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126
Review of Tales of Terror  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)

*Snow2* FEBRUARY 3, 2011

Good morning, Lottie, For the life of me, I tried and tried to read this in one spot without the right left mouse click on my PC .. then I tried it in print .. but it apears too large. Well, now I have it, by jove.

Okay, your TALE OF TERROR FORUM/ CONTEST offers adequate prizes, word length determined at this point from your forum answer for such a defining of the game at hand. Yippee, owrd length not shorty shortness, sneezing tiny word count --- open with a suggestion for judge preference. NICE!!

The prompt is explicit and values of such a thing become wildly speculative. Maybe this borders on the like the character, writing advise which overall generally refers to main characters, not villians. Yes, the surprise for this reader fully hits moi @ two important aspects of your contest theme this month.

Suggested commentary based on an opinion --

RE: The Blood Countess -- Yes, I also researched this fiend, evident @ "Invalid Item"  sorry not sure which entry at that spot -- back in 2008, maybe.

Don't feel that this is the type of character to insist that writers portray a 'sympathetic' ken for, nor any of the other things you mention in your promt here as being equal to a fondness for 'serial killing.' In many cases, as we know --- Writers need not have their hands tied too tightly with prompts. Yes, granted one could dabble with a story or a contest entry and in this case it might also be wise to quote a biblio reference at the end of said submission or perhaps also for your findings introducing this months prompt. Citations can often send folks looking in all directions. Yet -- this one's past to my knowledge comes historically with a ton of un-recorded and uncited biographical data. Be that as it may, suggesting that neither readers nor writers fall into a mislabeled assumption that all characters must be liked. That is bogus information, hon.

And of course, always to each his own, those words -- sympathetic explaining at that section of the contest intro -- really threw this author for a loop. Logically one encounters the dislike side for the above mentioned prompt. Ah well, maybe you meant something else entirely. Unsure.

Cordially, TEFF still easily shocked..

Best ahead all year, good luck, perhaps a slight re-read and possible re-edit are needed here. Suggesting that as well.
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127
Review of Green Thumb  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

FEBRUARY 3, 2011

"GREEN THUMB" arrives on http://www.writing.com from the portfolio of Jonas. This flash fiction, English Compostition, pen is tangled with plants in the theme of a boogey man type .. where else but in a basement. We see flash backs to a bit of the same old when stories & movies link humans to rather odd contraptions for experimentation sake. Plus, a recent look @ Extraterrestrial abduction on the I-net -- gives info which could be kinda similar to this tale of dastardly deeds. Yes, awful, yet out there for the non squeamish, opf course. And plenty of variations, indeed.

Now, the funny thing is that while we speak the tiny, three letter word "get" is taking over predicates around the globe. So, in order to not stuff a Dagwood, Verb Sandwich with the silly get usage, like onions & relish -- we see so much of, and speak, and read, and know publishing houses accept .. these sly get adaptions, these days. Tis true!

Let's consider for the sake of better vocab choices .. The following ---

Suggestions --


@ get up to the fence --- approach
@ getting closer -- nearing

@ getting out --- moving out or away
@ got to the door --- came to the door

Wondering about: " ... egging him on silently" Do you mean gestures? What gestures?

get thicker -- Especially RE: the plants --- try: grew thicker.

Well, not a bad contest entry and a fun to read story which can indeed also fit into Adolescent LIT or Young Adult (YA LIT)

*snow* Best all month, write away this winter --- Sure, beware heavy snow ...

Cordially, TEFF
128
128
Review of HuMan  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

January 25, 2011

Hello again, dear poet.

This morning, Embe wrote me a poem. When poets compliment poets things take off in these parts.

Since, I couldn't resist another back-to-back review of your work, humour laden again as it be, sending the second rev. Thus hoping you won't mind ...

THUS, once more, decided to read more of your work, hit upon: HuMan.

Great poem. Dare one think -- honest to a fault?

When dogwood212 crafts the clincher line it is well presented per placement ---

Namely: "I lie alot' --- Then you had me, hon. All fictionists are prone to such idiosnycrasy. Don't you know?

Sure you do this genre is marked -- personal.

Thanks for another fine rendition.

Cordially, TEFF

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129
Review of Hearts So Big  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

JANUARY 25, 2011

HEARTS SO BIG hits the tarmac on Auto Rewards, p 15 .. sorry almost lost count .. cruising here on http://www.writing.com

My first question RE: this fine poem from the perspective of a five year old is about the diaper .. oh .. yikes. Most out of those things by age two? Now, that I accidentally put my proverbial, tiny foot in it again ... am thinking .. oops ...

Well, HEARTS SO BIG bespeaks of a type of a happy-go-lucky sort of narrative ..

Then, too, checking genre. *Check* Ah, Emotional forever covering so much these days.

Who doesn't *love* a poem which sets itself apart & makes one ponder.

Cool, pen. Thanks for posting open, catch you later. Inviting formally to "Invalid Item"  undergoing renovations.
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Review of The Promised Land  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

JANUARY 25, 2011, THE TUESDAY ==

Hello to Kat47 --

This is a fine poem. Today, we've about seven inches of snow on the ground, while soil is hard to picture. Everything as blue tinted as the sky abvove. Simply a little sharing.

Now RE: TREASURES OF THE LORD, love this poem, mainly for feel of the characters, both action and their expressive joy. Seeing land and owning same is quite the biggy in any circumstance. Although, this is a past/ historical rendition, you do it great justice by capturing the moment.

Gald to see you in a creative mood. Maybe my prediction will come true in 2011. The best ones are here to stay and ready to recive more of the very talented.

Cordially, TEFF
Oh, please come visit and bring the first new post --- @ "Invalid Item" 

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131
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

JANUARY 5, 2011

JEALOUSY SPINS OUT OF CONTROL from the pen of Kathie Stehr is a troublesome, tragic story about two sisters as evident in the author's intro. Here are the comments from TEFF witten in this review as meant to be author-to-author as well a part of the invisible audience, which all writers who post online undoubtedly may reach.

Tiny Typo @ an gifted -- artcle a

At one point in the story -- Philip's painings "brought forth emotions in their owners."
Correct me if wrong, taking a guess, perhaps, Kathie, you wanted to elaborate on this a bit more. I hope story length/ word count didn't prevent this from happening. When same premise resurfaces --- one portrait buyer changes to a "healthy diet." Not quite the same but an issue which may be an aside to play around with a bit more for it offers an interesting insight.

Now @ "slightly sarcastic." I'll tell you plain, hon. Most sarcastic types are usually holding back out here in society land. Not because we're avoiding humour but due politeness. The quote is average wit, not sarcastic, my opinion of course.

Comparison ploy of gasoline to champagne is classic. Wonderful, well done!

Allright, folks may notice, there comes a day when we are faced with verb sandwiches. My coined term for too many action words (including infinitives) in a predicate or inside a sentence. Now, the world accepts without objection --- these extra addition of the silly little word "get" to almost anything. This dates back to slang origins when "get it?" === meant understanding. However, the word is not a vocab enricher by any means. And "get" replaces quite a bit in published works of print. So we either swim away from "get" or not. We meaning writers.

So shall now address some substitutes RE: a bit of get overuse inside JEALOUSY SPINS OUT OF CONTROL, a fine piece of fiction, read start to finish while enjoying ALL of the plot.

Okay -- Kathie? Are your ready?

@ get back at --- try spite/ retaliate?

to get a laugh --- for a laugh

to get a drink (lots of perpositions in that sentence BTW) -- retrieve/ reach for a drink

baby is getting --- baby takes/ receives

get out of this --- escape this

were getting to her --- were overpowering/ overwhelming?

could not get her -- could not convince

to go back // return

get help -- therapist? find for get

Okay this concludes the crossword puzzle replacements. Best luck in all future edits.

Cordially, TEFF

"Invalid Item"  Home of the Monthly Newsletter on the Craft we love so well.
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132
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

JANUARY 3, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, KAT47!

BLACK ICE UNDER PURE SNOW, a really short flash fic truly provides a moral of the story. Glad to hear this take on the bar scene, plus your way of telling it with dialogue which even seems to surprise the customers.

Niiiiiiice!

Best for future pens all through our new year.

Cordially, TEFF

Calling for Editors @ "Invalid Item" 
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133
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
JANUARY 3, TWENTY TEN
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you & yours, dear author.

Overall, time spent with one's nose in books, shows readers in many cases that stories need not always contain specifics of the blow-by-blow.

Finding this method used throughout shall become the basis of this critique. Many things in fiction are automatically taken for granted.

As -- when Willow puts Tarot down. The Green Witch of Gloucester isn't up on the rooftops of the splendid cottage pictured in this flash fiction. She's in the kitchen, which of course has a floor.

Then, for the kitten "Tarot" we also read:

"never wondering too far for too long." Briefly exploring also a given for newly arrived kittens.

Let us look at a few things which could be cut down, in order to perhaps (if the author so desires at this writing, a future edit or when approaching another story) a medium of fast track deletions re: that blow-by-blow method .. thus supplying room for setting, etc.

Do keep in mind, Diane, that for the sake of the story (other pens) these author-to-author hints are meant to acheive a knowledgeable basis for scripting fiction short stories which transgress adolescent fiction. My esrtwhile pardon for sounding a bit of the perpetual windbag today. Yet, we are certainly encouraged on http://www.writing.com to voice opinions via reviews sent.

Let us move to:

IN CHRONOLGIOCAL ORDER OR NEARLY:

SECOND PARAGRAPH: @ "beautiful, copper-colored hair" ---

TEFF suggests: Never fear standard word: auburn. If using copper, taken for granted meaning of color. Then no need for hyphenated copper-colored.

Plus do recall, we're leaving the bit of a mouthful trend seen here in WILLOW, THE GREEN WITCH OF GLOUSTER, a happy-go lucky, good witch tale, to be sure

@ " ... she yelled, as she rinsed her hands ..."

Brevity supports trying --- she yelled, rinsing her hands ...

QUESTION: Is "life-everlasting" an herb? Kept trying to remember, yes or no. So, perhaps supply data, please.

typo @ passersby == :passers-by

Most times characters of witches are spiritual by nature and not tending toward materialistic, therefore not avid shoppers. So, doubtful that kitty litter would be store bought. Especially in a "dense forest" where leaves, sand or soil is available. A realistic type feedback. No harm intended, simply a comment.

When reaching the note, see how the author wishes to put this inside quotes, by also using the ploy of Willow reading the note "aloud." Fine really --- but can be simplified for the invisible audience out here as ---

Note: " xxxx whatever /// witten from Roland. *Heart* the Pennsylvanian type name of Roland, and yes, I knew a real Roland. Rather an old fashioned name, so glad to see it used.

Also, once used the surname of Bartholomew --- so you present Willow Bartholomew, quite a ring .. excellent.

You know we are constantly encouraged via WDC newsletters to move the story forward, so that gauntlet comes into play as sentences form into paragraphs in a true sense by statements to that effect.

Now we behold --- oh my oh my --- " ... witch-know-before-you-should crap" from daughter, character Penney --- we must think alike, I love the name Penny. Anyways, please excuse, silly ole Miss Teffy, dear Diane. But do you mean: ESP --- intuition or clairvoyance?

A casserole dish is usually glass --- so you can save the adjective of glass.

The brunch seems rather shared by giants or less mannerly ladies who are "forking in by the mouthful --- "poking" at their food with "a slender finger" and "shoveling in a generous mouthful." If the ladies, Witch Willow and Penney are over anxious with hefty appetites is implied --- that indeed became my impression.

What probably has happened here is a means of replacing ordinary, adequate lingo with synonyms, or not. Eh, one can never tell.

LOVE -- adore the basic word "nowadays" --- this may generally sum the goings on. Glad you chose nowadays which is not all that popular currently. However, the word nowadays always sets the reader right there in the story -- in this case @ Willow's table.

The magic jar is a nice touch, practically countering the abrupt details for a miscarriage, which seemed to enter the story too fast, BTW. Oddly a touch of the personal informationalized for the many .. us, an audience which may turn a bit squeamish. Most likey not the writer's intention.

Let a reader assume "ball cap" -- means baseball cap which is probably the correct fashion term, I venture to guess.

Nice touch on the clairvoyant dream re: a name called in the night (dreamscape wise) and the lawn addition notable in this contest entry.

Presentation here is easy on the eye and most attractive due an artful font.
Well, thanks for sharing, thanks for posting and am certainly looking forward to reviewing more from your portfolio whenever more fiction pieces surface.

TA TA!
Rev sent
Cordially from TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

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Review of Multivalence  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
JAN 2, SUNDAY, TWENTY ELEVEN!!!

Dan Sturn brings to the table of http://www.writing.com an article titled: MULTIVALENCE.

Sturn wafts between third person, hailing a muse, details reasons art can be taken as a spritual quest, admits he works in information security ... referred to by TEFF as a "middle man" occupation between PC manufacturers and ISPs.

What we can agree to agree upon (oh let us hope so, at least) is that art is individualized. Belief in a muse is fine and reasons are outlined here. However, let us never forget that environmental, geographic happenstance and educational backgrounds play a huge part in future poetic creations as well dabbling in fiction from various genre.

The quoted list here is appreciated and fits the piece to a tee. Thus, one may observe how well, Mr Sturn has done his homework, the filling of the scenes (the article per se) from behind the scene.

Now when all is said and done, we can be the best of the best, talented and still never measure up to: "The most basic way that man emulates God is in creation." Say what, Dan?

Well, love to exchange all day, but do recall enjoying pieces from BOTTLE IN A RIVER.

Here, Dan Sturn, poet, outlines what works for him while he kindly shares a personal slice of life as is stated in this work, overall a pleasant view but far from realistic methinks. Oh, for heaven's sakes, excuse me Dan. MY WEBSTER'S JUST STOOD UP ON TWO VERY LARGE FEET and began spouting at moi. Must run, decided to listen .. an action you indicate is nec for writing.

Best again this year -- all year long. Happy TWENTY ELEVEN, dear sir.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

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135
Review of Darkness  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

"Entering http://www.writing.com in the poetic arena, from a newbie member arrives, yet another stab at explaining (mayhap expelling) darkness of the mind --- although the scripter mentions --- 'soul' in the intro. This type of poetry is common fare among folks who couple words and are not seeking relevance --- just completion sometimes. Or we are in a world which is replete with those writing depressive things?

Listen, to Joe Public, writers as well SilverMist, above ---

This poem: DARKNESS also includes the repeated "get up and run" as a misplaced refrain. For those seeking to toss the bothersome word 'get' at every turn ... try rise or stand .. well just a suggestion.

Happy Holidays ... great luck in the New Year. 12/26/10 -- REV SENT

Cordially from TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Empty Vessel  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

DECEMBER 26, SUNDAY

HELLO, HOPE today finds you warm and well on the Feast of Stephen.

OF: EMPTY VESSEL --- Caught this while editing "Invalid Item"  an in progress chore, so it appears.

Now ... AT: "get others to think" --- try working in enable/ ponder ..., your choice, hon. All because the world at large is moving away from overuse of the word: get. Oddly enough "get" attaches itself through constanly reading "get" as a substitute for --- be/ have/ become. Which kinda then morphs into the makings of less overwordy verb sandwiches. A verb sand ME: too many action words strung together like a large hoagie.

Well, next up ---

THE COMPLIMENT --

Knowledge of the potter's craft truly bursts from the page.

THE SUGGESTION ---

If you take a moment to enlarge this flash ... perhaps and up to yourself as owner of the product --- EMPTY VESSEL -- without a doubt ...

Maybe ??? Add emphasis on the female character. A customer, a browser, an employee? Unsure.

OH & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

REV sent from TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Alchemy  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

SHOCKTOBER 29, 2010

Hello, to Laurel Harmony ---Welcome to http://www.writing.com.

Now, let's see. Your introduction appears onto the newbie section, too the far left column, lower half ... do you see where I mean, Laurel?

Okay, there you bespeak of CDs, cool stuff and books.

Alas, expected an article .. Yet: Here in your poem ALCHEMY one finds the word familiar, as an adjective detailing books. The ones unread also quite intriguing often enough.

Like the poem, read it a few times. Put a little midi background out there into cyber space, while taking in those four lines. Agreeable, fine sentiment.

Thanks for sharing. Oh, BTW, offering and inviting you to check at you leisure, of course: "Invalid Item"  .. open and calling for poetry and other submissions, if you've an interst in onsite contests of value and worth.

Well, HAPPY HALLOWEEN, dear and to one and all reading hourly or once in a while on PRP.. That's wc speak for Pulic REView Pg, Harmony.

OPEN: "Invalid Entry" 

Rev sent ... Cordially, from TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

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138
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewing for FRONTLINERS

OCTOBER 24, SUNDAY

WOW! THIS ONE really picks up that special beat, we find inside quality poetry.

Here, lines offered via AND THE SAID FOREVER portray a fine rendidition which meets your into, of cheering a friend. Much bettr than a myopic lecture which folks tend to block out. Better this offering, which should touch a eloquently waxxed cord.

Thanks for posting.

Liquid Breath, dear, TEFFY's --- Accepting poetry @ "Invalid Item" 

Consider yourself invited to jump right in.

Plus: Welcome to http://www.writing.com. do enojoy Autumn around here, which tends to become a bit scary with tricks & treats.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
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139
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

10/20/ 2010

Hello there, Bear -- see

the name Gibbons at poem's closing. Now, here's the deal --- I truly feel that if you're (or anyone else) presenting on Auto Rewards that lil ole Miss Teffy shall not in point of fact be the first to offer minor corrections for this fine rendition.

JUST ONE HEART AND NO END, taken at face value also provides a look into a private appeal from the speaker's viewpoint. Sad, as this may be, to be left etc -- the romance in quitting status --- all here within touching verse --- even -- reaching toward the other mate --- all these lines then becoming the poem's content.

llllllllllllll SIDEBAR: llllllllllllllllllll We are in a new era of sorts @ http://www.writing.com. Changes were made, things such as members online often show an upswing from say --- June's 100 to today's 400. Examples, mind. So, all good. Yes? Including this here, since emailing is not the most obedient of creatures and saving a bit of time. Hope this communication is allright with you, dear. llllllllllllll

However, while reviewing am blown away by minor mistakes from many writers lately, this month of October. So as we proceed, let us look upon the following for any future re-edit spates, while you turn toward the clock at your house, toward corrections at your discretion. (You won't believe the nerve of this squirell at my window. Oh he's bold, I tell you, Gibbons or Bear --- Sorry, I digress.)

In chronological order --

then to talk --- then (here) === than

were not === we're not
your afraid == you're
others === other's
Then why === Than

Thinking of blogging, must run. Dear poet, by all means enjoy Autumn. You are most cordially invited to visit --

"Invalid Item" 

Thanks for reading.
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Review of Passion's sake  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

10/20/2010

*Pumpkin* Good monring, Wordgoddess,

PASSION'S SAKE, if read as slow as mollasses & aloud almost reaches out from the page and shakes one at the roots, due to eloguence of verse, created by YOU! You see, this box above asks my opinion, and this equates to a deep appreciation for traditional poetry found in your portfolio.

Now, as per passion -- as topic -- these words can fit something we may find ourselves doing most often. And this too allows readers to fit their hobbies or (e.g.) surrendering to the craft of writing also into the kit and caboodle of the poem's essence.

Note: your pen name change for this date. Often, we see tons of these, as they tend to fall about at similar times, I'm afraid. Last year and in 2010, TEFF (That's ME) took a major look at I-net stats in an overall undertaking. That subject is great for insomnia, BTW. There are a few things we can do these days to protect the precious PC if that is the case. Well, hope to hear from you. Good luck in resolving any fleeting nuances re: ISPs.

Cordially, TEFF

PS: Accepting poetry at the Second Annual

"Invalid Item" 

Please stop by, shall be very glad to receive you.
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Review of No Way, José  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


10/20/2010

Why hello there, Miss Shannon,

Certainly did enjoy reading NO, WAY, JOSE, and shall proceed to supply a few comments.

The story is great, especially like all twists to comedic asides when sometimes you present an opposite slant, which totally comes off as funny.

Yes, feel no sympathy for the main character, since it is fiction. Mr. Vernon, after all, is smitten by a pretty face.
Later, he's rather in the right or wrong place for him, at least.

All of the intro for his observations when initially encountering Pilar are really swell, reading like when a private eye theme work falls upon the gorgeous babe. The cool drink of water, shall we say?

The Lady's name, Pilar and all the rest of her given appelate is stunning. I wonder if you left any out there? Hee hee.

Favorite line: One among many --- Attribute tie for Vernon -- when this first person narrator admits his "most dangerous thing" ... "was riding my bike ..." "without a helmet."

Lot's of times these days folks are moving away from grade school flashbacks, but do understand usefulness --- as to outline weakness of character .. physically?

Fabulous detail @ "six-eyed stink bug."

Now, a few words on my bugaboo presented via NL on ADC "Invalid Item" 

Namely: overuse of get & got

At: hair got hung --- no got nec --- Her hair hung ... is perfectly fine, saving reader.

to get it --- try: have it --- (as this is Gabe's costume, then it is a get up. See, get is always upon us. Hard to shake.)

gets off === enjoys

"she was going to get it" -- is a classic verb sandwich. Coined by TEFF in 2005/ a verb sandwich is a straight predicate substitute with too many additions. Like ham & mayo on rye with lettuce, onions, relish. I usually offer that so one remembers, although writers say it makes them race to the fridge for a Dogwood Sand of their own making.

Cordially, TEFF

PS: Glad you won this contest you mention in the intro. Congrats, there.

Maybe you've time to --- Try winning this one, as well, hon.

OPEN, Second Annual:

"Invalid Item" 

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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

October 19, Tuesday

Hello, Vee ...

Before tackling this review, which shall at once border on the same premise one discovers when joining Library Reading Groups, let us first touch base. TEFF's been writing seriously since 1999. Won one short story contest in 2006 for cash. Yeah, I was grateful.

So --- RE: your story RACIAL MISUNDERSTANDING, I am hoping that the fast track ending was not due to a word count cutoff. Avoiding those is easy to do. Just say no. They do say a short story is finished when it is done --- thus no hassle to fit into a pigeon hole mode. Well, sorry, I digress.

The flashback section for the patient could possibly (not etched in concrete) be separated a bit more slowly -- as offered it comes on a tad too fast.

Now, this store, wow, rather reminds me of the PA originator akin to pleasant & posh department stores. Namely: Boscovs.

Next, the first thing overhead in the hook areana is what I began to call, and coined as "body lingo cliches." You begin with the "squared shoulder" (perhaps a mark of pride or plain old good posture.)

Same hook paragraph, bitten lip, knot in tum, raised chin. Much of these are leaving LIT lickety-split.

When the character requests aide from the cashier, can almost see that exchange. Can't help but side with her then for both emotions. Who doesn't stick their foot in it now and then? Tell me -- we both know the perfect person? And I shall say --- hey, honey chile, maybe that entity is not so prideful, after all.

This is a good read and fits contemprary realism. Thanks, now, you may write back to me, please and tell me about yourself (if you like) as in writer to writer.

VEE --- Have the wonderful AUTUMN.

Open for submissions again this year @ "Invalid Item"  and I hope you will visit this contest soon.

Cordially, TEFF
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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

OCTOBER 19, 2010

Hello again, Ozhan

Please allow me to comment on your story, which has the very catchy title of CROSS BREEDING LILIES. Going over http://www.writing.com's Guidelines for Reviewing notations, I see nothing there that stipulates how one must address only the semantics of each bitem one chooses to read.

However, carefully not giving the ending of this falsh fiction away is one of my concerns. It would be better for readers to grasp it all on their own as members of an online audience for this digital work.

The point of your story, CROSS BREEDING LILIES is obvious, and borders on not looking back, forever and a day. Decades pass before the son makes any contact at all with his father, and the tale handles that peculiar sadness with adroit aplomb. Surprise comes when the older man, the father lets go any disappointment previously harbored.

Then too, you see fit to include here, what is on many minds prior to Nov elections. And yes, agree, as you show it quite bravely, that prejudice and majority led Public Relations (known as mass media/ Corporations --- here in the states) have really no place in handpicking whomever wins the race.

The garden manual, the fellow fiddling with his glasses, his tiredness --- all show he still has vim within his own homeland and a steady capacity to enjoy his life.

Thank you for posting this, it is indeed a most enjoyable story.

Cordially, TEFF
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Review of If Only  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

SHOCKTOBER 19, 2010

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Hey, Mr Holder --- Read your "rap song" IF ONLY with holding an allusive challenge to ID a known rap song. For some reason instead of musically thinking rap thought hard rock. Well, at this point --- balancing a coffee and pepsi in one hand, since I was on the way out the door ... thinking about ""If only ..

Yet to zero in on what going on around moi while reading -- with only a quarter mile post in the sight of my binocs at the same time thinking now of my own volitio: hard rock, rap an OOOOOOOOoooooooopsssss. UH OH!!! Come on now? Putting down a keyboard, walking to the glass ---- Nooooooooh !!! NNNNooooooo NO!!! He didn't? The horse on the inside rail just fell over, hon ... now ... with all due respect. Gotta hand it to you ... but, hey, Kid? Kid! --- we all need family, y'all.

Go to:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1518804 by Not Available.


Anyone may --- Join us with some wildly acceptable poetry submissions or ... Please come up the house, Mr Holder, won't you just?

Click, scuse emwah. On the way to the ticket window.
Until next time:
REV sent from April Sunday

Above a former scary sig, simply a decoration. Jake, dear --- write and tell me what song, please. I've a midi on some of my things online.

Ta Ta!
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Review of A Shared Secret  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

OCTOBER 18, 2010
HAPPY HALLOWEEN --- EARLY FOR ALL ---

REVIEW SENT FOR: A SHARED SECRET

Review sent to: Lenna Rivoli

Post reading notes --- Although, "Shared Secrets" contains a story in the flash category, measuring less than 1,OOO words, one may ask what is the point of this story? Yes, it is a story of two lives about two murderers told in third person yet details rather lack insight. Oh then a few climax additons tell how all comes fine for the lads, Thomas and Daniel. Both raised in an unidentified wilderness. Perhaps this piece fell under the duress of a very short, word count requirement.

Initially, find this piece sparkled with perfect tense. Writers may tend to think because it occurs years ago (as this would be concurrent with storyline) had, was are appropriate in action, thus predicates.

However, instantly hauling out HODGES' HARBRACE HANDBOOK ---

Oh, will you, looky here, Lenna, Miss TEFFY's reference book is right on her desk.

Apparently plain old past tense often suffices. See: page 91, Chapter 7 -- Verbs -- "Simple past tense can replace past perfect."

Thus, in CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER --- we find:

Suggestions ---

From story start to fine' ---

@ "consumed the dark" may drop this usage of article 'the'

would not === wouldn't

had lingered === morph to lingered (sorrow still present)

body was curled -- toss was --- visual body/ appearance present

had == can use owned

father that === father whom

was dwindling == dwindled

was stong === remained strong ...

Can also seek a few synonyms for shared, as well as remaining.

Thanks fo posting.

Cordially, TEFF
*Pumpkin* Enjoy Aututm, we'll be doing the same @ "Invalid Item" 

Please visit: "Invalid Item"  anytime, dear. Glad to talk with you again this very day.
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Review of Heaven, Hell  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

*WitchHat* OCTOBER 18, 201O

*Pumpkin* Review sent to:
{accomplice } ConstanceDH

For 2009 short story, 2069 words in length, re character (father) a wounded, ex-soldier with an incident of "interrogation."

Title:
 Heaven, Hell  (E)
A brief portrait of the charismatic character of my father. Won honorable mention.
#1607323 by ConstanceDH


Post reading to the end: Constance, you are perpetually over-baiting your audience. I find the story pure fiction. You address from first person narration, without a single character identity.

Readers might simply *Check* the latter, we are already climbing a mountain via setting start ---

Where flashbacks occur from the speaker's viewpoint ... Names seem the better part of valor here for this unidentified ethnicity. Perhaps research as this worrisome narrator seems to be afraid to announce very much anyways. Yes, Teffy suggests using names as opposed to repetitous he/ she/ him/ her/ my mother, or I. You see?

Now from handwritten notes --- NO COPY PASTE @ this desk (mine)

Chronlogical Order, of course --->

<> <> <>

Opening paragraph has a strucural ken for prepositions. Now, let's say we simply take a second or third look at:

Constance, hon ---

AT: "how far as upward"
Huh?

then for mountaintop ...

"roots" perform an appearance, heading in the oposite direction. Here's what you could decide on .. if it fits and you are into a bit of clarity, of course.

Yes, hook paragraphs are paramount to continuance for both: writer and reader. No doubt.

So far ... a preposition menu- "how far as up towards" sticks in my mouth like a plethora venue of moths flipping ... to burst across the view.

Mountaintops come with these, a summit thingy. So those fly about as we double cick/ search clicky upon SYNONYM ALERT MODE.

Passed point one --- Separate the sentence into two sentences. Toss --- as many thes as humanly possible thru-out compostions. Thus: "roots sink into hell below."

Q?? Why? Why is this hellish?

Here's where you could place a partial flashback theme ...

Paragraph TWO -- can also undergo a few slices. At: the bright sun --- toss the, use sunlight ... move directly into squinting ...

Body lingo cliches are fading from better pens these days. Spicing up is always smarty up.

Much of these hooks detail the word needed -- grasping.

The story is earmarked: "parenting."

"Boulders weak in comparison --- best wording ... now an entire fam is climbing a mountain ... oh boy!

Brother "bounds"

A frowning father ends up a real smiler by climax.

AT: "calls out a hail" --- hails

Why wish for wrinkles?? --- Uhuh, nope. Unbelievable.

Don't care if a shirt attempts to identify a fashion statement from another generation due to "collared shirt." Odd word collared, me thinks.

Ahah --- here it be ---

AT SURROUND for plotlines containing scars --- move this to the top. Tell about Dad's legs, bullet holes evident as he climbs in the first paragraph. Could add zest, not disuade readers, please?

Your vocab "charisma" suggests word to center on for future edits. When HEAVEN, HELL reaches "beard" and associates with army life ... well .. simply silly in a way.

All suggestions meant for author to use as personally determined, of course. Mayhap -- toward zooming this into a more realistic & understandable without author hopes for reader guessing all along ... (even two years ... at somepoint ... oh my) I got scared, thought breakfast came and went ...and I missed out ---

Todays short stories primarily seek formidable allies among readerships --- offering via suggetions for re-editing a better piece of fiction. Good luck. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

Cordially, TEFF

OPEN FICTION BALL @ "Invalid Item" 
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Review of Best foot forward  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

OCTOBER 18, 2010

Review sent to celticroy

Review sent for: BEST FOOT FORWARD

*WitchHat* A Happy Halloween *Pumpkin* later this month, dear author.

Incidentally, your slash fiction theme does not escape this reviewer/ writer, hon. The bit about the shoes in the title and throughout is likable, by all means.

However, it comes to my attention, during reading time --- that IF this item is indeed on Auto Rewards, which it certainly is --- one would wonder about the amount of minor corrections which need be addressed here. Almost as if it is a test.

Well, here they are (below) --- as you keep in mind that yes, although after reading this item, a brief take on a home based happenstance which does involve enlistment ---

You might want to change a few things inside BEST FOOT FORWARD.

Titles presented in all caps, grab attention from an audience, if you desire building readership stats at another date.

In CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

RE: "ironing" sequence
@ chest last --- insert a comma after chest --- to read: chest, last

cant == morph to -- can't

kerb === curb

typo @ to to

@ their just right === ME: they're or they are at this juncture. Action not pronoun

AT: Paragraph starting --- I drank --- (ah yes the proverbial cup of tea/ morning send off, yawn --- sorry.

This paragraph adds too much "too." Now, certainly using adverbs or adjectives of a superlative nature might just aim to elucidate another slant for the overdone too. Poor, little too, although,
Teffy loves him too.

Although moving fine --- probably place this sentence staller inside parenthesis --
thus (who could tell?)

"yeah === Quotation begins --- must use capital Y -- for "Yeah ...

Same deal @ "says == Mistake correction === must use: "Says === Me: capital S.

Lastly, return with me now, by taking a second look at your opening or hook paragraph ---
in other words where BEST FOOT FORWARD begins. So many times we may realize throughout an average weekday --- through all seasons, that e-writing or digital writing is formulating a daring stance on the I-net.

So, with fiction we may accept a swing to remain a tad bit different from time to time. TEFF refers to this as "pushing the proverbial envelope." We will see characters waking up, almost as if that is the only way to start a story. Onsite -- aka "story sameness." Heavens, by association one may ask eventually --- what about lunch? You see? Plus, there is also the connection within this story to the sleepless night. Grammar firm, yet overdone perfect tenses in this one --- if overlooked by readers -- may be enough to mull one along. Thus, do consider the sleepy side of waking up -- to be dropped. Instead replaced with well anything racier, my friend. An author-to-author hint to contemplate during our wonderful Autumn twilights.

Cordially, TEFF
Courting submissions @ "Invalid Item" 
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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

OCTOBER 18, MONDAY
An early --- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

"A WRITER'S RESOLVE from the portfolio of ozhan is one of those flashes which in fact provides a writer with fresh and unusual material. The singleness of strict attention presents another meaning for an individual's focusing, quickly coming alive in this Maumbai setting." Review sent from teffom@wrting.com

AS TIE ... Ozhan, one of the best books, undertaken by Yours Truly in the summer of 2009 is ... SHANTARAM by Gregory David Roberts, whose excellent style clocks in @ 932 pages. Whew-ee! From: St. Martin's Press // Copyright -- 2003 -- can't beat this novel for an addictive Mumbai setting. Quite the eye-opener. Simply wondered if you had a chance to catch this one?

For A WRITER'S RESOLVE --- certainly applaud the plot which leaves one with the odd happenstance, since you accomplished the ploy of making a fiction aside believable. That subplot certainly fits the piece. Thanks for posting open.

Cordially, TEFF

Come visit @ "Invalid Item" 
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Review of October  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

OCTOBER, 15, MIDMONTH

Review sent for: OCTOBER
Review sent to: Dan Sturn, POET @ HTTP://WWW.WRITING.COM

INSIDE this fine poetry rendition we find, talk of leaves as if they are well identified friends. Observances fill a visual take as the season changes.

Now, here's something, Teff doesn't do to often.

The punctuation here is excellent. And everyone knows poetry, the allusive darling is rather hard to punctuate on any given Autumn Day.

Dan, accepting poetry again this year @ "Invalid Item"  Can't decide on a prize for this writing format, so if you've a minute or two to spare, would appreciate a suggestion.

Cordially, TEFF
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Review of Never  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

OCTOBER 11, 2010

My goodness, Tyler John ...

With a poem titled NEVER, your refrains are wildly and indeed rather specific. The poem reads well, is finely delivered, punctuation firm. Almost like shouting, stay the course there. Don't ever allow your words to "be defeated."

Welcome to http://www.writing.com. Do enjoy Halloween activities, etc.

Yes, liked the poetry.
Review sent
Cordially, TEFF

PS: Did not decide on Poetry Awards yet @ "Invalid Item"  Any suggestions, Mr Tyler?
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