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280 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 ... Next
26
26
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great idea for a birthday celebration. I enjoy anagrams and play them on my phone every day.

I'm doing this as my task for the hot potato game. So, I'll limit myself to ten minutes and make words from "WDC Birthday Bash". I count 84 words in ten minutes.






Don't scroll down if you don't want to see my word list.








Wash, dash, cash, hash rash, brash, trash, trashy, warty, wart, war, way, dry, dray, wrath, bad, bat, bay, bar, bra, brat, bray, cat, cry, cats, cast scat, scar, arcs, arc, acts, act, yachts, yacht, chats, hats, hat, stay, say, thy, carts, cart, trays, tray, stray, rays, ray, harts, hart, tars, tar, arts, art, artsy crash, arty, star, rats, rat, darts, dart, drat, bard, drab, bath, baths, stab, tab, tabs, crabs, crab, cabs, cab, with, wish, thaws, thaw, why, what, was, saw, straw, swat.
27
27
Review of Alfonso Mango  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done!

I saw this poem on read & review, and I like it a lot. The images are vivid and consistent with the theme. Your rhymes are natural and your meter is consistent throughout. My only question is whether Joe will ever settle down with just one girl. *Smirk*


Keep writing,


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.


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28
28
Review of Bottles  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done!

I saw this poem on read & review and I like it a lot. The images are vivid and accessible. The point is clear, but not trite. We could all use a refill sometimes and we are all deserving of a refill.

I especially like "The tide moves, bringing the happiness with it"

Keep writing,


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.


A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards       Signature for those who win an honorable mention at the 2020 Quill Awards       For quill 2021 winners       Quill Finalist Logo 2022      2023 Quill Nominee


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29
29
Review of The Ring  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!


This is a fun and intriguing story that held my interest to the end. The characters are well developed, and the dialogue sounds natural to my ear. I especially like the line:

her former flame melting like a candle inside his business suit.


The text would benefit from some detailed editing. I found some problems with typos and misplaced commas.

Overall, a good read.



Here are some suggestions for your consideration:

As a general note, the font is small for my aged eyes, and I'd suggest using a 1.4 line spacing to further improve readability.

While Kellies Kellie's father was a quiet and caring man when it came to her mother, Marilyn, things were very different.

Marilyn to put it mildly Marilyn, to put it mildly, was an intimidating factor in each of her daughters lives.

and Marilyn was the one none of the girls wished to anger.

They didn't quite understand why but and Marilyn asked her daughter if she could just change.

and once more being under the thumb of her mother's rules thumb.

Jack was a successful lawyer within the firm where they worked,

It was his personality that soiled soured Kellies opinion though.

"I maybe may be an asshole Kellie but I'm still that girls father,"

making idol idle threats

Jack pausing he as he gazed at his hands in wonder. "What's...what's happening to me!"

Kellie had no answer, to too stunned to speak as Jack continued

she could hear his voice gradually shift in an octave

You do not wish to have your daughter grow up under the stren stern gaze of your mother.




Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.


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30
30
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!



This story popped up on Read & Review and caught my attention. It's a well-written scene that could work as an interlude in a longer story. The dialogue sounds natural to my ear and fits the characters as I remember them from the books. The spelling and grammar are good. The formatting is pleasing to the eye and makes for a pleasant reading experience. I didn't find anything actually wrong to critique.

The only suggestion I could offer is not really a critique. This sentence seemed a bit awkward to me:

He was always being made to shine his uncle's and cousin's shoes, and his cousin's.


Overall, it's a very good piece.


Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.


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31
31
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!


This poem popped up on Read & Review and caught my attention. It's well done, revealing the author's whimsical attitude toward the craft of writing poetry. The meter breaks a bit in places, but overall, I like it.

The only suggestion I could offer is not really a critique. It strikes me that the use of every vs ever might not be intentional? However, this is a poem, so it may be the author's choice.


Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.


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32
32
Review of Jack and Claire  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a well written piece that manages to tell a complete story about a last-minute wedding breakup using only dialogue. The characters are believable, and their words sound natural to my ear. I found only one small thing that seemed out of place (in bold below):

“I didn’t. My mom did. She thought we would be fine with it when they spoke about it and it actually never came up until before.”


Keep writing and good luck!


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33
33
Rated: E | (4.5)
It's not easy to review poetry. Unless specifically noted by the author, the form, grammar, genre, and presentation are all arbitrary. That leaves only how the reader feels about the poem, a totally subjective evaluation.

My first impression of Unwanted Poppy is that it's presented well. The balance of text and white space feels appropriate. The use of color and font is pleasing to the eye and draws the reader in. The emoticon helps to set the tone.

There are a number of evocative images presented here that bring to mind cemeteries, funerals, and fields of poppies. I get a sense of loss and mourning that goes deeper than the obvious. There's regret for the 'should've been close' relationship that remained too distant for true warmth. A mourning for what might have been as much as for what was. I've been to a funeral in February, with more ice than mud, and the feeling is similar.

One jarring note for me is the use of the word 'pedals' instead of 'petals'. I don't know if it's a typo or a choice, but it didn't seem right to me.


Overall, I think this is well done and I enjoyed reading it.


Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

For quill 2021 winners



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34
34
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting scene that could well be the first chapter of a longer piece. I think it would benefit from more background so the reader gets a better understanding of the setting and the terms used by the characters. I'm confused about the terms cog and robo. I'm not well-versed in steampunk, so the fault may lie with me.

My first impression when opening the story is that it needs more white space and a larger font. Dense text will often dissuade a casual reader.

One point that I wanted to be resolved was the fate of the Baron's automatons. Can his technology be copied by others? Perhaps the Baron could lament that it all dies with him. Or is there another mad genius waiting in the wings?

I found some specific rough spots that interrupted the flow as I read. Keep in mind that most of the suggestions below are just subjective opinions. I hope you find them useful.

Keep writing!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
adorned with countless mechanisms evidently intended to impress
(numerous? it's just a door. Perhaps the mechanisms are choreographed to chimes that culminate in the door opening?)

I called over the cacophony of dancing minions.
(steam calliope? cacophony doesn't agree with elegance of the cirque?)

pleased your leadership has taken notice
(use an actual title, perhaps subcog?)

others that had greeted me
(doorkeeper?)

Hired guards lack reticence
(human guards lack discretion?)

Recent (labor) strikes have consumed his time

He straightened at the opportunity to share his brilliance, but relented.
(bristled at the probing question?)

I (also) see through them

He snapped (his fingers)

never refer to her councilmembers as anything but Cogs
(I don't find the different reference?)

face wrought with malice
(twisted?)

Using his body to block his view
(the)

ready to give everything to replace its unruly populace
(suppress)

bought them more time
(the rebels)


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35
35
Review of The Word Smith  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!


I like this poem a lot. The first half, especially, has strong images and a good flow. There are several lines that stand out, this one in particular:

         'In timeless verse I bear my soul' - 'bear' gives a different vibe than the expected 'bare'

There are also a couple of questions and suggestions that come to mind:

Most of the poem is written in rhyming couplets, but not the first two lines? And the final three lines seem as though they should be a final couplet?

'But what spills forth is to no one’s gain' - drop the 'to' for better rhythm?

'I lay in trust to be no more' - this line is confusing to me



All in all, an enjoyable read.


Keep Writing!





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36
36
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nicely done!

You've written a complete anecdote that references the number 22 in a very natural way. The dialogue is well done and there's a touch of humor. This is easy to read and brought a smile to my face. I didn't see any technical errors with spelling or grammar.

Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror,
the reader brings the reflection.

For quill 2021 winners


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
Review of Bon Appetit.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done!

I can see why this one won a prize.

This a well-written piece that is all too believable. I like your characterization of 'Mr. Pinstripe'. It captures the corporate essence and also emphasizes the faceless interchangeability of the power suits.

I don't see any nits to pick.

Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror,
the reader brings the reflection.

For quill 2021 winners


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
38
Rated: E | (5.0)
Carly,

This is very well done, especially in light of the twenty-four hour contest deadline. I like the description of drinking buddies as fair weather friends. That shows real insight.

You've nicely captured a scene that could well have included Thomas. I really like the 'laughter bounding and bouncing' line.

I have a nit and a suggestion:

around each other shoulders (should be other's?)

We dance and hum the Chicken Dance (prance instead of dance?)


Keep writing!



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39
39
Review of The Leap  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good story!

The details are rich and help the reader to 'see' the setting. Your dialogue sounds authentic to my ear. I like the way you've formatted the text with plenty of white space.

There are a couple of nits that I noticed while reading:

Was there was an accident?

a handsome young man dressed in (a) private school uniform

Everybody knew him as, Sam


Keep writing!


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40
40
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Laura,

This is a good beginning for your story.

I assume you want the full-blown editor's critique. Well, ready or not, that's what you're getting! Seriously, my nits and suggestions are shown below. If they're helpful, good. If not, ignore me and I'll not be offended. You are the author, and the choices are yours.

A general suggestion, look carefully at the present/past tense of your character's thoughts and dialogue. Present tense may be more appropriate sometimes.


"Hey John", an older gentleman
the comma should be inside the quotation marks

I am thinking, "How did he know my name?" I walked over
consider using italics for internal dialogue: How does he know my name? I walked over

dressed in brown buckskins an kinda looked rough
should be 'and'

and who are you?"
missing quotation mark

The man looked at him, judging by the way he was looking at me, he probably thought I had lost my marbles.
consider: Judging by the way he was looking at me, the man probably thought

"Son, I do you not remember?"
delete the 'I'

"No I don't remember anything, he wasn't about to tell
missing quotation mark

it looked like you are headed where we are headed
consider 'looks'

He wasn't about to tell Sam, he had no idea.
delete the comma?

his long graying hair, blew in the wind
delete the comma?

the more the idea
consider 'the more I thought, the more the idea'


In my mind, I thought ugh oh, I need to be more careful and watch the way I talk,
         this is the 1800's after all. I hesitated
consider: Uh, I need to be more careful and watch the way I talk, this is the 1800's after all. I hesitated

acquaint himself with everyone, A beautiful
lowercase 'a'

tied back even though she wore a
consider: tied back, and even though she wore a

a bit tattered and layers
consider: a bit tattered and had layers
also, this paragraph has confusing switches between the 'he' and 'I' viewpoint

back of the wagon, spread the map out on the tailgate of the wagon
repetitive, consider: back of the wagon, and spread the map out on the tailgate

It looked to be a three of 4 days ride
'of' should be 'or'

One of the families I had noticed the woman was pregnant and looked to give birth sometime soon.
consider: One of the women was pregnant and looked ready to give birth sometime soon.

Sam must of reading my mind
consider: Sam must of been reading my mind


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41
41
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good job!

This is well written and all too real. Could it be a skirmish that presages a future blowup? The tip of a relationship iceberg?

The dialogue is very natural. I don't see any technical problems. But, is it fair to make the reader actually think? *Smirk*

Keep writing!



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42
42
Review of Custody Battle  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is well written with good details. It has an appropriate atmosphere for a private detective story. I especially liked the part where the 'hardboiled dame' transformed herself into a 'damsel in distress'.

I found a couple of rough spots that you might want to look at:

She withdrew looked at her phone,

knowing that she wouldn’t be able to don her favorite accoutrement

Looking up into the night’s sky,

She unbuttoned the stop few buttons of her blouse,

“Do you need help or something?”

dripping water from her soggy frame making would make the trail of her movements

expertly scanning her eyes over every surface

The sheets and blankets were made, undisturbed

you found evidence of my son at my ex-husband’s house?” asked Alicia Winters,


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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43
43
Review of Halloween  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done!

You've followed the form perfectly with a poem that could stand alone regardless of the form requirements.

You have several evocative images that really fit the holiday. I like the question mark that follows 'mortal'. It suggests the possibility of a costume, but not certainty.

I don't see anything that I would critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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44
44
Review of Life Undersea  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Party* This is a review to celebrate Writing.Com's 21st Birthday with "All Grown Up *Party*


Sum 1,

I found your poem on Read & Review.

This is a well constructed poem that does a good job of giving the reader a sense of what life is like on a nuclear sub (I assume nuclear). I had no idea that you would wear denim socks (anti-lint?). They sound uncomfortable. Explaining the Rondeau form is helpful, and adding a bit of a glossary is a great idea.

My only suggestion is to add a cover image. Just my opinion. There are a lot of public domain clip art images available at openclipart.org

I applaud your service.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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45
45
Review of Life Undersea  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sum 1,

I found your poem on Read & Review.

This is a well constructed poem that does a good job of giving the reader a sense of what life is like on a nuclear sub (I assume nuclear). I had no idea that you would wear denim socks (anti-lint?). They sound uncomfortable. Explaining the Rondeau form is helpful, and adding a bit of a glossary is a great idea.

My only suggestion is to add a cover image. Just my opinion. There are a lot of public domain clip art images available at openclipart.org

I applaud your service.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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46
46
Review of Badger  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Alvirah,

I found your story on 'Read & Review'.

This is a well written story with good images and a strong finish. I like the way you've used vernacular. It sounds natural to my ear. I read through it without any pauses to say 'oops'. That means your mechanics and grammar are very good. I don't have any suggestions for changes.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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47
47
Review of Vanity Fair  
Rated: E | (4.5)
LightinMind,

This is a nice rhythmic poem that fits well with the prompt. I like your images of 'colors dance' and 'twirling in the sky'.

The only quibble I have is the line 'To new patterns we adjust'. It sounds awkward to my ear. I'd suggest something like 'New patterns we weave'. But, hey, that's just my opinion.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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48
48
Review of The Legacy  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done.

The images are very good. You have to actually see one of those framed flags to fully understand the impact.

Your rhymes are natural and the meter is consistent. The only line that I would question is: emotions so closely entwined. You might consider: emotions closely intertwined.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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49
49
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Beholden,

This is a cute story that satisfies the prompt nicely. It's well-written with a tongue-in-cheek style that fits the subject matter. The technical aspects of spelling, punctuation, and grammar are good.

I found only one spot that seemed a bit awkward:

Walking disinterestedly past behind the ogre,



Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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50
50
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Graham B.

Good story!

This is beautifully written. The descriptive language is near perfect, it really brings the setting to life. The dialogue suits each animal well. I especially liked the way you evoked Rat's personality with his behavior.

I didn't find any issues with spelling, punctuation, or grammar.

The only hiccup for me was this paragraph:

In our previous meeting, Frog was chosen," said Mantis. "I see his successor has not deigned to grace us with his presence.


I was confused for a bit, because I thought Crocodile was Frog's successor? Maybe I'm just slow on the uptake.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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