Without a doubt, every writer I"ve ever known has looked for a muse to stimulate their creativity. Your willingness to act in that capacity is admirable. It is not an easy position to aspire to as your poem indicates -- it is often underappreciated and unrewarded.
But to inspire someone to strive for word mastery is one of the highest goals I can think of. For myself, I am still in search of my personal muse. I hope you find someone to inspire and realize your most admirable avocation.
The poem is well-written and touches all us writers.
Dreams can sometimes feel more real than reality. Dealing with the death of a parent, in this case the mother, is a life-changing and traumatic event, for it signals a changing point in our own lives.
That this dream came the day after her passing, it seems to indicate there was a need on the part of both parties to reconcile certain feelings. The subjective nature of dream images makes it a bit difficult to fully understand what the dream means as these scenarios are open to interpretation.
Further, this being of a stream-of-conscience story flow, there is little I can comment on about structure, except to say that the writting is clear and easily read.
Dealing with addiction is a time-consuming and mind-numbing chore. It eats at the heart of a person's feelings of self-worth and taxes the patience and love of those dealing with the addict.
You have succinctly expressed the longing for a time when alcohol no longer takes the place of the love and relationship. However, that can not happen until the addict admits thier problem and seeks help.
Putting your feelings down for him to read and understand is a good start towards recovery.
The following comments are meant in the spirit of helping out a fellow writer.
You decide what is valuable and disregard the rest.
this gargantuan and so, armed with a brush and some cardboard (,) we set about herding it up. Using some fancy manoeuvring and even fancier footwork (,) we managed to get it into a matchbox.
Oh! I also forgot to mention (,) or (.) Liz can't resist a parcel!
We left it hanging from her locker door (,) and at 2pm we changed shifts (.) (and = remove, start new sentence). I trundled off home.
(It seemed) (S) she wasn't about to heed my warning. Nope (,) (.) (I)instead (,) she proceeded to open the box! (space) According to said witnesses (,) she let out one almighty scream then headed for the rest room in floods of tears. It took ten minutes to calm her down and another thirty for her to stop shaking. All the while she kept repeating the phrase(,) "I'll kill her"(, or period) "I'll bloody kill her."
Needless to say, she didn't speak to me again for weeks (.) (B) but she did let me live!
Good punctuation assistes the reader in understanding your story and guides them through the material. Re-read and edit the material with this in mind.
The parentheses () either calls for new punctuation or to delete old. Second set of () requires action. (C) means a capital letter to start new sentence.
Clean it up; edit it with care; and I will look at this item again.
You have a story here you want to tell. Take a little time to make certain you are telling it as well as you can.
For me poetry, especially free verse, is difficult to review, partly because I don't read it as much as I did when I was first starting as a writer, but also because I am used to a rhyming scheme to assist in reading and assimilating it.
That being said, I could identify with the sentiments expressed and the patriotic image a waving flag represents. So, as far as I am concerned, this poem accomplishes the task of eliciting an emotional response in the reader with efficiency and purpose.
Short, sweet and to the point. This author gets across the idea that joy and laughter are essential to a happy and healthy life. Nomatter what form it takes, laughing serves a purpose: it lightens our day and decreases our burden.
Everyday we should find something to laugh about, whether we feel like it or not. By doing that, the world will be a better place for us to live.
The western is not dead after all. Though rarely found on the best sellers list -- with certain exceptions -- you have shown that the stories are still there to tell.
Writing in the western genre is a talent that is hard to acquire and that only a small number of people can pull off. After reading your story Billy, I can safely say that you nailed it.
The flow of the narrative is smoothe and easily read, bringing to mind the time and place where the story transpires. The style is appropriate and elicits the reactions the story demands, evoking a sense of being told the story in person.
Well-written and a satisfying read, the twist at the end was easily anticipated but still satisfying. I could recommend this to anyone on this site as a good example of the western genre.
I must admit I am at a bit of a loss as to how to review this piece. The format is different than anything I have yet encountered here on WDC. It reads more like an educational abstract one would find in a graduate level language course.
That being said, in following the thread of the word definitions, you make clear the theme that -- like Ann Rynd -- the ego is the driving force of all creative endeavor and responsible for mankind's progress.
As this is clearly stated, I can think of nothing to add that would improve this material.
This being the first exposure to the Lisa Lansing series, I am impressed with the quality of the poem. The power of the words is apparent. As stated in the preface to this piece, the graphic nature of the subject matter is not for the faint of heart.
What is revealed is nothing less than the abject torture and mistreatment of a young and innocent girl by someone who, presumeably, should be protective.
This is well-written and a testiment to good craftsmanship.
Poetry, for me at least, is a lovely form to read but a very difficult material to review. This is in part due to the fact that I don't read as much of it as I once did when I was younger, and partly because it is such a subjective type of writing.
Spiritual poetry is even more problematic for religious pieces are amongst the most subjective and personal.
That being said, I felt this piece more than adequately met the requirements of a well-written poem. Its theme was readily grasped and the rhyming scheme followed an easily readable meter.
As writers we should all be blessed with the extraordinary vision of an angel.
Keep writing with heart, soul and angelic insight.
A touching and heartfelt rememberance of what was and what might have been. This hybrid piece, with its story and country music lyrics, is both well-written and entertaining. Either piece could sustain itself, but taken together, it rises to a higher form of art.
While not a big fan of country music, I could almost hear Brooks and Dunn singing this at the Country Music Awards ceremony.
Like a well planned trip, this story begins and ends at roughly the same place. The family tragedy bookended here is extremely well-written and emotionally very satisfying. In fact, I would call it a tour-de-force.
All the elements of good fiction are here in abundance: fully realized characters, dramatic story development, rich use of language and a satisfyingly appropriate denouement.
I wish I could think of something that would make the story better, but I can't improve on near perfection.
I consider myself an accomplished writer, however, I learned a thing or two by reading your piece. Which is sum and substance the reason I am here on WDC.
I will visit your port again very soon to soak up the richness of your talents and subsume some of the lessons there to be acquired.
The death of a parent is a defining moment in one's life. From that point foward al that is or will ever be in that seminal relationship is over and done.
You have written a touchig and heartfelt story that speaks of a relationship that is, like many, problematic.
The only question not answered that I thought should be is why the parents objected to the son-in-law. Since this is what the fracture in their relations was based on, I felt it importsnt enough to address.
Reading and reviewing someone's memories is a no-win proposition for it is like passing judgement on one's past life and a rememberance that left an indelible impression upon you.
But, since that is the whole point of the Simply Positive Review Group, I will try.
Being from the East coast myself, I can identify with the cold and snow. That you experienced other areas and climates before settling back in Maine, and thereafter deciding to stay there through your college years, speaks volumes of the feelings you have for the area and that time of your life.
You have expressed yourself well, in a straight-forward manner using language appropriate to the personal style that goes with this type of reflection. I can think of nothing that I would change or could suggest that would improve the material.
Keep writng about your past as it is a key to who you will be in the future.
I have read and reviewed hundreds of stories on this site and others over the years. (I was a script reader in Hollywood; this would make a great screenplay.) Of those, I have rated a mere handful as perfect. This story is about as close to perfection as anything I have read in years.
Inspired as it was by a couple of certifiable geniuses like McCartney and Poe, you can rest assured they would both be pleased and proud to have been the genesis for such a wonderful piece of fiction.
Your style is both evocative and engaging, hooking the reader and carrying them along to the very end.
I am not usually given to such effussive reviews, but I can think of nothing that would improve on this literary gem.
This is the sort of writing we all aspire to and you are to be commended for having written it. I learned a thing or two just by reading it.
I added you to the few favorites I have on WDC and shall visit your port again and often; not only for a good read but also for inspiration myself.
Depression is a sad state somewhere between hell and pergatory. Pergatory because we feel trapped betwixt and between being ok and never feeling good about oneself; hell because we believe there will never come a time when we can escape the overpowering sense of loss and emotional debility.
Your story speaks clearly of this netherworld where we wonder why others can't sense our pain and reach out to assist us out of the black hole of our emotional turmoil. This is certainly no place one would want to visit nor stay. And it no place that one can easily escape.
Putting one's pain and depression on display for others to read is a courageous act that you are to be commended for. I can identify with practically all that you said. And the fact that many suffer without anyone there to help is a human tragedy.
I certainly hope that writing about it provides some modicum of relief and comfort.
First of all, welcome to WDC. I hope that it proves to be both valuable in improving your writing as well as enjoyeable. There are some exceptional writers here that you can learn from by their reviews and material.
As to your story, it is interesting, if not too brief. By the time one gets into the story it abruptly ends. Stream of consciousness writing is difficult to sustain without more structure. Also, The length of the paragraphs can be shortened in order to give the flow of the story more rhythm.
All in all, however, it is a good start for you here.
I look forward to reading more of your material in the future as you post it.
First of all, welcome to WDC. Hope you find it both enjoyable and helpful.
What you have here is the beginning of a good story. You have set-up your characters, introduced the inciting incident, established the tone and setting, and intimated a possible complication.
But at this point, nothing dramatic has really happened.
I might suggest you take the story as you have begun it and build it up on the premiss of whether Pete is actually dead and visiting Jerry and his friends to impart some otherworldly knowledge or extract some measure of revenge for some perceived or real slight in life.
I hope this review is helpful and look forward to reading more of your material as you post it.
Needless to say, we've all had days like that we'd just as soon forget. Only yours is an occupational hazard (being a middle school teacher is like being a psychologist) that can't be avoided.
In regards to style and presentation, you have done a fine job in the vein of a Dave Barry. I can't think of anything to suggest other than to keep journaling it seems to help.
In terms of improving your writing and helping your students, read and review some of the material on WDC. And get permission from some of the writers here to share their stories with the class and maybe even start a correspondence with the authors. That way they might be able to explain the creative process in a manner that can inspire some of them to become writers themselves.
And welcome to WDC. Hope it fulfills your needs. And
As a lifelong writer and produced screenwriter, I have been looking for a web site where I could post some of my short stories so that friends and other writers could read and review in an effort to improve my skills and technique. Until I found WDC just a month ago, I was not satisfied with any that I encountered.
Since then, I have received valuable feedback and made some wonderful contacts that I kow will make me a better writer. I could reccommend this site to anyone interested in pmprovong their craft.
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