From:"Showering Acts of Joy Group" Thanks for being the "Showering Acts of Joy Group" Reviewer of the Month for February, 2012. I hope you enjoy our gift to you.Hi my name is Tina and I'm part of the Paper Doll Gang. Currently I'm a student in the Rockin Review Academy and I'm doing reviews to learn how to do better reviews. I want you to acknowledge that all advice here are just opinions and they may be different from another reviewer.
Beginning-This was a personal story about struggleing with an illness and weight problems. I have a family member who is currently having problems as well. My Mother was admitted to the E.R three days ago for symptoms of a heart attack. Her blood results came back showing she didn't have a heart attack. However, her urine showed she had a kidney infection. Some examples of great sentences "Well, the tests came back negative. Good news, at least you would think it was".The passage directed the focused in events happening in your experience. Also, I felt this was a strong passage to "Or is there something else directing my path?"
Rising Action-Acknowledging the character (yourself) had medical symptoms. The Doctor deciding to let the patient continue on chemo pills.
Plot-Doctor-Confirming the results. The character finds out that rheumatoid arthritis was a symptoms sharing in the discovery of her prognosis. She shared the same symptoms that would be found in blood but discovers that treatment would require immediate self awareness.
Falling Action-Deciding to eliminate the medicine out of the medicine cabinet.
Conclusion-Finding a resolution to the symptoms and sticking with the plan of "EA Sports Active Personal Trainer".
Suggestions-Include an additional supporting line that explains why you think the doctors decided to overall determine your prognosis. This could be included at the beginning of your experience.Although I am not even sure anymore the doctors is Introductory to the sentence and comma should be placed after Although. Also you are the one telling your story so placing the comma would go with the flow of the sentence. I liked how this sentence explains well of what your going through. You want to be able to make a statement without getting carried away with the point that you are trying to make. "I wear it well, so one wouldn’t know by looking at me right off that I am sixty to seventy-five pounds overweight, and that is not a healthy way to live" Watch with using the subordinate word that. Subordinates can be used allot in sentences and sometimes isn't necessary to be used in a sentence. Sometimes you can place a period and remove the word that. You can start off the next sentence with I am and sixty to seventy-five pounds. The phrase could either be used with Writing ML. “Some Thing” Examples of great books that use italics is "Chicken Soup for the Soul"
Overall reaction-I liked how you were able to share your experience The passage was understandable for the readers. There were not misspelled words and I liked your easy sentence structure. The passage was easy to understand.
Final Thoughts-I liked how you prefer to word a strong sentence, "I have become, but then I could be a whole lot worse.This was motivational and helpful for those who are planning to loose weight or having some problem now. Thank you for sharing.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi Maggie, my name is Tina part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I found your item in our irish theme listings for our group to read. Please keep in
consideration that these are my opinions only and may differ between one reviewer from another. When I read poetry I look at theme, flow,
consistancy, rythem, ryhms, and the overall quality. First off, I would like to say it's an honour to read one of your poems.
First Paragraph: You can play saying the flow of the words with the Irish dialect in the form of poetry. I was impressed. My favorite words that
emphasis as you read into the introduction of the poem were ne'er, does your heart crave, Atlantic beatin. I thought this was a good choice
for wording to bring culture of irish poetry.
The third and fourth paragraphs that were great quality of emotions and provided Irish names to give quality. The names that stuck to
me when reading poetry and paying attention to flow and quality were Kilkenny and Liffey. They both end with y's in the name so it played
with reading the poem.
Suggestion: To give this a more of an Irish touch and theme change the words into green text. You will see a box where you can change your
bold, italics, font, and change the color of your text. Find the color green for an awesome effect.
The ending interpretation of last paragraphs were strong and emotional. Felt that the readers could relate and it was easy reading to read.
Overall impression, the words were consistant and was sharp with form of quality and flow. I liked that it was easy to read and that is showed
Irish culture in a elegant form of poetry.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1300306 by Not Available.
Dear Itchy Water, Thank you for being brave to post this. You show courage and it made me happy. I will be able to write without holding back.
Second and third line I would change. Poetry can be about telling a story. I personally like because it relates in real terms to epilepsy in a positive tasteful manner.
I have tried to keep you secret;
I hoped you wouldn't come known,
but my new friends would soon come to meet you.
You were uncontrolable and embarrassing;
There wasn't a moment you stopped.
Your eyes focused with no second guessing
when you decided to show up, uninvited.
You knocked me on the wall;
I dropped onto the floor.
Your screams came through my mouth
as I lay on the ground, choking and turning blue.
It was my friends who came up to me,
now knowing my secret,
they tried to comfort me
after you battered me.
Hi, I'm Tina. Since I am trying to see about being a member for Rising Star I thought I would do a review for the Rising Star. The first thing I decided to do was to read all these links that titled "Rising Star" so that I may have an idea of how to become a member or get a yellow case. I liked that the links provids subtitles briefly describing what information is contained. However, I was slightly confused because I wanted to find new members or for members who are seeking to members of Rising Stars please read this for reference.
I also took a look at the members list to see who were members and find the reason why Rising Stars is what it is today. One thing that is shown is the contributions but not the motivations describing why it is Rising Stars is what it is today. Yes, there is a history link explaining the history of Rising Star but not one that can specify saying what the Rising Star is today.
Overall, I see that the group is hard at working ,in maintaining, for members who are dedicated such as the the link Rising Star is.
I hope maybe oneday I can become a member and I will keep supporting the idea of wanting to be a dedicated Writing.Com user so I may have a chance to become a member of a proud group known as "Rising Star".
Hi, I'm Tina. I really liked your poem about an Old Diary. I even liked the subtitle you provide underneath. If you could picture your item center alignment in italics using Writing ML it would spaz your poem. To add a calm image above the poetry would also help and emphasize this. Overall, thought this to be a good quality expression about an Old Diary
Hi, I'm Tina and part of your group. First off I want to thank you for telling the difference between all of these. I was looking for a great article that could help explain to me the difference between all of these. Secondly, this is such a good idea it would be hard not to share amoung the group. This is a great piece to bring up in the group. If you want to I would be glad to bring it up in the next newspaper with your permission. Overall, I found the item really resourceful and helpful to all member within Writing.Com. Good Job!
Honestly, I didn't know what a jester was intil I read a little more of the poem. I was expecting every verse to sound off in ryhms but at the end was a suprise. The ending concluded the poem highest quality is giving the describtion additude. I like. At the end you put an interesting conclusion, "After all, everyone's a jester, at heart it seems.
Hi, I'm Tina. Ahhhh I hear ya. I also have depression. I was diagnosed and still suffer through it now. It is so hard to have the energy and focus like everyone else does sometimes. The poem was easy to understand. Not only was I able to understand this but also relate to it. Reading this was very easy to read and it made me feel better. Thank you for sharing and the simplicity explanation of how depression can make you feel.
Hi, I'm Tina. It has so many meaning and is why I am a number one fan of this particular item. There were so many words that described how I felt(as the reader). My empression as the reader is the words did emphasize the title. My impression as person and (self) is my brain went a thousand direction. It was like it was telling me a message. This I'm sure is a great passage that could represent emotion wrote brief. Great job on creativity and wording.
Hi, I'm Tina. Reading the guidlines it was easy to understand. I liked how you used pink for it to be easy on the reader eyes and yet give caution to clarify what the guidlines are. This seems like a fun story to write about. The guidline expressed that it would be a fun story to enter. 100 word submission is a fun enough for anyone to tell. I like the idea to try to get others to make up a 100 word story.
Hi, I'm TIna. Wow. This poem is really playing a melody for me. I enjoyed reading and seeing how perfectly you use the semi colon. I took noticed that the flow actually did the poem justice. The ryhms and percise heart felt quality emphasized the structure of the poem. This is a really great poem.
Hi, my name is Tina. I enjoyed reading your story. I felt that the story and the character equalled out well in the story. I felt it was a story and not something to suspense-like watching an action movie. You created great describtion in the story. Ones you mention were the glass windows in the study room, a copy of the class schedule, and the character feeling towards not wanting to sign contract at first. Here is some errors in here. had never been take surprise like that again. This is past tense and you need an extra adverb perhapts. Instead of saying the word take, you could say took. This sentence has some errors and some commas could help give better describtion.
Fixed Sentence-I pictured the field in my mind, the feel of the grass on my feet, the sun on my skin, and the wind in my hair. When I took my next step I didn’t feel the cold tile floor but the cool moist grass. I opened my eyes, the class sat in front of me.
Yep, you just needed one comma after skin and the word and. These are series of elements and could use a comma. Other than that impressive work with great story telling.
Hi, I found your item by strolling through our website. I want to thank you for the opportunity to read your static item and found the mood pleasent for me. My name is Tina and I'm part of a reviewing grup called {item:1300305. Please understand that all comments are just my opinion and may be different from others who are reviewing your item. Thank you for sharing your item upon Writing.Com.
I like how the patterns are consistant and mentioned in several paragraphs.(Lined in front of fence). The rhyms are rebundant and the title God's Heavy Hand was nice. Overall enjoyed reading a poem tell the story.
Hi, My name is Tina Marie and I am part of the Power Reviewer Group I want to say thank you for letting me review an item and hope you find my review encouraging and helpful. I am doing reviews on all members that is in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Again, thank you for letting me review your item and found your item by names of members found in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .
In looking in any style of poetry I look for these things, rhymes, poetry patterns, flow, rhythm, style, and finaly the readers take on the poetry.
The flow of the poem it is skilled. The patterns was present as it told a story within your poem and I see the readers would understand the place and passage. Looks as if we have a talented poet here on Writing.Com. Welcome to the group of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .
Congratulation for being new here at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and at Writing.Com. I have selected you item because January is when your yearly anniversary and is up for a year review.
I like that the poem is very strong with flow. It is presented very classy with flow and overall has a sweet meaning. Rhyms were there along with the consistancy. Enjoyed reading your poem.
Hi, My name is Tina Marie and I am part of the Power Reviewer Group I want to say thank you for letting me review an item and hope you find my review encouraging and helpful. I am doing reviews on all members that is in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Again, thank you for letting me review your item and found your item by names of members found in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .
In looking in any style of poetry I look for these things, rhymes, poetry patterns, flow, rhythm, style, and finaly the readers take on the poetry.
Congratulation for being new here at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and at Writing.Com. I have selected you item because January is when your yearly anniversary and is up for a year review.
The peom quality is phenomonal. The is rhymes in the poetry. The patters are persistant with the rhymes. The flow was good even when at times words weren't exactly ryhmes. I wouldn't have changed one word in that poem. The one thing I did feel in this poem is that it was helpful, touching, and truly a very creative awesome poem. Enjoyed reading such a beautiful flawless poem. Thank you for inspiring me.
Hi, my name is Tina. {Confetti:P}Congratulation for being a new member or a member that has been here longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
First off, I would like to thank you for letting me have the opportunity to read over your item.
Categories I look for in a story is the narrator, character, place and setting, emotional reaction, plots, and did characters mentioned in story move in the story.
I wanted to almost cry in the last part of the story. Was happy and yet sad with all mixed emotions. Felt this story was brought up the what was happening and down to the conclusion. Suggestion: you may want to revise. Read over the story and make sure that there is no errors. Read and make sure the sentences make sence to the readers. The character of Kana and Linear could use some describtion at the very beggining of the story. Describe more of how old they are and add more details of what they look like. Bring this up in your top paragraphs and not further down when reading more into the story. Other than that I really thought this was a good story.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, I want to thank you for the opportunity to read your static item and found the mood pleasent for me. Please understand that all comments are just my opinions and may be different from others who are reviewing your item.
{Confetti:P}Congratulation for being a new member or a member that has been here at Writing.Com and part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
Your item reflect emotion of looseing someone you love or a loved one. I like the clarity and being precise in the passage. I also do appreciate that you have listed this as static, emotional, and not a poem.
Hi, My name is Tina Marie and I am part of the Power Reviewer Group I want to say thank you for letting me review an item and hope you find my review encouraging and helpful. {Confetti:P}Congratulation for being a new member or a member that has been here at Writing.Com
In looking in any style of poetry I look for these things, rhymes, poetry patterns, flow, rhythm, style, and finaly the readers take on the poetry.
I like the consistancy of the poetry. The poem makes sense and was easy to understand. The style was consistant along with the rhymes. Enjoyed reading a well wrote poem.
Hi, I found your item because I seen that this is your one year anniversary.You are either a new member or you have been here with us a year or longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Thank you for being a part of our group"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and a member of Writing.Com. Most of all congratulation!.
I like the consistancy in this poem. The feeling of the poem was happiness. Mentioning the black hawk emphasis's the point taken in the passage. This is uplifting poem and was easy to interpt. Thank you for sharing.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, I found your item because I seen that this is your one year anniversary.You are either a new member or you have been here with us a year or longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Thank you for being a part of our group"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and a member of Writing.Com. Most of all congratulation!.
I can see the repeating of phrase Damned am I over first three parts of the poem was poetic and emphasized enough in poetry it could win a ribbion. I liked the syle and consistancy. The poem was easy to understand and with the flow it makes it such a fun poem to read.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, I found your item because I seen that this is your one year anniversary.You are either a new member or you have been here with us a year or longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Thank you for being a part of our group"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and a member of Writing.Com. Most of all congratulation!.
Wow, this is a really strong piece. I think the last lines in the last part of the poem was very strong. However, the content of the poem is strong and not be suitable for children of the 18 and younger. I have been molested but that isn't the point. We have our strong suits and I think you were trying to say -stay strong- for the members who do read this passage. I like that you did this for that intention. The rating needs to be changed to GC because it is strong content in there.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, I found your item because I seen that this is your one year anniversary.You are either a new member or you have been here with us a year or longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Thank you for being a part of our group"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and a member of Writing.Com. Most of all congratulation!.
Lol I like the comparison of Angelina Jolie and waiting for Brad Pitt look-a-like. I also like that you brought it up the topic and make it blend with the point you are making in your passage. Thought this was very creative and quite catchy to read.
Gum, I never chew because I am scared it will give crest and be the cause of cavity. However, I do you the colgate flavored dental floss. The material for the floss is different from the dental floss of a cotton string. Colgate dental brand dental floss has the plastic elastic cnsistancy that is easier to streatch between my teeth. Thank you for giving such an interesting passage that was so entaining to read and so enthuastic enough to grab the reader interest in reading it.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, I found your item because I seen that this is your one year anniversary.You are either a new member or you have been here with us a year or longer with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Thank you for being a part of our group"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and a member of Writing.Com. Most of all congratulation!.
I really liked the flow and quality of the poem. I though that the poem was flawless and very beautiful. Useing the words "Let me Fly" is trickey to use sense you use it well in a phrase and not in a complete clause in a sentences. Instead of the clause you made me pause with sheer beauty of the meaing of this passage.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tinag/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.37 seconds at 9:59pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.