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151
Review of Chuda  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

SHOCKTOBER 11, 2010

REVIEW sent to: H20
REV sent for: CHUDA

Hello, welcome to item: http://www.writng.com .. a fun website spot, carrying such spatial quarters for your brand new portfolio H2O

Certainly can read the message showing you are or were a bit tiffed. While, you particularly pen ... "Enraged ..."

RE: this poem's content line ... near poem's placement nearly the finality "I wish I could speak out ..." this makes me think rather worrisomely along the lines of why not (?) .. Since freedom of speech is a given according to th US Constitution ala for all. Even our Nation's Preamble is worth another read now & again. Gotta love "WE the people ..

And no, never thinking ... "Useless eloquent writing ..." Of course, there is such an entity. OH, YES!!! Simply up to us to embrace, find, enjoy. It is out there. "Slavage the day" wrote TEFF earlier on 10/11/10.

Well, bye for now, stay the course.

Serious poetry winners sought @

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1518804 by Not Available.


Can we expect you to stop by? Hope so.

Cordially, TEFF

"Invalid Item" 
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152
Review of Aquatic Kitties  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

OCTOBER 11, 2010

REV sent to Albert Alaniz

REV sent for: AQUATIC KITTIES

ALBERT! How nice to meet you and welcome to http://www.writing.com. Let us place the major compliment up top, before a few correction/ suggestions, just so we are on the same wave length.

<> <> <> THE COMPLIMENT:

AQUATIC KITTIES, a flash fiction pen, offers a daring conclusion paragraph. Here one sees a boldness via imagination come to light.

<> <> <> POSSIBLE SUGGESTIONS
NOTE: All sugggestions and minor corrective measures are certainly offered for the author to consider at next edit. Which are his choice to use or not use.

Your hook (which refers to the opening when we either hook the readership aka our audience, or plead quickly with them to not leave) ... contains a bit off topic, via explanation of what the first person narrator sets out to convey. Maybe you need not explain lingo & slang. Instead simply say it.

By the time one reaches "some mountains" "some small" let it be advised to drop some. Sentences are a-okay without this adjective, which BTW is wildly overdone by all of us, writing somethings sometimes. Excuse the pun, please, hon.

<> <> <> CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:

Typo @ the suddenly -- Of course -- then suddenly. Myself? I have no problem with suddenly, yet some folks tend to speak out against this adverb. Falling into the mishmash of writing without adverbs, which is NEVER a good thing to do, certainly not.

AT: "labeled as a ..." you may skip as

AT: "the highways ... may skip this the, an article

AT: informs ... RE: signs then for suggestion of a better vocab choice --- Try: beckons

AT: in a valley --- you mean another preposition, Albert. Try: into

AT: with overalls --- this can mean carrying overalls .. so do consider trying --- wearing overalls.

Mistake @ your from the city --- Correct to: you're

AT: city too ... morph to city, too.

ford need a capital F --- thus Ford

Since highway sides dwindled --- perhaps use roadside when the decription begins.

And here's the thing that may interest you, Albert. There's a wonderful short story written in ... 1996 concerning odd felines. Okay, hold the phone ... heading toward my reference bookshelf. Pulling out TEFF's paperback copy of --->

PRIZE STORIES, THE BEST OF 1997/ THE O. HENRY AWARDS, from Anchor Books Doubleday

On page 162, appears CATFACE from Arthur Bradford. Natch, loved this one to the skies, my friend. And yes, CATFACE is seventeen pages long. Lucky moi to own a copy.

CRASH!!! Uh, oh lost the bookshelf, a teetering affair .. which now must be entirely set to rights. So much for reviewing time going on a bit longer than expected. Sorry, I digress.

Well, in conclusion, best in all future writing endeavors as you fill your new portfolio. Incidentally, you are off to a good start.

Oh, almost forgot-- whether the new v10 stats are causing this problem in tons of recent pieces onsite -- or not, I do not know ... haven't the foggiest notion why. However, dear A A --- on your next look see: do observe all of your quotation marks and apostrophes came out as ??? --- question marks. This makes reading very difficult. However, I managed anyways.

Cordially, TEFF
Accepting short stories @ "Invalid Item" 
RE:open @ "Invalid Item" 
153
153
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

October 11, 2010

Good morning, Lecy, and welcome to http://www.writing.com, hope you enjoy a fun-filled quest of moving out & about into this land of many options & many works.

BROKE IT TO PIECES, is one of those tell-all poems, carrying the side of romance that cautions. Message and meaning noted. Yes, a fine rendition by all means.

One tiny typo @ hearts. You'll simply need change this to heart's at next re-edit.

Thanks for posting ..

Cordially, from TEFF

RE-OPEN/ but changes like wind volition @ "Invalid Item" 
154
154
Review of Faded  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

OCTOBER 11, 2010

REV sent to: SpiritRaven
Offering, FADED

YES! FADED is indeed one of those beautiful poems. Oh, heavens to Betsy, now I missed the NEWBIE column intro as I clicked off someplace else. Sorry ---

When one reads this a wonderment of sorts invades the space between the ears meant to grasp a well conditioned pause. Which poetry often demands.

Cordially, TEFF

PS: Accepting original/ seasonal poetry @ "Invalid Item"  *Check* us out, Spirit Raven. Do stop by and feel free to post any poetry entries which you write for this contest. Bye, nice to meet you and a fond welcome to http://www.writing.com
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155
Review of Remember Me Not  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

SHOCKTOBER 11, 2010

REV sent for: REMEMBER ME NOT!

REVIEW sent to Joy aka Mary Ellen Herrera.

Welcome to http://www.writing.com,
Miss Mary Ellen.

Your poem sticks in the mind, a good thing. You outline those trapped years spent in a crowd, namely that graduating class per say. Then lines address them as the poem's intro indicates.

Do wonder perhaps, although exclamation points are okay as is, the few question marks seem out of place and should perhaps simply be changed to declarative sentences. Your call, of course.

The result for readers is a fondenss, with a bit of an apologetic cast here and there as it rings with vivid expression this sum of all parts.

Very good, thanks for posting. Since recently doing bio raiding @ one of my groups, am kinda interested in site navigation, of which I hope you blend easily. Now, shall *Check* your bio box and very nice to meet you, hon.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

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156
Review of free fall  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

OCTOBER/ SHOCKTOBER 6, 2010

REV for: FREE FALL, a brief poem by owLeYes

REV sent from April Sunday

OWL Eyes ... Welcome to http://www.writing.com & nice to meet you.

The poem realy, really talks of a free falling aspect, given in the title ... a good detailed account actually

Oh, my goodness, this reader simply needs more wording on that life change -- or "new chapter in life" as mentioned for this title's introduction other than "What if?"

All okay, without a doubt. As poetry remains to stand once more as our mischievously enduring friend.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
157
157
Review of Life to Eternity  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

OCTOBER 6, 2010

Hello, Paul and a fond welcome to to the writing/ reading train they call http://www.writing.com.

Glad you poem is now online here, and certainly right on track.

OF: LIFE TO ETERNITY ... Yes, sounds swell, does bespeak of both nouns ... yet lingers off topic a little bit ... as if a sidestepping version from the poem's linear introduction.

Reading the third time, am suggesting ... the following for an upcoming edit, if this fits and you decide upon a possible change ... of course.

AT: unto a death

Perhap go with a stanza break and begin the second stanza with "Unto ..." Do you see where I refer?

*Pumpkin* Well, best all gorgeous Autumn to you and yours.

Cordially, TEFF

RE-OPEN @ "Invalid Item"  where yesterday talked about the funeral of a friend. Heavens, how eerie is that? What a world, huh?

PS: In a big way this is a very comforting poetry rendition. Thanks, Paul.
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158
Review of The Snake  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

OCTOBER 6, 2010

HELLO there, Brei,

Welcome to your new portfolio home @ http://www.writing.com

Your poem, THE SNAKE, supplies no reason for the mother-of-the-bride to dislike the fellow in question.

As we know, only if this is a scene, true life or story-poetry what comes about in content, can instigate the above quest.

Be all this aside, the poem contains fine rhyme. Sometimes as poets we can use punctuation, caps at the line start --- or not. If using punctuation, best to be consistant. So, before "my child" party addressed, one needs the standard salutation comma.

*Leaf* THE COMPLIMENT

AND here is the best thing about this poem. Sequence of words: "run" coupled with "husband." Which leaves the entire poem in my head. For this is what one wants from a read --- rememberance of the tale.

Thanks for posting.

Cordially, TEFF Wildly on a roll @ "Invalid Item" 

Oh & Brei, poetry accepted @ "Invalid Item"  Hope to see you there.
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159
Review of A Quiet Day  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

SHOCKTOBER 6, 2010

Good Morning, K Steddy, and welcome to http://www.writing.com ---

WHERE, hopefully you shall navigate this site swell, enjoy poetry contest, etc.

Now: OF: THE MIST

Believe it or not, I think Stephen King used this same title for a novel. Let me *Check* --- Yupper-doo, found in a bookcase here at the house ... THE MIST from publisher: Signet Books, copyrt @ October 2007 .. This particular Stephen King thriller made it to Hollywood. As we may concur -- the movie goes b the same title.

I am so sorry to be unable to supply a title suggestion for you at ths time. So, you may want to re-address this poem at that point.

Also: Accepting poetry @ "Invalid Item"  and hope you visit there soon.

I like your poem. The scene comes thru loud & clear ... right up to silence and bird visual. Do recall spell *Check* for: whipping.

Best during all your future,
Autumn creations.

Cordially, TEFF
RE-OPEN @ "Invalid Item"  with even more shady behind the scenes info for all Halloweeny
genre needs.

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160
Review of Take Out  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

October, 5, 2010

"Yo, Pennywise ...way to go ...
As TAKE OUT details

Via first person narration flash with a total outlook: who --- WHO??

WHO done it?

Intro slightly off key, prior to clicking upon --- kinda looks like an article with wording bait --- @ "I wonder why?" Simply a premise before reading.

Well, do find the tale pertains to this unsolved crime ..

Wonder where you elicit your favorite Ripper stories. Tons of folks into this spin-off genre, dubbed Ripperology.
"Invalid Item" 

Why never caught == speculative.

Noh!!! Not The ______- inside the realm! Oh, my.

Thanks for including a Ripperology link inside this scary, vernacular toned pen which brings back some factual names @ "Mary". JTR fans may note similarities, to be sure. I did. Bold red letters offers a nice touch as well. Timely via horror genre for October, of course.

Goodness, bit queezy --- All prior to breakfast. Heavens, plus NOW OPEN @ "Invalid Item" 
Stop over @ "Invalid Item" 
Enjoy, the season, dear.

Oh, your quotation marks are question marks, very hard to read.

Ah, well --- from Oct 2005/ testing ...

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REV sent from April Sunday
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161
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

WED. September 22, 2010
FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN
Post Sept 11, 2001 -- nine years later.

Nathaniel, Thank you for posting this poem on http:www.writing.com.

Not everyone here applauds those villians --- now at long last actually SOMEWHAT revealed as in listed --- inside July 2010's Washington Post Series from Dana Priest: "TOP SECRET AMERICA" ... also a website.

OH and Nathaniel --- here's A tiny tie-in reaction after reading your new item. Writers may look ahead, never forget the past, know US history. We must inform not hide. Or so they say --- those in the know, the citizen, not the corp or think tankers.

Readers should know there's no spin here in WILL YOU STOP NOW?

AN ABSOLUTE FIVE STAR PEN!!!

WHILE, historical background observations in this prose/ warning/ protest type poem are supplied.

Thanks for posting open & WELCOME onboard, onsite.

And please feel free to poetry on @ "Invalid Item"  where an annual call for submissions is underway.

Oh & FYI --- Click the Post article mentioned here -- intriguing? You bet!

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

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162
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

SEPTEMBER 22, 2010
THE FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN

REV sent from teffom@writing.com

REV written for:

 Finding Light in the Darkness  (E)
An Epiphany devotion for Christian teachers
#1709390 by Melissa May


"Within this eloquent yet down to planet E piece, one beholds devotional suggestions, addressses to "kids", homemakers, winter dwellers whom are all included --- actually set amid throes of a cold season. One realizes that this thing they call "depression" can be real for some. Readers here, feel as if embracing dawn in a sense. If anyone loves a prayer in prose form ... yes, this is a spot to partake." Sept22/2K10/ "Invalid Item" 

Dear Mellisa May, I like this composition. Thanks for posting open to membership audience @ http://www.writing.com

WELCOME!

SUMMARY --- "Bit of a must read, well suited for subject teachers as the intro states."

OPEN: "Invalid Item"  Mellisa, please consider ... you are invited to enter, accepting poetry, short stories or articles, etc.

This season: Frontliners is encouraging members to greet newbies. We already realize not all new members are new to writing. They tell us to look for black cases among our Newbie Forums, whatever that means.

ALSO: To help with sight navigation --- you may instantly --- READ along and be heard, via postings @

"WDC Frontliners Discussion Forum" 

God bless you, and have a great day!!!
163
163
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

SEPTEMBER 21, 2010

REV sent to DarkHuntress,

Let me just say of note re: onsite navigation, that reviewing all of this week and Saturday leaves so much to chose from genre wise. Albeit with umpteen astonishment.

This tale --- AN EXCERPT --- well Titled Above is beyond scary. Well, written in first person narration with an incredible action scene where the heroine seriously takes out a few male lukers about to commit evil deeds.

The lass at the end .. although, maybe a tad more dialogue might be supplied there, does come thru as a character nonetheless, especially at closing paragrahs ala "screams."

May I wish you good luck in all future and present writing endeavors. With thanks for posting open for http://www.writing.com members.

SCAREE!!! Fits genre to a tee.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item"  Opening this week --- so feel free to give us the Look See. With Thanks from April Sunday


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164
Review of Life From Death  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

SEPTEMBER 20, 2010

Here, LIFE FROM DEATH begins as a look back. When three "manmade stones" emerge ---

ONE MIGHT scale down to proper wording, realize that granite (etc) is not man made, carved into gravestones, yes.

When on reads "orange orb" & "laughter" as presented --- perhaps a slight rewrite ...

What you are detailing is a wildfire? Yes? Seasonal in Australia, of course a geographic occurence.

So the appropriate look back, presently underway, comforts for character, Jassara, then? Oh, I see.

Meanwhile vivid & often colorful details continue to loom and all things firey ensue. WOW!!

"Sunshine tortured her pupils ..." Huh? Oh, I see what you mean.

Should it be --- a bit different at: "She silenced .." Meaning: she became silent --- ???

This story is way far out to grasp at first reading. So, I began twice, read through at any rate.

Although no turn of the century date within, taken back in time to fit the piece's lingo, I suppose. Yet, willing to decipher. It is however, impressive as terrilbe scenes come to life, grammar stays firm and pargraphs blend with a heatwrenching type of courage by conclusion.

Thanks for posting open, Gray.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

YES!!! This is poetic type prose. A good thing.
165
165
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
September 19. 2010

Hey, Mr Morgan, how might you be doing or roving on this fine day in September?

I read your intro twice, then moved on slowly, enjoyed the double take tale of this one. As alluded to, I suppose. Then too, I'm far from the sharpest fork in the drawer. Course not! Can safely say the vocab is a bit high-handed for fitting the qualities of this brief poem in question, setting all upon its own two feet moreorless.

Favorite line, one among many, of course, is probably the last line. Whew-ee, that summary wording certainly does fit the arrogance theme found here.:
Good try, well delivered for this 2009 c-rite.

Dan? Okay, then, enjoy Fall, while you continue to WRITE ON!
Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
166
166
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

SEPTEMBER 19, 2010

Good Morning, Sunshine ...
Glad to meet you, dear. sunshineminny seems to blend a gift for poetry with a character type presentation extolled, adding zest with each stanza in this one.

For TEFFY (That's ME!) to wax a tad bit less than poetic is not unsual.

With the title: ODE TO CLUSTER HEADACHE ... DO you wish to add A (article - a) then reading A Cluster Headache?

First seem to think that the object of the discontnent is a person, then feel it is anything by the end of the read. Perhaps all cause and effect, then?

I at any rate *Heart* this poem. But do not feel qualified to change a single word, or voice any opinion on possible edits at all.

Oh --- except ? for apostrophe --- often done so folks shy away from copy & paste in some cases. Although, overall not reading breaking news from the NY Times on line so perhaps re-address the typing for:

"marionett?s
life?s
I?d

And each time "Pain?s" comes about in non detailed reason/ emotional type poety ... why is there never any explanations? One wonders.

This came out almost invisible, probably due to Ariel font, a site incentive. Using bold helps for online/ onsite reader/member vision. Thus can go: {b } ... close bracket and we see the words so much better. Thanks.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

The Compliment:
Catchy in vocab, sound and telling rhyme sequence.

Enjoy Autumn!!!

Welcome to http://www.writing.com

PS: I do realize ODE TO CLUSTER HEADACHE, SunshineMine's fine poem is not about a traffic snarl. However, taking the latest meanings for both Webster's adjective: cluster and headache as things that bother folks ... I kinda felt caught on the I-95 bypassing Richmond ... until I of course read this poem. Well, please excuse this odd state of affairs, dear poet. Offered to show what titles may, can or cannot convey.
167
167
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2010

Hello Vicci. Might I please extend a fond welcome to http://www.writing.com.

THE COMPLIMENT!

Your poety venue: IF YOU WANT TO BE A TEENAGER ... just might somewhat instruct writers waxing toward Young Adult LIT, by narrowing the field to character traits, at least.

Many's a time we read & some do write YA when striving for plain old Adult Fiction.

BTW --- feelings as well, sentence object nouns ... here may fit more than teen generations. Yet, the plus side balances the negative column in this poetic prose listing.

Vic --- Finding this --- Well presented. Meanwhile --- stay the course, enjoy the site, embrace the craft.

Autumn along ...

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 
posting soon @ "WDC Frontliners Discussion Forum" 

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Review of Blessings...  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)


SEPTEMBER 19, 2010: THE SUNDAY

AH, in BLESSINGS ... from newbie, http://www.writing.com member, Pamala Readz aka pamelareadz we encounter several paragraphs of perfect tense disguised action.

Surely, we all emrace by now less have, had and may in fact adhere to HODGES & HARBRACE for tense suggestions. Hodges states: "Past perfect can be replaced by simple past tense."
Thus lifting verb sandwich overload.

Then as the plot thickens and character, Victoria decides, tries to decide and teeters on possible regets which are drummed into the opening here ... we find ation in the last paragraph.

One may often write the basic "work in progress" anytime.

Writers can also these days accept that "flash fic" doesn't require endings per se.

So which is it here as we see the character grab her "nine pound newborn" and "fifteen pound suitcase" ... ??? Hmmm?

Lot's of times we begin a piece with WHO --- here Victoria ---

Then elapse into the other available Ws. What here is indecision which turns awawy customers, Ms. Readz. Similar to novice writers opening stories with how their characters awake, what they do then, and this causes --- many a reader to go: "come on --- get on with it then ..." as in proceed.

Hi!!! Pam, so nice to meet you. Offering: Stay the course, enjoy September, great good luck wih this one.


TEFF'S OVERALL SUGGESTION:

Pamela's last paragrpah is indeed the hook par. So a simple re-edit may spin this one WHILE opting for organizing action per se .... And the plot grabber sounds very hopeful at this point.

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item" 

Posting soon @ {itme:1305931}

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169
169
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

September, 19, 2010 ... Sunday

"Good morning, Gwen ...

Noting GET PUBLISHED --- GETTING IDEAS is an article, please excuse this humble reviewer/ author/ fictionist to simply insist on inclusion of a few words to the contrary in what you here present.

In your hook paragraph, you open with the age old saying --- write about what you know. This point is much rufuted in today's markets.

Why?

Our author-to-author answer is simply due to instant research in most cases now at our fingertips. So authors competing make the stretch.

Yes, agree, however, that the same premise --- write about what you know --- does call upon hobbies, etc. Thus a gardener might dabble in horticultural slants during creations. Or any reviewer might lapse sideways to next Sunday about rev style, when stepping away from the hyper review requirement theme. Do you see what I mean, Gwenn?

Next up ... keeping with this notation attemtpting to match content where "gossip" is called upon above inside GET PUBLISHED --- GETTING IDEAS ---
Let us now recall together, shall we?

Two time Pulitzer winner, Mr. John Updike ... rumor has it of course, wrote about people he knew. Which your article seems to offer as a writing how to.

Dear John found himself in tons of trouble as his neighbors objection became popularly known. Of course he quit Shillington, PA and moved to the New England states. As he traveled the world he gave up (the short version, hon) writing only about what he knew.

Hold the phone a sec, Gwenn, am returning upward to your center area in this brief article. Ah ... although IDEAS is used in the title --- there is not much centering on this. Now, the bit about the aliens ... and due to research ... Aliens are not lovable beings. In fact sci fic stresses this since time immoral, shall we say to be glib, Gwenn? Thus genre requirement *Check* may be around the corner @ your next research quest. Nowadays they call them grays and rumor amongst shady government takes ... imply the US Gov is planning to announce contact after the terroist threat ebbs. Yes, Seriously ... online researchable stat as not sci-fic but a basis of Robert Heinlein, I do declare.

Blending with new knowledge via research adds zest and is not writing about what you know, you see?

Subject matter often touches these digital Search Engines of ours --- since we choose these spots. Then ... well ... as writers (novice or serious writers) also comes setting. You explain it here but leave it un-named. So, a waltz back into a biblio, perhaps. THE SUGGESTION ...

AT: "Every idea under the sun has been used myriad times before." ... Huh? Excuse me? Who says? No, never. That's why daily books roll off the presses from sea to shining sea.

Writing on writing myself especially in a 2010 topic sum from non-fic work covering 2003 to yesterday, WRITERS WAR comes with a biblio. Use those, even quote, then watch article stat sore, just so you know for a later update as you venture off to tackle aspect RE: the craft's hows and how nots.

Meanwhile ... IF anyone shows me a publisher looking for "meatiness" who accepts and courts "100,000 words" these days and sure, they too shall waft into being my friend for life.

As it is written, TEFFY can not agree with over 75% of this starter advice as already presented. Sorry, simply needs expansion ala adding more material to the coin toss.

Lastly, there's a big bugaboo surrounding GET as addition to verb contentions. GET is wildly overused. During the Nineties it was almost as if editors/ publishers called upon authors to rely on this word.

BE Published, Finding Ideas ... e.g. IDs the title. Whenever one reads a few chapters anywhere, even news clips ... they often note the need for getting away from get problems ... as that little G-word is everywhere. So, up to individual tastes to join the get over get wave.

Cordially, TEFFY
"Invalid Item" 

Thanks for posting public. Stay the course, enjoy the pen.
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Review of graceful  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

SEPTEMBER, 18, 2010, SATURDAY

REVIEW sent for GRACEFULNESS
by nahnouh

REV written by teffom@writing.com

Enjoy your poem, almost lost in the flow of the grace per se, as put to words, although can picture.

Writing: following notes down first ---


THE SUGGESTION/ CORRECTIONS

First Stanza, first line edit "a hair" to hair, thus tossing article --- a. Otherwise am thinking forensically --- one hair like inside a plastic baggy on Law & Order. Sorry just a reading reaction sweetheart.

Same Stanza --- line two: brezzy is breezy. (BTW --- subtracting very little on rate, hon. Realizing edits are around the corner, spell *Check* all the time, of course as serious & novice writers all understand.)

AT: Stanning eyes -- hey say what is this test? --- typo equates to "stunning," luv.

ACTION: Now, entry of the babe sticks, eloquence follows, all body lingo poetically rendered --- thinking 4.5 star on mere content alone for GRACEFULNESS.

Title: Gracefulness -- Touch TOO LONG! Stuck in my mouth like a moth this ness beeswax. You follow? Try GRACEFUL --- let it rest. Shortening possible --- up to poet.

Your pen name sounds kinda like a question when one kinda wants to sound doubtful. Silly, me, please excuse. You will see that la femme side of this reader/ author/ poet is touched by this pome. Best place errors out of the way --- since content is fabulous.

llllllllllllll SIDEBAR lllllllllllll As all corrections/ suggestions are at each and every moment of another's script always easily completed on next edit. Sorry, your edits are up to you, Nonnough. Just in case they wc readers of Public Rev Page --- PRP --- are out there trying to mesmerize us with my feeble words at this moment, while this (Nan) your current rev producer, moi is offering all authors/ poets/ writers/ members --- takes on details in this poem are really highly quite keen. llllll lllll llllllllll llllllllllllll

N --- Without question --- Stay the course, this is a very well outlined poem, dear nahnouh aka http://www.writing.com newbie, poet. Around here, (at wc) we know & should always admit --- all new members are not by any means new to writing.

Thanks for posting! Enjoy ths weekend, embrace Autumn to come.

TEFF aka Mary Moffett
"Invalid Item" 

Of: Intro: "I was just inspired by someone" --- maybe rewrite for a better grabber as this is indeed the primary, hooking-readers spatial location in items.
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Review of Morning Comes  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
September 18, The Saturday

Review sent for:

 Morning Comes  (E)
Morning comes and with it brings a new day with new hopes and possibilities
#1708002 by Lell


Rev written & produced by teffom@writing.com // "Invalid Item"  (While TEFF soon enters seventh year membership come Oct.)

Hello! Dear Poet, Hope you don't mind the tad addition of some background as we now meet and greet. Welcome to http://www.writing.com, hope you enjoy navigation of this writing/ reading site as you no doubt note our current "Ten Year Celebration" is underway. A good time to make pals, while placing your writing out there too, of course. Said in a manner of plain old courtesy, and a bit of advice for onsite adventure awaiting you at every turn as well.

Now: OF MORNING COMES.

Reading this poem as a confessed morning buff.

Morning starts for me many times out of 365 days post 4 a.m. when a serious side of my own writing begins.

Beleive it or not, can hear a note of quandy betwixt the survivor status at the conclusion and the quest of "nightmares" which perhaps enter the realm of this first person narration. No, contrary to popular opinion, we need never ID/tie any poem to any/ writer or poet.

WHY NOT? As poetry is also often akin to fiction.

Leil, you may want to try using question marks as befitting asking in interogative mode.

AT: Rewrite to: "Will everything be okay?" As you may now see for next edit venture, of course.

Also: (I) Don't mind any periods in placement at end of stanzas, myself. Many folks may argue that poetry can be written bereft of punctuation. Yes, this is true, but the poet can still supply those marks which allow his/her readers to carry on in the conventional sense.

This poem, while dubbed into "emotional" genre -- allows once more for the overdne nuance of a tad bit of perplextion after quitting the piece. Shall readers come away wondering about these repeated "nightmares" perhaps? Even when realizing these could be false? If more than false or simply poetic ... maybe another poem re: such things is already out there? Or perhaps tell more concrete reference inside MORNING COMES for those nightmare sequences.

Also: SUGGEST --- AN ONGOING look at vocab choices aiming toward pizzazz for the sake of the work.

Thanks for posting open onsite.

Cordially, TEFF
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Review of Global Warming  
Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

September 18, 2010

Good morning, Rabbit and may I personally extend a fond welcome to http://www.writing.com.

Your poem: GLOBAL WARMING is one of those whimisical takes, we often need to make the day turn pleasantly enough from time to time or 24-7. And it surely fits the bill.

Enjoyed all contained within the stanzas here without a doubt.

The ending line really flipped me backward in time, for who doesn't need a quote from a famous Philadelphia native from time to time?

For the non serious side of things and the laughter your poetry evokes, might this humble reviewer at least drop off a five star rate and mention: THANKS!!

Cordially, TEFF
"Invalid Item"  where weeding is in progress/ membership rather closed temporarily.
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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

SEPT 2, 2010

Hey there, Bear. Just read your poem, BOOTS OF BELLFONTE, slated on Auto-rewards p.4, as a poem for young children.

A recent stint at a local library afforded me the chance to take a long look at Kiddie LIT. Yes, this one really fits the bill. Along with a very pleasant narrative cadence from Bootsy and the cat's eye view, must say you certainly have something going with this one. Can almost see the entire setting easily.

Two typos for your. AT: "That nice young man your with //// &
"When your not here ..." Yes, corrected to you're.

Do have fun with a hopeful future for this one.

Cordially, TEFF
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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Kathie. Teff here attempting navigation. (I usually only write disc wise in a larger font when on PC, so please bear with me as text errors hopefully stand corrected --- thanks.) Okay inconvenience aside ... I really liked this short story.

The well titled: SHOWBIZ AND SHAMPOO portrays a wild stretch of the imagination for the uninitiated, although the character's career has been around for more than three decades. Just a guess.

Love all of the "fluff" which indeed picks up the pace with visual details.

Like ref to the stars.

While the pronoun "It" is apt to be shunned, which is bogus info for writing well ... your use here is of the better caliber. It always adds in this one to what is being talked about by the author.

And at story end ... kinda hate to see --- well David leave my house. But, sure Miranda had it coming. What a hypocrite. Yet, coupled with a pretender. Nice touch!!!

Good one. Keep 'em coming, dear author.

Cordially, TEFFY
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Review by April Sunday
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

AUG 29, 2010

HI RED: Found my way to AUTO-REWARDS today, no easy feat. Note DREAMLAND CHAPTER ONE stands out fine on p2 of said allusive creature -- WDC's A-R.

Now after a few notes earlier this morning, shall offer minor corrections first. Simple as pie, hon, simply address on next re-edit.

heals --- heels
joing === adjoing rooms

&&&&&
RE: Painint "attempts" simply toss attemtps and reword. Paint is $28 a gal here. Imagine!! The enough already white on the house which sets DREAMLAND off and running in the opeing 1100 words ... can easily be re-written.

Here we go with a S. slant of House needs painted. However, a yank will instead refer to a shoddy paint job (in the chapter's case) a previous white.

Now, since the piece is set .... one mile from Robbinsville, NC also question the hidden alcove rendition of this triangulare home.

Do you mean A-frame or witch hat roofing --- over bay windows? Misunderstand almost all of setting attempt --- sorry. If only there was a photo. Don't worry dear writer, because help is here and you must breathe in, then whoosh.

TEFFY comes to you from far off fictionland. So as reader/ author let us consider future changes for the betterment of this first chapter.

All changes are up to RED, as these are offerd to her as suggestions for re-re-r-e-re edit which many novels certainly undergo.

DREAMLAND fits ADOL lit. WHY? BECAUSE THE ADVENTURE BEGINS WITH TWO YOUNG WOMEN.

While PARTY TIME grabs my imagination, perhaps a given for all teens as a summery requirement ... the hidden, uncommunicated aspect of friendship points to emails, cell phones, not nature. So ... where is dreamland for all?

Yet, inside this one ---- decalerd around the corner from Austin? Hmm... ??

Body lingo way overdone. Most novels drop this or sneak it in. Reader led works allow less flexibility.

A glass doorknob often appears plastic. Choose one way or the other. Decide.

With a place like this one would scream without shame. Too 'sigh' is to already have once alighted like a flapping crow in full screech !!!! Character should announce early that this is not first visit home, actually been there before --- so sequence alignment re-visited? Your call, Red.

Maybe: TRY: a date of first setting foot on the rental? Purchase?

???? BTW, pastel colors are quite popular in the South, due to drawing less heat like dark hues.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


ADC above --- often STRETCHES geographic stats for our Eastern Coastline, and more.

AT: "painting attempts" --- a chance appears to dis the painters. Everyone does it. Realism.

PUNCTUATION ALERT!!! Series of commas INDEED HELPFUL AT:

" ... three foot, unpainted, fence leaving ... the yard unprotected."

Honey chile, even a dear or a Doberman can take a three foot fence as well as TEFFY. Not a problem really, simply comma worthy.

Now .... AT: "held life back " --- Do you me: wildlife .. trees, creatures?

AT: I get downstairs --- use return for get. Get became a verb sandwich addition like have, has, beeen, try, start ... go, going, gone etc.

Well get surfaces again.

Okay, RED -- apologies for so many caps --- easier view ... soon TEFFY shall get out of town. But the piece needs some organization ... thass all. A Southern drawl is not here. So adlib ... whatever.

AT: "Get my life ...." ==== Try: reclaim for restart my life ... play a bit, you see. There's always the right verb.

too fast === use quickly e.g.

Mess around presnt AT: her words she spoke ... /// simply edit ... Drop her .. sentence mistake corrected ... too read: words she spoke ....

Cordially, TEFF

Note this took hours to write, unused to PC. Best to you all summer & fall, RED, dear. The storyline is off to a grand chance for interest.
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