*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tekkadan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
176 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 ... Next
51
51
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Spartacus, bringer of rain, slayer of the shadow of death

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


What's up hauntedreadingroom

My thoughts: It was well written and Interesting.

My Favorite part: The prologue, A race of mutant elven warriors, gave me goosebumps:)

Characters:Dr. Moroson/Morisson seems like he's going to be an interesting character to read.

My issues/suggestions: I felt like the parts when he was destroying & stealing his research, could of been shorter/more compact.

Typos: Didn't notice a single typo :)

I also has a book I'm working on, check it out and let me know what you think.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
52
52
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was interesting man, enjoyed reading it :)
53
53
Rated: E | (2.5)
Spartacus, bringer of rain, slayer of the shadow of death

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


What's up Brandon

My thoughts:A nice setting, got witches and dragons and magic. But the writing needs a lot of work.

Characters:

My issues/suggestions: There's a lot of things that raised questions like why did his mother need a rope? Could the dragon not fly?
And in the few paragraphs you has there is so many big events happening and then they are just glossed over, like meeting his mother, meeting the rest of his family, seeing the outside world for the first time.


Typos:There were some typos.

I also has a book I'm working on, check it out and let me know what you think.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
54
54
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great story professor dimension.
55
55
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An awesome entry, really interesting.
56
56
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An interesting entry man
57
57
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spartacus, bringer of rain, slayer of the shadow of death

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


What's up breach

My thoughts: It's an exciting start, four different groups meeting and duking it out.

My Favorite part: when the guy teleported away using the stone.

Characters: I think Branston and Faldashir were depicted really well. There wasn't like any big emotional scene but got a sense of determination from the both of them to fulfil their goals.

My issues/suggestions:why did the first three guys kill the horses that were pulling the cart?

The last fight scene vs the knight I think needed some dialogue to it, it came off as somewhat uneventful. In researching how to write good fight scenes I came across an article speaking about how having meaningful dialogue in a fight scene makes it more memorable.

Typos:close to the end you has "he stared out that the spot"

I also has a book I'm working on, check it out and let me know what you think.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
58
58
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Spartacus, bringer of rain, slayer of the shadow of death

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


What's up brom

My thoughts:It was a great story, I really like reading/watching anything based in Norse mythology. I felt like the ending was a bit uneventful but really enjoyed reading it.

My Favorite part:When Able was discovered, mage was like all cocky about it.

Characters: No one really made an impact for me, seemed more like they were just fulfilling their roles as no motivation/reason was given as to why they took it upon themselves to investigate the closing of the portal and to risk their lives going after Loki.

My issues: when Able said a magical being of great power never heard of, seemed like a strange conclusion to jump to. Think where you said never heard of is what really threw me off. Thinking like why would he think it's an unknown magical being as opposed to some other powerful organization/kingdom.

Just a suggestion but to activate the invisibility stone, imagine being invisible seemed sort of bland would be a word I guess, how about like a one word spell?

Why was Able chosen for the mission?

It seemed like Able was alone and he had the invisibility stone so how was the Griffin invisible? And also why was he sent alone seeing as the two of them used the stone earlier

Also there was a bunch of different creatures traversing the bridge, at first I thought maybe it was some sort of evacuation but doesn't seem like that was the case?

Typos: the paragraph that starts, Able began: missed the "'s" after there.

Paragraph: Bronus folded: included/excluded a word(s) somewhere there. Also following sentence has "gave small hope"

You has "let us hope the teleporter in working."

Paragraph: the mage froze.: You has "I now your there."

I also has a book I'm working on, check it out and let me know what you think.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
59
59
Review of Please Review  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loving this page
60
60
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


What's up Mya

My thoughts:It seems like a really interesting idea, a family of halfwolves going to school and living in society.

My Favorite part: when kayla woke up her brother with her tail, that was a nice moment, left me with a warm fuzzy feeling.

My issues: I was left wondering how small/young Kayla was when her mother lifted her out of bed.

Think where you wrote, she was a great mom, falls into the "show don't tell" category.

when you said she kept Kayla and keva safe, if those two are the only halfwolves think you should mention it.

Typos: Has new instead of knew in third sentence.

Has ear instead of ears.

There was also a lot of quotation marks typos, some in the wrong place and some missing where you should have one.

I also has a book I'm working on, check it out and let me know what you think.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
61
61
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting start, liking the setup so far. Saw two typos.

Also wanted to ask what are chakrams exactly? At first I was thinking they were like those circle blade things but not to sure.

Also has a book I'm working on only at chapter two but check it out and let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
62
62
Review of For Paladia  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A well written and captivating start. Looking forward to seeing how it unfolds. Only issue might be the number of characters introduced in the short time, couldn't remember the names as I got to the end but I have always had a bad memory so maybe it's just me. Also has a typo in paragraph with aneles and glinn. I just started on the 2nd chapter of my book but check out what I has so far and let me know what you think, Spartacus, bringer of rain.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
63
63
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ouch, that ripping off the balls scene is gonna give me nightmares later. An interesting story, really well written and I liked the way it ended. I also has a book I'm working on just started chapter two but check it out and let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
64
64
Rated: E | (2.5)
Possessed by evil and killing her husband and friends definitely makes for an interesting story but the writing needs to be better. A lot of the scenes just sort of left me with a confused feeling. Like when she rammed the police car and then jumped out, was left wondering what happened, was the police car hit by on coming traffic? Was her car also going to get hit and that's why she jumped out? And seeing as it was her car wouldn't the police eventually come looking for her when they find her car at this accident? It's a great idea for a story just needs to improve on making the scenarios read better. I also has a book I'm writing, just started the second chapter but check it out and let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
65
65
Review of King Of Beasts  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great story man, the ending scene was very well described.
66
66
Rated: E | (4.5)
A great prologue, well written and very exciting. There were a few typos. Really liked reading about the origins of the many races and creatures also liked a lot of the names you came up with. Looking forward to Future installments, I also has a story I'm working on, check it out let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2154451 by Not Available.
67
67
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting story, had me engaged throughout and had a feeling of wanting Josiah to succeed at the end. There were some typos and thought that the scene where Josiah was shocked that his father's vessel was destroyed by only one ship could of used some more info as to why it was so unbelievable. Also finished(sort of) the first chapter of my book, check it out let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2152527 by Not Available.
68
68
for entry "The Black Ship
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Yeah, again a great story, just the way it is written needs improvement. There were also some typos
69
69
for entry "Desert Aurora
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Another great story but the writing needs improvement. There were some typos.
70
70
for entry "Night of the Assassin
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A very interesting chapter, really liked how it ended. There were some typos and thought the descriptions could of been better, like when window ledge scene when he kicked the guy. Also you mentioned four-sided and three sided daggers, just something I have never heard before was wondering what they looked like? I also has a giant wolf in my story :)
71
71
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A great story, the writing is a lot better than in the prologue. There were a few typos.
72
72
for entry "Prologue
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very interesting prologue, I'm looking forward to seeing this baby grow up and fulfil her destiny :). The events in it are good but think they could be worded better, like the clans need to be named and some parts read awkwardly like "Oh, he didn't sense..", the "Oh" breaks the flow of the story. The descriptions in the first paragraph also needs some work, I could see a meteor across the sky and a multitude of stars but the stars concealing the bright arc from the meteor is where you lost me. Had a few typos like meet where I think you wanted met and determinance where you probably wanted determination. And think maybe the part with the dying officer could use some more info, like he's in this clan that values trust so much and then just runs off and joins the opposing clan after a single conversation, especially if it's not going to be explained in the book. So yeah that's all I got, I'm read chapter one tommorow, best wishes, Spartacus bringer of rain. Oh and also working on a book only has a short chapter right now but check it out let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2152527 by Not Available.
73
73
Review of HalfCat  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Boom, that story was awesome, think I saw 2 typos. Think you should re-word where you have, "And then" before "I woke up" and "I blacked out". And the sentence about being a terrible writer seemed unnecessary, only problem I had was picturing a reverse spotlight (was thinking like how is the rest of the room lighted and he in darkness?,I dunno maybe just something I've never experienced) but it was a well described scene and I liked the writing style too. Oh and when you said he didn't even fade out of consciousness,he just blacked out, don't know the exact definition of blacking out but thought the person lost consciousness? It was a great read though, amount the best I've read since I joined. I also have a story I'm working on just has one chapter right now but check it out let me know what you think.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2152527 by Not Available.
74
74
for entry "Chapter Two - Fairies
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another great installment.
75
75
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great writing man.
96 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tekkadan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3