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26
26
Review of Holiday at Home  
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Bob retired

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I found this listed in the Comedy Animals Newsletter and I have to say I was delighted that I had clicked on the link.

I love the story that unfolded of all of the ways that best laid plans where scuppered. I was chuckling to myself as I read through the poem. I have had a few similar experiences myself, in the past.

I love the tongue in cheek vibe that you have achieved here. Well done! Keep up the good work.

Laughter is the best medicine and it is easy to take as well.

Cheers

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27
27
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Spinzy

I found this listed in the Comedy Animals Newsletter and just had to give you a quick shout out.

This is an inventive and interesting adventure in lexicography, which I thoroughly enjoyed. You have inspired me to have a go at one of these myself.

An admirable effort. Well done! *Thumbsupr*

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28
28
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi there, ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

*BalloonR* This is your Review Prize from "Invalid Item *BalloonR*


Teerich - 2019 here.

Please remember that I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I have chosen to review "TWO DREAMERS---TWO DREAMS


*Check3*
. The opening paragraph elicits great sympathy for the suffering of the elderly teacher.
This sympathy is echoed in the respect shown by her students for her privacy.


*Check5*
the characters are very believable.
The quiet dedication of Mrs Schuster shines out from the very beginning.
Despite her inability to continue to play piano, she inspires and encourages her students in equal measure.
Her perseverance is rewarded when she finds a young student who shares her feeling for music.

The loyalty of her protégée, Brett, is a fitting tribute to her.


*Check3*
This is a poignant story of an once brilliant pianist.
She strives to pass on her love for music to her students.
Eventually she finds a protégée whom she mentors.
Despite spreading his wings and going abroad to study, he never forgets his old teacher.
He becomes a famous pianist, and invites her to Carnegie Hall to hear him play.
Unfortunately, she is too ill to attend his triumph in person.


*Check4*
the narrative is well-presented.
There is a clear progression from beginning to end.
There were no punctuation or grammar issues apparent.


*Checkr*
This is a beautiful story of perseverance in the face of adversity.
I felt great sympathy for the suffering of the brave heroine.
I loved the bittersweet ending.
Your treatment of the theme was very sensitive.


Thank you for allowing me ethe privilege of reviewing your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri

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29
29
Review of The Tenth Opus  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Joy

Teerich - 2019 here.

*BalloonR**Balloony**Balloon1* This is your prize Review from "Invalid Item *Balloon1**Balloony**BalloonR*


I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I have chosen to review your short story, "The Tenth Opus today.


*Check3*
I loved the attractive cover graphic on the item.
It caught my eye as I was browsing your portfolio.

*Check3*
The header gives clear information on what the item is about.
The intriguing tagline hooks the reader in with its question.
As a music buff I was keen to read further.

*Check3*
The opening quote from Plato is inspirational.
You pose an interest premise at the beginning of the story.


*Check5*
The characters are well-observed and believable.

Walter is the composer, obsessed with whether or not he will beat the 'curse of the Ninth Symphony'.
When he gets inspiration he is focused on completing his tenth.
I like '...the train's whistle, like a ribbon of sound'

*Check3*
'Terrie' is suitably enigmatic and mysterious, for the 'muse of music'
Your description of her sets a delightful picture of exuberance.
I like 'like a dancer on butterfly wings'

The violinist, Sal, envious of Walter's luck, dramatically teases him.


*Checkr*
Dialogue is appropriate and set out in a traditional manner.
This leaves us in no doubt as to who is speaking.

*Exclaim*
However, you should try to avoid too many repetitive he said/she said links.
I would suggest that you change them, to add to the narrative.

*Idea*Suggestions *Idea*
"Don't worry," the girl said, curling curled her lips, and she sank down next to Walter.
"Music and dancing," she said, turned to face him, with a sly turn swivel of her hips in her seat, facing him.
"I don't remember you in the orchestra, sorry," Walter said, now was curious and somewhat flattered...
When she didn't answer, Walter shifted Uncomfortable by her silence, uncomfortably in his seat. Walter asked


*Check3*
The story starts in a subway carriage.
Walter has been wondering if he will survive to write
and perform his next Symphony, and beat the 'Curse of the Ninth.
Walter hears Terrie humming a tune which sticks in his head.
The girl is not as she seems, but Walter takes her tune
and weaves it into his next masterpiece.
His friend warns him that he may have gotten more than expected from the girl.

*Check3*
The mood is upbeat and inspirational, even after
the unexpected twist at the end of the story.

*Check3*
The descriptions of are rich and varied,
using similes and metaphors to enhance the story.


*Check4*
The narrative is clearly presented, with traditional spacing.

*Checkr*
I enjoyed the way the story explored the idea that composers are doomed to die before they get beyond their ninth symphony.
There is a apt lyrical quality to many of the descriptions.

These are a few of my favourites.

that going into deep freeze without aplomb
as if her little life was a symphony itself.
he felt the music in soft tones,



Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri

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30
30
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Legerdemain and our Senior Mods.

My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your "WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Mod. Challenge today for Level 2 of your challenge.


*Check3*
The header and cover are eye-catching and informative.
I love the colourful graphic at the top of the page.
It has great impact.


*Check3*
The instructions are clear and precise.
I had no difficulty following them.


*Check3*
There is a clear progression from level to level.
I particularly like the co-ordinating dividers.
The rewards offered make the challenge appealing.


*Check3*
This is a great way to celebrate the WDV 14th Anniversary.

Thank you for giving us such a great competition.

It is a joy and privilege to read and review this fun contest page.

sincerely,

Terri

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31
31
Review of Behind The Door  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌕 HuntersMoon

This is from the *Suitheart*

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*Smile* teerich here. Hey, good buddy, I almost missed this as I didn't recognise your new handle.

I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "Behind The Door as it was listed in "~ The Poet's Place Cafe~

*Burstg* Personal Impression

I was interested to see how you would tackle the Trijan Refrain.

The cover graphic and header is intriguing.
I wanted to know what does lie within the poet's mind?

I liked the fact that you explained the form at the bottom of the page.


*Burstv* Tone & Mood

The mood is suitably dark.
It explores the 'festered thoughts' and 'evil blackness' which stalk the poets mind.
It equates the words inside the mind to'Cascading ink'


*Burstr* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The rhyme scheme and meter for the form is adhered to perfectly.
The Form is beautifully executed.
The poem flows with a lyrical quality.


*Burstg* Emotional Impact

I loved every line of this expertly crafted poem.
Its powerful exploration of how the dark side of the mind of a poet works resonated with me.
I empathise strongly with the sentiments expressed.
I have often found that my muse comes, insistently, in the middle of the night and, cannot be silenced.


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no problems apparent with these aspects.

*Burstb*Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

Form perfectly executed.
Rhyme and Meter enhance the lyrical qualities.

Strong imagery.


Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read your work.

sincerely,

teerich

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32
32
Review of Sirena  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, hawkmoth Nice Handle!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Smile* My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your short Story, "Sirena today as part of my mission to review Newbies.
I browsed your port after seeing your name in The Newbies Spotlight


Your Title and Tagline caught my attention.
It is, indeed a short story. A micro story.
They say good things come in small packages.
This is no exception. *Delight*

*Check3*

There is a poeticism to your writing that was compelling.
The lyrical flow of your words was hypnotic.
This beautiful piece about the legend of mermaids luring sailors to their deaths speaks to me as a poet.
I love the way you describe the mesmerised sailor drawn to his death by the beautiful voice of the mermaid.


*ExclaimB* *ExclaimB* *ExclaimB*

The prose presentation does no favours for this story

The story would have so much more impact if you presented it in short phrases.
I wonder if you have ever considered writing Free Verse.

*Check3*

Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,
*Spider*
*Spiderline*
*Web1**Web2*
*Web3**Web4*

Terri
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33
33
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, passionate

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Smile* My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your poem, "World of the Young today as part of my mission to review Newbies.
I browsed your port after seeing your name on the The Newbies Review Page


Your Title and Tagline caught my attention.

*Delight* *Delight* *Delight*

I wanted to see what 'passionate' treasure I might uncover.
*Check3*

This is a great first try.
It is bursting with vitality
It reminds me of a cheer-leading chant
I was itching to jump up and twirl a baton to it.
*Check3*

The poem is written as Seven, Rhymed, Free-Verse couplets
*Thumbsup* You nail the rhymes perfectly! *Thumbsupr*
They fit into the poem naturally
*Check3*

There is a rousing, jolly rhythm
Generally, it flows along beautifully
*Check3*

*ExclaimB* *ExclaimB* *ExclaimB*
Some of the lines were a bit of a mouthful to read aloud
Minor adjustments would improve the flow a great deal

*Idea* Suggestions *Idea*

Crush the difficulties problems, spread a smile on your face
Accept the challenge, leap over the hurdles of the race
Hold a paint-brush, throw out use your imagination
Pull up your socks and be at on your toes
Because it this is your time and these are your days


*Idea* Please feel free to use or ignore these suggestions *Idea*
*Check3*

Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,
*Spider*
*Spiderline*
*Web1**Web2*
*Web3**Web4*

Terri
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Teerich - 2019

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34
34
Review of Faithlessness  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep }

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Smile* My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your short story, "Faithlessness today as part of my mission to review Newbies.
I browsed your port after seeing your name on the The Newbies Review Page


Your header was very eye-catching
The stunning colours of the cover graphic caught my attention immediately
*Check3*

*Delight* *Delight* *Delight*

This is an interesting, 1st person POV, stream of consciousness story
It doesn't specifically say that the main character is a woman, but I get the sense that it is a she.
I thought the 'faithlessness' was going to be about infidelity
It turned out to be even more interesting
The main character is musing about how her father has lost his faith
Her mother had been randomly caught in the cross fire in a drive by shooting
*Check3*

The tone of the story is remarkably optimistic
Despite being neglected by her grieving father she has retained a optimistic outlook
She retains her faith despite all the trauma she has suffered

*Inlove* My favourite line *Inlove*
I would like to know of the glimmering hope of the human race
*Check3*

*ExclaimB* *ExclaimB* *ExclaimB*

There were one or two issues that need to be looked at

*Idea* Suggestions *Idea*

their efforts seem in vein vain to me. Wrong version of the word used
If you wonder 'what if' all your life, Word left out
I have seen children wondering wandering the streetsWrong version again
You have got to have faith. Word left out
*Check3*

*ExclaimB* *ExclaimB* *ExclaimB*

The story is presented in one block of text

There are paragraphs but they are not clearly delineated

This could be off-putting to the random reader

*Idea* Suggestion *Idea*

Put one line space between paragraphs

*Idea* Please feel free to use or ignore these suggestions *Idea*
*Check3*

*Delight* Final Thoughts *Delight*

*Inlove* I loved the optimism of the main character *Inlove*
Against all the odds, she retained her faith in the future
As she says at the end of the story You have got to have faith
Without faith life would be very bleak


Thank you for allowing me the privilege of reviewing your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,
*Spider*
*Spiderline*
*Web1**Web2*
*Web3**Web4*

Terri
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Teerich - 2019

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35
35
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, 💙 Carly

This is from the *Suitheart*

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*Smile* teerich here.

I am a writer just like you.

I am not here to judge you. Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "The Masks of Choice today because I found it listed in "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest

*Burstg* Personal Impression

The cover graphic is eye-catching.
The header piqued my interest. I love dark poetry.

The poem was well set out.
However, I think it would be a good idea to add the prompt picture.
It would give the random reader more of an idea of where you are coming from.

The theme was that of the faces we feel compelled to present to the world, to conceal our perceived imperfections.
It satisfies the requirements of the contest admirably.


*Burstv* Tone & Mood

The tone is suitably dark.Concealing all within the blackness

The mood is fatalistic.


*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem uses resonance such as face forward and surrounds the soul well.
I like the sibilance of Situations arise

The Form is followed with perfection.
I like that you included an explanation of the requirements.

The words flow smoothly when read aloud.


*Burstr* Emotional Impact

I empathise with the sentiments expressed.
Who hasn't felt the need, at some time, to present a mask to the world.


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no issues with these aspects.

*Burstb* Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

Perfect adherence to the Form requirements
Use of Resonance which enhanced the flow
Excellent response to the prompt


Thank you for the opportunity to read your poem. I hope my remarks are of use.


sincerely,

teerich

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36
36
Review of The Masks I Wear  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, GERVIC 🐉 WDC Dragon Vale

This is from the *Suitheart*

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*Smile* I'm teerich.

I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "The Masks I Wear today as it was entered in "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest

*Burstg* Personal Impression

The header tells readers exactly what they are getting.
The poem explores a fruitless search for happiness in an uncompromising world.

I like that you included the picture prompt and an explanation of the form used.
Immediate impression is that it satisfies all criteria.


*Burstv* Tone & Mood

There is a tragic quality to the words.
The efforts to conform bring little satisfaction.
The mood is bitter. Despite all the efforts, happiness is elusive.


*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

Generally, there is a good attempt to adhere to the form.
However, line 9, The wounds, the scars, remained fresh. has seven syllables when it should have nine.

The poem flows well when read aloud, apart from one line.
Let time fleets and let my wounds to heal. doesn't make sense to me.
Let time fly and leave my wounds to heal. could be an alternative.


*Burstg* Emotional Impact

The poem evokes great sympathy for the unrequited longing for happiness expressed.

I empathised with the frustration of efforts never being enough.
It reminds me of a long-gone childhood spent trying to please a demanding mother.
I dreamed to breath in a life's ebullience is a beautiful line. (Just noticed a typo here,breathe)


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

These aspects seemed perfect to me.

*Burstb* Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

Strong imagery
An almost perfect adherence to the form
A good response to the prompt



sincerely,

teerich

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37
37
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Weirdone-Back in the games

This is from the *Suitheart*

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*Smile* I'm teerich.

I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "Start to Understand today as I found it listed on "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest

*Burstg* Personal Impression

The header gives clear details of content.
I like that you included the picture prompt.
However, I feel (Look it up. It takes too long to explain here) could alienate readers.
A link would be more reader-friendly.

*Burstp* Tone & Mood

The tone is insistent.
The dark mood satisfies the contest guidelines.


*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem flows well.

There is a valiant attempt to satisfy the form requirements.
However, three places do not fit.

1. Father is not looking. . .
Looking at the forest
Forest so cool

You need another line starting with Looking to satisfy the requirement for couplets starting with the same word.

2. The above omission means that your line count is only 49
The addition of another line for the couplet mentioned will fix that.

3. Understand your parents
Understand their fears
Your
Fears

The last word in the apparent line 47 is parents not your
Also, the two last lines should be reversed.
This means that your final two lines should be
Fears
Parents

This changes the whole sense of the poem.
You might want to have another look at these four lines.


*Burstr* Emotional Impact

This is a deliciously dark confection which builds tension as it progresses.
It evokes childhood fears of the dark.


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no issues with these aspects.


Thank you for allowing me to read you work. I hope my remarks are of use to you.


sincerely,

teerich

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38
38
Review of Hollow Dreams  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌕 HuntersMoon

This is from the *Suitheart*

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teerich here.

I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "Hollow Dreams because I found it listed at "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest

*Burstg* Personal Impression

The tagline and cover hook the reader in.
I was eager to see how the prompt would be treated.
The form is visually appealing.


*Burstp* Tone & Mood

The tone is darkly bitter, the mood sombre.
This cautionary tale explores the destructiveness of infatuation with a heartless woman.
I love the analogy of the vampire for this spawn of hell.


*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

You satisfy the requirements for the Prompt admirably.
I like that you included details on the Poetic Form

I love the added dimension of rhyme that you introduced.
It gives a lyrical quality and adds to the flow when you read it aloud.
I adds so much to the artistry of the poem.

Your word count is almost perfect.
I would take another look at line 8. The syllable count at the moment is seven.
Expanding the contraction she'll should fix this.


*Burstr* Emotional Impact

I could feel the angry bitterness and despair that such rejection can bring.
The poem warns against the trap with strong imagery.
Favourite? Too many choose from!


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

These aspects are perfect.

*Burstb* Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

Great added dimension of Rhyme
Strong, powerful imagery
Visually pleasing


It was a pleasure to read such an emotive poem.



sincerely,

teerich

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39
39
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Ben

*Smile* I'm teerich.

This

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comes straight from the *Suitheart*


I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your poem, "Death Of A Thousand Cuts today as it caught my attention when I was browsing.
I was intrigued by your use of the French name for the format, for it is often said that the French version is more lyrical than that of other European languages.


*Burstg* Personal Impression

William Carlos Williams said 'being an art form, verse cannot be free in the sense of having no limitations or guiding principles'.
This brief poem is a prime example of this. It has been crafted with considerable care.



*Burstp* Tone & Mood

The overall feeling I get is one of sad regret.

It has a distinct beginning, middle and end.
The optimism of youthful love is destroyed by bit by bit by 'trivial disagreements' until it perishes.



*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The organic rhythm of the lines give it a lyrical quality which validates the label 'vers libre'.
The words roll off the tongue when it is read aloud.

The careful arrangement of the poem into three separate parts underscores the transitions from beginning to end.



*Burstr* Emotional Impact

I was moved by the poignancy of this evocative poem.

I particularly liked 'I loved you beyond imagination'.



*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no issues with this aspect of the piece.


It is a privilege to read your work. I hope this review has been helpful to you.


sincerely,

teerich


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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2003463 by Not Available.






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Review of GHOSTS  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Geoff. I believe you are one of our Newbies, so would like to extend a warm welcome to you.

*Smile* teerich here.

This

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comes straight from the *Suitheart*

I am a writer, just like you.
I am not here to judge you.

Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


I am reviewing your poem, "GHOSTS today in return for the review you posted on my poem, "Invalid Item


*Burstg* Personal Impression

Your title caught my attention.
I love a good, ghost-themed poem.
And, yes! I call it a poem, too.

The graphic is eye-catching.



*Burstp* Tone & Mood

I like the contemplative tone you use.
You ask some interesting rhetorical questions here.
The answers may not be what we want to hear.



*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The unrhymed free verse format is appropriate for this contemplative piece.

The line breaks are well-chosen and add to the smooth rhythm.



*Burstr* Emotional Impact

I find this poem deliciously spine-chilling.

The repeated use of 'shadows', 'prey', and 'ghosts' heighten the sense of foreboding as you read through the poem.

I like the implied menace of the final line.



*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

This aspect was fine, apart from one minor problem.

'There's plenty of them now.' 'There's' is the contraction of 'There is'. In the interest of consistency of tenses you might want to consider changing it to 'There are'. This correction does not effect the style or atmosphere in any way.



Thank you for allowing me the privilege of reading your poem.
I hope my remarks are helpful to you.



sincerely,

teerich






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Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Snow

Teerich - 2019 here.

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you. Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion. It is my honour to read your work. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your blog entry, 'Day 3: Campers Gathered around a Campfire' today as part of my review challenge at the "I Write in June-July-August


*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

I love a good story round the Campfire.
You get my attention immediately with the marshmallows.
Then you mention the Harley and this born and bred, certified, biker chick is double-hooked.
You move on apace and the third hook for me is the Perseids.
Marshmallows, motorbikes and astrology are a winning combination, as far as I am concerned.
Then you throw music and the promise of a little romance into the mix and I am rocking it out at the party.
I can barely wait to see how this pans out.



*Check5* Characterisation

The characters speak for themselves.
Any woman on a Harley has to be an interesting gal.
The handsome stranger turns out to have more depth than she realises



*Checkr* Dialogue

Dialogue is apt and clearly set out.
I like the way you avoid too many he said/she said links.
Links like '"I'm Rita," she shook his hand. "Is it alright if I bring my cat along?"' add to the narrative nicely.



*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The place, time and mood are well-captured.
I can imagine the scene as Rita and Rock cruise across the Nevada Desert.



*Check4* Presentation

The narrative is well-presented in short paragraphs with dialogue taking a new line each time someone speaks.
There are some minor grammar issues which you might consider addressing.
1. '...roasting their marshmallows on ? as one by one they tell...': ? There seems to be something missing here.
2. '... she could feel the tense tension rising as she followed Rock...'
3. '...Their They're very reasonable," he said. "Their They're cheaper then than': 'Their' is the possessive pronoun. 'They're' is the contraction for 'They are'



*Checkr* Overall impression

I liked this great story with a clever twist in the tail.


Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri
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Review of Chocolate Monster  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Elysia

My name is Teerich - 2019

I chose to review your short story, Chocolate monster today as part of my participation in the "Invalid Item.

I found it in
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2002913 by Not Available.
.

Please bear in mind that I am a writer like you and anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


*Check3* Capturing interest

I was hooked at the mention of chocolate. This has a tendency to glaze my eyes over. Salivation is never far behind. *Laugh*

Your opening paragraph sets the scene beautifully. The narrative has a great pace.



*Check5* Characterisation

You capture chocolate addiction love perfectly. This seems to be a mild chronic case which is barely out of control.


*Checkr* Dialogue

dialogue is appropriate. I particular like the internal dialogue.


*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The rich comic narrative heightens the story.


*Check4* Presentation

Just one minor issue: 'everything you’ve ever done wrong is supposed to poor pour out like bubbles


*Checkr* Overall impression

This had me chuckling all the way through and reaching for *Choco**Choco**Choco**Choco**Choco*


Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri
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Review of Blending Worlds  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, TJ

My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you. Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion. It is my honour to read your work. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your short story 'Blending Worlds' today as part of my review challenge at "I Write in June-July-August


*Check3* Capturing interest

I like the idea of Sasha finding her true destiny and of a new take on reincarnation. This was a great hook into the story.
However, I found the wide line spacing a bit off-putting, as I was continually having to scroll down. I would suggest leaving no more than one extra line between paragraphs and dialogue passages.



*Check5* Characterisation

Sasha seems to be very single-minded on following the path suggested in her dreams. I think it is understandable that Stan is unsympathetic to Sasha's plans.


*Checkr* Dialogue

The dialogue is clearly set out and there is no difficulty in knowing who is speaking. However, I felt that one or two of the paragraphs are overly long and complicated and would suggest that they would benefit from being broken up a little. For example: you could split up the paragraph on the discussion of the two laws and what Sasha has to do at 'Through the Law of Attraction events will...' and 'One of the first things you will want to do is...'

*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The action moves at a steady pace. However, the story starts with a 1st person Point of View in the paragraph 2, then the rest is written in the 3rd person. In the interest of consistency, I would suggest changing the 2nd paragraph to into 3rd person.


*Check4* Presentation

Some of the sentences seem incomplete. For example,
1. Sentence 2 in the first paragraph has no verb part. In the interests of clarity, I would suggest that it should run on from sentence 1 with a comma instead of a full stop.
2. either 'The physical idea of what reincarnation is, is false': or 'The physical idea of what reincarnation is false'



*Checkr* Overall impression
I like the concepts suggested in this story. I feel it has the potential to be developed.


Thank you for allowing me to review your work. Remember that these are only my humble suggestions. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri
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Review of How To Meditate  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Intuey,

I found this in Spiritual: Breathing Lessons and just wanted to let you know how much it lifted my spirit on a cold damp morning.

It has set me up beautifully for the day ahead and sent my energy levels soaring.

Thank you for this gift of positivity.

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Terri


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Review of Almost Breathless  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Drifter

I found this in the newsletter, 'Spiritual: Breathing Lessons' and it touched a nerve. I have wrestled with demons in my path.

Now, I know that poems are not the poet, that we often write about themes hypothetically. But on the off chance that this has a grain of truth for you, I recommend that you read this newsletter and some of the poems listed in it, particularly

 How To Meditate  (E)
Meditation, a key to freedom of flight
#1997509 by intuey


on meditation, which I find helpful in grounding myself, and

"Dandelion Clocks,

which is just a beautiful up-lifting poem.

Thought is the precursor to action. You choose the tenor of your thoughts. Choose wisely.

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Review of Dandelion Clocks  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kasia

I found this poem in the newsletter, 'Spritual: Breathing Lessons' and just wanted to let you know how much it moved me. I was transported back to childhood days wandering the hilly countryside above my city home. These scenes were replayed years later with my own children, and later still with my grandchildren.

The Spring carpets of gold always fill my heart with joy.

Thank you for lifting this dull damp morning with your offering.

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47
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Review of Hyperbole  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Dave

It's good to hear the Kracken roar.

I took my dead end at this tribute
You choice of words sent me soaring
You premise I cannot dispute
Such sophistry is never boring.

I died laughing at your humour
I split my sides at all that mirth
But my demise was just a rumour
Hyperbole, for what it's worth.

Great poem

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48
48
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Storm

This is a great no nonsense wee poetry contest. You have made a good start.

The rules are simple and easy to understand.

I loved your list of words, especially the alliteration. Just unconnected enough to stretch the imagination.

I love your layout and all the colours you have used.

I am looking forward to how this one progresses.

Sorry I can't give you more of donation.

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Review of Untitled  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, Snazzy Shiba


My name is Teerich - 2019 and I am reviewing 'Untitled' as it was on the Hub and you asked for someone to have a look at it.

I see that you have just joined the site, so Welcome. I know that you will find encouragement and help here, as I did when I joined.


Please bear in mind that I am not a professional writer and that anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.


*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

You set the scene quite well. You quickly introduce the characters and move the narrative on smartly.


*Check5* Characterisation

Your characterisation is spot on for a prelude.


*Checkr* Dialogue

Dialogue is clearly separated from the body of the narrative. The content is generally believable.

However, try to resist the temptation to use the repetitive 'he said/she said' phrases to explain speech.
For example:
' “ Tch.” He growls in frustration, shoving his shaking fists into the pockets of his jeans'With a growl of frustration Antonio shoved his shaking fists into the pocket of his jeans.
' “That kid’s got some remarkable talent.” Antonio compliments'Antonio nodded towards the young guitarist.
' “ No. Nothing like that at all.” Giving Antonio a playful nudge, she says. 'Nora gave Antonio a playful nudge.'



*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

You have set the scene well in the first line with 'Night made its arrival.'
The mood is one of mild confrontation between Antonio and Nora.



*Check4* Presentation

It is presented as a paragraphed narrative with dialogue. The paragraphs are not overly complex or long.

However, it seems evident to me that English may not be your first language as there are numerous issues with grammar.

1. 'A bright eyed boy in thedistance of one of the lamps' doesn't seen to make sense. should this be 'under'
2. 'Passer-bys take notice to the young
'Passers-by' and 'of'
3. 'his omitted demure.' What does this mean? 'omitted' - left out; 'demure' - shy, polite, modest, reserved.

These were some of the issues with grammar that need addressed


*Checkr* Overall impression

This is a good scene setting prelude. You set the scene well.

However grammar issues need to be addressed.



Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri
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Review of Write Stuff  
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Dave

teerich here, with a poetry review from the *Heart*

I chose to review 'Write Stuff' today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item
and as part of my challenge for

FORUM
a very Wodehouse challenge  (E)
A blind set of challenges hosted by Writing.com groups/members. Come test your fortitude!
#1280691 by iKïyå§ama-BacktoWonderland!


You were listed in

"Showering Acts of Joy Garden

I am not a professional writer so please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

Use whatever you can and send everything else floating out into the Cosmos for another day.


*Burstp* Personal Impression


I empathise with this evocation of the compulsion that we writers feel in the pursuit of our craft.
This is a nicely presented three verse rhymed poem which addresses this thorny age old concept in a very personal way.



*Burstp* Tone & Mood

I like the tone of gentle desperation as you search for satisfaction
of 'this obsessive need' that we have to write.

We all share that struggle to get our work out to the public.

We all have to find a way to deal with the rejection entailed in this process
when our work 'never seems good enough'.

Your choice of vocabulary suggest a faintly jocular mood.



*Burstp* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The choice of three short verses for this poem underscores
the brevity of the search for inspiration.

Time seems to be of the essence with the repeated use of 'stuff'.

The aabba rhyme scheme is maintained through out all three verses.
The rhymes seem to emerge naturally as it is read out loud.

However, I did find that I had to read it over several times
before I could find a way to get it to flow smoothly.



*Burstp* Emotional Impact

I empathise with the sentiments you express here.
The persistence to keep trying, no matter how many knockbacks
you receive, is crucial to having the public recognition that
I feel our industriousness deserves.

I love the way you play with the words: for example 'write stuff' and 'get the stuff right'.



*Burstp* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no issues with this aspect that I could find.

I liked that you did not clutter it up with unnecessary punctuation,
using line breaks to create natural pauses.



*Burstp* Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

The way that you had centred the poem on the page made it very attractive.
It emphasised the 'long, long, short, short, long' line format of the poem.
The line beats were consistent in all three verses.

You maintained the assonant rhyme scheme well throughout.

You communicated your passion for your craft.

You employed good world play and used repetition to underline the importance of the 'write stuff'.



Thank you for the opportunity to review your poem. I hope my comments are useful to you.


sincerely,

Terri
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