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338 Public Reviews Given
340 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of The Day Called D  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, and welcome to WdC! We're glad to have you!

I liked this poem a great deal - your imagery is great, especially with the refrain. Your structure and rhythm was well-advised, and has a nice, natural flow to it. Phrasing and style was clean and straight-forward, making the poem visceral, easy to read (which means easy to be drawn into!), and memorable.

I did not find any mistakes on the technical side, and the aesthetic was also very good. There was one thing I noticed, however, that I wanted to bring to your attention:

Air snaps, roaring sounds
The divine winds push through white clouds
Adrenaline pumps
Line 3 of this stanza seems rather abrupt to me, especially when compared with the 3rd lines of the other stanzas. It almost seems as if it is missing part of the line. I felt that adding a little something to this would enhance it, and this stanza, a great deal. This, of course, is a suggestion based solely on my personal aesthetic, and is only a minor issue for me. It does not detract much from the overall success of the piece.

I hope you have found this review to be helpful. If you have any questions about my comments here, or any questions about WdC or anything in general, please feel free to message me. My door is always open! Very well done on this piece!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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52
52
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This story filled me with a mixture of sadness and curiosity. The style and the story itself were so unique, so mysterious and yet familiar, that I was completely drawn into it, from first word to last. You did a wonderful job of conveying the personalities of the character within, weaving fear and wonderment into the lines seamlessly. Is this a true story or absolutely a work of fiction? You wrote it with such visceral imagery and emotion, I could believe that this was true, even if it wasn't.

I have very little to suggest or critique in the way of improvement for this piece. Really just one line that I thought i'd mention:

The next things that happened, happened almost too fast to see.
I feel you can phrase this better, to avoid the awkward repetition of the word.

Aside from this extremely minor issue, I feel that this piece is just right, and you should be proud of it. Thank you for sharing it.

*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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53
53
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great poll. This is a very relevant subject, especially for Newbies who seem (for the most part) to be hesitant about voicing their opinions on the work of more senior members. I myself was surprised to read around the site, when I first joined, that there was apprehension about reviewing the work of high case colors. I never had any of those hesitations myself, assuming that they want different perspectives on their work just as much as a black case does. I am unusual, though, and probably too bold for my own good *laughs*, but still this pole is very informative and helpful to others. It was interesting to see what others' results were also, though I wonder how many answer dishonestly? Well done!

*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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54
54
Review of Motherhood  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really loved this. It was poignant and intense, invoking very strong imagery and uncomfortable emotion. Despite the free-verse structure, I found a rhythm within it that was subtle but enveloping, and a strange sad serenity in the phrasing that touched me. I do not have any children myself, being rather young, but I feel a kinship with the lioness, and understand her powerful need to protect her young. The ending was very striking especially, leaving me to ponder this for days i'm sure. Very well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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55
55
Review of Sweet Water  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is very well written, and phrasing is lyrical and pleasant to read, even aloud. I cannot comment directly concerning the subject matter, as I do not necessarily agree with it, but your point is elegantly and poetically communicated. I noticed one thing specifically that I wanted to bring to your attention:

for the balm of Giled
This should be 'Gilead' here, an easy typo to miss, so don't worry about that. I am familiar with the phrase and its meaning for literary purposes (have even used it once in my current novel), though not so familiar with its actual biblical roots. Regardless, I applaud you on its use, as it is a particularly lovely phrase with lovely connotations.

My rating is based solely on the aesthetic and technical success of the piece, and is not a reflection of my opinion of the subject matter itself.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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56
56
Review of "The Special Box"  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do not cry easily, and have in fact been known as rather insensitive and harsh when it comes to matter of emotions, but this brought the telltale sting of tears to my eyes. Many people can relate to the pain revealed here in this piece, and understand its source. Losing a pet is losing a family member for most people, just as hard and there is just as much grief, though some people have a hard time understanding how you can love an animal as much as a person. I do not have a hard time understanding this. Animals are easier to love than people, because they love you completely, faultlessly, and expect nothing in return.

Last year I lost the beautiful, amazing girl that I grew up with. Raven, my family's black Labrador Retriever, was the smartest, most loving, most beautiful dog in the world, and she took care of our family as much as we took care of her. Reading this brought back a flood of memories from my youth, and even from her twilight years, as well as the pain of losing her. It is good to be reminded of how spectacular she was, and how she will never ever be forgotten. She touched so many lives, and yet her greatest joy was to see us happy. Raven deserved the most beautiful, lovingly crafted box that we could possibly build to lay her ashes to rest in, and she got that.

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot critique this, as it touched me far too deeply, and that simply makes it a success in my perception. Also, this was clearly a part of the healing process for you, and how can I tell you any way that you might improve upon your grieving process?

The pain will pass - hold on to the happy recollections you have of her,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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57
57
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed reading this piece, and thought that the author gave a unique voice to a specific type of person who may sometimes be misunderstood by outsiders. Overcoming stereotyping and the feeling of not knowing your place in the world is something that everyone deals with at some time or another, and this was an honest addressing of that. The phrasing and word choice was on the simplistic side, but it suited the subject and tone of the piece, so was not much of an issue for me.

Technically there are no real flow issues here, and the piece is a good length without being drawn out. You might appeal to more readers, touch more people, if you generalized the subject but I like the specificity you used here with 'Gothgirl'. It was a surprisingly positive message, also, which was nice. It could give readers a broader scope and perception of 'these people', as you refer to them.

There was one thing I caught, that I wanted to point out to you:

And these unusual company of misfits
I highlighted the problem - this should be 'this' instead of 'these' because your subject ('company') is singular.

Overall an enjoyable poem that is mostly successful - well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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58
58
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an intriguing and well-written little tale, that immediately caught my attention. Character development was good, and the technical aspect was definitely covered. Your writing was clear, concise, and elegant, which matched the subject matter very well I thought.

My only small issue was the plot. Perhaps it was the starting it in medias res, but I felt that the story would have been more dynamic if you had started instead with the struggle between Amaranth and McHale for her wings, and the tension of the moment he is about the cut them off right before she is saved by the Midlander.

Also, more details would always be welcome in a good story like this one, though I certainly understand the limitations of the word-count getting in the way of that. The challenge is to relay a cohesive, involving story within that limit, and you have definitely done that here. Good work.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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59
59
Review of The phone  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is very good, and I was impressed that you managed such an emotional, deep story with such developed characters using only single-syllable words throughout the piece! Very well done - that is a difficult thing to accomplish, indeed, without the story and characters seeming flat and one-dimensional. I have never even tried anything like that, and I wonder if I could. Perhaps I will! You have inspired me.

On a more critical note, the piece has good flow and connects will with the reader up until Ann's imagined response to her husband's offer of taking a walk. The 'are you nuts' part really threw me off, though I felt that the first part of that, the 'What's wrong with you', was appropriate. I feel that just leaving it as that alone conveys the weight of her feeling, and the second part is unnecessary and makes it seem more comical. If you want to keep the second part, I suggest a rephrasing to maintain the tone of the piece better here.

Besides that very small observation, this was a well done piece, and within such limited parameters. You should be very proud of this work!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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60
60
Review of Feel  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is good, solid poetry with a concrete rhyming scheme and classic subject matter. A proven formula for poetry that is very traditional, I found this to be a little on the safe side, though I do like the brevity of it. I think its length (or lack thereof) lends it an impact that it would otherwise be missing, and that was a well-advised choice.

Another point for you - I observed that on Line 6 you used a comma to separate the phrase, but there is no punctuation anywhere else in the poem. I would suggest when it comes to punctuation in poetry you go 'all or nothing'. Either use proper punctuation throughout the piece or throw caution to wind and just write it 'uninterrupted'. For this piece, I would suggest no punctuation, to give it even more punch along with its length, as if it were all being whispered in a rush of warm breath, into a lover's ear.

I hope you found this review helpful!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
*Vignette5* L.C. *Bird* The Dark Huntress *Vignette5*
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61
61
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a delightful and smart little story, that I can only assume (and hope) that there is more of somewhere! It was a joy to read, and very well-written, so that I have very little in the way of technical critique to offer. I shall try ^_^ :

"The only exceptions to the ancient library feel were two faded burgundy armchairs squeezed behind the bookcases and a giant glass display case lined up against one wall that was haphazardly filled with detailed silver figurines of dragons, each ranging from two to eight inches long and all impeccably detailed. Every one of the models was unique."

*Check* First, I felt that this sentence is far too long. I am a fan of complex sentences (I am constantly having to berate myself for not catching them in my own writing!), but there is truth to the adage that shorter is better. Shorter sentence mean less for the reader to keep track of, especially if your readers are Youth (as I believe this is Young Adult fiction?), and brevity usually translates into more impact as well. Your descriptions of these things in the Shop are so lovely, so excellently written, I would not want them to be lost on the reader. Breaking this up into two shorter sentences would solve the issue neatly.

*Check* My other point about this same section was your use of the word 'exceptions' at the beginning, in reference to the other aspects of the library. Exceptions to what? I do not feel this is the proper word to use here - perhaps 'additions' would work better? You could even use something slightly more complex, if you decide to break this sentence up. But I do not think 'exceptions' works.

I love your characters and the development of them therein, as well as the conversational style of the writing. It is very accessible to the reader, and makes me want to read more of this story right away! Very well done!

I hope you found this review to be helpful - if you have any questions concerning my comments here, please do not hesitate to message me. My door is always open!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress ~

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62
62
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting piece of fiction, and well-written. It was very technically sound, as the only mistakes I saw were rooted inside dialogue and seemed to be intentional, therefore I will not be pointing those out.

*Check* Your concept was fairly original, although there wasn't quite enough explanation for me to say that with certainty. I can make assumptions as to what is going on here, exactly, but they would be just that - assumptions. I prefer more clarity in fiction, because with an active imagination like mine left to its own devices, I am likely to come up with things to fill in the holes that are widely outside of your intended zone. You might consider expanding the piece, including more explanation of what is happening, how these 'Sojourners' (I love that, by the way!) came to be in human captivity, and how the world found out about it.

*Check* Another point, was the inconsistency I noticed in your main character, Iora. He irascibility in the beginning of the story was very pointed, and you wrote that section to really play it up, almost overly so. That would have been fine, to demonstrate her temper and ire so strongly, if you maintained that personality trait throughout the piece. I found it oddly incongruous with her previous behavior to so docilely give her hand to the 'Sojourner' at its command, no thought or hesitation there. If this was because she felt compelled to hand herself over so willingly, then it should likely be mentioned, for the reader's edification.

*Check* Another thing I thought about, was that I would like to know more about the way the 'Sojourners' look! We all have our own ideas about what 'aliens' look like, and it's always a treat in sci-fi writing to hear someone's description of their own idea. I was disappointed when the only description I got there was their height. I definitely wanted more.

*Check* Lastly, I think your ending is too abrupt and rushed. There is absolutely no resolution here, only build up and more build up, then hanging anticipation! The piece, to me, reads more like an Introduction or Prologue to something much bigger and in depth. Is that the case? If not, I suggest that you write more on the end to give your reader more closure. If it is, then you might consider putting something to denote that in a 'disclaimer' or in the item's description.

*Star* I did very much like your characters, and their interactions with one another - that was the gem of this piece, for me. Your writing style, also, is very clean and conducive to an easy reading experience. Technically it was very good and relatively seamless.

Overall, well done, and I hope that you found this review helpful! If you have any questions about my comments here, please feel free to message me - my door is always open!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress ~

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63
63
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting piece. Its brevity makes it feel more like a wonderful journal entry to me than a response to a prompt, but you still convey your thoughts very clearly and with strength. Your writing style is confident and straight-forward, which is a great place to start when creating a story.

That said, I feel this would have much more impact on the reader if you expanded it. Give each of those four incredible words more scope and space to fill, showcasing each one more thoroughly and paying them true homage, as I believe that was your intention originally?

An interesting idea might even be to write a very short story (like vignettes) with each word to represent it in its highest, purest form, driving the idea home to the reader and making each concept more weighty and real. This is only a suggestion of course, but I feel it would make this piece more memorable.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress~

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64
64
Review of Crying Earth  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. In the seconds after reading this, I actually felt that telltale prick behind my eyes that signals the danger of tearshed. I connected deeply to this piece, and sympathized deeply with the voice of the narrator - the voice of the Earth. This is possibly one of the better examples of personification that I have ever come across in poetry.

By no means am I an eco-warrior, but by the gods reading this made me want to run out of my house right now and become one. Join Green Peace or any other ecological organization, if they would have me! It was inspiring, and I believe it will stay with me for years to come, it left such a strong, deeply touching impression. You succeeded beautifully with this piece, and I feel graced to have read it.

It remind me of one of my favorite poems of all time, actually, by Kendrew Lascelles: "When All The Laughter Dies In Sorrow". You should look it up - I think you would take much away from it.

There were a few minor things I noticed that I wanted to bring to your attention:

Someday it will be to late, when my heartbeat finally fades,
*Check*Very small issue here - should be 'too'.

Will they someday realize there was a better way, that to scorch my surface,
*Check*Another very minor issue - should be 'than'.

*Check*One other thing I noticed was your structure in this poem was very odd and a little distracting. A more evenly balanced arrangement of the phrases would make the piece visually more appealing, to go along with the beauty of its content. Just an aesthetic observation, of course.

*Star**Star*Despite these small problems with the piece, I am giving it a rare (for me) Rating 5! This is due to the way that it made me feel, which always trumps technicality. Well done!*Star**Star*

I hope you have found this review helpful! If you have any questions about any of my comments here, please feel free to message me - my door is always open! (proverbially speaking!)

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress~

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65
65
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This piece was very interesting, and thought-provoking. Also, perhaps unintentionally, you created a fantastic mental image for me of Africa as I read - a place of violence and beauty, mystery and primal instinct. I enjoyed the poem immensely, especially your rhythm and well-advised selection of words for the phrases.

I think it could do with a little expansion, to drive your idea home for the reader - your jump from the first stanza into the second seemed a little jolting and abrupt, so expanding the piece into more stanzas between to help link them would solve that problem. But that is only a very small problem. In general the piece is very successful and provocative. Well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress

Welcome to WdC!
66
66
Review of The Place  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A sad and beautifully written piece that made me feel reflective and quiet. As an exercise in descriptive writing I would consider this mostly successful, although be careful that you are choosing appropriate descriptors for the subject and for the overall tone of your piece. For example:

Tiny ripples shatter the reflection of the sky in the pond as a breeze trails its fingers along the surface.

To my perception, using 'shatter' to describe the way the ripples effected the reflection on the water's surface seems too violent, too intrusive and abrupt. It strikes me as inconsistent with the feel of the moment in the story and the writer's style in this work - something more poetic and somber might be called for.

There was a technical error I noticed that I wanted to point out to you:

She briefly considers rolling up the legs of her jeans, but slips then off.

Another thing I observed - and this is merely an aesthetic thing for me - is that I think the piece might have more impact and emotionality in a different tense. You could play with different tenses to see what you like best, or what works best, but it was just my impression that your tense was very slightly awkward in a few places. Something else might work better.

I enjoyed this piece, and I hope that my review is helpful to you - if you have any questions about my comments please feel free to email me. My door is always open!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress

Welcome to WdC!
67
67
Review of Natasha Doomsday  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a fun and unique little story that made me smile and simultaneously made me feel very contemplative. Achieving that with something so apparently lighthearted is challenging indeed, and I really enjoyed this piece! I was surprised by it, and I love reading something unpredictable and original. Your style was engaging and interesting, your characterization of the young girl remarkably well done. There were just a few places where I found the phrasing to be a little convoluted, and the organization of the lines to be somewhat off-putting. For instance, the writing seems to get a little distracted right after the initial mention of Natasha's scratching at the 'dust mote' that settled on her arm so that it's a few paragraphs before that is resolved, and when it comes up it seems a little confusing. You might consider a little rearranging of the paragraphs and placement of ideas, but otherwise this was delightful! Great job ^_^

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress
68
68
Review of Here and There  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
What a grand, sweeping experience you built here within so few words. Your descriptions and word choices created an atmosphere that I was immediately and effortlessly drawn into - bravo! The only thing I observed was that I did not feel an attachment to the main character/narrator at all. You might consider humanizing them a little, giving them (he/she?) some depth and complexity beyond their observations so that the reader feels more connected to them and not just to the beauty of the world you describe. But very good work - well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress
69
69
Review of Precious Cargo  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very good! Your imagery is very strong - I can easily picture this fantastic setting and these events as you tell them, and that is a hallmark of great writing. Your incorporation of the prompt words was very astute and natural. I got the impression that the 'savages' bringing the precious shipment of cocoa in exchange for the 'trinkets' of gold and diamonds were, in fact, humans from Earth! Very witty and subtle - a great piece. Well done!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C.
70
70
Review of Dare  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You managed to make a short poem about diving very exciting and unique! Anyone who has ever stood on a diving board, staring down at the water stretching out below, understands this feeling, but I don't believe I have ever seen or heard it so artfully articulated. Well done!

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ Laura C.
71
71
Review of Haunted Streets  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great imagery here, and very clear, vivid lines that lend themselves beautifully to the haunting tone of the piece. I liked the repetition of the end, it made it seem almost song-like and drove it home very nicely. The theme of lace with the contrast of nature and the seasonal aspect made it very intense and surreal. A very memorable and well-written piece. Well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ Laura C.
72
72
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
An interesting, humorous piece indeed. It was definitely not what I had expected! That is usually a good thing, and was mostly a good thing in this instance. I enjoyed the conversational tone of the piece, which made it seem more like hanging out with a friend and hearing the story first hand. Well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ Laura C.
73
73
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a charming and whimsical little piece this was! It made me smile, bringing to mind my own youth and thoughts about the tooth fairy, my first brush with the world of fantasy. You so artfully romanticized that experience of every child, yet managed to keep it from seeming too childish. Just the sort of read that anyone, no matter their age, can enjoy. Well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ Laura C.
74
74
Review of Deeper  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is very good angst-ridden but starkly emotional and substantial work. For being so brief, it packs a lot of punch, and your harsh phrasing coupled with your equally harsh imagery makes for a tone of discomfiture and leaves the reader effectively unsettled. In that regard, a very successful piece. I can't help but feeling that it would benefit from perhaps adding one further stanza, even two, to draw out the feelings invoked. But well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C.
75
75
Rated: E | (4.0)
An excellent poem - reading it inspired me to thinking about those moments of lost opportunity exchanged between old friends in passing, when you wonder what if you had just said something differently? Or if you had just grabbed that person and kissed them? Ah, regret. Your imagery was strong and well-chosen, syncing very nicely with your subject.

Well done.

Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C.
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