I don't usually rate an entire folder, but I have to make an exception in this case - or I'd end up spending my entire New Year's Day writing 19 rave reviews!
I marvel at the way your words weave a seperate and independant life into each individual poem you've written here.
A wonderfully written tribute to your Memaw. This speaks of a kind of GRAND MOTHERLY WOMEN from times long gone, I suspect. Today's grandmaw's are way different from grandmaws of the past... in a way I'm not sure that is really a good thing.
Your memaw sounds just delightful. I suspect she has a wonderful sense of humor, and is probably a very self-confident women. Sounds like she set a perfect example for you!
I sew too, but don't know many young people who are willing to spend the time necessary to learn and develop the skill.
There appears to be some minor spacing problems in the second paragraph of your story, but it didn't detract from the story one bit.
"This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed in the previous six months."
This is a complicated, strangely twisted, somewhat dark tale you've written - OH MY
A lot of effort must have gone into writing a story this full of drama, emotion, and imagination.
Some things for your consideration:
You wrote:
Instead, the only thing she got was a horrible mood.
I find the above sentence a wee awkward. Maybe consider: Instead, all she had to show for her suffering was this horrible mood.
You wrote:
His shirt, once a dark blue checked one with buttons down the front, was faded and full of grime.
I think you can safely eliminate the word "one".
You wrote:
She had always that the she was one of the coolest people in school, and that she had swarms of friends from all over the country and beyond
I think you possibly meant to write: She had always thought that she was one of the coolest people in school etc... Think you need to insert missing word.
You wrote:
The blonde then coolly declared to the other children that he was so poor, he wore the same underwear everyday.
I suggest you eliminate the word coolly since you used it in a previous sentence in the same paragraph, Maybe insert the word "cruelly."
You wrote:
A furore took place, though to Juliana, the sound was so muffled, it sounded like bad static from a radio.
Is furore a word, or a typo? I couldn't find it anywhere.
You wrote:
She rushed to her feet hurriedly and looked out the clear window.
Rushed... hurriedly... same thing, you think?
Excellent work on a very difficult storyline.
I'd also like to respectfully suggest you tweek the ending a little - For the life of me, I don't understand why there's a broad smile, bright or otherwise, on Harry's colleague face.
Sincerely,
The Critic
Reviewed for
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Your words, justly written, with the respect every hurricane deserves. Thank you for not mocking her, or her wrath.
Yes, Katrina dealt us a horrible blow. Mighty, proud, and unforgiving, like Mother Nature often is. I find your poem captures, with tone and rhythm, and gracefully, the essence of this storm.
Hurricane Katrina did what a powerful, and dangerous storm does.
Since you didn't mention the monumental failures of federal, state, and local governments in Katrina's wake (and rightfully so, it would have added nothing to the well deserved tribute you pay to Katrina)- I won't either.
Your anger, hostility, and frustration is evident. I like the honesty, and although harsh, the reality of this very emotional poem.
Bravo
Welcome to Writing.Com
I hope you find time very soon to say a little something about yourself in your bio block.
I have a few suggestion minor suggestions:
I ask you to consider centering this piece. Not a biggie, I know... it just a little pet peeve of mine.
You wrote:
Don’t ask me if im ok
I suggest:
im - should be I'm
You wrote:
Don’t make me say the truth
When all yours is lies
I suggest:
When all your's are lies
(if you are talking about more than one truth, more than one lie)
(There seems to me to be a verb agreement thing I think... lies is plural... the word "is" singular... if I'm wrong someone PLEASE correct me ASAP.)
The second line does not seem to mesh as well with the line directly before it, and it seemed to drop the tempo you had going on.
You wrote:
Don’t say that ure mad
I suggest:
ure - should be you're
You wrote:
Don’t say you’ll understand
When you don’t have a clue
I suggest:
change you'll to just "you"
(I'm suggesting this change because saying "you'll" means "you will", and that is in the future, your poem seems to be written in the present, the immediate NOW... Am I making any sense?)
You wrote:
Just because I wont answer my phone.
I suggest:
wont - won't
or
don't (I don't always answer my phone either.)
I don't have any spacing suggestions. I have not yet decided if breaking this up into stanzas is necessary. I'm sure there are others who know better than me
I suspect that you possibly wrote this poem while in a very emotional state. I could be wrong. Either way, these are just my suggestions, feel free to take what you want, and trash the rest.
You will find yourself in very good company here on Writing.Com. as there are a great many poetry writters' among us - unlike myself many are really quite good.
Could you have provided a link to a story about the hijackers?
Yes, I knew about this, but I'm a news junkie. I can find my own links, but I believe in citing sources... of inspiration. Maybe, I'm a little strange.
And there is so much more BAD news that is not being reported on due to the Hurricane coverage... Is the possible the media is also overwhelmed, and unable to report all the news?
My son was just home for 14 days R&R from Iraq - The American people are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, being lied to AGAIN, by our President and the media, about what is really going on over there. It is really bad! There is already a civil war going on, and keeping American Forces did not, cannot, and will not stop it.
I don't really understand the point you are making with this piece... between the propaganda that the United States government is publishing and pushing as unbias news, and all the other natural and unnatural tragic disasters goings on...etc. READ MY BLOG! I come away, after reading your piece, with more questions than answers.
Suggestions:
You wrote:
Hijacked planes turned buildings into a floor.
I suggest:
Hijacked planes turned the towers into rubble.
You wrote:
A story like this, the media most desire.
Question:
Your talking about more than one story, so should story actually be "stories"?
Some of the news items you present are presented in present tense, some in past tense... a little confusing.
You wrote:
The media doesn't know about us because Michael Brown quit.
I wonder:
And when you say "us"... are you talking about the people on the plane hijacked in Columbia, the people on the planes that hit the twin towers, or the people in New Orleans?
And I noticed someone gave you a nice, fancy green ribbon for this piece. Congratulations
I also budget for my Writing.Com membership expenses, just like I budgeted to attend this past Writing.Com Convention. Worth it? You betcha
I love auto-rewards too, and I try to give the author fair value for the gift points I receive in return.
I'm absolutely delighted when I receive gift points from someone who enjoyed something I wrote enough to send me gift points. I've even received gift points for reviews that I wrote about other WC members work. How wonderful is that?
The system here on Writing.Com is wonderful. A person can sign up for membership, not know a blessed soul, and start earning gift points immediately just through participation.
I have learned to turn a blind eye to beggers. It has been an expensive lesson for me to learn, but learn I did. As I am sure many others have too.
Bravo Written with such conviction in your tone, and well said. I, for one, agree with you
There are plenty of benefits to being a member of Writing.Com, probably more than maybe some people realize. I know I feel like I get my money's worth, and at the very least I think it is a cheap price I pay for the The StoryMaster to have to put up with me and some of the trouble I manage to get myself into.
My husband is happy, and he has believed for quite some time now that Writing.Com keeps me "off da streets". (Given the cost of gas these days, Writing.Com is even a bigger value now than when I first joined)
Contests? Oh my God, so many I can't keep track, but I have won a few (by the grace of God).
Where else, except Writing.Com, can a person stay at home, enjoy the benefits of membership (its not like going to the gym), and be able to earn what it costs to participate (Gift Points) all at the same time?
Yea, I kinda like it here
Sincerely,
The Critic
And someday, I may learn to writ gud enuf to get published... imagine that? And may, if I don't, know that I have had a wonderful time. Oh yea!
The description of your piece caught my attention, and I did find your brief description funny, as I have often worked on contest entries and missed deadlines. Aaarrrrggggghhh
This whole poem seems to address missed opportunities.
The first stanza reminds me of the first young man I thought I was in love with and my daddy would not let us marry. My father explaining to me, It's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man." - which I really didn't know what he was talking about, afterall I was in love...
I hope you don't miss any more new opportunities that come your way.
My suggestion: Answer the knocks at the door. It just might be Publishers Clearing House.
In my experience there is nothing that can justify looting. And as I read your poem, I don't think you are justifiny looting really.
But I am not one hundred percent positive exactly what your poem is saying. Your description confuses and disturbs me - I don't think any National Guard Soldier, or the majority of any police officers consider it easy to shoot any person.
Every time there is a hurricane my daughter ends up being under a forced evacuation order, which requires her to bring her television, her computer, and most of her expensive belongings to my house. Her house, down the bayou in Dulac Louisiana, does not flood because it is propped up about five feet on pilings. One year looters pulled their boat up to her living room window, which they broke out, and one looter crawled in through the broken window, and then proceeded to pass her belongings to the other guy in the boat. The looters did not take food or other necessities for life - the looters loot for personal gain and profit.
Occassional here a boater will find themselves in an emergency situation, and have to break into a camp for shelter and food. Sometimes they are stranded for a day or two, and some will leave a note for the camp owner. Others have been known to break into fishing camps for no other reason than to steal and take advantage of the fact that there is no one there to catch them.
After hurricane Katrina passed early Tuesday morning the looters had started breaking into stores throughout the New Orleans area. They were not just after food and water at that early point after the storm. People in New Orleans and surrounding areas are very familiar with what is required to survive during a hurricane. The looters were not after basic items like food and water, diapers and formula, although that is what some took.
On the surface it sounds harse to say that looters should be shot, but the fact is: Looters should be shot. There is a small criminal element that take advantage of any situation - and hurricanes just give them an excuse.
Ask yourself why the majority of people stranded at the Superdome and the Convention Center were not out looting. Tens of thousands waited long desperate hours in unbelievable physical and emotional distress for emergency assistance - these men and women were not out looting. Some watched helplessly as loved one died. They waited for hours that turned into days, people young and old died - while Federal officials schemed and plotted to take Federal control of the State of Louisiana - using the desperation of American citizens in dire straits as the pawns in their game of power and control.
Your poem seems to demonstrate to me that you have no experience with looters during disasters.
While it appears perfectly written, my rating is more of an emotional response to content, so please don't take it personal. I am refunding to you the gift points you have offered for a review of 250 characters - I am almost positive you will not be happy with what I have said concerning my thoughts about your poem, but please know the good, regular, everyday hard-working American citizens of Louisiana, which also includes the majority of the working poor, do not condone looting.
Oh, but just for visual impact and appeal you may want to consider centering it.
And if you really want to know more about the people who spent agonizing hours waiting for help that didn't arrive until it was too late for too many I suggest you read
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The entry titled: Thoughts of a Trash Picker at the Houston Astrodome
There is nothing anyone can say to me that could possibly justify the bureaucratic snafu created by Federal government officials who predicated Federal emergency disaster assistance on Federal control of the State of Louisiana.
Very Interesting Forum Chriswriter, and I can't believe a soul has not rated this before I stumbled in here today, and as usual... late in this case "very late", but...
IMHO, it's really never too late, and the longer a person waits to decide on anything... the more it is going to cost anyway.
So, I can hope a lot of Writing.Com members have a financial windfall of sorts (lottery, long lost rich uncle, find buried treasure, etc.) and ya'll start making plans NOW to attend next year's 2006 Convention.
Interesting Poll question. I like the way you worded the question, and the multiple choice answers you provided. Stumbled across this in the Content Rating Forum... where I have been feeling like stirring the pot, but I do realize that is a little like beating my head against the wall... repeatedly...
I think this is the most votes I've ever seen on any one poll... I could be wrong - and if I am I am sure I will hear about it.
I absolutely love the fact that you did not include "combinations" in your poll - really made me stop and think. Good Job! I hope tons of Writing.Com people answer your poll question... and I hope just as many have as much trouble as I did deciding on just one answer. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggh.
You have just given me the solution to MY problem.
I am in several groups here on Writing.Com. I am seriously geographically challenged. With this piece of work of yours I now have a kind of templet to use to get some sense of place in time where my fellow group members are.
I also want to include time zones.
I was trying to figure out a way to graphically do an interactive world map that would show where on this piece of dirt hurling through space everybody in my groups were physically located. I wanted to be able to hover my little pointer over any state or country and have a list of who lived there POP-UP.
YOUR METHOD IS SO MUCH EASIER
Thank you so much for this. Wonderful idea, not just for Writing.Com as a whole, but for all members of all groups
I suggest EVERYONE put this in your favorites
Sincerely,
The Critic
Add me to your list -- I am in "Down the Bayou South Louisiana". And I don't care who knows it.
FACT
Any body North of I-10 is a yankee! And yes, there should be a distinction concerning where in Louisiana somebody is, in my humble opinion.
You clearly state the audience the advice is geared towards - very important.
This also includes advice for writers concerning the readers, who are not necessiarily the intended audience, but will be reading the author's work to young children. Thank you especially for that.
It is not often that I can't think of one single item that can possibly improve on a piece of work, but in this case, I think I have truely found perfection.
If you write for young children, YOU NEED TO READ THIS
If you are a member of the Children's Writer's Group, This may be an ESPECIALLY HELPFUL READ
Oh, this is precious. It is also the only link that I found while searching for a link to refer a newbie to Writing ML tags, but if I did refer a newbie to this link I think it would almost be cruel{/}, don't you?
Oh, I have done the {bitme:}... tag, and it just does not perform as intended.
Neither does {citeme:}..., which I feel is like asking for some kind of traffic ticket, or asking someone to quote me. Which in my case, neither is a good thing.
I love your sense of humor in this piece and hope that you would expand it. With your talent this is certainly not an impossibility, wouldn't you agree
So, please do not {citeme:}, but I think that it would possibly be a cute addition to your {biteme:} warning about writing ML tags. .
And one other thing I would ask you to consider changing, some monitors are so big that when I read that your monitor bit you, I got horrible visions of a face gobbling monitor, would you consider saying your keyboard bit you, then I could have mental images of the keyboard gently nibbling at your fingers and you having the opportunity to jerk your fingers away before lossing an appendage or two. Seriously.
I do love WritingML tags, but I am discovering that the little beggers are wanting to roll off my fingers everywhere now. Almost automatically. Is that a problem for you to? I am very serious, yahoo and hotmail do not recognize these little critters that I have grown so fond of. And they certainly help to set a tone, which we all know is very difficult to sometimes display when reading a review regardless of the numerical rating. Just gotta love 'em.
And I would love to see you expound on all those ~~image ownership problem~~ comments and the like at the bottom of e-mails and members comments in forums, but that would probably be another article.
WRITE ON.
Thank you for having this very entertaining and delightful item in your portfolio.
Very interesting poem. First I thought that you could have been writing about a co-worker, but as I reread it several times... I don't think this poem is a reflection on a relationship between co-workers.
In my humble opinion, I think that this is possibly referring to a spouse...
The lines that stand out the most and make me think that the poem is in reference to a marriage are highlighted below:
our loving relationship at its end.
my smile mirrored by yours, would
to subject me to your daily assaults,
since I simply must spend time with you.
but I’m stuck with you to the bitter end.”
I think the words "the bitter end" are the most telling (for me anyway, and then again I may be wrong ~~ I too often am!)
In old school thinking ( yea, I'm old), remembering my own marriage vows where I agreed till "death do us part" which would certainly be a bitter end, Especially, if the marriage died first is the reason that marriage comes to mind.
I think this is very well written and I like the way that it applies to more than just one type of relationship depending on the POV of the reader or the life experience of the reader. Seriously.
To my way of thinking that makes this poem "interactive", as the reader interacts and has to be personally involved with the words, make them applicable to the readers life experiences. One of the truely amazing things about this poem is even if a reader has never been married ~~ it can apply.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Even your question at the end that puts a challenge of sorts to the reader is open ended allowing for so many different right answers.
So many people forget about the friendship aspect of marriages over the long haul...
Thank you so much for this great piece of work.
I checked the current rating, and the three people who rated this previously, in my opinion are just wrong, but what do I know?
I really enjoy the way you tell a story, and it made me feel even worse for not being able to attend.
Yours is the first one that I have read about Convention 2004, and I do so look forward to reading others.
Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely,
The Critic
I am including the following link just as a heads up in case you have some political work you would like to submit for possible publication, or know someone who does (REALLY):
Y'all really ought to stop by this Campfire for a visit, and I am not saying that just because I have a couple of poems in it. This is the first Campfire that I have ever had the pleasure to participate in, and by reading this one in addition to the good reading -- you just might get inspired to create your own or join someone else's.
It is fun ... It is a persoanl challenge ...
I don't know about the others, but my work in the Campfire is not in my portfolio. I don't even know if
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's can be used in Campfires
It is easier to ask, and wait for an answer. Thank you very much
I am just counting my lucky stars that I stumbled across all this excellent information that you provide for the enormous fee of FREE.
As a still unpublished writer, and frustrated google-er on the topics of "writing" and "freelancing" your article provides enough real information and inspirition that I feel confident that I can do this.
And did I mention my gratitude for your including the link to the folder in your portfolio that contains even more solid information for a hopeful writer like myself.
I hope that my simple "Thank you" is sufficient.
{{{{{{{{{{HEY Y'ALL--Want to get published}}}}}}}}
{e:up{{e:up}READ THIS
and I suggest that everybody put this in your favorites, too
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one with buttons down the front, was faded and full of grime. 
You're absolutely right! You definitely need a comb out.
in this case "very late", but...
yea, I'm old), remembering my own marriage vows where I agreed till "death do us part" which would certainly be a bitter end, 
is the reason that marriage comes to mind.
{{{{{{{{{{HEY Y'ALL--Want to get published}}}}}}}}