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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tobe1987/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
444 Public Reviews Given
446 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am going to be working on my reviews being more thorough in the coming weeks. I am honest and love to give positive feed back.
Favorite Genres
Drama, Spiritual, Romance, family
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
short stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 ... Next
101
101
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this piece as a member of the Newbies Academy and this is a wonderful piece. Last night I went on my very first 'ghost walk' and was intrigued. I am a believer of supernatural happenings and even alien life, I mean, we can't be the only creatures in the universe, right? All these stories fascinate me and I have watched many videos on youtube about unexplained photographs and videos.
I am also rather happy I read this because there were a couple of words I didn't know *Facepalm*. So, I looked them up and broadened my vocabulary (catafalque and frilobite).
I didn't know the story of Abraham Lincoln having that prophetic dream or of any of the sightings of him throughout the white house. I wonder if there are more resent accounts from former presidents. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe there is more to the government then they let on. Secret documents that not even the president knows about until the time comes when is it imperative he knows (aliens, wmd).
I thank you for your work and this piece, I will go look up some ghost stories now!
102
102
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! I found your work on Review Requests and thought I would give it a go. In answer to your question; "does the last line make sense"? It does to me. I think anyone who had to study Tom Sawyer in school or knows anything about the book should make the connection, very cleaver.
I do have some input on the rest of the short fiction.
In the beginning the use of the girls names is a little overwhelming. Perhaps changing some of them from Sadie, to her or she would not overuse the name so much. For example the line that says "Sadie smile and clapped her hands" could be changed to "She smiled and clapped her hands, "don't you just love decorating?" Sadie asked.
For the three female characters they all have their own personalities except for Penny, she could use a little more attention. Other than that I enjoyed the story and the Tom Sawyer ending was perfect because we all know he would basically trick his friends into doing his work as if it was the best thing they could be doing. Good job and write on!
103
103
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! Since you have recently reviewed me I thought it would be nice to return the favor. This poem made me smile. It made me think of being 21 and going to the bar every chance I got and oh so many hangovers. Now every once in a while I will drink some good wine or a can of Mike's but I haven't made it to "Drunkland" in awhile. Good poem and good luck with the contest!
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104
Review of I know a bully  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem in Noticing Newbies newsletter and I must say this is so sad. This is true for many bullies and I wish there were people who could help these kids. It's poems like these that keep awareness upfront. I had a bully in grade school but she had a rather normal life, I don't know I guess she just didn't like me but you never know what someone is going through even in their own mind. Write On!
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105
Review of To My Astronaut  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello I found this poem on Review a Newbie and thought I would give you my thoughts. I enjoyed this poem. It reminds me of course of NASA and how it has been disbanded. Also of the small planet Pluto that was stripped of it's planet title in 2005. Space has always intrigued me and this poem is a great comparison to the way I feel people now feel about it. Great piece.
106
106
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I agree 100% with this article. The things I think of the most are people who are placed in maximum security prisons for murders they did not commit. Recently, there were two men released from a prison in Cleveland after being held for years for a murder they were charged with. These poor people who are not allowed to live life to it's fullest, who have done nothing wrong, get punished. It will never get better I'm afraid. Until people destroy the world and the media is nothing but a distant memory will this stop happening.
If you have not yet submitted this to a magazine or other periodical I urge you to do so. This would be a great piece.
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Review of Hug  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! I found this on Review Requests and thought I would give you my opinion. My favorite part of this was the ending, that last stanza was so full of emotion. Some of the poem I did become confused where it didn't make much sense to me.
One of the lines were "Make me not feel small by your lashes." I am assuming it is meaning don't make me feel small when you look at me, but I could be wrong. I know it's hard sometimes to find words that rhyme but they don't have to.
I can relate to this poem on not being able to show emotion through touching. I like hugs I just don't seem to give or receive them often.
Write On!
108
108
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story on behalf of your request. This was a very comical story along with a good ending, though I'm not sure everyone would agree. Most people want to see a 'happily ever after' but I understand your reasoning and the moral of the story. Here are some notes I have on the context:
-"His mum and dad were worried, but luckily the table wasn't broken." - I found this rather funny.
-"After playgroup and at the weekend they'd build dens in the bottom of the garden and when mum and dad weren't looking Jake would climb the apple tree there."- There were some technical issues here. The beginning of the sentence should be changed to something along the lines of "after playgroup during the weekend..." Also, consider looking up comma use. I know the comma trips up a lot of good writers as well as myself.
-Mrs. Fatbum - Pretty funny, I can see children laughing hysterically at this.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. It helps me grow as a writer as well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of We Are Slaves  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello I am reviewing this as it came up in random review.
"We huddle together alone in packs of many." Great line. I think people of the world feel they are justified to do wrong because of situations they are in weather it is their fault or not. The poor who have grown up that way and say they can't afford college, people with disabilities who deteriorate because they feel they are useless, different races who feel they are stereotyped.
I feel anyone can do and become anything and anyone they choose to be. I'm not sure if this is the message you tried to get across, but this is what I took from it.
Thanks for the read and reflection!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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110
Review of I am Done Crying  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A rather sad poem but moving nonetheless. Some people tend to make the same mistakes over in life, when I was a young woman I did and I try hard to help those I am close to see the mistakes in what they are doing and continue to do. I hope people read this and get inspired.
111
111
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this as you requested and although I am no expert in poetry I was very happy to accept.
This poem is very clear and flowed lovely. However, I got a little caught up in the line that reads "you are my life, my one true love, and my very dearest friend."
I think if you changed the 'very dearest friend' it would be perfect. Perhaps something along the lines of 'and my favorite best friend' - that is by no means perfect either but I think the very is the wrong word.
The third line is also a little jarring, it makes sense but I re-read it a lot. Maybe changing it to 'when I first saw you' since you are talking about first glances would make it flow better.
As for those two little things everything else seemed to go together perfectly. My favorite was the end when you realize how in love they are that not even death would separate them.
Good job! Do you plan on entering this is the journey through the genres contest? I plan on writing something myself and this is great practice and research for me so thank you for choosing me to review your work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I have been reading romantic poetry in preparation of writing my own for the journey contest and I really enjoyed yours. The flow was great and my favorite part was the second stanza and the end particularly. The very end of the poem however seemed to lose the good flow. I have re-read it many times and I always get hung up on the ending. Maybe a different wording besides "There's little room for stress". I am by no means an expert in poetry or writing in general but these are my thoughts. Thanks for writing such a wonderful piece!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review of The Hat  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Cute story *Smile* such a nice happy feeling to this. Some parts seemed so cliche though with the golden retrievers name being Goldie and I know there is a word limit and you did a good job with what you had to work with.
114
114
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is so right on. Today it is going to be 60+ degrees then supposed to plummet back to the 40s and 30s *Sad*. We always seem to get a little tease then a week or two of colder weather before it warms up for good. My favorite part is the end where "it seems to be Spring"! Probably my favorite season because I know the winter is over. Good work I saw nothing that needed improvement.
115
115
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I liked this story no matter how cliche it was. I could read stories about arranged marriages where the woman gets away all day long. Your characters were so well written also. William and Anna were my favorite except for Bella of course. This was a great story! I didn't find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes either (although that could be because I was so into the story) Good luck in your contest
116
116
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a very deep story. In my town there is a big problem with heroin right now and a lot of people are dying from overdosing so this story is rather familiar with me. It's a good piece that grabs the readers attention. On the other hand, there is a lot of grammatical errors, not so much spelling mistakes but commas where there don't have to be and no commas where there should be. Good story though.
117
117
Review of A Colorful Life  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi! I found your story in the Short Stories newsletter so I thought I would give it a try.
I was very surprised at the end of this story I almost giggled. I was expecting an end of the world where the sun is destroying everything. Very creative thought process here. Great story!
118
118
Review of Common Ground  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! I found this story on 'review request' and gave it a shot. There were a couple of things that caught my eye.
I really liked the promise of this story as a love story.
There were too many run-on sentences and compound sentences. I think it would do better if you shortened some of them and even omitted a few parts.
The sentence in particular "But not in this weather." Could be removed all together.
Good story and plot, it just needs a little tweaking, too many run-ons and you can lose your reader.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review of Six of Seven  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I saw your entry in the seven deadly sins contest and decided to check it out. Let me start off by saying it's a cute story. Its easy to overlook your own actions when you are so busy judging others. Good moral and wonderful character development. Good luck in the contest.
120
120
Review of Tina  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Good concept here. The thing that mostly caught my attention was that it seemed rather choppy in spots. It was as if one thought went right into another. Perhaps a little rework will make it a five star story. Keep writing!
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121
Review of The Dark Ages  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Here are my thoughts on the subject. Sometimes I believe young people get grandeur ideas of changing the world for the better then realize it is simply too hard. They start looking for a scape goat, some way to make it seem better. They never want to leave the seat of power even if they can't change one thing because it becomes an addiction. I would like to think, perhaps foolishly, that most people have good intentions and we give certain people (in a democracy) power to make decisions for us because thousands if not millions of people would never come to an agreement on a subject. Most of the time you can't get two people to make a decision.

As for Monarchs and Dictatorships, those people feel they have superior blood to the rest of us. Do kings and queens make such an impact in their kingdoms? Not nearly as much today as in the past but yes the dictators will always have power. People are afraid of their ruler as they hold the power to the army, to the police, to everything.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my opinions. I will look for your story.
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122
Review of The Tree House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mine is where adults hang out. Great poem, brings me back to the days I had clubhouses but never a tree house even though I wanted one so badly. The only thing that threw me a little is the line about the tea parties. It's a little longer than the rest and I think that's why, other then that great job. Thank you so much for writing and sharing. Good work!
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Review of Worthless Angel  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem. This speaks so much for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for our county. It is so from the heart and raw, I love it. One of my favorite pieces to date. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Review of Hospital Visit  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute story. It's amazing how young people get so nervous and think of the worst case scenarios. I myself, do it all the time when I think about my kids. I have no suggestions for you except keep up the good work!
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125
Review of Hope in the Dark  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Holly Mae ! I am sending you a review of your story, "Invalid Item" . This review reflects my opinion only, and I am not a writing expert. I do hope you find something that is interesting or helpful to you.

*Bulletg* WHY I AM REVIEWING THIS ITEM: On behalf of the Newbies Academy and the Review Raid.

*Bulletg* FIRST IMPRESSION: Intrigue. I need to know what happens next.

*Thumbsup*WHAT WORKED: The idea of the story, the way creatures run the world instead of humans.

*Bulletg*STORY LINE: Great so far, it is a promising beginning.

*Bulletg*NUTS & BOLTS: I didn't see any real errors, just a need for continuance. These are odds and ends that I present for your consideration. My goal is to help make your writing stronger, but it is up to you what will work for your story.

*Starg*OVERALL IMPRESSION: Great Job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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