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145 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is amazing. Each scene set so proud and the flow of words touched my soul. I felt so much kindship with this, for it was like reading my own life. My swing, my children, my mom who passed away. The smell of baking, the love of spring. Amazing how our lives are the same.

Note: You put in your testimonial that you are not a writer! From what I read and how emtionanally it is written, perfect grammer and structure. I would say you are a writer.

Dawn
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Review of Mesothelioma  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is information I needed so long ago. My mopther passed away in 2002 after years of stuggling with the disease. She contracted it as a young child. Her chore was to wash the cloths, and those close also were that of my grandfather who worked for the John manfield Company in England. Percausions at that time were not exercised and when she would shake the cloths of there dust, she would breath in the fibers. It is sucha horrible death, and I watch her fade away as it progressed. Such a waist of life. Again thank you for this post. I hope it helps someone from going throught he same thing, and if that person or family member is conflicted with it. I hope they find this post. I believe it will help so much.

Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a great tool. i still get lost and getting reviews is not as easy as it may seem. I see each day where someone has peered at my work, but did not take the time to comment. Exposure is always so wonderful, and helpful tips from other writters is always needed. This offers that. Nwew writters have not gotten so big headed that they forget about us little people, and when I say little, I say it with confermation of my own work. I am stilllearning everyday, and I have so much more to learn, and welcome all help.
Again thank you
Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am always trying to get exposure and had so many question on how to, this will help so much. Thank you for writting such a helpful tool. 5 stars

Dawn
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Review of REMEMBER WHEN  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Remember when ill,<-(?) and mom stayed by your side

This brings back memories of a simpilar time when I was a child. How the times have changed. This poem helps the reader go back into time, you accomplished your goal. Great read

Dawn
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Review of sundays dream  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: | (5.0)
This is so sweet. Withing a few lines you express your heart do well. She is a very lucky woman.
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Review of Another Year  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
No matter how I try (,) my wings just won't fly

thru = through


This is a great poem. It is so filled with emotion and fear. Women are abused each day and you portray what one feels when it happens. Great job. Above is only a few things I found grammer wise, but this is so great, I was able to get passed them, but you may want to look.

Dawn
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Review of Out Of Place  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
chossen = chosen

This is a great poem. It is so true for the writter who feels the only way to express in such a hateful world is in their own writting? I feel that way, because it is so easily to be misunderstood.
Good job with this.

Dawn
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Review of I Can't Remember  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is well written. It says so much and can be translated towards the readers feelings at that moment. Good job.

Only one thing Thru is through

I do that in writting because of messanger. I catch it at times. Other than that. perfect!

Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was wonderful, the kind of poem I love to read. Women can be cruel even though they have the ability to help us see our inner self. TYou brought this out so wonderful. Kudo's

Dawn
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Review of Alone  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (3.5)
I want (went)downstairs and I cried and I cried.

I held his hand and he could talk (at times) sometimes. (I was torn as I watched my father cry because he was so thirsty, but he couldn't have water. Grief stricken as I watched the man who always held everything together, I could no longer take it. I dashed from the room and sobbed in front of strangers they watched old sitcoms.


Okay I typed a few ideas you can work with. This has a wonderful theme and I feel so deeply for the loss. So you have a great concept. You do need to edit, you have grammer errors which I pointed out a few, and you are jumping from past to present tence. Now at the end that is okay to be in the present because yo are going off of what is now happening, but the past should remain within that writting.

This is a great story. With a little clean up and structure, you will have a great story.
Good luck
Dawn
I told him I loved him, and he barely audibly told me the same. We went home.
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Review of The New Baby  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Okay pasting little things while reading


(Now she won’t even play ball with me.”)

I like the way you started this story, it shows the true inocence of this boy. He is torn from his normal life. His dog has changed because she had pups and is no longer fun, now his mother is about to have a baby sister-will he get forgotten there? I like the way you keep that question in the readers mind. It makes you want to read on to see what is happening with billy.

(He wanted a new Jack-in-the-box. It wasn’t fair that the baby got one and he didn’t.)

This is perfect. What child does not feel that anger when someone else gets what they want, and the worst by their own parents.

Then bringing the change with the grandmother was perfect. This flowed all so well and easy to read.

One suggestion.. Only my opinion. Andy.. How old is he? I ask because he seems to speak with an adults voice, not another child. How old is he? This is such wonderfully written story, that was the only thing that just cought me as being odd. He was playing with playdo.. Tells me he is about 10 maybe eleven the most, but he talked like a 30 year-old. Other than that. This was perfect. I loved this story so much and I felt for Billy.

Great read
Dawn
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Review of Too Late  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Wow few words to say such a powerful story.
It took their daughter (only) four years to find it.

I added a word above I think it would make this so much more impacting. See what you think, and have a look at my poems if you want too, I write in the same style.

Kudo's on this-reality falls very close to this.

Dawn
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Review of The Watcher  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is very well written and flows very nice. Each stanza rimes very nicly. I like the way you take innocence away, but install fear within just a few lines. Great job...
Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (3.5)
Jack stood up with his back still facing the room and blinked a few times as if (reorienting)= I found this word confusing and many readers do not understand big words like this, I would suggest simplifying the meaning--Of course it is just my opinion, but it would not lead to distraction) himself to his new surroundings.

raising a similarly (blonde) would read better without the word blonde again, you have it when discribing his hair-prevent redundant use of words) eyebrow in silent question.


Other than these few little things this reads great and you have a great story started. Your description is amazing and I love your style of writing, just a little clean up and you will have a great start here. Good luck

Dawn
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Review of Indigo Grey  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is really good. I like the way you use her wanting you as her being the preditor and you as the prey. how many of us have felt that way.
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Okay, if this is true I will never go there.
This was a very powerful first perosn story. Wow!

You flow so well through this, and it reads very easily. I have no critigue for this, other than, i will not be traveling there. yo accomplished your task with this.
Dawn





You are welcome to read the book I am writing, the laster chapters are still in revision, but it is coming together.
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