suggest re-writing this in poetic form. Correct the word "sawl" (should be "saw"). Also, the last line would, I think, be more effective simply, "I want you to know that I'm glad you love me for who I am." With brevity comes power. Think it over, write on.
A well structured tribute to grandmothers. Yes, it is easy to relate to, as my Mom is 92 now and in a home and she is a grandmother who gave a lot. To those it was extended to is not always reciprocated, as is the sad case. I stay steadfast, being the sole agent but that is just fine. A very solid and sincere piece, well done.
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