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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tinker1111
Review Requests: ON
662 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
for entry "Maverick Muse
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave, I can't create a simple response to this in a reply the way this forum is set up, so here I am reviewing your Maverick Muse. You have a new challenge, this Ultimate Forms Challenge Forum is no competition to Poet's Cafe because of your valuable, Tools of the Trade posts and the fact that you give feedback, which won't happen here. But there are only so many forms out there, the challenge will be not to duplicate forms. You seem to keep finding new stuff though, so I'm sure it will be OK.

Verse Form: Of course, spot on. Which doesn't surprise me.

First Impression: Very clever. Write about the immediate circumstance and make it playful. Nicely done.

Favorite: The 3rd stanza spoke to me. How many nights have I been there?

I really enjoyed this read.

~~Tink





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Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi SugarCube, You followed me at I Write and reviewed my haiku, now because I'm trying to get a little ahead, I am following you and reviewing your My Son, the Silly Boy which I found delightful. Being the mother of a son long ago grown, I was reminded of those wonderful days when he was a little guy. Now the father of 4, has a silly boy of his own plus 3 diva girls. Such a fun family. I just came from visiting them for a week.

You utilized the Verse Form prompt very well. I loved the refrain. Your syllable count was spot on although it didn't read restricted by the count. The poem almost skipped along, like your silly boy.

Of course, my favorite image was "loves snuggles with his Mom". I remember it was at about 11 that my son decided he was too old for snuggles. Broke my heart. But my macho boy, now an investigator for the Sheriff's Dept, still has time to give his Mom a hug. Thanks for the reminders.

I loved your poem.

~~Tink
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3
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 2, 2019
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I just love this image. I am reviewing for I Write and found this little gem.

These small poems are tricky but when you create an image such as the Milky Way in the trail of a waving sparkler, you are a winner. I actually have an old photo of my son at the age of 5 waving a sparkler on the 4th of July and the blur of sparkle dancing in the air, the Milky Way is the perfect word choice. A sparkler wand and a willow stick and very similar in appearance as well.

I enjoyed reading. Good Luck~

~~Tink
4
4
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm reviewing your Still, the Soldiers Fight Today for I Write. I enjoyed reading this piece.

The form suited the subject well, quintains with rhyme aabbC ccddC eeffC etc. L5 of each quintain, a refrain.


The subject close to my heart, I'm married to a war Vet.

My favorite lines:

"with human ego, human hate
the source of all these wars to date"

Nice,

~~Tink
5
5
Review by Tinker
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dominique, I followed you at I Write and therefore I’m here reviewing your Chair a Therapy Session. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Title: usually this is my first impression but honestly I didn’t read the title or intro until I after I had read the short story. I’m glad I didn’t because I had to discover for myself that the personalities were chairs. I think your title and intro reveal too much.

I saw no technical problems.

I thought the development of the personas was clever. I felt the story was a little too explainitory, too wordy. But I don’t write stories, I write poems that condense everything, so I really know nothing about story writing. This was more like a slice of life than story with a plot.

I liked the concept and moral.

~~Tink



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6
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "March 25, 2019
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I followed you at I Write and I’m reviewing your Spring. I loved it.

These 24 syllable poems with out of the ordinary prompt words can be a challenge to sound poetic and make sense. You write with clarity and fluidity.

My favorite image “dew-clouded thoughts”.

I really enjoyed this.

~~Tink
7
7
Review of A Box of Weeds  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Sugar Cube, I followed you at I Write, so your "The One That Got Away" is up for review. The following is simply my opinion of your piece. Use what is helpful and ignore the rest.

I don't consciously look for errors in spelling, syntax or punctuation but if it jumps off the page, I will note it. Nothing jumped off the page.

Flash Fiction seems the closest genre of prose to poetry. Limited space to convey a scenario with a twist. Still a challenge which you handled with skill.

I thought the detail of the scene was masterful. I was thrown a little off track until I realized who was stalking who. I didn't see the end coming at all. Well done.

My favorite line: "I snuck a glance over the top of the turtles." It made me smile.

Good luck in the contest, ~~ Tink
8
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Review of Enjoy the Ride!  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ken, I followed you on I Write, so I am reviewing your "Enjoy the Ride" and feeling guilty I have not yet come up with a poem of my own from your pop up challenge. I hope I haven't missed the deadline.

I can only admire you for coming up with such a gem in light of the prompt, with which I am struggling.

The form choice with the content is perfect. The alternate rhyme on the odd #ed lines just enough to make it tumble like the wheel itself. I liked the occasional internal rhyme too. If it were mine, L15 I'd put a comma after board and eliminate the word "We're" to tighten it up a little. But that is just my preference.

I loved the first stanza. It set the tone and the rest of the poem simply unraveled. Nice.

Well I'll go check the deadline on the pop up and see if I can still make it.

~~Tink



9
9
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff, I followed you at I Write and so I have the privilege of reviewing your "When I Think of You, I . . ". This was a very short story that didn't miss a beat. All you needed to say to warm your reader and put a smile on my face, you accomplished in in 245 words. Well done.

Technically, no syntax, spelling, grammar etc. jumps out at me.

Initially the story took my thoughts elsewhere and I was wondering if it had been rated properly but no lines were crossed nor even blurred and you led me to a little twist I did not see coming.

Thanks for sharing this little gem.

~~Tink
10
10
Review of The Marker  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Shopgirl, I'm reviewing your Marker that I found at Poet's Place Cafe. I was hooked from the screech of the rust hinges.

I love your subtle use of personification which was the focus of the exercise. The use of orderly quatrains contributed to the story's subdued progression and the rhyme didn't get in the way of the flow. Nicely crafted.

My favorite lines:
"Talon sharp limbs quiver
in the salty scented breeze."

I enjoyed reading your poem.

~~Tink



11
11
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly, Even though I Write has been split between longer and shorter works and I always write shorter works, I found over the past year that reviewing longer works challenged me and I was learning more about writing by stepping over the line. So here I am reviewing your Love Has Come Home.

I'll get this out of the way, in your 2nd section, you have a typo. I don't look for this kind of stuff but this jumped off the page at me so you might want to fix it. "Liliah stood staring at her with misty eyes. “You grandmother would be so proud of you…. And your momma, too.” She murmured." Your?

Other than that I thought your writing fluid, good character development, and the plot unfolded with clarity and logic. I have to admit to being a sucker for Hallmark Channel Romance stories. You pretty much know the end before it begins but the journey always makes you feel good. This short story fit that genre for me. Of course I suspected who she was emailing. The photojournalist and travelling of friend Roger and Phototreker81 was too much of a coincidence for me not to suspect. I was surprised Satyra didn't also suspect.

This was a feel good piece that I enjoyed reading.

~~Tink
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Review of Photo Shoot  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dominique, You posted at I Write just before me so here is my review of your short story Photo Shoot. To get the technical, spelling, punctuation, syntax out of the way, I spotted nothing out of sync. No technical stumbling blocks. Nice.

This story had a different perspective although I was hoping for more in depth development of the why behind the breakdown. And I have to admit, offering a prettier dress seemed to be a simplistic solution. For such a dramatic breakdown it didn't take much to pull her out of it.

However, for such a very short story it flowed logically and kept my interest. Well Written.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhychus, I'm responding to your Pantoum, "The Abyss of Creation" which I thought brilliant. The repetitive lines assist the reader to contemplate the images more closely, the pantoum was the perfect form this subject.

I loved "a fleck of pepper on the shore" and "most ignore the sore reminders" Really nice.

~~Tink
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14
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Echidna, I followed you at I Write and am therefore reviewing your short story "The Miracle of Music". I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it before.

It was technically spot on, spelling, syntax, punctuation etc.

The story kept me reading though there were no surprises or intrigue to draw me forth. The 2 major characters were kittens which was rather unusual especially since they played trumpets and were in a math class. Strangely my Molly can do none of the above and I was convinced she was the smartest kitten ever. Clearly you wrote of extraordinary kittens.

I love their names Wazzup and Whodat. That made the whole thing worth reading. Interesting, fun story.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of I Write in 2019  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Choconut, I'm first up so I am reviewing the master page for I Write 2019. I've never review this type of writing before but I think this one will be easy. I found the information organized and clear. The use of isolated groups in changing color helps keep order in the reader's mind.

Your pinned post of Welcome is even more orderly, clearer and easier to read, you might want to integrate them.

I really appreciate the write ahead or make up that is available through the year. All kinds of life surprises can prevent us from entering a contest in a week and until you provided the make up month, I would never have completed the 52 entries. Now we can plan for trips and emergencies and still stay on track. Thank you so much.

Could I suggest that under the "Review" information that you suggest that when reviewing under "Group Affiliation" the reviewer choose "I Write" rather than the various other groups to which they may belong. After all, this forum produces a lot of reviews on a regular basis and should get credit for them.

I was really challenged by I Write 2018 and am excited about taking on a new year.

~~Tink

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Review of Our fate  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi KT, Welcome to WDC. It is always exciting to see new writers at this site.

I ran across this draft on Read and Review. I wonder if you should put this on Private; For your Eyes Only, setting until you have had a chance to proof read and make corrections. However since I have it up for review, here are a few of my thoughts: It is your piece, use what may be helpful and ignore the rest. This review is just one person's opinion.

Keeping in mind it is only a draft and not the finished product, I wondered if English is not your 1st language, there are syntax errors that suggest such. Of course there are errors, all drafts have them, spelling, typing and syntax. I think the biggest problem with it from my perspective, it is so abstract.

This is the best line in the piece: "even you with your scars bleeding, your eyes weeping, your heart racing and your mind immersing in the depth of your dark soul". This is something the reader can grasp. Concrete images tell a story better than abstracts.

The emotion you convey in the draft is worth exploring and sharing. With some work it could be an interesting read.

I look forward to reading what you do with this. In the meantime, I didn't want to rate it but it wouldn't close without a rating. Let me know when it is a finished product and I will come back and rerate it. Hopefully I was able to offer some insight as to how a reader would react to this.

~~Tink
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "November 27, 2018
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Sorry, I copied my original review that somehow I marked private in error, (I don't know how I did that} I can't edit to change it but I can clear it and send it again. I still don't see anything that would make this private. I apologize. ~~Tink

Review of Wheel of Fortune
Review by Tinker (136)

Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access: Private Make public 12/14

Given: Dec 3, 2018 at 6:16pm
Length: 568 Characters | 568 w/o WritingML
Hi Ridinghood, I follow you at I Write and enjoyed reading Rust Never Sleeps. The images you paint in this poem are unique and almost startling. "will my titanium knees melt when I'm cremated?" What a great line and a shocking mind picture. I could watch the knees melting. Yikes.

I loved the title but felt it redundant to open the poem with the same phrase. This is just a personal preference. It is your poem, feel free to ignore that comment.

Yes my favorite part of the poem was the "titanium knees" though it made me cringe.

Vivid and new.

~~Tink
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Review of The Lost City  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher, You are my last I Write review for 2019.

I love it that it is a Flash Fiction, still something I want to challenge myself with.

Your prose reads like poetry. The description of the mountains and the city and "his" emotions were palpable. The end, made me smile. But it might be considered a bit sexist even if it does fit with the myths. I kind of felt a let down hoping for more of a surprise. But it was a logical conclusion.

I especially loved this line: "His eyes flickered to the mountains that lay north of the city and then to the sun that was slowly making its nightly decline into their pointed peaks."

I enjoyed reading Lost City.

~~Tink

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Review of Silver linings  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elle, Silver Linings is such a feel good poem. The poem provides vivid images and loving thoughts. And what a great idea to create new ornaments from old trinkets, preserving memories and with the gift, creating new ones.

If I had to offer anyway to improve, I think near the end it gets a little too conversational. It probably could be trimmed up a bit. But hey, we have 24 hours to write these things within strict parameters. You might like to revisit this at a later time.

My favorite part is the second stanza, so musical and poetic. It is a lovely image from the sound to the visual.

~~Tink
20
20
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "November 14. 2018
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghood, I followed you into I Write again and I’m so glad I did. I loved your November Trees.

This is just plain good writing. This relatively short poem describes aging with such grace. You imagery is serene and welcoming. So beautiful.

~~Tink
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Review of Burnt Orange  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghood, I followed your poem "Burnt Orange" into Week 46 at I Write. Amazingly, just the right message I needed to hear right now.

After a turbulent couple of weeks with the midterm elections I vowed to take control of my blood pressure and forget politics for a bit. Haha and here you come with the most calm, common sense approach to the most volatile subject. A political poem that leads with the intellect not the emotions. And you are right, it matters.

What I liked best about your poem was the steady rhythm that gave importance to your words without pushing buttons to ignite. Just a slow steady burn. Really a welcome change. Thank you.

~~Tink

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22
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher, I got to read An Appointment in Erfoud for I Write and it's writing like this that makes you one of my favorites. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short story. The story was fluid, different and written with a twist I didn't see coming. I know Morocco was part of the prompt but you took it to the next level, introducing your reader to a different culture, new words and painted a picture of an exotic and fascinating place.

I found no rhetorical or grammatic errors but who is looking for them when they are caught up in the color and perfume of a market in Morocco?

My favorite part was the pictures you painted revealing the culture such as:
" A small band of musicians played along the side of the road. Śmierć paused and swayed to the sound of the darbuka , oud , and taarija . She was particularly impressed with the skills of Jamal and how he played the kamenjah resting vertically on his knees. Glancing at the sky, Śmierć sighed. While she would love to stay and dance with abandon under the moon, she had an appointment to keep."

Nice work. ~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Jeff, I'm reviewing your "Social Claustrophobia" for I Write. Amen, Brother! I feel your rant and might I add, this politically correctness is also the death of humor. You can't crack a joke, it is going to offend someone.

So obviously I heard the content and the emotion and the common sense behind it.

As far as the writing, it probably would be more powerful and more likely to be read if you condensed (a lot).

Thanks for saying what so many of us want to say.

~~Tink














*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Carley, I'm reviewing your "Tornado Devastation", which was the post before mine at I Write.

I began my review pausing at "Watson's road", thinking that's odd, shouldn't it be "Watson Road"? Who owns a road? This is just me bringing my world into your story, there is a Watson Road nearby and no one would ever call it "Watson's road". Noone know who "Watson" is anymore.

To get back to your writing, beyond that little hiccup I stopped reviewing. I got so caught up in your story, I didn't even think about the technique or punctuation or syntax. I just peddled along with the three kids as fast as I could, scared to death by the happenings around me.

This pulled me in and held me to the end. Congratulations on the Win. I understand why.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Robotics Division  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher, I'm reviewing your " Robotic Birthday" for I Write. This was really interesting. It took me a couple of sentences to realize the characters weren't human. Then the plot thickens, war vs peace. The emotion of rejection and acceptance and the surprise conclusion. I liked this very much.


Thank you for the interesting read.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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