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1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! ,

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* I found your biography well written. It gives enough depth about your life and they type of writer you are.

*Thumbsup* Your testament to how prolific a writer you are is well documented.

*Thumbsup* new fuel to stoke the passionate creative writing fire that burns within him. This line caught my attention. It made me want to be that kind of a writer.

*Thumbsup* I was curious if Darkness Publications was and Indi publisher run by the author.


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There is nothing that I change in the wording. I might for space purposes, link the publications and not show them as a long list. They are impressive.

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Parting Comments


Great job with this bio. I'm going to have to keep it in mind for my next book bio.


My House of Stark signature
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102
Review of THE LAST SWALLOW  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, RICH ,

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* The picture of the terrain you painted with words had me right there on the stoop. I have seen storms like this come across the plains of the midwest in America. An impressive yet devastating sight.

*Thumbsup* I felt sorry for the swallows and the driving storm.

*Thumbsup* You stold this story with grace and sensitivity. A wonderful tale even to the end. How fitting

*Thumbsup* Quickly the pitter-patter was drowned out by a solid roar of little white ice fiends, smashing ice against steel, slowly causing the green lawn to change to a snow white ice blanket.
 I found this to be an exceptional description.

The swallows started dropping from the sky; some falling with a spiraling action; others, like little down-coated rocks, fell down with folded wings and a little hop ... still; others, going into a dive and never rising again.
The little bodies, disappearing under a fleecy blanket of tiny ice pops, till there was not one swallow left in the sky.
 Here is the second one that I felt described the situation with detail.

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The only things I noticed is the over use of HE. Since the reader knows there is only one person in this viewpoint You could say. Standing on the stoop, watching the Technicolor...
Looking away from the swallows still battling the elements. a dirty grey blanket....


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Parting Comments


IGreat job!


My House of Stark signature
103
103
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, kerrimiller },

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* I had to laugh. A similar incident popped into my mind. I loved the premise. Great plot line.

*Thumbsup* The story unfolded with a good arch of intensiveness. I was pulled along to the end.

*Thumbsup*I loved the intense waiting for the phone call and what the caller said. Her idea she was going to be famous was humerous.

*Thumbsup* Great ending!!!


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I think you can leave the announcement at the beginning off. Just let the reader find out. There is no need to put a spoiler in the beginning.
And this is why I signed up for a contest. That endless month ago. You should tell what she did for the contest. Write a story, Poem? Later you mention something about a sitcom plot but it was vague.
I felt disappointed as her school work seemed to interfere with her life's desire. Especially when she didn't call right away.

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Parting Comments

I had to laugh, as a bored Teen my neighbor and I played a trick on our school friends by telling them they were on a contest. The winner would get to go to England. We did have a winner. The girl we called to tell her she won wasn't home but her brother must have run down the street screaming for her to come home.



My House of Stark signature
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104
Review of A Final Meeting  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, werden ,

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* I am interested in reading other's who write about alzheimers patients. You have done a great job describing the grandmother's reactions.

*Thumbsup* Bills fear of what he will see is real. We all want to remember the person as they were. They love guests even when they don't remember who they are. My mother once asked me why I wanted to visit the aunt that wouldn't know me. Was it for me? was it for her because once I was gone she would have no memory of the visit.

*Thumbsup* You showed the reality of her not recognizing Bill yet she regained reality for a moment to remember a time they shared. Even though it wasn't a happy one it was a shared time.

*Thumbsup* You showed the feelings by both persons. How it hurts to remember then not remember. Good job.


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A few editing mentions. You can delete almost all the following words and it won't effect the story. ...drove UP to the parking space. (Up as opposed to down? did she live on a hill? )
Bill silently protested his parents unspoken accusation no -LY words.Most times -LY words aren't necessary. If no one spoke how was this accomplished?
Look at every time you used THE in a sentence. Over used and most times it can be deleted. These are things editors look for.

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Parting Comments


I worte a similar story posted in my port called The Unguarded Truth. Its about the same thing. You have nailed the conversation.


My House of Stark signature
105
105
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Sssssh! I'm not really here. },

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* Again you have crafted a humerous story much like I would tell it. Compleste with the cute thrid part references to your mother.

*Thumbsup* You have added spice to the story with trips to the restaurant and other eating establishments which are what interests me.

*Thumbsup* Did I say, swim? That idea died almost instantly. We dragged our aching butts up to our room, showered, and attempted to watch a little television. Realizing it was a lost cause, we shut it off, and tried desperately to block out any trace of light oozing in from whatever crevice in the doorway. We closed the draperies hanging over the sliding doors leading to the balcony and begged God to please blind those annoying, large, bright red LED lights on the clock radio. This time fatigue made it impossible to even notice the sheets were still wrinkled over the crumpled, ill fitting mattress pad when sleep took over.

This paragraph I felt described your time perfectly. As a writer you gifted the reader with all the feelings and emotions of the visit. If this was all you wrote, I would have known immediately what your trip entailed.

*Thumbsup* The idea that you would choose to wash your sheets after you returned home seemed a big undertaking to my way of thought.


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I find that the idea people have only one set of sheets they wash and wait until they are clean and dry then return them to the bed is fanominal. Why? I have a number of sets which I immediately put an new set on while I throw the used ones in a pile for a more convenient day to wash. that way if time is short I know when I fall into bed the sheets are clean and the cleaning is on my time not the sheet's time. *BigSmile*

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Parting Comments



Your story is well written with good thoughts and a great ending.


My House of Stark signature
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106
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sssssh! I'm not really here. ,

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* This was hilarious. I love family sotires and you had me on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen.

*Thumbsup* I loved the suspense you used to entice the reader. me. I love a good story and you here you showed extraordinary skill in tantalizing the reader.

*Thumbsup*I bgan to chuckle then the laugh came. The visual words you used to describe the scene felt as if I were right there.

*Thumbsup* I also felt your ending paragraph a wonderful tool. the gentle admonition and let down after I had a good belly laugh made me feel all warm and fuzzy.


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I suggest you change the font size to a bit larger. My eyes trying to read the bright blue and the tiny print felt a bit of strain. That is it. The only suggestion for this wonderful tale.


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Parting Comments

He started running after that trolley car in such a panic, all the while shrieking parental profanities at the unaware driver. /c} The visual of this line could only appear in a Tim Allen movie. Just the thouse makes me chuckle again,



My House of Stark signature
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, Sssssh! I'm not really here. },

I am reviewing your item for "Game of Thrones" .


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What I Liked



*Thumbsup* I love a good detective story and the premise you chose started out as a good one.

*Thumbsup* I like the 1930's slang you chose. It fit the mood of the piece and gave the right flavor to keep the reader in the era.

*Thumbsup*You followed the story through to the end with a well thought out ending.

*Thumbsup*Crime stories are a bit harder to write than ome types. There ha to be some sence of urgency. A ticking clock to find the perpetrator or the sense of justice that needs to be provided.


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The piece began well, but as it progressed the stilted language got in the way of the story. I sugget you rewrite the story with Lou's goal, his motivation and the conflict firmly established. Once the story is formed then go back and change a bit of the dialogue.



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Parting Comments


This piece had a lot of telling going on. I'm sure there may have been a word count limit at some time. I'd like to revisit it without the limit to see what you would add to enhance the story.


My House of Stark signature
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108
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have chosen at this time forego the formatted review that I usually use. I began reading this out of interest in the promoted contest.
I read through the others and came upon yours. From the beginning I was hooked. My vision of the setting was based on my memory of airplane hangers I'd seen on TV. I pictured a dozen or so men seated, conversing about an odd person in their midst. As farther along I read more detail was revealed and the story had me smiling, then a chuckle then an out right laugh!!!
This is a great story about the odd man out!!
Excellent job of sticking to the prompt and showing it isn't what you always expect.
I hope you win!
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Review of Day Two  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Bre

Overall Impression
I read the whole story hoping for some realization. Something that would give me purpose for its inception. I found none.
I believe this was written as a catharsis. to ease your mind and heart as well as to justify your continued feelings for this man.

Setting/Plot/Characters
I understood this to be possibly a couch where she may have fallen asleep. It is in her own place not someone else's. My guess the time is present and it seemed as if it may have just happened.
You gave no real description of the setting. As if it held no impertinence, yet I feel it may have been pretty important if you would have looked around. When she fell asleep where had you been? Had this person just discovered his infidelity? She must have still had clothes on because the character grabbed the hoodie but didn't get dressed. I assume she didn't go out with JUST a hoodie on.

Plot:
You wrote this in time Putting the reader right into the story. Telling the reader what was happening. There is no real PLOT here. The story doesn't start somewhere and end having moved the character to another place or changed her in some way. She ended as she started, wanting to sleep.

When you plot a story there needs to be a beginning middle and end, even if its a full circle. The reader needs to be taken on a journey. What you've written is a journal entry. The character knows it all and just want to record it for her own reality.


Characters:
Where is the change? The woman wakes and reality hits her that she has been wounded. It happens to all of us. The reader sympathizes. What you need to do is give the reader more detail. The entire piece is TELLING the reader something but leaving out the important details. Who is she? who is the man who hurt her? how did he hurt her? why should the reader care?
Show how affected she was. She woke to a personalized ring tone and reached out to answer without thinking. The the voice and memory crashed together. She had difficulty hearing the words as the memory of what he'd done filled her mind."
Do you understand the bits of information lead the reader to a conclusion. You never told the reader why he had her wallet.

Suggestions:

I get the point of the story. Its boring with nothing that many readers haven't experienced or read about. Its not different. As My mentor often says to me, "So What?" What is your purpose for writing this? What did the reader learn from this?
Nothing.
I suggest you look at this again and give the reader something to grasp. put in your pain, your anger, your confusion why on one hand you hate him yet when he calls his voice brings back sweet sexy memories. How does this character really feel?


In conclusion:
I think you have good stuff here. Something happened. You want to tell it as it happened, just like it happened. Life is sometimes boring so we need to spice it up for the reader so it doesn't sound like their life. I loved the part at the end where your character realizes that he isn't going to change. How ever I got the impression she didn't change either and will eventually go back to him and he will cheat on her again and again because she will tell herself he really does love her under all his cheating ways.
If thats what you want to tell, then do so. That will get you plenty of response. There will be people trying to "help" you. They will try to change your mind. You will get reaction, so pick your ending.


Power Reviewers
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Review of This and that  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Pen Name ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: It could be the story of my life. I could identify with you. It almost read as a poem. I'm not a poetry person yet this seemed more real than a poem.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? It intices the reader to look inward and see reality at its worst and best.
I’ve felt sunshine hold my happiness and warmth one day and be dull and intrusive on the next. a great line.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? This potential is paramount to our happiness and survival; we’re forever nurturing the flame of hope. True warmth will always come from a brotherly embrace and an honest smile! While there is a lot of dismal and darkness in this there is a ray of hope at the end.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Life is full of conflicts. Some for our benefit and others to drag us down. I see both represnted here,
I’ve been swallowed by my own solitude, leaving me feeling like the prisoner who looks up into the night sky through his barred windows; terror has crept in and abated like the rising and falling of so many ancient and slumber-less tides.
Fear not the night young poet, you can only find the rainbow by braving the tempest.

*Pencil* Resolution: One has to seek help to overcome despondency. Its there if you know where to look.



*Pencil* What do I think needs work: Nothing I could see.



PDG reviewers sig

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Review of When I was seven  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Juana Garcia ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: I like stories about children. I like looking back in time and seeing what has changed as time goes by. Your story showed your past and how you saw yourself.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? You told about your goals and important incidents with your father and brother. How they made an impact on your life and memories. What you did when you were seven and eight years old.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? I'm not sure why you are writing this. You gave no purpose for this tidbit of information. It doesn't follow a complete thought unless this is for a memoir of some kind.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? You have all good feelings and happy thoughts, except for the time you lied and this alone is a bit boring. We've all had good and bad times in our lives. Balancing this makes a good story and keeps people reading as well as wanting more. Some will intentify with you but if all you have are good thoughts you'll get no response.

*Pencil* Resolution: No resolution.

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? Not really. We have a very one-sided view of you. A snippet of your life with no real substance.


*Pencil* What do I think needs work:
I suggest you rework this as a story.
"At age seven, I had a great life. I and my brother seemed to have my father's entire attention. My mother worked so my father made sure we had his attention.....
My goals often changed. I wanted to be a teacher, then a scientist then a pianist." Then go on to tell what transpired when you sat down to play. Were you any good? Did you know any music? Did you have any lessons?
Later on tell some of the bad things that happened. Not just the lying. Were there concerns due to the economy?

What did having your hair in curlers have to do with anything else you wrote? I think you need to write down all the things you remember. Happy and sad then arrange them in order as to their importance in your life. What did all of these things have to do with shaping you into the person you are today?

If you are writing a diary type memoi, then just jot them down by date and what happened to make them memerable to you.


PDG reviewers sig

112
112
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello prudhviraji My name is Quick-Quill and I'm responding to your request for a review of this item

*DropR*Title
I didn't get the title reference to this part of the story. That may come later. I get the last part of it but not the Birth of Necromancy. A bit of a stretch of imagination.
*Dropr* Beginning
It got off to a bang. Lots of action.
*Dropr* Setting
You may want to add a bit more setting. Little bits of information. I.e. He ran his hand over the (color) upholstered arm of his throne. Its little things like that now and then that keep the reader in the story.

*Dropr* Characters
I fel you need to round out the characters. They feel like talking heads. We read what they are saying but they don't act real. With movement and intonation. They speak back and forth.
*Dropr* Goal
The goal is to find the other twin.
*Dropr* Motivation
So far we have a good idea of the goal but not a clear picture if why.
Just that she is a twin to their captive and may have powers needs to be explored more. What will having the two give them? Does one only have half the power and need the other to complete it?
*Dropr* Conflict
We have some aggressive behavior. I'd like to see something that gets in the way if the goal.
*Dropr* The Plot
Pretty basic. Nothing new here. Its an old story done often. So far I don't see any new twist to it.

*Dropr* What I liked
I like the story and characters.
*Dropr* My Suggestions
Watch how often you use "was" "that" "were" other passive words.
Also you do a lot of Telling. You are the author. Let your characters tell the story. Don't jump in a feed the reader information.


My review has been submitted in"Good Deeds Get CASH!" 
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Review of An Ordinary Stone  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello von Garrett
My name is Quick-Quill and I'm responding to your request for a review of "An Ordinary Stone" 

*DropR*Title I'm not sure what the title has to do with the story as there is only a small mention of the stone. Some times the stone plays a larger role in the story later one.

*Dropr* BeginningYour first paragraph is not grabbing me. there is an over use of the -LY words that do nothing to enhance the story. If taken out the story isn't lost. Your first line or so should grab my attention. You might want to start with the Last line. Hera didn't want to be caught out late. The streets were ruled by Vulnish soldiers that not only would be surprised if they caught her, but she'd have to explain to the king, her father why she had escaped the castle. This tells the reader right away there is a problem and she's not the stay at home type.

*Dropr* SettingMy guess this is early times. No use of modern weaponry, instruments or transportation,

*Dropr* CharactersHera seems to be the daughter of a king of some land. She likes to defy convention and has found a way to visit a wise woman who isn't so wise. Maybe a good cook but all she does is hand her a stone with no explanation other than to tell her to use the powers she has been developing to move it.
A few paragraphs down we read she is being handed off to a man to marry and meets him. She has an instant dislike of him and uses her magic on him him only to turn around and heal him. A bit of a conundrum here. The boy whispers witch. Why? because she healed him or cursed him? He can't know of the latter because she did nothing nor said anything to let on she had any powers.

*Dropr* GoalI'm not sure what Hera's goal is. No where in this piece does she let on as to what she WANTS. Why is she going in secret to learn to use her magic? What is the consequence if anyone knew? Other than the obvious she'd be labeled a witch. What standing does anyone have in this era who might have magic?
She must marry. Is this book going to be a romance? Does she find the man worthy of her? if so when does she confront the king with her decision?

*Dropr* MotivationWithout a goal I have no motivation that will keep her moving to the end. Basically you could end the story here and it would be ok.

*Dropr* ConflictYou have a good start with conflict between her and Drosvu. He is arrogant with tradition and social standing on his side. He acted as any man would in this circumstance. Here too you throw actions at the reader that youve' not led up to. Other than the fact she defied her station to sneak out, she never acted like this before. She didn't indicate she didn't like the idea al that much. but to say she'd meet the boy. She thought about gardens and shrubs not going to live with a man she'd never met and didn't know how she'd be treated. You have to think like a woman of this era. She didn't fret over the idea, get upset or even talk to the wise woman or her trusted servant or mother. Oh Does she have one living? If not what happened to her?

*Dropr* What I likedI like stories of magic and women who will defy tradition to find their own way. I like a woman not afraid to stand up for herself.

*Dropr* My SuggestionsI mention a lot of things that aren't working in the above portions. I think you have a good basic outline, but this one piece could be broken into about three chapters. The reader needs to know who she is, what her station is and what she WANTS. This will be the change in this story. How is she going to get what she wants? What is most important to her? the magic or defying her father over a man?
You have to decide what Point of View you are going to use. If this is just from Hera's POV, then all actions have to be what she sees, hears, or assumes to be true. You cannot drop other character's thoughts, observations or actions she can't see into this story. If you have a second main character, then when you are writing from their POV then their thoughts, actions and observances are the only thing the reader will read.

My review has been submitted in"Good Deeds Get CASH!" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear charlie55 ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: I love family history. I love reading the details of the lives lived in the past and using them in a parallel to my own family history. You brought the Stoller family to life with the details of their lives and event of their days. I thorughly enjoyed reading this family history.

*Pencil* What is the goal? Writing this account of the Stoller family hid such detail was amazing. From their life in Europe to California you gave good detail.

*Pencil* Why did you write this story? I understand wanting to document your family's history. the style in which you wrote needs a little more work, along with the placement of information. More of that later.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? This family endured a lot. They are a true testiment of courage and led by a man with good sense. How you brought out his decisions to run for government and then invest in the stock market were very interesting to me. I have no idea about these things in my own family history. I wonder how you came to know all these details.

*Pencil* Resolution: An amazing recounting of a man's life from before his birth to his death at the age of 98.

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? Henry Stoller is described in first person. The reader doesn't get a description of himself, but there is a picture. What we see is a man through his actions. He describes all the events some in detail others in generality.


*Pencil* What do I think needs work: Here is the only things I would like you to look at and work on. Tenses. past and present. You tend to jump around. Its very hard to write in first person about the past. Because you aren't Henry you are You the author, you got in the way. You are writing this as if he were telling a story to his grandkids. I like the idea, but it doesn't stay true. I would suggest YOU the author tell the story about this man. You have more freedom to elaborate.
You use present tense when it should be past.

Your first paragraph is very confusing. I had to read it a number of times and I still don't understand. I'd like you do redo it and start with the parents, and work down, not backwards. Just tell the about Dominick and Margarth. They lived and worked not only as individual families, but as a group of close knit people. Dominick lost his first wife (name) after they had four girls. Since he couldn't raise them by himself, his in-laws offered to take in girls, splitting them up. ( don't tell about the girls not moving back until you tell about his marriage)
New paragraph: Tell about how Henry met a widow with sons. Don't start with a reference to MY Mother's first husband. That is outside the perameter of what youve been telling. This is a new part.
At this time It wasn't necessary to love one another. What was necessary was to have a respect for one another and some admiration. Love came after you were married. If love didn't come you worked for the common good, but didn't have more children. My father met a widow and married her bringing (# of children) to the family. Now at this time with a wife and blended family he wanted his daughters to join them. He was sad, but understood they were now established in their homes and didn't want to move somewhere they were unfamiliar with. (we don't need to know this widow has a deceased daughter by her first husband. That is another family story not yours. I'd leave it out.
Then you jump to the grandfather. I would start with this paragraph tell the past leading up to the marriage and then introduce Henry. What happened between his birth and 13? if nothing interesting just tell who he was born to and that during this time in 1871 all this happened and in 1872 his family moved to America.
A lot of what you tell is what you know. The use of cities in the Dakota's is confusing when a reader is trying to thinl Moscow, Dakota not Moscow Russia. Be sure to use comma's between city and states,
I loved your paragraph about "73.
We had a little girl that died for Jacob D. Muahlbeier that didn't take the trip from South Russia well. /c}This makes no sense. Who is WE? You need to rework this paragraph along with the later part of the one before and after.
The rest of what you wrote has changed styly to read like a diary. I needs to be one style or the other. I suggest you use the diary style as its easier to follow.





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Review of The Next Victim  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Joy

This review is for Game of Thrones

*Quill* Goal of Main Character: To find out why her friend's husband and brother-in-law were killed. Cassie is with the LAPD and is Lillian's friend. I think Lillian suspects something isn't right, but she's too close to the situation and called Cassie in to look things over.

*Quill* Motivation: There were too many questions. Cassie didn't trust Tane and the more she got to digging the more she found.

*Quill* Setting: Tahiti. The pearl business and the police station. You kept the movement close and easy to follow.

*Quill* Conflict: There was a good amount of conflict. Since this is a short story you had to move quickly. We had two dead men that were brothers and an acquaintance that died under unusual circumstances. Cassie as an outsider had to quesiton people on the sly. It wasn't untill the revealation that you knew what she'd been doing.

*Quill*Resolution: The killers were caught and Cassie went home. I wasn't real pleased about this ending. It needs some work

*Quill* My Overall Impression: I like a good mystery. I l ike a good detective mystery. You gave me both. As I am a little unfamiliar with Tahiti some of the things threw me off. Atolls, it took a few times repeating it before I figured out it has something to do with pearls and maybe their beds? I love the way you told the story through Cassie's Point of View yet Lillian told her story too. I liked the way to wove the murders and how they were caught. Very well done.

*Quill* What Needs Work: The only think thing that would have made this a little better is the end. I would have liked to see Lillian thank Cassie, Offer her the neckless and the police offer her a job. Handshakes all around then Lillian riding in the limo to the airport, "What will you do now? Cassie asks. You the author will need to tell that. I know you will come up with something good to bering the end to a better feel. It jumped from the telling at the plicestation to Cassie on the airplane. A lot happened between.

You've been Reviewed for:




         
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Review of The Tenth Opus  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Joy

This review is for Game of Thrones /b}

*Quill* Goal of Main Character: Walter wants to write his tenth movement. He has writeen music before and is known for his ability. He's a bit afraid of doing the Tenth Movement. To him there are greater gains by writing the music than the fear of what might happen if he doesn't.

*Quill* Motivation: Like a writer, the music is in him. Its there but not always in key or the melody may be off beat. When he hears a melody that touches him he responds orchestrating the Tenth in moments.

*Quill* Setting: A subway cab.(im not sure what that is and why its different than a subway car) It moves to the concert hall and then to his reception.

*Quill* Conflict: At first we hear about the dreadedCurse of the Ninth. It seems after writing the Ninth movement many musiic writers passed on soon after. He's afraid to write it, yet he's compelled to see if he can beat the cures. Like any writer he thinks of the curse as a mystical peice of fiction or coincidence. Is it?

*Quill*Resolution: He expires

*Quill* My Overall Impression: I love most music and as I am currently in practice for a big concert that will be viewes by thousands accross the world I know the fear of failure and getting it right. I read, anxious to know if he indeed writes the Tenth Movement will he be able to continue. While I enjoyed the first two thirds, when it got to the mytholigical aspect, I got a little lost. I did think it a well thought out story.

*Quill* What Needs Work:Nothing that I could see.

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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: As a senior I read the poem with a little apprehension. Curious to see what insight you could give on grey hair. I found my thoughts paralleled yours. I wasn't hampered by overt rhyming. I was caught up in the reminising.
It’s true. I can’t do all I did –
well, not as fast as in the past –
when I was young and just a kid
but I enjoy more, in contrast. How true this is. While I look back and see what I accomplished, I find the same things are more enjoyable when shared with those of a like mind, not encoumbered with small voices interrupting.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? To impart truisims on the subject of of old age.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? His daughter called and asked how he was. This brought on some retrospect on aging.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? This was more about the positives of aging and not the downside of it.

*Pencil* Resolution: I’ve learned to never hesitate,
to live each moment of each day. What a great thought and admonition. One's age gives a freedom of adventure that a younger person might have more caution.

*Pencil* What do I think needs work: Nothing. I don't know much ab out poetry. I know what I like to read and memorize. The rest is a mystery known only to a few insightful people.



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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear ♥Hooves♥ ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: WHAT A HOOT!! I've not read your stories before and I loved it. You hoofed my interest right away and I kpet reading to find out what was going to happen. I had a bit of trepidation as I've read other things that lean clearly toward another line. When I read to the end I felt releived and my smile spread even wider, if that's possible. I could honestly see Hooves making his/her way back down the sidewalk to the street and on home. Great job!

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? Hooves had an assignment. A trip to the Post Office for stamps and to mail a letter. What was discovered there followed a quaint and amusing "tail."

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Most of my line companions are used to seeing me out and about, running endless errands for my human. So, I attract little, if any, notice. The cow has a job and takes the job seriously. There is a dedication to duty here that is akin to humans.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Hooves meets a number of conflicts, least of all a long line caused by a removal of the stamp machine. I was curious how Hooves would "man"ouver the machine verses buying the stamps from the clerk. (A side note there.) The conflicts added to the storyline and the conversations intersperced kept the story moving.

*Pencil* Resolution: Stamps and purse in place Hooves, hoofs it home. What a great story! I love reading it.

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? What I loved about this story is called Anthropomorphism. I had never heard of it before I atteneded a writers group. Even though I can't pronounce it, I knew what it was. You have written an excellent piece using this technic. Having done so myslef I see the art of using animals with human traits as an excellant tool to drive story and humor.


*Pencil* What do I think needs work: The only think that stuck out to me is the repeated "Bless your Heart." Once was enough, It didn't work for me in the second conversation. BYH means "you didn't succeed try again." or "Your attempt was appreciated." Neither place worked but I do see people saying BYH as a greeting, but not a usual greeting.
That is about the only thing that stuck out as I read it.



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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Danza ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: The first part about the Memory of Christmas. It gave me a clear view of your memory. The happy times and the special way your grandparents made you feel.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? At first I thought it was to tell the reader about a Christmas memory. I loved that part. Later you told about a particular scary dream.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? There was no goal here and no main character.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? At first I thought the story was going to be about a dream you had about your grandfather. The scary start still had me thinking you would connect with your father and it would be a happy ending. This was not so and I was dissapointed.

*Pencil* Resolution: There was none. The dream had no resolution and the memory didn't tie into the dream.

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? At first the discription of the family and actions had me seeing them and connecting with them. The second part wasn't a story.


*Pencil* What do I think needs work: Here is what I think you may want to do. Split the memory and the dream. They are two different ideas. One does not need to read the memory to understand your fear in the dream. The dream is important to YOU. It means nothing to the reader because we don't have the same connection to it as you do. It was scary to you. It was wierd to the reader. Not bad, just odd.
I connected to the memory. I would take that part and expand it, with more dialog and make it part of a memoir. The dream is separate and you need to tell this in a way to make it feel scary the way you felt in the dream. Why were you scared? You were alone but so are a lot of people. SHOW the reader why they should be as scared as you were.



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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear billwilcox,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: Everything. It pulled me into the story and held me to the end. I almost cried, it was so good. I love these kind of stories. I can't read too many at one time or I get over loaded. What I like abut this story is it reaffirms what I believe. God has a plan. Some think its coincidence or fate, I don't believe in either of those. I truely believe if we are sensitive to His will he will guide our choices. Even then if we persist he can send an alturnatiive choice to make sure we stay the course he has.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? It's Christmas and we all know the main characters need to provide a special gift for the ones they love. I loved the way you created the anticipation of the mother as time for the husband to be home is aproaching then passes. The Son who tells us what his wish is for Santa to bring.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The love of family is shown here. The Wife who like any wife who loves her husband is worried about his safety on a snowy night. The husbad who feels the need to reach out to his deceased father just one more time.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? The snow. A car with its lights out, A choice to pass a truck in order to get home to family.

*Pencil* Resolution: Even when we make a bad choice, God is there to put us all on the right path. The choice to pass the truck wasn't smart, but becasue the husband had chosen to stop to visit his father's grave allowed God to put a replica of his father in his way and he swirved to avoid him. That action prevented the accident that might have killed two people.

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes, we see the strength of family, the love of a wife and the hand of God.

*Pencil* What do I think needs work: Nothing.



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Review of Whispering Walls  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, Nixie Martell cheerleader I found your story here and was drawn to it because the title and brief description caught my attention.

Overall Impression
I don't know why but whispering Walls intrigured me. I began to read and the hook of the room that seemed to move or disappear kept me reading

Setting/Plot/Characters
I didn't get a sense of the man, only that he was a man. Later I discover he is married and his wife is expecting.
While the walls talking was his only conversation, What they had to say kept me reading to find out what happened.

Setting:
I loved the idea of the room decor. While I read some of what the walls said was confusing. If the whole thing was made up in his mind and there was no reality, where was he and why was he there? Was this his hell? his punishment for smoking, drinking and laughing? There had to be some reality if his pipe started a fire, but where?
While you didn't give a discription, My mind filled it in. Every horror movie I've seen became the setting. Great job.

Plot:
I loved the set up.
What didn't work for me was the fact he tried and tried again to find the 13th door so he KNEW it was there. When he was inside He asks, "What's going on here?" As if he didn't know anything or it was his first time. Which is it? Later he is told he's been doing this for 200 years. Some of the logistics didn't work for me, but that aside I moved on and the story worked in an odd way

Characters:

I liked Flint. I'm not sure what he was doing there or why. What was he trying to disprove? His actions were that of a first time visitor, yet he was determined to find the truth somewhere.
The walls stated they "reset his brain which should be pickled." Why did they think that? no explanation. Then in the next sentence they say, "Next year they will find a way to stop him." Why? How? If they can reset his brain why can't they stop him? That seemed odd to me.


In conclusion:
I liked the story in spite of the few things which had me going "HMMM?". It had good flow as it went from the beginning to the end. I liked how you used words "Skulked behind the furniture." and The sigh of wind, like someone exhaling. i could see and the shadows moving in the room. It was every creepy cartoon I saw as a kid.

A very interesting story.

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Review of The Chosen  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Dear Juliet Fletcher ,

*Pencil* What I liked about the story: I'm not sure I can say I like the story.

*Pencil* What is the goal of the main Character? The characters don't have goals. Each character is introduced but we aren't given anything to care about.

*Pencil* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? There isn't a definte motivation shown yet that tell me why these characters will meet at some point.

*Pencil* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? None yet. This seems to be just introducing them

*Pencil* Resolution: n/a

*Pencil* Do the characters develop in this story? somewhat they are introduced and we know who they are.


*Pencil* What do I think needs work:
For a time, all they saw or knew was darkness. Although time is a difficult word to use because they had no sense of it. It was simply obvious that time had passed once they were awakened. The world was different; changing like always. They had seen change over thousands of years and were used to it enough.This is confusing to the reader. They are awakened. Yet they saw the world changing over thousands of years and were used to it? It makes no sense. If they were asleep how were they aware of changes. How could they be used to something that happened while they were sleeping. These are all questions from the reader. I'm sure you know the answer, but you haven't given this to the reader. It starts too vague and there is no HOOK for me to want to continue. What they were not expecting was the reason they were awakened

Unexpectedly, a middle aged man with large glasses stood up. Camira blinked as the scratching of his chair on the floor rang painfully in her ears. Her head starting pounding. A sharp warning alarm went off in that front her mind; a feeling she had never sensed before. She looked up at the man and the room vibrated around her. How would she know it was a warning if she'd never sensed it before.
and screaming, trying to pull glass out of her face in useless desperation. She, too, would be dead in a matter of minutes. Who knew she would be dead in minutes? This is supposed to be from Camira's POV and YOU the writer just told something.
There were three shards of glass in you from the window in your classroom and we had to remove them. That’s all./c} I didn't get this in the context of what happened and the explanation. two glasses of water in the window? Then they were removed? I got lost here.







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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, ☮ The Grum Of Grums I found your story and was drawn to it because the title and brief description caught my attention.


Overall Impression
I had to find out what the ant said to the elephant. Your story intrigued me and kept me interested to the end. I liked the story very much and the ending was a little predictable but sweet. When I reached the end and the story within the story, the punch line left me flat. There wasn't the buildup I expected.

Setting/Plot/Characters

Setting:

I visualized the class, the teacher and the other students. Max's reticence about going back to school was shown with realism. I know I would have felt the same way. The teacher's lesson was one I'm sure that is seen in many classes where the teacher doesn't want to teach the class and for some reason has been roped into it. I'm glad both Max and Belle discovered Writing.com.

Plot:

You crafted this story with care. You followed a format of gradually building the drama to the punchline and then wrapped the relationship up in a neat bow at the end.
Your dialogue was excellent and easy to follow. I had originally thought just to check out the story to see what it was about, but you pulled me in and I had to finish it. Even though it was 10:00 pm and I needed to get to bed. I had to finish the story. Well done.

Characters:

I connected with your characters. I could see myself in the situation and visually see these characters acting and talking in this manner. There wasn't anything I found to be out of place. I couldn't find anything wrong.
Both max and Belle gravitated to each other in a realistic manner. Their love of writing and wanting to become better connected them. Their personalities and comfort level natually led them to a more intimate situation.

Suggestions:

My only fault was the story of the ant and Elephant. I loved the idea, but the reality fell a little flat. If the punch line remains the same, then the story of the seduction needs to be changed. It could be anything, why they are related? what similar DNA they might have, why they both have similar brains and ability to figure things out the same. Be a little more creative on their story. You can change the punchline too. I liked the connection though.



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Review of Film Review 1  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi, ⭐️Jellyfish⭐️ I found your story here Power Shop Reviews and was drawn to it because the title and brief description caught my attention. .

Overall Impression
I like to read reviews about movies. Even if I've seen them it gives me someone else's perspective. I have not seen this movie and it was the only one NOT a poem ( I don't review poetry as I don't usually understand it.) What I got from your review was very little. The fourth paragraph had the most information. The rest seemed as if there was something you were hiding and didn't want to tell.
visually astounding and pushes the boundaries of film genre then this could be your next Saturday night download….. This didn't entice me to watch it. What is the genre? Horror? Psyco-thriller? romantic comedy?

Setting/Plot/Characters

Setting:

There was no setting here. I don't know what era this movie was in. If the movie stayed the entire time in a home, school moved from place to place, there was no indication of this.

Plot:
Here is where I was lost. middle class American woman and the odd relationship she has with her son, Kevin. Kevin is an unplanned, difficult baby who grows in to a problematic child and a disturbing teenager. Although Kevin has a relatively normal relationship with his father (Reilly), he never really bonds with his Mother and constantly confronts her with his challenging and often frightening behaviour. This culminates in disastrous consequences as Kevin commits his final act of revenge on the world he has never truly felt a part of. I'm guessing this is your version of the PLOT. While it might serve as a hook for an agent, for me as someone who wants to know what the point of the story is, it leaves me with too many questions.
I guess giving me more detail as to the angst between the parents and the son. What is driving him? What is wrong with him? Why didn't he bond with her? At least some examples of his acts toward his mother and what triggered them. What was the father's roll?
“We need to talk about Kevin” is, in its entirely, a powerful film with an equally powerful message cent(e)red around a controversial and disturbing – perhaps even upsetting topic. This intrigued me, but I'd want to know what is the topic? Autism? does he not have a brain connection to feeling? What?


Characters:
I didn't get anything from you about character except Kevin. Does the mom take him to places for help? does she just sit in her room scared of him and cry? What makes her character stand out to you. Tell me three things about each character in the story. That's all you need to read in a review.


Suggestions:
I think I made my suggestions above.

In conclusion:
I felt you have a good handle on writing a review. You start and inform the reader about your thoughts. I like the part about the bridesmaids and the rest. It told me what this movie is NOT about. I'm just not sure what the other choices are.
I will certainly take a look at this movie and other reviews to see if I really want to watch it. I don't like horror or slasher movies. Sometimes these movies are meant to inform about an issue and aren't scary at all. I'm not sure about this one.

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for entry "Broken Record" 
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was a great poem. I don't know anything about poems other than; do I understand them or not? This one put a smile on my face. You caught the essence of the compulsion and the obsessive behavior. Some have the counting or the routines as noted here. All must touch something and fix it.
I don't understand it but I know I understood what you wrote and it fit the prompts. You did an excellent job on this portrail of someone afflicted with this disorder.
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