Hi there, Joy
Teerich - 2019 here.
This is your prize Review from "Invalid Item"
I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.
I have chosen to review your short story, "The Tenth Opus" today.
I loved the attractive cover graphic on the item.
It caught my eye as I was browsing your portfolio.
The header gives clear information on what the item is about.
The intriguing tagline hooks the reader in with its question.
As a music buff I was keen to read further.
The opening quote from Plato is inspirational.
You pose an interest premise at the beginning of the story.
The characters are well-observed and believable.
Walter is the composer, obsessed with whether or not he will beat the 'curse of the Ninth Symphony'.
When he gets inspiration he is focused on completing his tenth.
I like '...the train's whistle, like a ribbon of sound'
'Terrie' is suitably enigmatic and mysterious, for the 'muse of music'
Your description of her sets a delightful picture of exuberance.
I like 'like a dancer on butterfly wings'
The violinist, Sal, envious of Walter's luck, dramatically teases him.
Dialogue is appropriate and set out in a traditional manner.
This leaves us in no doubt as to who is speaking.
However, you should try to avoid too many repetitive he said/she said links.
I would suggest that you change them, to add to the narrative.
Suggestions
"Don't worry," the girl said, curling curled her lips, and she sank down next to Walter.
"Music and dancing," she said, turned to face him, with a sly turn swivel of her hips in her seat, facing him.
"I don't remember you in the orchestra, sorry," Walter said, now was curious and somewhat flattered...
When she didn't answer, Walter shifted Uncomfortable by her silence, uncomfortably in his seat. Walter asked
The story starts in a subway carriage.
Walter has been wondering if he will survive to write
and perform his next Symphony, and beat the 'Curse of the Ninth.
Walter hears Terrie humming a tune which sticks in his head.
The girl is not as she seems, but Walter takes her tune
and weaves it into his next masterpiece.
His friend warns him that he may have gotten more than expected from the girl.
The mood is upbeat and inspirational, even after
the unexpected twist at the end of the story.
The descriptions of are rich and varied,
using similes and metaphors to enhance the story.
The narrative is clearly presented, with traditional spacing.
I enjoyed the way the story explored the idea that composers are doomed to die before they get beyond their ninth symphony.
There is a apt lyrical quality to many of the descriptions.
These are a few of my favourites.
that going into deep freeze without aplomb
as if her little life was a symphony itself.
he felt the music in soft tones,
Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.
sincerely,
Terri
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