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281 Public Reviews Given
281 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Me and only me  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Elexis LaFay,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a nice piece that captures the teenage tension of conformity vs authenticity. Most of us can remember (or still identify with) the struggle to 'find ourselves'. I'm retired but still unsure what I want to be when I grow up!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         Maybe your too blind to see

you may have confused 'you're' and 'your', but it's a poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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77
77
Rated: E | (5.0)
Par-tay Celly! 14/20,

I came across your poem in the Newsfeed and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here of romance, lust, and love. I like the way you've shaped the poem on the page. It looks inviting and I think it suits your subject well. This is a well-written poem that is deserving of the award.

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         tender tides sogged suits

The 's' on tides tripped me up. But maybe that's just me. It's your poem, so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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78
78
Review of A Villain's Game  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Falling Ocean,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I confess I don't know much about gaming, but your story is well-written, the dialogue is good, and I liked your characters. There are many images here that are familiar and draw the reader in.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In these lines:

         I’m not fairing much better : 'faring' may be a better choice.
         window like portal : a hyphen might be better 'window-like'
         “I will now draw and end my turn. : the second quotation mark is missing

Overall, a good piece,


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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79
79
Review of dangly earrings  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Rhyssa,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that work beautifully and the subject is refreshingly different. I especially like the line "the happy necessity of an artist’s junk drawer" to describe an explosion of colors.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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80
80
Review of Raising Worms  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jatog the Green,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I'm not sure exactly what is going on here, but I was drawn in and now I really care about those worms! Are these merely pets longing to roam free in the great out-underground? Or are they destined for a bait shop? Is that the reason for those accusing eyes? Horrors!

Seriously, there are many evocative images here that make the worms seem real to the reader. Giving them eyes is a perfect silly touch. The lines are well constructed and the verses are well laid out on the page. My only critique is for the word 'appeasing'. It doesn't sound quite right to my ear, but maybe that's just me. It's your poem and it's a good one.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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81
81
Review of Martian Olympics  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Don Two,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many great images here that call to mind both facts and myths of Mars. I'm a bit of a space geek' myself, so this really appealed to me. I especially enjoyed 'when life went with the flow'.

Your rhymes work well and the meter is mostly consistent, but there are a couple of places that sound awkward to my ear.

I did find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         So onto Mars the athletes went

would 'on to' work better than 'onto'?

Of course, it's your poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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82
82
Review of Banning and Best  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Rhyssa,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that illustrate your experience with diabetes. I especially like the reference to 'sugar crystal blood'

This is a poetic piece that links history and personal experience in a compelling way. I don't find anything to critique.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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83
83
Rated: E | (4.5)
SandraLynn,

Nicely done! This is a well-written and humorous piece that made me laugh. I like how you draw the reader into a neighbor dispute with increasingly bizarre behavior, and then 'oh, it's a squirrel'. Good stuff.

A couple of nits:

I think you left off a 'y' from 'dirt laundry'

I'm not sure about the word 'purveyor'? It doesn't sound quite right to my ear.

Of course, it's your story and your choice.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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84
84
Review of The Real You  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Peter,

Welcome to WDC!

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are some good thoughts here and you've put them into a nice poetic format. I like the way you worked pets into the picture. Perhaps it's a reference to them loving us in spite of our faults? or that it's easier to interact with a pet than to face a human relationship?

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

Your meter is mostly consistent, but there are a couple of lines that don't quite match the rest of the poem (at least, to my ear). There are also a couple of places where it seems like a comma might work better than a period. Of course, it's your poem so your choices are ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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85
85
Review of Lloyd's Song  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tema,

Welcome to WDC!

I came across your poem/lyric at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a beautiful tribute piece. It has strong images that illustrate how much you cared for each other.

I don't find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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86
86
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ben,

I came across your poem/lyric at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I sympathize and I wish I could say I feel for you, but I'd rather we not touch just now *Smile*

You've done a good job of capturing the s***ty moment and setting it to a tune that's thoroughly inappropriate for your subject. That's pretty much the essence of parody, so, well done!


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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87
87
Review of 'The Incident'  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
iKïyå§ama,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is an interesting scene that would work well as the first chapter in a longer story. You did very well with the all-dialogue format, it sounds natural to my ear. I think most readers would like to find out more about the incident and see what happens to Miss Marsh.

I did find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In several lines a character refers to:

         Miss. Marsh

you may want to delete the period following the title 'Miss'


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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88
88
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Prosperous Snow,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I think you did a good job of 'fleshing out' the prompt (sorry, I couldn't resist *Smile*). Overall, the piece is well-written and could easily have appeared in any newspaper.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         celebration on, March 16.

the comma following 'on' should probably be deleted

In the line:

         and proof the their son

'the' should probably be 'that'

In the line:

         both their lawyers and the West Waverly school board has told them

'has' should probably be have.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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89
89
Rated: E | (5.0)
Paul,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

Nicely done! This a well-written 'slice of life' scene that teaches the reader about a Navy tradition, reveals a grandpa's love for his granddaughter, and even makes a point about jealousy.

I don't find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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90
90
Review of CASABLANCA  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Christo,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

Nicely done! There are many great images here that pay homage to a great movie. Your opening is very good and really pulled me in. I especially like these lines:

         belief
         in the magic
         of a song, is an apology
         in her eyes

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the lines:

         piano keys are tinkling, constantly
         just out of earshot

Are the piano keys unheard? would 'within earshot' work better?

In the lines:

         the weight of Rick's slack jaw
         and faraway stare

Is it the weight of the jaw or the weight of the stare? would 'slack-jawed' work better?

These are the 'bumps' that distracted me as I read through your work. It may be that I just don't fully understand. It's your poem so your word choices are ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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91
91
Review of GrimRerper  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Cotow/CoCoa,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This scene has strong images that tell an interesting story. I think this is a good start for a longer piece.

I do have some suggestions (just my opinions! *Smile*).

The title is 'GrimRerper' did you mean 'GrimReaper'?

In this line:

         I was fainted by being buried in rubble.

this usage of 'fainted' may not be correct, perhaps 'knocked unconscious' would be better

I find these lines confusing:

         Sunnari is not killed. So I became wild.
         However, the man next to him immediately pressed his body and the woman injected his arm.

they seem to switch between third person and first person?

Did you mean 'I am not killed" and 'the man next to me held my body and the woman injected my arm'?

In this line:

         I feel far.

would 'I feel far away' be better?

In this line:

         remembering the men who died to sleep

would 'went to sleep' or 'slept in death' be better?


Of course, this is your story so your choices are ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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92
92
Review of Deep Darkness  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
AngieR,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that draw the reader into your world. I especially like the line "Love's frayed rope brushes past fingertips".

My only suggestion is to use a larger font to make it easier on my old eyes *Smile*.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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93
93
Review of Falling Down  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lou,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

You selected the genre as 'other' but it seems very poetic to me. I think your words go well with the photograph. The sense of loss with the passage of time comes across quite clearly.

My only suggestions are to use the photo as a cover image and to use a larger font to make it easier on my old eyes *Smile*.

I don't really find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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94
94
Review of Complex Numbers  
for entry "I Got a Rock" 
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Robert,

I came because of the notification about the mini-contest, but I stayed for the article. This is really funny stuff, both the original piece about 'Giant Rock' and your running commentary. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Oh yeah, thanks for choosing my piece as the mini-contest winner!

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95
95
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Aldrich,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is an interesting scene that could easily become a much larger story. The desperation of a blind girl trying to escape into the unknown makes a powerful statement about her captor. The characters are believable and you have a number of good details to flesh out their world.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

I would suggest using a larger font to ease my aged eyes.

In this line:

         she grabbed Renel's key, who he always hid from her

'who' doesn't sound right to me since the key is an object

In this line:

         make her way outside as to not wake Berrnix

would it be better to put 'so' between 'outside' and 'as'?

In this line:

         Now, for the possible the most difficult part of her escape

you could probably just delete 'the possible'

Of course, this is your story so your choices are ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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96
96
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
w0lfbane,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are good images here and I like your theme. The world would be a better place if givers were admired as much as takers.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         speeding away their looking out through the glass

you may have meant to say 'they're' instead of 'their'

In the line:

         Do you think these people go to church on mass?

'on mass' doesn't look right to me, did you mean to say 'en masse'?

Of course, it's your poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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97
97
Review of Acrosswordtics  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Jeff,

I came across your poems at Read & Review and enjoyed reading them.

Nice job on some tough acrostics! I'm a crossword fan so I appreciate your tribute to this puzzle form. The first one is especially good.

Some of the words/lines might be a stretch, but I applaud the effort! *Smile*.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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98
98
Review of Dunstan Dalton  
Rated: E | (4.0)
T.L.Finch,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This a nice 'slice of life' piece that does a good job of describing the lifestyle of a homeless man. We may not agree that his lifestyle is a good choice, but you make us take a closer look and consider our own choices as well.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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99
99
Review of Day 6 - 2.1.13  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Fyn,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a powerful piece with many strong images that force the reader to share your nightmare. At first, I thought it might be about a wasp. Then I shuddered a little as it turned out to be about a much more sinister predator.

This is very well written, I find nothing to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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100
100
Rated: E | (4.0)
John S,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This a good slice of life tale that illustrates the old saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'. Your character is sympathetic and the situations are believable.

I have two suggestions for you. The story is written well, but it's all exposition. Some dialogue might be an improvement, as in the advice often found here at WDC "show, don't tell'. Of course, this is your story so you get to tell it your way. Also, the text is a little too dense for my aged eyes, I think more white space would be aesthetically pleasing.

I found some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         stronger then my mother’s

I think you mean 'than' instead of 'then'

In the line:

         came to repossess, my first true love, my BMW

I think you could drop the comma after repossess.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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