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1
1
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oooh another gem from the pen of Neva! Thank you for sharing "A Poet's Prayer Answered" at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

You certainly mastered the elements of the Imayo and took full advantage of the longer lines. Your poem has an even compelling rhythm. Your words echo in my mind as I read them out loud.

I can find no fault in your presentation and your content totally suits the frame.

I especially loved your opening line, "Atoms of the air vibrate, echoing my words"

You are a skillful writer with much to say. Again, thank you for sharing your work with us.

~~Tink


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2
2
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "October 16, 2019
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Happy Birthday Month! You certainly lay claim to the month with this wonderful Imayo. Thank you for entering it in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

The Imayo allows for fluid lines and you took advantage of the element. The frame suits the poem.

I loved the word imagery you utilized, this wasn't just another "fall poem". morning glory sky, mangrove leaves excrete salt tears. Awesome. L3 is my favorite.

The rhythm of the last line is a little awkward to my ear, can I suggest you tweek it a little, something like, "come follow me, I'm a queen or I'm the queen . . . . I think that small switch would improve the rhythm, but it is just my opinion. Use what you find helpful, ignore the rest. It is your poem.

I found this poem interesting and it touched me. I want to celebrate with you. My best friend, long ago, suggested we celebrate our birthday months rather than day. That way we would be celebrating in some way, everyday. Enjoy each moment of your celebration. More poems like this are a good way to begin.

~~Tink




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3
3
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Jay, Thanks for taking on another Oriental Poetry Contest challenge.

Technically, have the Imayo with the long line broken by caesura element mastered. However, reading your poem out loud, the lines breaks are so abrupt they cause the poem to be a little choppy. One phrase though paused should fluidly flow into the other.

I have to admit, your thought progress loses me a bit. It seems disjointed somehow. I have no suggestions on how to fix it other than for you to read it out loud and think of ways you might smooth it out a little. You've rewritten before so I trust if you hear it as I do, the next time I come to read this poem it will be quite different. Please, this is your poem, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

I like the idea behind the poem and love the phrase "Coolish breath brings happiness"

~~Tink



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4
4
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jake, I couldn't find your Imayo Poem in the entries of your Poems for Poetry Challenge so I'm including it my review of your "Last Man on Earth Walking Down a Dirt Road" which is not an Imayo and doesn't qualify for the Round 58 at the Oriental Poetry Contest. So I'm ignoring that poem and am reviewing the poem you posted as a reply to the Round 58 Challenge.

Imayo poem

the very last man on earth, is walking alone
down a muddy country path, alone in his thoughts
sees a lone store with a flag, stops by for coffee
drinking his coffee alone, the ghosts whispering

This poem is an Imayo, you worked within the frame perfectly. Your lines are broken by caesura in exactly the right place and they read with a nice rhythm and clarity. Awesome.

Could it be taken to another level, I think so. For example, you use the word "alone" 3 times in this very short poem which is usually not recommended because it seems redundant. I think you should consider finding a substitute word for at least one of the "alone" s. Something like, The very last man on earth, walks in solitude. This is just my opinion, use what you think helpful ignore the rest.

This starts out an image of a lone man walking, but then the imagery gets more interesting, the country path, a flag on the store, stopping for coffee and best of all the surprising last phrase that brings us back to the first phrase, he isn't just a lonely man, he is the only man, with only ghosts for company. Nice writing.

~~Tink


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5
5
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Rhychus, Thanks for returning to the Oriental Poetry Contest for another challenge. Challenge is probably the wrong word here, your poem "Every Pleasure I Destroy" reads as if it easily rolled off your tongue and onto the page without any effort at all. The rhythm and rhyme are like the lyrics to a song.

The Imayo with its longer lines and Kabuki connection is the perfect frame for your words. You write like a master.

This isn't just a little jingle, your content is interesting and opens the mind to think on your words. Especially your last line.

Nice writing.

~~Tink



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6
6
for entry "Specters Rise
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Carly, Honestly, I'm not stalking you. Your poem was posted I Write just before mine. So here I am again, but this time in more familiar territory for me, I'm reviewing your Specters Rise.

First impression, all I needed was the photo. Who wouldn't read on?

The neat quatrains made up of rhymed couplets almost seem to want to hang on to some kind of control amid the chaos of the dream. I loved the cross rhyme in the first stanza. The meter is even and rhythmic, no stumbling here unless it is in an attempt to escape the darkness. The repetition of Specters to begin each stanza gave the poem an inescapable feel, like they just keep coming.

I loved the spooky darkness of this poem. Nice writing.

~~Tink



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7
7
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Well, here I am again, I'm going to have to read this novel when it is finished. But for now, I am reviewing for I Write.

As I said in my last review, I know nothing about writing novels. I can only comment as a reader. I saw nothing technically wrong however the development of the character did strike me as rushed after "Wait I did." Before I was in "her" skin, I felt what she felt. After those words, it was if someone was giving me the cliff note version.

I have no way to fix it other than to take more time, let the reader see her make physical changes. She also went from an innocent nerdy girl with a crush, who I could empathize with to calculating, vindictive, mean bitch who I had no connection with.

I still enjoyed reading your page.

~~Tink



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8
8
for entry "In the Navy
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I'm reviewing your, "In the Navy", for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

The Malaysian Pantun, so different from the French version "Pantoum" can be deceptively difficult. What can be easier than equal length lines and rhyme abab? But it is the complete and separate couplets that mess most up. You had no problem with it.

The rhythm and flow, the word choices, though simple, were in perfect unison.

This short little poem is uplifting and inspiring. It made me want to say, Thank you for your service.

Nice poem.

~~Tink


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9
9
for entry "Poet's Nightmare
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh no Neva, It is had to believe you have ever had writer's block. Even mid block your skill shines. I'm reviewing your "Poet's Nighmare for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

The Malaysian Pantun elements were easily met by your attempt. Many missed the "complete couplet" element. You have two distinct couplets, shadow and meaning.

The rhythm and flow of your words communicate smoothly.

Word choice are lyrical and logical.

I can make no suggestion for improvement.

Thank you for continuing to support this contest with quality entries.

~~Tink



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10
10
Review of Boat Race  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Beholden, I'm reviewing your "crew" poem for the Oriental Poetry Contest. Very appropriate for the origins of the form.

The Malaysian Pantun verse form gives latitude in the syllable count as long as the lines are equal. You took full advantage of that. Your rhyme is spot on, when many overlook that in English, the rhyme is on the stressed syllable, you did not. The form does require 2 complete couplets almost divorced from one another in content. Your poem is technically a tetratstich without stanza break rather than a tetrastich made up of two complete couplets. Almost the entire poem is about the physical action of the rowers where with a shift where each couplet contains a separate thought unit, the first couplet would focus on the rowers and the 2nd couplet would be about the race. I'm thinking out loud here, but an example would be:

The creaking oarlocks, the blades are driving,
in unison set, strong backs are bending.
Race faces concentrate, ambitions striving,
skimming the surface, water rending.

This is just me, playing with your poem to try and show you the shift in thought that the form inspires. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Your word choices are logical and clear. Articles such as "the" are throwaway words, you could easily enhance your image by substituting "strong" or "strained" or what ever in L2.

I loved that you used rowing as an inspiration for your poem.

~~Tink



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11
11
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Yikes, I was hoping for a haiku or something equally as short and I followed your Day 5 Contest entry at I Write instead.

Hi Carly, No matter, once i started reading I was hooked. This is a beautifully written insight into a difficult period in a young girl’s life.

I felt empathy for her from the beginning and continued to read to make sure she was going to be OK.

Technically, I can’t really help with the craft of writing a novel. I know NOTHING. As a reader, there was word that seemed to be used a lot in one section and it sounded too pronounced to me. “wee” was used at least 3 times in the space of 2 or 3 lines. Maybe substituting “little” or “tiny” in one or two places would sound less forced or artificial? Also 2nd to last paragraph “too” not “to” melancholy.

I actually enjoyed reading your “long” entry. I’m glad I followed you at I Write.

~~Tink


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12
12
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow, something very different from you.

Hi Lisa, I’m reviewing your “The Isle Was Bombed” for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

The Malaysian Pantun is a common frame, a tetrastich with equal length lines in two complete couplets and alternating rhyme. The original intent was to send some kind of message. As usual, you had no problem with interesting rhyme choices.

My only suggestions are, in the first couplet, actually L2, seems a little wordy to me Deleting in L2 “In” and “where” might smooth it out a bit and eliminate unnecessary words. Also the syntax is awkward in L3 it sounds like Yoda speaking. “Attacked we were” better English, “We were attacked”. This is just me thinking out loud, it’s your poem, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

I liked that you stepped out of your norm and wrote something a little edgier with this one.

~~Tink



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13
13
Review of Battle Stations!  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rhychus, This was interesting. I am reviewing your “Battle Stations” for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

The Malaysian Pantun, a tetrastich in equal length lines and alternate rhyme which is a pretty common frame. I thought it different that you chose 9 syllable lines, not so common but within the parameters of the form. The small poem was originally meant to send some kind of message. Yours is more a description of the mechanics of war. The separation of the 2 couplets, the viewpoint of a soldier in training or waiting and then the Battle commands coming from an officer works well.

The flow is a little jerky but it fits the content.

Word choices were unique. i’m not sure i totally understood the last line other than as a code name for a battle plan. The rhyme drudgery / dungarees is unique and interesting.

The more i read this, the more i liked it.

~~Tink





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14
14
Review of FISHING  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice Monty, I’m reviewing you “Fishing” for the Orienta Poetry Contest.

The Malaysian Pantun with its straight forward rhyme scheme is right up your alley. The even lines create a easy going rhythm in which i can almost picture you rowing out to catch a fish.

Your little ditty is fun and believable.

The only suggestion i could make is you could take this to the next level by taking this beyond just rhyme and syllable count by adding more poetic devices to emphasize the musicality. Something like

“Love fishing in my bobbing boat.”. “Just” and “while” are unnecessary fillers, giving them up for “bobbing” adds concrete detail to your image and the sound element of alliteration. This is me thinking out loud. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

This is just how i process my own work, i write the idea then i ask, how can i improve? what can i dump that is not necessary? what can i add that is concrete to improve the image? what sounds can i find to make it more musical?

i loved that you chose to write about fishing using a fisherman’s form. I really enjoyed this.

~~Tink


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15
15
for entry "Hunger
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Lilli, I’m reviewing your 24 Syllable entry for my 2nd review at I Write.

Of course your syllable count is spot and the prompt word fits right into your little piece. I could almost hear the voice of a smart mouth teen spouting these words. Telling someone who just offered food to someone who is clearly hungry that their place is “squalid, even if it was true, so rude, But some people don’t seem to care how their words will effect the recipient.

This is not a feel good poem but it does incite an emotion. That is what it’s all about. Now I leave angry, just kidding. Good writing.

~~Tink



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16
16
Review of Still Standing  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M.Morris, Thank you for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your Still Standing.

The Three-Five-Seven verse form gives a lot of space for detailed imagery in 3 short lines. Your poem manages the elements of word count and parallels quite well.

The sounds of the poem complement each other, the assonance in the first phrase of L1, alliteration in the first phrase of L3 contribute to the rhythm of the poem, which flows nicely until the last phrase that for some reason sounded a little off-key when I read it out loud. The hard "a" in snake just didn't seem to fit the rest of the poem. I wonder if you had used "serpent" instead? Just an observation and my personal taste. Also firmly would be the proper adverb in the first phrase of L3.

I liked the opening line best, I liked the parallel and I could relate.

I enjoyed reading your poem. Editing is allowed until midnight EST. I will be making my selections tomorrow.

~~Tink


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17
17
Review of Truth  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Monique, Welcome back to the Oriental Poetry Contest. Thank you for sharing this piece of wisdom in your "Truth".

Just by the title I felt it would be philosophical and lofty. Those giant words proved me right. transcendent / transcultural / recalcitrance (the last by the way you spelled incorrectly, which I wouldn't have known but by my spell check on my computer flagged it) I think this might be more relatable for some with fewer abstracts and some concrete images.

The Three-Five-Seven form is pretty straight forward in its elements syllable count 3/3 5/5 7/7. You have 6 words in L3 or the 3rd phrase which should be only 5 words. It is a forms challenge so I had to count and mention it. Poems can be edited through Sunday. I will return to reread, reassess and make my selection as judge on the 30th.

I thought this a challenging meditative piece and think I will use it as the focus for meditation and prayer tonight. My favorite, phrase, "truth is eternal." a mantra of sorts.

I enjoyed reading your "Truth". Good Luck in the contest.

~~Tink



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18
18
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Delanora, Thank you for entering your delightful poem in the Oriental Poetry Contest. I'm taking a closer look to show you your poem through someone else's eyes and to help me in my assessment as judge of the contest. Edits are allowed up until the 30th and I will come back on the last day of the contest to reread, reassess and make my selections then.

The Three-Five-Seven form is pretty clear in establishing its elements 3/3 5/5 7/7 syllables per line which gives a lot of room for detailed imagery in only 3 lines. Your last line has one too many syllables in each phrase. It is a pretty easy fix eliminating "the" in each phrase would do it. Or whatever innovative wording you want to come up with. Since it is a forms challenge and the primary element is syllable count, it will be considered in judging. I will be back to reread at the end of the round.

The poem flows fluidly. The word choices simple and appropriate.

I thought the parallels well done and felt sorrow for your loss. I can relate. The poem has a gentle sweetness.

I really enjoyed reading your poem.

~~Tink



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19
19
Review of Luminous  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kellie, I am reviewing your very romantic "Luminous" following you at I Write. It is sometimes difficult to "wax poetic" in only 24 syllables and having to use a prompt word and in only a 24 hour time frame. You had no problem at all with this one other than you are short 2 syllables. Too late to fix but it carries emotion and that is what counts in poetry.

The poem also has a nice rhythm when limited syllable poems often sound choppy.

Your word choices were simple but the right choices for this short missive.

My favorite line is the most romantic "your luminous smile is the moonlight,", loved it.

I thoroughly enjoyed immersing myself in this moment of love.

~~Tink



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20
20
for entry "thee five seven poems
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Jake, Thanks for entering these 3 poems in "Round 56 Sept 15 thru Sept 29 from China - Three-Five-Seven"  . Of course I can l only consider one for the contest judging. I've chosen the most intriguing "Black Cat Haunts My Life" for review and consideration in the contest.

As you are already away from Dave's response at
FORUM
~ The Poet's Place Cafe~  (E)
A place for discussion on poetry, reviews, contests, etc.
#1937709 by Gravedigger Dave
that you are short some words in all three poems but I think Black Cat is not only the most intriguing to me, but it also has the easiest fix.

I wonder if you simply added these bold word or something similar:

That black cat, haunting my life
It just stares at me, he is freaking me out
This evil black cat truly hates me, he is planning to kill me off

Forgive me for playing with your words, but it was the best way to show you what I mean. Use what you feel is helpful to you and ignore the rest.

I enjoyed reading all of your poems but the haunting black cat caught my attention and I had to narrow it down.

~~Tink


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21
21
Review of The snow  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mina, Thank you for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your " The Snow". I'm taking a closer look to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me judge the contest. Edits are allowed up until the last day of the round so I will be back to reread, reassess all of the poems then and make my selections.

My first impression was, snow in a heat wave? I had to adjust. *Bigsmile* Maybe the poem will help me cool down.

The Three Five Seven frame gives a lot of room for detailed images in only 3 lines. You managed the frame perfectly including creating parallels. There are few syntax errors, "the snowflakes grows" should be either "the snowflake grows" or " the snowflakes grow," . "where the black cloud flow" should be either "where the black clouds flow" or where the black cloud flows" You are having a little trouble with tense. It makes me think English may not be your first language.

My favorite phrase "like a soft pillow until the dawn." I could almost feel the cushion of the pillow. Very nice.

This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in this review and ignore the rest.

I enjoyed the freshness of this piece.

~~Tink


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22
22
for entry "The Potion
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave, A little early for Halloween but I guess it is on the horizon. Thank you for entering the Three Five Seven Round and supporting the Oriental Contest over at Poet's Place. So I'm here dissecting rats in your "potion". This is a little creepy.

The Three Five Seven frame has a lot of wiggle room for detailed imagery and you certainly took advantage of it. You stayed within the perimeter of the frame and the lines flow into one another.

I do wonder about the comma in the last line, I with the word choices the comma isn't necessary and instead of a parallel you just have a long line. To make the 2nd half a parallel I think you would have to change "as" to "a". Just thinking out loud and I'm questioning myself but I think I'm right. But you know I can be wrong. Use what is helpful and ignore the rest.

My favorite phrase is " Ghastly cackle spells doom for unsuspecting victims" it has a great sound and perfectly carries the mood.

I enjoyed reading something a little different. Happy writing.

~~Tink



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23
23
Review of Weightless  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
OMG Mastiff, I truly hope it isn't that serious but the situation did produce an interesting poem. Thank you for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with this little gem. I'm reviewing to show you the poem through my eyes and to take a closer look to judge. Since edits are allowed up until the last day, I will come back at the close of the contest to reread, reassess and make my selections.

The Three-Five-Seven is a frame of 3 lines paused in the middle by caesura with words counted 3/3, 5/5, and 7/7. The half lines should be parallels or question/answer. It gives a lot of room in such a short poem for detailed imagery which you take advantage of.

The syntax and flow are fluid and the words create rhyme sounds in the least likely of places dread/dead shouldn't be considered rhyme because of the line jump and the position of the words in the line and yet the sight and sound of those two words stand out, very cool.

You parallel phrases could use a little more work, I'd play with the 2nd phrase of L1 and L2 to make the transition clearer. I wonder if instead of

I feel dread, due to work. ---- due to work is really not another phrase but an extension of the first phrase and the comma becomes an artificial pause.
Crush what is my soul, what is left of it.

What if you did something like

I feel dread, work is stress. or oppressive work stress, or trouble at work etc.
Crushed what is my soul, it leaves me no rest. or -

These are just ideas, hopefully, I'm making it clear what I'm trying to show you.

The last line is perfect, you got it.

I really liked the poem, I just think those phrases need a little tweaking. But it is just my opinion, use what helps and ignore the rest.

Thanks again and I think this is something many will relate to .

~~Tink


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24
24
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva, Thank you for again supporting the Oriental Poetry Contest with another entry, this time with "Singing the Sacred Scriptures". I am always inspired by your words. I am reviewing to give you a glimpse of your work through my eyes and for me to look closer as a preliminary to judging. I try to review as the poems come in to give myself time for a thoughtful review. Since edits are allowed up until the last day, I will return to reread, reassess and make my selections on the last day of the round.

The Three-Five-Seven frame gives a lot of room for imagery even though only in 3 lines. You take good advantage of the space and still keep the word count within the frame.

Because of the broken lines, some of the poems entered have come out choppy, yours flows in harmony with your message, like a piece of sacred music. Nice.

The word selection had a couple of surprises, croons, primal

My favorite phrase "croons holy words"

Suggestions: I could hear the crooning "croons holy words" but I only read, musiicians play the instruments, you phrase tells, it doesn't show me what musicians, what instruments? Show don't tell What does it look like? This is just my opinion, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.

I thought this a lovely poem. Good luck and happy writing.

~~Tink


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25
25
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay, Thank you for entering your "September Heat" in the Oriental Poetry Contest. I can relate, although this morning there is a bit of a nip in the air. I'm reviewing as the poems come in to save myself from a log-jam at the end of the month. To give a thoughtful review takes time and there have been a good number of entries each round lately so I try to spread the review time over the course of the round. Since edits are allowed until the last day, I will reread and reassess on the last day of the round and select the winners then. This allows me to show you your poem through my eyes and take a closer look at your work in a preliminary judge.

My first impression was drawn to the very long --------------------- caesura. I saw it before the title or any words and it was distracting. I actually saw it first on my iPad where because of the size, it distorted the entire poem and I was wondering if something happened to the type. Now that I see it on my desktop, I get what you were trying to do but I think it creates way too long an artificial pause and doesn't do the reading of your poem a service. If you were concerned with the sight of your poem you can break the line into two at the caesura some like:
dog days stayed;
                   clothes always drenched
cool winds help the heart;
                   skin senses fall comes soon
summer resides in September for most days;
{indent          }November brings an end to oppressive heat.

The Three=Five-Seven verse gives a lot of room to create imagery. You easily mastered the frame even though it goes against your comfort zone.

It is not the metered, rhymed frame you so excel at but it still has to carry a fluid rhythm and rhyme can be found in other dimensions than end rhyme. Alliterative rhyme found in your first, third, fourth and fifth phrases dog/days; help/heart ; skin./ senses/ soon; summer/September. Your assonant rhyme in phrase 1 days/stayed.

It was the first phrase that was my favorite, probably because of all of the rhyme. It is the sound of the phrase, rings poetic.

Suggestions: You images of the first 2 lines or 4 phrases are pretty concrete. The last two phrases are telling rather than showing. There were no surprises, no twists or insight. I wanted more from this piece. These are my opinions. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

I appreciate your stepping out of your mastery zone and giving this form a try. I enjoyed the read.

~~Tink



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