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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tobe1987/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
444 Public Reviews Given
446 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am going to be working on my reviews being more thorough in the coming weeks. I am honest and love to give positive feed back.
Favorite Genres
Drama, Spiritual, Romance, family
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
short stories
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 1
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

I have read your first chapter or Know Thine Enemy and I would love to give you some feedback. Please note that I am not an expert and these are just my personal thoughts and suggestions.

*Hook* The Hook: A navel ship in space comes across an unknown vessel

*Person* Characters: You're characters are well thought out. Each with their own personality. Captain Scott and his XO Shay, Chief Gavin, Lieutenant Drew.
After introducing the character there is a small description of what they do on the ship. This is great for your readers to get a sense of who they are already and what their jobs are.

*Books1* Plot: So far the crew has encountered an unknown ship and are in the midst of finding out who it is. The small bits of information you give out is important too. Knowing that humans have been in space for 300 years and have never found an alien life but ruins of them are interesting.

*Sun* Setting: Space.

*Boxcheck* Overall impression: I am interested on reading more. I like the character development.


*Tools* Suggestions: Sometimes the beginning is the hardest. I had a hard time with the first sentence "
Captain Scott jerked awake at the sound of the alert klaxon blaring, the lights snapping on forced him to squint in pain." I would break it down into two sentences to help it flow better. It seems a bit unnatural to me as does this sentence. "I can't see what are they protecting or guess why they are here." It's the second part of the sentence that got me. If you said, "...or even give a guess as to why they are here." It seems more natural conversation.


Warm Regards,
Stephanie



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I will be working with you this month! I checked this out and it is an amazing idea. I actually may borrow the idea in the future *Laugh*. Anyway, I will be sending you an e-mail soon and can't wait to start working with you!

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Review of January Haiku  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this for "I write" and here are my thoughts.

I like how your haiku starts out with the voice of nature. I imagine a place where they take pictures for stock photos on the internet where it's just beautiful and you wonder where on Earth it is. Then to go to a human side, being cold, teeth chattering in the winter conditions. I thought it was nice.

Good luck in your contest.
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Thank you for entering the Try Something New contest for December.

Oh yes children trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, I understand how hard that is. This year I think it was about 3am before I went out to the car to get the presents. I will say though, what a clever idea.
Thank you for the story, it really brought a smile to my face.

Good luck in the contest!
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30
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! Thank you for entering the Try Something New contest for December.

I genuinely laughed at this! I grew up in a small 'hick' town and can actually relate to some of these lyrics. What a light and comical piece. I thought it was a nice touch and honest to the way it is written to spell likker that way. Some might think it is a typo but I get it.

Good luck in the contest!
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31
Review of Dad  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Thank you for entering the Try Something New contest in December. Very interesting and personal story here. There are so few men who want to be fathers. I have had the luxury of having mine be a great one and I was lucky the first time choosing my husband as we have three children now and while they get a little crazy at times, he has stuck with us. I have all boys and hope to raise them to be wise and responsible in their lives. Thank you for sharing this.
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Review of Tiger And I  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello I found your work on read and review and here are my thoughts.

Oh to love animals. How hard it is to know that even if they live to old age, they will die long before us.

As being a child and experiencing death while it was no doubt hard it was something that made you who you are and it no doubt shaped you.

Thank you for sharing
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello I found your poem on read and review and here are my thoughts:

I live the imagery here. Trees, although dead have such life here. They are bare but must be imperative to the lives of the hounds. If the hounds are even alive themselves.

I am wondering what this poem is ultimately about. Death, sure. But maybe a limbo? Hell even?

Great poem here, thanks for sharing
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Review of Welcome to 2017  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh. My. Gosh. A baby? For real? I'm happy for you! I am here to review for "I write" but I am just so excited! Your first? They are great! My youngest is 5 months old, my oldest 5 years old. As for your entry. What a great one! To have a September baby and announcing it in such a way, or maybe Aunt Flo is a little late. Either way what a way to start out the New Year! It can be scary yet exciting! What a roller coaster and hey, it's the fourth! You must tell me what the result is!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello and I am reviewing as part of the "I write" contest. I am not one to read much folklore but this was an interesting story. I am very into 'odd' and mysterious happenings and this is right up there with that. This story leaves so many unanswered questions that leads to imagination. I think there was someone there with her. I think St. Nicholas was there, waiting for her to believe so he can have a reason to come ring the bells himself.

I didn't see anything that needed changed in this story except perhaps a resolution. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Review of Love mankind  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Welcome to writing.com! I found your piece on "Read a Newbie" and I am here to share my thoughts with you.

This is a very short yet powerful piece. The concept of trying to rid the world of hate is one so many of us wish. My favorite line is the last: "Let the flower of love bloom...a lovely garden to live in."

Some things in which I would change slightly. Sentence one "Almighty" *capital A
Sentence five should end with a question mark.

While this piece is good alone it has potential to be something grand.
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37
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a lovely piece. So many times people lose sight of what Christmas is all about.
My favorite part is "Mary, Joseph, Kings -- Heads bowed low..." His mother and adoptive father know who he is and although He is to obey them they know He is the son of God. Thank you for sharing this with us and Merry Christmas.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this trinket *Smile*
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Review of Simple Gifts  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello and thank you for entering my contest! Your grandchildren look very sweet and it is evident how proud you are of them. How fun to be able to be with them and enjoy their activities. Your poems really captured them and you in one piece. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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Review of Being Thankful  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fantastic idea! I am usually a very grateful person and happy but in the winter my husband's business slows down (he's self-employed) and it's hard to get by on just my paychecks that come only every other week. I tend to get more stressed and irritated when I have to scrounge for money to put in my gas tank and I get down on myself and angry with my husband. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I have three wonderful and healthy children, a husband who is by my side, and my own health and a job at all. We have the internet and cable and a house and utilities. I need to do this for my own mental and spiritual health. The hard times are what keeps me humble. thank you for sharing.
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
There is a good moral to this story. What I take away from it is, finishing a project either it's long or short is so satisfying even if no one benefits from it but you. As Nano is behind us I hope those who partook are happy with what they created. Just as in writing helping your mind is important too. Meditation is important and to take that first step is the first step in completing the 'race'.
My favorite part is the end, as I find even in my own work. You are in such a roll by the end is holds the best. The beginning I think is a little weak. Like your not sure where it is going. A little editing to help it flow better would be helpful.

Thank you for sharing your work!


Warm Regards,
Stephanie



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Review of Soul's Journey  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very interesting and involved poem. I liked how the beginning is new life and by the end it is talking about demise and the end. Then again, the circle of life would continue. I had to look up a couple of words (bonus) and the stanza that I liked the best was:

"A reset to the conscious mind - reset mind? Perhaps reincarnation?
Soul and new body combined - Life beginning
Born with the intrinsic abilities - abilities within the body
Found deep in the soul's faculties" - soul and body is one

The part I thought needed work was:

"Familiar souls you may meet
Seemingly like a first greet"

It was like you are grasping for something to rhyme with meet. Perhaps change both words.

Thank you for sharing this poem and your work.

Warm Regards,
Stephanie



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43
43
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello!

I have read your story and I would love to give you some feedback.

*Hook* The Hook: A group of people trying to get away from someone.

*Person* Characters: Lidia, her mother

*Books1* Plot: Lidia is being sent down a river to another one called "The River"

*Boxcheck* Overall impression: I was rather confused through most of the story but it has promise to be something really good.


*Tools* Suggestions: Just a few: the words ..."was growed up behind the house." Sounds wrong. I would put "the dandelions that grew behind the house." Also I was rather confused on the ending. There is some kind of time travel or a break in time. Is this caused by the River? Who are the gorge? Is Lidia and her mother human? There are many questions that are not answered.

Warm Regards,
Stephanie



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44
44
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

I have read your poem and I would love to give you some feedback.

*Hook* The Hook: Memories of youth

*Boxcheck* Overall impression: I think about aging often. Perhaps it is because my thirtieth birthday is coming up and my children are growing too fast. I have memories of my childhood that I am so happy I was able to keep because my childhood home was bought by the city and knocked down for a new middle school. If I close my eyes I can remember and see and almost feel what it was like there.


*Tools* Suggestions: Nothing in this piece. Good work and thanks for the memories.

Warm Regards,
Stephanie



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45
45
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amazing poem! It is so timeless, the words you use to set the scene is just perfect. The way it is so soothing to read the words are almost lost as I read it. There is no criticism I can really give to this piece as it seems perfect to the eye and ear. Congratulations on getting it published as well!

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Review of Eggplant  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I decided to do a mini-port raid for the Lucky Bag Activity for the Sweet Sixteen Birthday Bash!

So many things I didn't know about eggplant (not that I knew much to begin with) but to know it is classified as a berry caught me off guard. Always thought it was a vegetable. Anyway, I'm sure I have probably tried eggplant as my mother is always wanting me to try different things but I have never bought one or cooked with one myself. Now that I know it has no real value towards vitamins I may not be too eager to try it out.

Thanks for all the information and Write On!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing your piece in hopes to help in some small way to your editing process.

Things I liked: The explanation of all the elements and how I could easily pick myself out.

Things that need work: nothing that I saw

Characters: The elements

Plot: a description of the five elements

Setting: None

Overall Impression: At first I was wondering why fire would be the first element since it was discovered by caveman *Laugh*, me and my narrow-mindedness I guess. Of course the sun is fire and without sun everything would die. Not only that but lightening, electricity, all generate heat which would be fire.
Water is probably my favorite with it's energy source being the moon and that it is intellectual. Still not me though.
There is Earth which is probably least like me.
Then finally Wood. This is me. I am a mother, so I am nurturing, definitely last to join a discussion, I may not even join unless I am asked a question.
I am also interested about the center of the circle where all things are the same, it says it is meaningless but perhaps that's because one is all knowing?

Good luck in all your future endeavors and Write On!

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"Game of Thrones
48
48
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing your piece in hopes to help in some small way to your editing process.

Things I liked: I enjoyed the beginning and how survival and basic moves of the atmosphere (rain and water) and even the creation of the universe itself is a constant motion.

Things that need work:

Characters: Eraq'niv and Anigh'niv the two beings at the beginning of time who are the sums of light and darkness.

Plot: The two entities are brothers who are having a discussion about the vast void of darkness. Eventually Eraq'niv, the sum of Light, is given a mirror of sorts that shows the Universe. Eventually it becomes the new Universe.

Setting: The emptiness of everywhere.

Overall Impression: When I read the fine print at the bottom, I went to look up Yitusei and could not find anything on it on the Google servers. I am very interested in continuing to read this series of yours if this is based on a real religion of sorts I'm sure I will learn much. Also, I was unaware of the hanging of mirrored glass near doorways to ward off evil. very interesting.

Good luck in all your future endeavors and Write On!

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"Game of Thrones
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49
Review of What A Man Needs  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing your piece in hopes to help in some small way to your editing process.

Things I liked: How this article reminds women how easy it is to please a man.

Things that need work: Nothing that I saw

Overall Impression: I am a mother of three and a wife. While I only work part time my husband is a full time worker for his own business he pays most of the bills at both places. Since my paycheck isn't anything much to be desired, I try to buy the food, the toiletries, anything I can but it can be hard when I have a phone bill, gas for my car, and anything else I may need. I liked the fact that a man doesn't need much to be happy and I stray from this from time to time. I get frustrated with him because I feel like he doesn't understand me but then again, I find myself not understanding him either. He is a good father and husband and would do anything for us. The only thing I don't like that he adores is golf. Now I understand better that I should at least, pretend that I like it. I may just end up helping my relationship with him.

Good luck in all your future endeavors and Write On!

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"Game of Thrones
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50
Review of The Cricket Choir  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am reviewing your piece in hopes to help in some small way to your editing process.

Things I liked: The very first line "Wicker rocking chair." Ah, the memories of my grandmother's house. Also, new word for me! Imbibing. Drink (alcohol) or absorb/assimilate. For summer time, the first would do. Nothing like sitting out, maybe around a fire pit, drinking a nice cold beer. That is something I am missing out on at the moment but soon enough.

Things that need work: Nothing that I saw.


Overall Impression: I love your authors notes at the end explaining the poem and the links you add. It's always helpful to me and I'm sure other readers as well. This poem makes me think of calm, summer nights sitting on the front porch. Where I live my front porch faces a rather busy road but late at night after the kids go to sleep it's always nice to go out and breathe the earthy smells. Last night it rained (finally!) and it smelled like dirt and grass and just wonderful. Your poem lets me revisit that.

Good luck in all your future endeavors and Write On!

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"Game of Thrones
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