The power of the mind is stronger than most people think. I believe that our beliefs are a choice, although we are often unaware of making it.
When you choose your beliefs consciously, your subconscious finds a way to support them. Therefore they are often self-fulfilling.
Many of our beliefs are rooted in childhood. These are often detrimental to our adult well-being, reflecting thoughtless words and actions of others who are often unaware of the effect of their careless remarks on young impressionable minds. As adults, we can choose to re-examine these beliefs and replace them with more nurturing ones. Accepting responsibility for oneself in this way is a liberating and exciting choice.
As to your conclusion, the evidence you use to support it could just as easily be used to debunk it. It all depends on how you present it.
As to the writing:
*There are a few spelling errors so you may want to proof read this a little more.
*I got a little distracted by all the convoluted Person A/B stuff in the middle. This could be shortened a little as I believe many people would stop reading at this point.
*I found that some of the paragraphs were a little long.
The person who is brave enough to live as their Authentic Self is indeed a fortunate being.
This a comprehensive reminder of all the people who smooth our way through daily life. Its pace and rhythm enhance the upbeat nature of the sentiments expressed and it has a consistent rhyme pattern. Your choice of words is quirky and attractive.
I would suggest one or two minor changes to punctuation:
Stanza 2, line 1, replace comma with full stop and capitalise the following line.
Stanzas 3/4, line 1, insert full stops. These lines stand as sentences.
Stanza 5, line 1, insert comma.
These changes are cosmetic, only.
This could easily be seen as a universal love poem, for it encompasses the strength of feeling which can exist between two people irrespective of gender and requires only the changing of a pronoun to make it apply equally to either a man or a woman.
The pace and rhythm enhance the feeling of it being a anthem to the joy of love. One can almost hear violins playing and soaring in the background.
I like the pastoral atmosphere in this poem. It reminds me of summer weeks walking in the Austrian Alps with the sound of cowbells in the high meadows.
You have satisfied the requirements of this form well, without it seeming forced. It is impossible to pick out any one phrase, as your concise choice of words adds to the tranquility of the theme. This creates a rich image of a natural order being preserved.
This poem is strongly evocative of the anguish of unrequited love and the pain, intentional or otherwise, that we sometimes inflict on one another.
The imagery you have used is quite dark, but very apt; equating the depth of the sorrow with a long prison sentence, without parole; being left 'alone on the hanging tree'; 'to kill with the cuts of a thousand insults'. These all serve to heighten the emotions portrayed.
The rhythm and pace of the piece emphasise the moroseness of the poor unfortunate tortured soul.
This short but sweet poem is succinctly evocative of the joys of comradeship and friendship. I like the idea of the bonhomie 'flowing like water from above'.
The analogy of being with friends as being on vacation is joyous.
Alexi this is a beautiful homage to the the miracles of nature. Is is evocative of all the awe and wonder that 'his priceless riches ever unfolding' can yield.
Lyrical rhythm and pace of the piece create a mood of tranquil serenity. One can almost smell the lilies and hear the birdsong.
This was a good attempt at this form. I have tried it myself and it is difficult to do without seeming forced, especially with the end rhymes.
The content appealed to me, as I paint watercolours. I empathise with the sentiments, which you express so well. I like the idea that 'the still world comes to life, yet still remains frozen' and 'the colours, they go on strike mismatching hues'.
Because we have an inner idea of how we want the picture to look, the artist sees the flaw. Thankfully, the viewer does not.
You have indeed managed to create an enjoyable sense of rythm and pace in this poem. It is almost a sonnet, and the addition of a line after line 7, rhyming with line 6 is all that would be necessary to make it so.
The general mood is quite sad. The writer has surmounted his grief at losing his love but still feels that life is empty.
You have created some powerful imagery: 'my soul the wine my heart the broken bread', 'clensed of grief' and 'courage goes marching' are particularly strong.
A very long stream of consciousness, indeed, giving much food for thought. Some excellent imagery and a faily consistent rhyming theme.
Who can deny that they have looked at the blank faces on a train and wondered about the people behind them. But I know, from experience that often, when my mind is racing, my face belies the fact and I, too, could be said to appear purposeless. Food for thought, indeed.
This amusing little ode brightened my day. As a keen gardener, I envied the weather you were having. My own Northern Ireland garden is still in the grips of cold and rainy weather so this poem filled me with the expectations of what may be to come. I particularly like the idea of the 'strawberries flocking', the 'gaggle of aubergines' and the carrot tops floating in a sea of dark earth'. Your evident zest for your natural produce shines through.
The cracking pace added to my enjoyment of the piece.
This is a beautifully written and evocative piece which resonated in my heart.
The precise nature of this form is succinct and it is also very balanced visually which makes it aesthetically pleasing. It epitomizes the joy of that early morning stroll in a peaceful garden.
A nicely sardonic piece which sums up (sorry about the Math pun) what all too many people are suffering in these straightened times. I empathise with what you are going through and applaud your attempts to put a positive twist on your misfortunes.
May may bring you what you seek
Banish all these thoughts so bleak
There are two ways to interpret the first line of the couplet above..
A superbly crafted piece of writing which brought tears to my eyes.
An believeable and unique insight into what might have been. I loved the idea that this tragic woman had not died but lived on ito a happy and productive old age.
The plot was excellent. I loved the way the story built to its climax.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/terri10/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.31 seconds at 2:36pm on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
