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1
1
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "August 17, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Ridinghhood, This is so beautiful. I was worried when I chose the Tapa as the form for Round 77,
I was afraid I would just get two lines of syllabic prose. Thank you for going first and demonstrating how these meager lines can deliver poetically meaningful verse. You've set the bar high

~~Tink


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2
2
for entry "Treveni
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, I am reviewing your Triveni for the Oriental Poetry Contest and I really like the flow and content of the poem.

Judging it, it scores high but it lacks a defining element of the form. The rhyme near the end of L1 and L2 is missing. This would have been the winner if the 2nd line had said "writing a poem is wet work these days. " You would then have completed your main rhyme of the sher sweat / wet making the poem a Triveni. Without the rhyme, it is still a nice poem, but falling short of the required elements for a Triveni.

I really did like it.

~~Tink





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3
3
Review of WASTED  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello JL, Following you at I Write I'm reviewing your "Wasted".

This is an entry in the 24 Syllable contest, I count your syllables differently, L2 has only 6 syllables making you one syllable short for the contest. You used the prompt word properly and incorporated it into the lines to create a very clear image.

This is a sad piece, I wondered was this a many who simply gave up or was he disabled by disease, perhaps dementia "knowledge lost"?

Oddly the word "brown" jumped off the page at me as being out of place. Given the rest of the image, to throw in color that has a richness, seemed to clash. Perhaps substituting a word such as "dull" or "drab" or any word that carried the same connotation as hoary, sad, sullen, lost. This is just a personal observation, use what is helpful, ignore the rest.

My favorite line "volumes of knowledge lost", was interesting, it set my mind seeking answers to why?

Good luck in the contest.

~~Tink







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4
4
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Roland,

I'm reviewing your Remember to Chew Before You Swallow which sounds like a parent talking to their child. *Smile*

The form is free verse which suits the content. A simple instructional conversation.

I especially liked the beginning admonishing the way the fork was held. Yes and we start to grow up, learning to hold a fork properly is a basic and you took it down to its most common denominator.

I think I've said this or heard it being said to many children through the generations. A fun poem to read.

~~Tink


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5
5
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Robert, I'm reviewing your How to Achieve Nervana for Promptly with a big smile on my face.

The free verse suits the content well. I love that you never actually tell the reader what Nervana is. Of course one can guess but it could be somewhat different for each reader.

Your lines flow well into each other. Your words have texture and interest.

I enjoyed reading this out loud.

~~~Tink


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6
6
for entry "Grey
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ned, I'm reviewing your haiku Grey for Promptly. I loved seeing a haiku here. All I can say is WOW!

You easily captured the color grey in these 3 short lines and managed to create an aura in concrete images, never mentioning the color other than your title which was totally unnecessary. There were no wasted syllables, you made every syllable count.

I loved the images "ashen mist", "silver fingers" "morning's weathered face".

This is good writing. Thanks for sharing it.

~~Tink


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7
7
for entry "Week 7
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi hullaballoo, Your poem made me hungry, what I wouldn't give for a slice of toast. But for now bread is my enemy and miss bread most of all. I can only indulge myself through your words.

The chosen form is simple and direct, quatrains with short lines, xaxa xbxb etc fits the content well.

You describe the task well in linear fashion, the only thing missing for me was hearing the crunch as I bit down on a marvelous piece of toast slathered in melting butter, and then that crunch. Yum. *Bigsmile*

My favorite line, "out it pops".

I thought this piece fun and easy to read.


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8
8
Review of Me and Binky  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I had fun reading this short story. Admittedly, I sometimes skim down your "Discussion" posts and go directly to the assignment. But these mini lectures have good stuff in them, and everytime they cycle round, if I would just take the time to really read, there is something of value there for me to be reminded of. I don't remember previously reading this short story which you included in your "Inspiration" lesson. I get it. Imagination can produce quality pieces.

This little story is an example. So concise, complete and logical. Plus it made me smile.

So now I'm off the get inspired.

Thanks for this.

~~Tink


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9
9
Review of ANXIETY  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello JL, I'm following you at I Write so I get to review your Anxiety. I love the 24 Syllable Contest, it closed for a while and I haven't been back but after reading your piece, I'm inspired.

Form: Pretty simple, a poem in 24 syllables using specific word, in this case "niggle". You use the word well but I count 7 syllables in L1 making it 23 syllables, a syllable short. I believe "anxious" is pronounced in 2 syllables. I hope you get this in time.

I don't usually look for technical error but when it jumps off the page, I have to mention it. Wolf's singular or wolves' plural...

I actually liked the howl, it was concrete and could create a little niggle when out alone in the woods.

Good Luck in the contest.

~~Tink



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10
10
Review of Promptly Poetry  
for entry "Portal
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Beholden, I just finished writing from the same prompt and we couldn't have seen this any differently. I loved coming on to your interpretation of the prompt photo for review.

Beginning at the beginning, "Portal", sounds futuristic and inviting. Stargate came to mind. Who wouldn't want to explore?

Your free verse flows with fluidity. An easy to read piece with good sonics.

Actually the content seemed more reminiscent, nostalgic, than futuristic. I didn't read the Chronicles in my childhood. I've never read them, although I am aware of the story and have seen the movie, watching with my grandchildren who surprisingly weren't all that interested. The piece is really for those who are familiar with the story, having only seen the movie once a while back, I am assuming that the Telmerines refers to the children, I don't remember the names. But I get it, stepping into another world, the mystery, the adventure can be very exciting.

I think I liked the last stanza best, it felt right reading those lines.

I don't see anything on which I can offer for improvement.

As always I enjoy reading your work, this was no exception.

~~Tink





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11
11
Review of Renewal  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Sue, I have to admit, following you at I Write, when I opened your entry my heart dropped. I'm playing catch up and here is this long short story in front of me. I was hoping for a haiku or 24 syllable poem. *Bigsmile*

But then I started reading and it went so fast, I never paused with a sigh, my thoughts never wandered, you had me.

I don't look for technical error, especially in prose but if something jumps off the page I will mention it. I saw nothing of that sort. The only caution I might have had was, you covered a lot of time in a very short piece and sometimes the transitions seemed abrupt.

I thought your character development was strong, the plot logical and the trip to the horse farm affirming. I've raised horses most of my adult life, I know the connection one can have with a special horse and my special needs granddaughter was in therapy with a horse to help her confidence, her balance and trust. So it was totally logical to me that horse therapy for addiction could work.

I enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you.

~~Tink


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12
12
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay, Thank you for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your Cool Summer Day. You easily mastered the frame of the hokku and also captured the spirit. Your words were simple but the setting inviting.

Your last line seemed a little separated from the rest of the poem. I didn't quite catch the connection to the harsh wind unless they went under the tree for protection. I am just thinking out loud. My brain is tired and I shouldn't be reviewing so late but I needed to complete this.

I appreciate your support of the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink


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13
13
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 17, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, This entry to the Oriental Poetry Contest was really interesting. Of course, I had to google the 700-year-old Madonna statue.

You easily handled the frame and you documented a unique setting that was compelling. I liked the way the place and event heralds the time. That's creating an image that makes one think. I hope you saw how your poem fit into a renga with a response. "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

I have nothing to offer that might improve this poem.

~~Tink


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14
14
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lisa, Thank you for coming back to the Oriental Poetry Contest with another gem.

You easily mastered the frame of the hokku and the purpose as an introduction to document the time and place of the gathering gave me the feel of southern hospitality. Nice.

I loved the imagery, especially the dogwoods.

The only suggestion I could make is if you somehow made mention of a gathering or an event in this incredible setting. Just me thinking out loud. I hope you saw how your hokku fit into a renga with a response inspired by your poem. "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

Thanks again for supporting this contest with your entries.

~~Tink


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15
15
Review of Hokku  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Elle, Thank you for submitting a hokku to the Oriental Poetry Contest. You clearly caught the spirit of the form. The frame was easily spot on. The imagery, memorable.

I loved the gunmetal skies and poets threatened. I hope you have seen the response to your hokku in renga form "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

I have no suggestions for improvement. I did wonder what you could use as a symbol for winter rather than using the word but then again, then the alliteration would be lost which added a western poetic effect. I'm just thinking out loud, looking at all possibilities.

Thanks again for supporting our contest. Your poem is an asset to the round.

~~Tink


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16
16
Review of Hokku #1  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh Rhychus, this is beautiful, spiritual.

Clearly you had no problem mastering the spirit and frame of the hokku. See how it fits into a renga with a response, "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

The only thing I can offer for you to think about is simile uses up syllables unnecessarily in a form that has limited syllable count. The word "like" offers nothing to the image. Using that syllable to further clarify the image would, in my opinion, bring more value to the image. Words like pure, clear, blest, vailed, versed. Sometimes you've got to work for the word. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Thanks for your support of the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink

I'll be taking a break from the contest for the month of July but you will be in good hands with Lilli who is stepping back in.







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17
17
for entry "Hokku 6/27/2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I was at the VA hospital in San Francisco today, taking my brother for hip replacement surgery. Safety net for vets, so true. I thought it interesting you used this imagery for the opening of a renga.

Clearly you captured the spirit of the hokku. I hope you saw the renga response to your poem {ltem:2225550} It fits right in. Love it.


~~Judi

I'm taking July off. I am just getting too far behind in everything here at WDC, amazingly with the Covid lock down, I'm working from home and I'm slammed. I thought working from home would give me more freedom but instead it is the opposite.


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18
18
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
And the winner is ... Kare Enga!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! The hokku could not have been introduced in a more fitting manne

Creating this renga using the submissions for this contest was brilliant. Clearly you understand the spirit of the hokku and you have gifted us all with hokku at its best.

I am privileged to give you an awardicon for effort.

~~Tink


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19
19
Review of Entanglements  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly, Following you at I Write, I’m reviewing your Entanglement. Your poem puts my entry to shame.

This poem is impressive. It begins strong and never weakens. .

Great metaphor. “ the lattice of life has roped me in”

The concrete imagery that grounds this piece. I recognize the prompt and think you captured the dark anguish perfectly.

Nice entry.

~~Tink


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20
20
Review of Dr. Nox  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Whoa! Now that was creepy. I'm reviewing your Dr Nox for I Write and I was pleasantly surprised to come on this unique piece. I could not have predicted it. Nice twist.

The are a couple of typos you might want to clean up 10th paragraph "should" should be "shoulder" and 6 paragraphs up from the bottom "ust" should be "just". You were just typing too fast. I don't look for that kind of error but when it jumps off the page at me I have to mention it.

I liked that there was a lot of dialogue which made this fast and easy reading. In such a short piece the characters were clear.

I enjoyed reading this.

~~Tink


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21
21
Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Kåre, I'm sorry for the late review for the Oriental Poetry Contest. I appreciate all of your commentary on this as well as your poem. You helped broaden my knowledge of Jue Ju.

The form has lots of wiggle room for the English writer, it simply is 4 lines of equal length. The interpretation of whether to count syllable or words is at the discretion of the poet. The real challenge is creating a mood. It need not be erotic but it should touch the senses. I connected to the natural images. The erotic suggestion is very subtle which I missed the first read but caught it the 2nd time around.

Thank you for entering this piece in the contest.

~~Tink

PS you might like The Anchor Book of Chinese Poetry by Tony Barnstone and Chou Ping. It covers the Tang dynasty with poems from many poets of that time with informative commentary. I love the book, I got it for research but find myself picking it up and odd times just to read a few of the poems in it.


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22
22
for entry "A sweet gentle kiss
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lisa, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your A Sweet Gentle Kiss. This has a poignant feel to it, like a goodbye kiss. I felt a sadness.

The Jue Ju is a fairly simple form in its 4 lines of equal length which you mastered with no problem at all. The important part is to create a mood. You did this with ease, this poem which from the title i thought was going to a simple sweet piece has a depth that the reader absorbs and feels.

The kissing of the forehead had the biggest impact on me, I wanted to cry. Really nice Lisa.

~~Tink


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23
23
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 9, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Your entry made me smile. I love the playfulness of this small piece.

Form: The Jue Ju gives lots of wiggle room in this 4 line poem as far as the elements go. The lines should be equal length and your L3 is a little long, "face to face" could have easily have been eliminated and your image would still have been clear. But what is most important is to set a mood, let the reader into the experience which is exactly what you did. Nice.

I loved your last line.

~~Tink


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24
24
for entry "Sultry Summer Night
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dave, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

You easily mastered the technical elements of the Jue Jue which are pretty open to interpretation and discretion of the poet other than being a poem in 4 lines. I enjoyed the setting of this piece but I kind of felt detached from it, as if I was just an observer. I was hoping for a sigh. The spirit of the Jue Ju is to create a mood so the moonbeam caresses the heart of the reader. No easy task.

I liked the "tangle", I envisioned legs and arms hidden behind the dunes.

Thanks for again entering the contest. I appreciate your support of the forum.

~~Tink


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25
25
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Nani. So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

I was intrigued by your title "Poseidon's Mistique", now who wouldn't want to read on?

Form: The Jue Ju has lots of wiggle room in the 4 lined poem as far as elements go but the key is to create a mood, project an emotion which you did beautifully.

I loved that you chose the sea as a metaphor and could feel the whisper on the sand. Really nice.

This is another gem among gems, thank you for this lovely contribution to the contest.

~~Tink


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