|Hi KT, Welcome to WDC. It is always exciting to see new writers at this site.
I ran across this draft on Read and Review. I wonder if you should put this on Private; For your Eyes Only, setting until you have had a chance to proof read and make corrections. However since I have it up for review, here are a few of my thoughts: It is your piece, use what may be helpful and ignore the rest. This review is just one person's opinion.
Keeping in mind it is only a draft and not the finished product, I wondered if English is not your 1st language, there are syntax errors that suggest such. Of course there are errors, all drafts have them, spelling, typing and syntax. I think the biggest problem with it from my perspective, it is so abstract.
This is the best line in the piece: "even you with your scars bleeding, your eyes weeping, your heart racing and your mind immersing in the depth of your dark soul". This is something the reader can grasp. Concrete images tell a story better than abstracts.
The emotion you convey in the draft is worth exploring and sharing. With some work it could be an interesting read.
I look forward to reading what you do with this. In the meantime, I didn't want to rate it but it wouldn't close without a rating. Let me know when it is a finished product and I will come back and rerate it. Hopefully I was able to offer some insight as to how a reader would react to this.