Spartacus, bringer of rain, slayer of the shadow of death
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What's up Symon, I've sorta glossed over your reveiws and I'll give them a good read and reply when I get some time. Figure I'll answer your reveiw request first.
My thoughts:An interesting first chapter, my concern is that the plot didn't hook me, it didn't feel really exciting. The hero's home life was interestingly emotional, but I didn't get a great sense of tension in the fact that the hero was forcibly drafted into the army.
What I liked:the protagonist's speech about how life isn't fair and his father should accept it and move on was pretty great.
Characters:The protagonist had some interesting and funny inner dialogue. I felt like you should have mentioned his age(or like teen/in his twenties), his name/appearance
My issues/suggestions:he still easily surpassed... Think you should take out still
His clothes were dark green... Feel like you should describe what he was wearing instead of just saying clothes, like if he's in a suit or something casual, etc.
They’ve already collected more twice as usual of our food reserves” This sentence needs to be rewritten
why he didn’t grow the food himself on his land, if he needs so much of, Maybe: why didn't he grow the food himself, they...
Since this occasion... How about: since then, I keep my questions to myself, I prefer not to have broken bones
This is my last day, so that’s something logical that I still can do at home” This sentence needs to be reworded
Typos:Even comparing (compared)
by my way to speak to him.(by the way I spoke to him)
With an the enraged
His eyes looked as if they were (about) to pop out of his skull.
The intruder looked at me than then at...
My mother took one of the old chairs and set(sat)
You want won't have it easy in the army...
and the get our seeds from the town”
I assumed some of them will(would) die...
I’ve seen the some of my bravest friend(s) freeze at the sheer sight of it.
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A darkness is coming
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