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1,154 Public Reviews Given
1,164 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Entanglements  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly, Following you at I Write, I’m reviewing your Entanglement. Your poem puts my entry to shame.

This poem is impressive. It begins strong and never weakens. .

Great metaphor. “ the lattice of life has roped me in”

The concrete imagery that grounds this piece. I recognize the prompt and think you captured the dark anguish perfectly.

Nice entry.

~~Tink


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127
127
Review of Dr. Nox  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Whoa! Now that was creepy. I'm reviewing your Dr Nox for I Write and I was pleasantly surprised to come on this unique piece. I could not have predicted it. Nice twist.

The are a couple of typos you might want to clean up 10th paragraph "should" should be "shoulder" and 6 paragraphs up from the bottom "ust" should be "just". You were just typing too fast. I don't look for that kind of error but when it jumps off the page at me I have to mention it.

I liked that there was a lot of dialogue which made this fast and easy reading. In such a short piece the characters were clear.

I enjoyed reading this.

~~Tink


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128
128
Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Kåre, I'm sorry for the late review for the Oriental Poetry Contest. I appreciate all of your commentary on this as well as your poem. You helped broaden my knowledge of Jue Ju.

The form has lots of wiggle room for the English writer, it simply is 4 lines of equal length. The interpretation of whether to count syllable or words is at the discretion of the poet. The real challenge is creating a mood. It need not be erotic but it should touch the senses. I connected to the natural images. The erotic suggestion is very subtle which I missed the first read but caught it the 2nd time around.

Thank you for entering this piece in the contest.

~~Tink

PS you might like The Anchor Book of Chinese Poetry by Tony Barnstone and Chou Ping. It covers the Tang dynasty with poems from many poets of that time with informative commentary. I love the book, I got it for research but find myself picking it up and odd times just to read a few of the poems in it.


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129
129
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 9, 2020" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Your entry made me smile. I love the playfulness of this small piece.

Form: The Jue Ju gives lots of wiggle room in this 4 line poem as far as the elements go. The lines should be equal length and your L3 is a little long, "face to face" could have easily have been eliminated and your image would still have been clear. But what is most important is to set a mood, let the reader into the experience which is exactly what you did. Nice.

I loved your last line.

~~Tink


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130
130
for entry "Sultry Summer Night" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dave, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

You easily mastered the technical elements of the Jue Jue which are pretty open to interpretation and discretion of the poet other than being a poem in 4 lines. I enjoyed the setting of this piece but I kind of felt detached from it, as if I was just an observer. I was hoping for a sigh. The spirit of the Jue Ju is to create a mood so the moonbeam caresses the heart of the reader. No easy task.

I liked the "tangle", I envisioned legs and arms hidden behind the dunes.

Thanks for again entering the contest. I appreciate your support of the forum.

~~Tink


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131
131
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Nani. So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

I was intrigued by your title "Poseidon's Mistique", now who wouldn't want to read on?

Form: The Jue Ju has lots of wiggle room in the 4 lined poem as far as elements go but the key is to create a mood, project an emotion which you did beautifully.

I loved that you chose the sea as a metaphor and could feel the whisper on the sand. Really nice.

This is another gem among gems, thank you for this lovely contribution to the contest.

~~Tink


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132
132
Review of Silk Dreams  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rychus, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

First impression: Your title is suggestive and set the tone.

I loved that you not only captured the spirit of the Jue Ju but also chose single syllable words in emulation of zi.

I can find no fault in this sensual piece. Another gem displaying your skill as a writer. Nice.

~~Tink


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133
133
Review of Ceremony  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very nice Beholden. I can see this round is going to be very tough to judge, so far nothing but gems, including this one.

First Impression: The title suggests something formal, orchestrated. But then you begin right off "devouring" which suggests impulsive, uncontrolled behavior. Then the routine benign act of pouring tea, controlled, civilized, action rehearsed, repeated in "ceremony". The contrasts can be felt tingling up from inside. So good.

Form: The Jue Ju is more a genre than form in that it is a small poem meant to create a mood, most often sensual. The counted characters are subject to interpretation of words, syllables or just the visual length of the line. You managed to control the frame into 5 words per line and still give me goosebumps.

This is beautifully written using concrete images to set the scene and light a fire. This is really well written and you definitely captured the spirit of the Jue Ju.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest, I loved reading your poem.

~~Tink


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134
134
for entry ""NO VISITORS ALLOWED"" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow Dave, How tragic this one is. "as human dignity is buried here today." but is it human dignity or humanity itself that is buried? This is a thinker made very real by your concrete imagery.

First Impression: The title is a grabber even though the timing has the reader knowing where it is going. Someday hopefully it won't be as obvious but still a grabber.

Form: The simple frame of the Yama, 6 syllable lines in units of 4 with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc was no problem for you and you couldn't have captured the theme more powerfully.

The imagery couldn't be more tactile "beep. . . beep . . . beep". You probably could have shown "social contact" a little more concretely with the "warm human touch" or something. Just thinking out loud. Use what is helpful ignore the rest.

This poem is impactful in this timely submission. Thanks for sharing it here in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink


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135
135
Review of What We Never Had  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ben, Oh my, even though I was expecting a poem of loss by virtue of the form, I was saddened and surprised at the end of your poem. I'm taking a closer look for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

First Impression: I don't know why the title didn't tip me off, but as I began reading the poem my thoughts went to a sweet love poem, a positive Covid 19 experience. It was enchanting.

Form: The simple frame of the Yama, 6 syllable lines, 4 in a unit (quatrain), with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc was a piece of cake for you. At first I thought you missed the theme but of course, not so.

Words: I liked some of your unusual rhyme and the even flow of your lines. Maybe you should take a closer look at your comma placement. There are a couple of places a comma might help the reader. It's your poem, use what is helpful, ignore the rest.

I love the twist of this tale, though sad, it gave the piece a unique flavor.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest, it was a pleasure reading your poem.

~~Tink


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136
136
Review of The Yama  
for entry "Being Old (Yama #1)" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rhychus, Loved the expansion you exercised in mourning your perceived loss of the ability to write. I don't think you have any reason for mourning there, you haven't lost a thing. But never assume the poet is the narrator who makes a good case and the sadness weeps through. I'm reviewing your Being Old to take a closer look.

First impression: Knowing the theme of the Yama and reading your title, my first thought was that this poem was going to be about mortality and preparing for the loss of life. I so related to the first 2 lines. Yes where did the time go?

Form: The Yama is a simple frame, 6 syllable lines, in units of 4 (quatrains), rhyme xaxa xbxb etc. A poem of loss. You obviously had no problem capturing the spirit of this form.

Technical observation: Overuse of commas chops up the sound creating longer pauses than necessary or fluid. If this were mine, I would take out all punctuation then read aloud and only put punctuation back in where necessary to make sense of the lines. Example, the 1st and 3rd lines of the poem should not have commas at the end and they make the poem choppy. If you were to write out your 2nd stanza in a sentence would you put commas at the end of sarong and of? Of course, this is your poem, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Oh and I can so relate to "age steals vitality / from my senior season". Age sure has slowed me down. I loved your ending.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry contest, it is a pleasure to read your work.

~~Tink


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137
137
for entry "The Yama - Mother" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Neva, Your "Mother" is a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. How does one review a poem like this? It is impossible to struggle through the sacredness of such a piece.

Your first line put a lump in my throat. I know you lost your mother in the last few years and clearly the loss is still fresh. The woman you describe must have been quite a blessing in your life. Your love and appreciation for her flow like tears through the poem.

The Yama seems the perfect frame for your sharing. Your images are fluid, your rhyme choices unique. The poem is well crafted though I expect nothing less of your work. But more than craftsmanship, this poem carries your heart.

Thank you for sharing it here at the Oriental Poetry Contest, as ever I am honored to read your work.

~~Tink


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138
138
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Kåre, Thanks for submitting these two little gems to round 70 at the Oriental Poetry Contest. They both made me smile. I am taking a closer look to make decisions in judging.

The form the Tanaga is pretty straight forward with a frame of a mono-rhymed tetrastich of 7 syllable lines. You had no problem with that. I particularly was impressed with some of your rhyme choices. In such small, simple poems your rhyme choices were unique and interesting. You did, however, sidestep the original intent of the form, to ask a question. No questions asked in either of them.

I especially loved your first tanaga. grrr / myrrh / cur / were Who would ever come up with that? This whole thing made me chuckle. Nice

I appreciate your continued support of the contest and truly enjoyed reading your entries.

~~Tink


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139
139
for entry "Anticipation" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Solace, Thank you for entering your Anticipation into the Oriental Poetry Contest. I'm taking a closer look as judge.

First impression: Another timely piece, addressing the topic most pressing on most people's minds.

Form: The frame of the Tanaga is pretty straight forward, a mono-rhymed tetrastich with 7 syllable lines which you stretched into 2 quatrains to give your imagery more depth. You end with a question that certainly fits the intent of the form. Thanks for getting that.

Wise words, your poem reads like a proverb. Nice.

I appreciate your support of the contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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140
140
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 5, 2020" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I always enjoy reading your Wheel of Fortune poems. They begin in such a unique place, they are always interesting. Thank you for submitting your May 5, 2020, Tanaga for Round 70. I'm taking a closer use as judge for the contest,

First Impression: This small poem appears to be quick and easy read and I can't imagine passing over it. Your title is very timely and everyone is talking about wearing masks right now therefore very compelling.

The form Tanaga ha a simple frame of a mono-rhymed tetrastich in 7 syllable lines which you mastered with ease. The original intent behind the form was to ask a question and your piece asks one of the ultimate questions so well.

I appreciate your definition of mitzvah which although I thought I knew its meaning you made it more understandable. Thank you.

I appreciate your support of the contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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141
141
for entry "Tanaga #1 (Kites)" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rhychus, Thank you for entering your "Kites" in the Oriental Poetry Contest. I'm taking a closer look to help me judge.

Overall Impression: The poem appears easy to read and inviting on the page. I have to admit to feeling a little hit over the head with the use of the work "kites" so often. I think your poem would read more smoothly if you found substitutes for some of the "kites".

Form: The Tanaga frame is pretty simple, a mono-rhymed tetrastich with 7 syllable lines. You stretched it into 4 quatrains which gave it more interest. You also captured the intent of the original form by asking questions. Well done.
be
I think I enjoyed the 2nd quatrain most. The first 2 quatrains had a free, almost childlike feel. It was joyful. The last quatrain was fine but didn't add to the joy. You had me flying with the kite and the last quatrain brought me back to earth. I wanted to stay free. *BigSmile*

I appreciate your continued support of the Oriental Poetry Contest and really enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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142
142
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva, Your "Shelter-in-place Blues" made me smile. Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry contest, I'm taking a closer look as judge.

First Impression: The title and the neat 4 lines would draw me to read, and though you call it the blues, the words are playful. It has a playground sound.

Form: The Tanaga hss a simple frame, a mono-rhymed tetrastich in 7 syllable lines. which you had no problem with. When judging I also look for the intent behind the original form and that was to ask a question, which your poem doesn't include.

I think the playfulness of this poem is what I liked best about it. If felt good to read.

I appreciate your continued support of the Oriental Poetry Contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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143
143
Review of HOUSE  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Monty, Thanks for entering your poem House in the Oriental Poetry Contest. I'm taking a closer look in the process of judging the contest.

First impression: The title probably wouldn't have drawn me in but the appearance on the page is neat and compact and easy reading so as a casual reader I would probably jump in and read. The poem is "short and sweet", a simple piece in which the rhyme dominates.

Form: The Tanaga has a clear frame, a mono-rhymed tetrastich with 7 syllable lines which you dispatched with ease. It does get a little tricky in that its purpose is to ask a question which is missing your small poem.

I liked the sonics of your piece. The domination rhyme sounds are very bold and I like the feminine end rhyme which is a little out of the ordinary.

The verb molder did strike some interest though I think you may have misspelled it.

I really appreciate your support of the forum and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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144
144
Review of Sudden Change  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Neva, This isn't really a review but I wanted to comment on your poem Sudden Change. I've been struggling with the prompt quote trying to write my own piece and thought I might get ideas from reading the entries at Bard's Hall. Then I came on your poem. It is so clear, you took the prompt and turned it into a concrete experience. Your talent sometimes awes me.

I'm no closer to write one of my own but at least I had the privilege of reading yours. Thank you.

~~Tink
145
145
Review of Snowed In  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Intuey, I begin my review with a big smile on my face after reading your delightful "Snowed In". Following you at I Write, here I am. My first reaction to opening your entry, "Oh no, I was hoping for a really short poem, instead I get a short story." Haha, well at least a dialog short story is fast, easy reading and yes it was. I don't deliberately search for punctuation, syntax, or spelling errors but will say something if something jumps out at me. No jumping beans. The piece read smoothly without obvious technical error.

I thoroughly loved the banter or should I say echo in this story. It really isn't banter when the language is only understood one way. Luckily I understand "dog" and found the dog in your story very believable.

When my husband is away and I'm alone, I refuse to watch anything scary because I will hear all kinds of sounds I would never hear otherwise. I've always had big dogs that I depended on for alerts until 4 years ago. But have only had a cat now, so won't watch anything remotely scary. I am really not frightened alone unless I've been set up by a movie or tv show. *bitsmile* Thanks for the enjoyable read.

~~Tink


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146
146
for entry "Prose And Dead Men" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Brian, This isn't really a review, but a Congratulations on your win at Shadows with this moving poem. I enjoyed reading this account. You paint portraits of characters we can all relate to. It made me think, next time I go to the Farmer's Market, to pay closer attention to the "who" I encounter. I'm sure there are more Big Johns out there. So many stories to be found.

Nice work, when I see your name, I will pay attention and read.

~~Tink


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147
147
for entry "April evenings (Doha)" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ooooh Enga, What I thought was going to be romance turned very scary. So good! I love this twisted tale. It get better each time I read it.

I’m reviewing your April Evenings as an entrant in the Oriental Poetry Contest. The Doha, with its long lines give plenty of room for detail and you took full advantage. I was so engrossed in your story I had to go back and check whether or not you included the rhyming element.

You mastered the syllable count, the rhyme and through some alliteration. Your last line had me laughing. Ooooh I wouldn’t mess with your love.

Thank you so much for slipping in under the wire with this fascinating piece.

~~Tink


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148
148
for entry "Doha #1" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rhycus, You can use the "indent" icon, the one with arrow aiming right, 15th from the left.

"Only then the real power of the creator's love,
         Will settle for the spirit's perfect restore."
{ indent}Will settle for the spirit's perfect restore."

You mastered the form. Your writing is impeccable.

Ok, that out of the way, Wow, a powerful piece! You have to be careful here though, you begin with supplication, a prayer for forgiveness and at the 3rd stanza you abandon prayer and begin telling your reader what he/she needs to do. The narrator is talking to God until L6. You don't have to tell God to "remember the way to perdition is broad" You've changed the narrator from supplicant to preacher. You could lose your reader at that point. You can still get your point across but the narrator must remember who he is and who he is talking to. I hope what I'm saying makes sense. There is a lot here in this piece but you change perspective midway and this humble supplicant is no longer asking for forgiveness and that is where I disconnected. The power of the piece is in the humility of the penitent and recognition of God's grace rather than explaining to others why.

This is just one person's opinion. I think you have a message and it should be delivered. My comments are meant to help you see your poem through my eyes. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Thank you for continuing to come back to the Oriental Poetry Contest. As always your work is solid and interesting.

~~Tink


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149
149
for entry "Bathing in Pleasure" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave, This is a lovely gift for a spring morning. Spring seems to inspire morning songs and the long lines of the Doha provide a fluid frame perfect for the genre. You had no difficulty mastering the form. Of course other than the syllable count for the two phrases, these "rhymed couplets" convert easily to rhymed quatrains, xaxa xbxb.

I loved your use of alliteration at the end.

This line seemed off rhythm a bit, I know you were counting syllables and for a forms contest, staying within the frame is important.

"viewed with pleasure from my perch in back porch rocking chair"

I wonder if you changed it to make it read more smoothingly, something like

viewed with pleasure, perched on my old back porch rocking chair (it smoothes it and emphasizes the alliteration, of course the 1 syllable word "old" that I had to add for count could be anything, new, blue, worn, posh, *Bigsmile*) Sorry, sometimes I just have to tinker. Use what you find helpful, ignore the rest.

My favorite line is the last. Who eats cherry lollipops? Haha, that line takes the whole poem out of the "lovely spring morning poem" to a unique moment of pure delight.

~~Judi


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150
Review of Horn Shadows  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello hOOves, I'm returning the favor, here I am to review your Horn Shadows which I thoroughly enjoyed reading until the end, sad. Seeing the Verse Form prompt when reading your poem prompted me to write a englyn unodl union myself and enter Writer's Cramp. I am very partial to the Welsh forms.

Coming to the form, the defining element of the englyn unodl union   is the use of the "gair cyrch", which you sort of got, just not quite. Specifically, the main rhyme of the long line must be followed by caesura, most often a dash. And the end word of the line rhymes with a syllable in the early part of the next line. It is kind of a complicated verse form. We will see how nit picky the judges are when it comes to this form.

The elements of the englyn unodl union are:
         1. stanzaic, written in any number of quatrains.syllabic, made up of 10-6-7-7 syllable lines.
         2. rhymed, mono rhymed, the main rhyme (the dominant rhyme of the stanza) "A" is found somewhere in the last half of L1 (6th, 7th or 8th syllables) and is followed by caesura plus the rest of the 10 syllables and rhymes with the end words of L2 through L4.
         3. composed with an addendum, a "gair cyrch" in L1 (syllables in the last half of a line that follow the main rhyme marked by caesura. The gair cyrch end rhyme is to be echoed or consonated as secondary rhyme in the 1st half of L2. The caesura often appears as a dash.)
         4. written with L2 always ending in an unstressed syllable and either L3 or L4 should also end in an unstressed syllable.

x x x x x x A - x x b (the main rhyme, A can be in either the 6th, 7th, or 8th syllable and must be followed by caesura.)
x b x x x A
x x x x x x A
x x x x x x A

Sorry, I spent a lot of time studying the 24 Welsh Meters, something very dear to my heart. I've seen watered down descriptions of the forms which bother me a bit, but I get it, the forms are difficult to master in English. My entry doesn't have unstressed end words in the first stanza. At least I did it in the 2nd stanza. Here is an old one of mine that shows the gair cyrch in the first line. What follows the main rhyme and caesura, is like an addendum

Two Dollar Bet

Under wide brimmed hat prinked with birds - so hip,
a hot tip is overheard,
favored until afterward,
my pick, far back in the herd.
                    ~~Judi Van Gorder

This touched on one of my passions, please use what you find helpful and ignore the rest. 99.9 % of the people who read your poem will never have heard of the engyln unodl union or the gair cyrch.

Actually, I felt by kind of glossing over the elements of the form your poem is smoother and flows better than if had complied with the rigid restrictions coded in the 12th century.

The fact that you took up the cause of our bovine friends in poetic form warmed my heart. We raised beef when I was first married and I got attached to a couple.


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