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280 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Finding Home  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Fyn,

This is a nice story that sums up a life well-lived. There's a good message here for all of us. I enjoyed reading it, but there are a few long sentences that could be broken up for better clarity.

Here's a proofreading nit for your consideration:

It had come a long way from a living room with a 1960s orange shag rug in the living room with and an old chenille blanket for a curtain.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

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52
52
Review of Twenty-nine  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good Story!

Thus is a nice idea and you wove the number 29 into the narrative in interesting ways. The settings are well-described and the dialogue sounds natural. The technical aspects of spelling, grammar, and punctuation are good, although there may be one or two misplaced commas.

I do have a couple of minor suggestions for your consideration:

What if I told you  ...?  I know why some great writers die early. (the opening line seems a bit awkward to me)

He was a mega-star-author (I'm not sure about the second hyphen?)


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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53
53
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice job!

This is a good story that obviously draws on your experience as a climber. That's a good thing because it makes the story authentic. On the other hand, some of the terms are unfamiliar to us low-altitude folk. I'm not sure that's bad, but it does interrupt the flow a bit.

Your descriptive details made the setting seem very real to me, and the dialogue flowed naturally.

I enjoyed reading this, the journey motif is a good one, and your ending is spot-on.

I found a couple of proof-reading nits for your consideration:

“Why do (you) ask?”

“I don’t think I get that from anyone else. It’s just part of you who I am!”


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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54
54
Review of Beneath this Mask  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Myles,

Good story!

This is well written and delivers a genuine emotional impact at the end. I found the setting realistic and the dialogue seems natural. There are a lot of descriptive details that ring true and make your small town seem real.

I found a couple of proof-reading nits for your consideration:

the Greyhound draws me closer (to) home

C'mom. The funeral parlor's just down the street.


Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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55
55
Review of Payback  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good story!

Well written with good dialogue and a nice ending.

Here are a few proofreading points for you to consider:

poured the sparkling cool water into a long glass

the Saran gas attacks

“Terrorists. Al-Quaida claimed responsibility.”

Earl watched on, holding his breath

the lights we’re low,

Lucas nodded, a faint smile flickering past his lips.


Keep Writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

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56
56
Review of In the Woods  
Rated: E | (4.0)
WordAddict

I enjoyed reading your poem. I think the first verse is strong and I like the way that you stretched out the first line to evoke an overhanging branch. The following verses seem less poetic and more of a narrative. They describe the scene more than transporting me into the scene.

This is just my opinion and I'm not good at free verse, so take it with a grain of salt. Writing poetry is intensely personal, so any review is likely to miss the mark. We often hear that an author should 'write what you know'. I think better advice is to 'write what you like'. It's your poem, so the most important question is whether you like it. If it says what you intend to say in the way you intend to say it, then it's right.

Keep Writing!

Regards,

Words Whirling 'Round

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57
57
Review of Avatars  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Logan,

Really nice poem. There are a lot of good images here. Your meter and rhyme are mostly spot-on, and that's difficult to maintain in a long poem. My aging eyes would prefer a larger and darker font, but that's just me.

I do find a nit to bring to your attention (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

I think you meant vacuum here, but if it's intentional, then ignore me:

a vaccum of spent nights


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round


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58
58
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Prosperous Snow celebrating

This is truly a poor poem, but I'm tempted to up the rating to two stars because it could have been even worse. You show an unfortunate lack of spelling errors and the grammar is very nearly correct. In addition, there is a definite sense of meter throughout and several true rhymes that spoil an otherwise wretched effort.

Please do not feel encouraged,

Words Whirling 'Round

p.s. This was a fun review to write! *BigSmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Rated: E | (3.0)
Kay,

This is a good story with many powerful images. There is excitement and sorrow as the sisters make their way from slavery to freedom. You show a good imagination and I think your story is a good beginning. Thank you for sharing it!

There is room for improvement, here are some general suggestions:

The text is very dense. If it were broken up into smaller paragraphs, it would look more inviting to the reader. Each paragraph should present a single idea or describe a single scene. Dialogue is usually separated from the other text, this also creates white space. You can use a favorite book similar to your own story as a reference for how to format your material.

Some of your chapters are numbered and some are titled. A consistent choice of format might be better.

It's more interesting to show things rather than just tell them. For example, 'I rose in the pre-dawn darkness' shows the reader more than just saying 'I woke up at 3 am'.


And here are some more specific suggestions:

"grabbed those inside" might be better than "grabbed those in"

"it felt like a desert" would be better than "it felt like a dessert"

"don’t be afraid to slap me" did you mean "don’t be afraid to slap them"?

Tali is writing a letter and describes how Americans write before Betty teaches her letters. This seems inconsistent. Perhaps Tuli could write the first letter in her language and write the second one after learning from Betty?

grits is made from ground corn rather than oats.

"You will go into that space." would be better than "You will go into space."

"Me and Renate ate food twice a day" would be better than "Me and Renate food twice a day"

In some places the name is "Tali" or "tuli" and in others it's "Torli"



Keep writing,

Words Whirling 'Round



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60
60
Rated: E | (4.5)
dog pack,

Nicely written, I enjoyed reading this one a lot. The only disappointment was looking at the header and seeing that it's fiction. It seemed very realistic to me.

I saw one rough spot that you might want to look at. This line sounds a bit awkward to me:

Some soldiers can’t take this kind of life pressures and rigorous fearfulness that can engulf a person.


Maybe it needs some punctuation? Or break it into smaller sentences?

Anyway, good job.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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61
61
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Paul,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

Nicely written! I think you satisfied the prompt very well. Your dialogue sounded natural to my ear and the conclusion provided a good chuckle.

I do have a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         Who the hells there!

I think you're missing an apostrophe.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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62
62
Review of First Time  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
very thankful,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

You've presented an evocative image in a very succinct form. The Gogyohka is new to me, but I enjoy short poems so I'm glad to learn about it. I think you've done well with this challenge.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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63
63
Rated: E | (5.0)
T.A. Brooks,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

Well done! This is a well-written piece with some powerful images. The dialogue sounds natural to my ear, especially the silence.

Technically, the spelling and grammar are good, I don't find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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64
64
Rated: E | (4.5)
GemininiGem,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is well-written and it totally sucked me in. I enjoyed the build-up to the final battle. The dialogue sounds natural and the story flows well all the way to the end. The pictures made for a great punchline.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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65
65
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Jakrebs,

To grok thy plight is to be rightly named 'poet'.

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. Most of us have been there and despaired, whether for a day or a year.

This is a well-written piece that makes a good glass of lemonade. The rhythm and rhyme mostly work and the comic effect smooths the few places where they don't.

I enjoyed some chuckles and learned the correct pronunciation of Dionysus. My only question is why Euterpe instead of Erato?


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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66
66
Review of Briefly Poetic  
for entry "Dandelion" 
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ned,

Very nicely done!

I really like this poem. It totally works even beyond the 24 syllable requirement. The sunny bloom youth/color reference is perfect for the white head age reference. And of course who can resist a child's breath? You've captured the prompt beautifully.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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67
67
for entry "Language Fascinations" 
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
sindbad,

I saw that you won the comedy contest and decided to read your entry.

Well done!

This is certainly deserving of an award. The piece is well-written and your examples flow smoothly throughout to an appropriate finale.

Here's another example you may use if you feel it fits your purpose: In the early 1980's I spent a month working on a project in England. One day a question came up that I couldn't immediately resolve. Due to the time difference, I thought it best to call home for help in the evening, so I told my host that I would 'get on the horn' when I got back to the hotel. He gave me a peculiar look and laughed nervously. It seems that the English use that particular phrase to mean the same thing as 'horny' in America.

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

          it's time for other English speakers to accept the American usage is winning


would 'that' work better than 'the'?


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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68
68
Review of I Forget  
Rated: E | (4.5)
rinsoxy,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are some good hooks here to draw readers in and leave them wanting to know more. I think this is a promising beginning for a longer story.

The memory thing is a good device to suggest age. We all (well, us old folks) tend to lose details. Even big ones. I've been trying to write about my Dad building the house that we grew up in. My Mom, my sisters, & I can't agree on exactly which year he began!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         It wasn't it was just the result of superhuman endowments

I'd suggest a comma after the word wasn't'.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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69
69
Review of Frantz: a movie  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Xtren070,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is an interesting and poignant tale. It's well-written and your English is very good.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         his future wife, Anna, was living with the family as a daughter Germany lost the war,

I think you left out a period after the word 'Anna'

In this line:


         She identified all of his friends.

I think the word 'knew' would be better than 'identified'.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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70
70
Review of An Artist's Peek  
Rated: E | (5.0)
T.L.Finch,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that make a beautiful ode to the natural world. I'm a fan of poems with meter & rhyme and this one works well on both counts. Your images, both literary and literal, suit your subject well. I like the way you've played with the word lense to make it rhyme visually with cleanse.

I don't really find anything to critique.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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71
71
Review of Nature's Nocturne  
Rated: E | (5.0)
HuntersMoon,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a lovely ode to nature. I like poetry with meter & rhyme and this one works well. Your images are great for your subject. Very well-written!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         echo above the ponds and logs.

Echo doesn't sound right to my ear, would echoes be better? Of course, it's your poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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72
72
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Stephbee,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This a good piece of fanfiction. A lot of people wanted to see Harry & Hermione get together. It's very well-written and the dialogue sounds natural. I find very little to critique, but . . .

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

Did you intentionally use the name Hermoine? I'm used to seeing it as Hermione

In this line:

         He was always harassing Potter, instigating him

The word 'instigating' doesn't sound right to my ear.

In this line:

         Harry, full a teenager’s doubts and worries

you may be missing the word 'of'.

In this line:

         What would he think if I complemented like that

I would suggest 'complimented him' instead of 'complemented'

In this line:

         Petificus Totalus would have been a perfect command

I would suggest 'Petrificus'


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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73
73
Review of Curiosity  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Zeke,

I decided it was past time for me to return the favor of doing you a review.

This is a nice piece with a good message. I'm a fan of poems with meter and rhyme, so this one works well for me. The rhythm of the third verse sounds a little off to my ear, but that's just nitpicking. Overall, it's a very good effort.

I'm sorry you're not feeling up to writing anymore, we're poorer for it.

Regards,


Words Whirling 'Round

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74
74
Rated: E | (4.0)
WindSpirit3,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that mostly work. I applaud your boldness in creating words and making unexpected juxtapositions. It makes for an interesting read.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
75
75
Review of Me and only me  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Elexis LaFay,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a nice piece that captures the teenage tension of conformity vs authenticity. Most of us can remember (or still identify with) the struggle to 'find ourselves'. I'm retired but still unsure what I want to be when I grow up!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         Maybe your too blind to see

you may have confused 'you're' and 'your', but it's a poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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