Great description of her as she stands on the precipice. I can see it plainly. Not sure why she is there and you have my curiosity up, so if this is the beginning of something, good start. I know there is a typo with the word second "thought" and the only other comment is the dust from the car kinda was an interruption for me. Best wishes to you and your writing!
Very sweet. I was talking to someone about God the other day and I told them I thought a rainbow could be God. Nature's beauty continues to astound me and I am getting pretty old! Nice sentiments.
Very sad. I would love some punctuation, just because I don't know how to read it the frist time, and it is disruptive to listening to your works. I think the word, "keep" is a typo, and "lieing" should be lying. I hope this is resolvable. Constant love is always the right choice, but I hope there is someone loving you back.
I had that same feeling after a super creative writing teacher I had my Senior year in High School. When I arrived at the college level classes, I was told, "You are a good writer, but you don't have anything to say." That was ironic and stupid all at once because there I was on the starting line of a writing life and only 18! Now looking back, it was a setback in a way because those words did not project me forward, but made me retreat. May all your experiences here at WDC be positive and uplifting, and may you find solace in writing if not a fortune.
That is a ridiculous amount of $ for a review. I think the story is clever and without insulting any culture, you have done a good job. I like the first person, present tense, but it can be tricky. I found a couple places you may want to edit; Towards the beginning you use "behind" twice, though different meanings, but it is there..., "the find" vs. "to find", "I am desperate. Like when struck..." I think separate sentences would work better, "that easy" should be "easily". Got to watch those adverbs. The English language has grown sloppy. Fun piece. Good luck with your writing!
I like the circle of your thoughts. Not so sorry after all. Not sure about all the "again"s, but it did make the point. My least favorite part is the line about reading books. It is so different from the view of the trees and I don't think you need it to make your point.Best wishes with your writing~
So, this is Chapter 8 and I have not read the rest, but it was fine. The chapter stood alone as a short story which I think is a good sign. Two typos- "you V card" and "I'm not worry". One suggestions. If the individual children are not going to be a big part of the story later, maybe you could combine their introduction a bit. I was not exactly confused, but not as interested as I probably needed to be with your story as the different ones did what they did as Claire arrived. Best wishes to you and your writing endeavors. If you want to trade reviews, I will read something else, another chapter/< for you if you read a chapter of mine.
I like to red a poem for its cadence first and then worry about the words and meaning. In this case it was very satisfying. The cadence is strong and swift leading the anxious poet to a dismal conclusion. The "Just give up" is so guttural and final. Sounds very much like a heroine addict to me, but that is just my take. If that was your meaning, I totally got it.
It is almost like two pieces. The first starts out so sadly about abuse. I really like the ice cube analogy. Not sure about the next paragraph, seems a little tame after the first but then there is the cats idea! Suddenly, the mood changes and you are talking up the virtues of cats and then comparing them in the terrible abuse state you are in. Doesn't quite fit for me, but maybe it does in a crazy person sort of way. I don't like the line "they'll claw your eyes out and eat them."I love cats and I don't think they will go past one good attack on you before they leave the battle by choice. Something she did not do. Interesting progression even if it doesn't quite fit for me.
Some problem here, I think. All I see is "kkk", which is about Christians making they're way, but not really something to review. If you have apiece for me to read, please resend and I will take a look.
I guess you have to make the choice of enjoying now or working on permanence. You could always make the jump instead of waiting for the plummet. Who knows, maybe he would follow, and you could make a deal before you both hit the bottom. Your metaphors are so well written. Love is tricky, and no saying that something in life might change either of your perspectives pro or con in the next year. Best wishes to you and your choices, and glad you have writing to help sort them out.
Very cute. I wonder if you will say this as a mantra every morning or evening? There are alot of steps when you write them down... I wish the line "so many good looking..." was staed differently. It was a little awkward to say, and though I caught the meaning, it was a different perspective. Maybe just "which ones to chose" or something simpler. Just my opinion, of course. Fun poem!
We heat our house with wood, so this is not a stretch to imagine. Plus, your would get hot water to boot, I would think. Wondering how small the systems go, might be good include other parameter than just lbs. of fuel. These systems all are pretty large industrial size. Do you work on any smaller system, small saw mills and farms? Not really in the market, but always interested in fuel efficiency for everyone's future. LOTS of wood debris in the forests here that is more than the biosystem needs. There is a local biomass generator, but it is private and small compared to the possibility.
I feel like maybe English is not the only language you speak. There are a few word problems, but they are minor. At the end of paragraph 3 it should be "have". At the beginning of paragraph 5, hadn't. Did you mean he slept "that" night, and at the beginning of the last paragraph, what you think "he did?" And, lastly, mud is misspelled. It is an interesting story and makes me wonder if it is about a relative of yours. Best wishes with your writing~
Instead of "I got where I was alone", maybe you could say," I went where I could be or was alone". It is sad that he feels the loss of his Dad to the girlfriend so acutely instead of reasoning with his father's needs. A short reprieve from his sadness when he is with his mom. Quaint and kind home doesn't quite hit the mark for me. They describe her home, but don't give strength to the comfort he feels. His mom is kind, the house is quaint. Just some thoughts for you to mull over. Best wishes to you and your writing!
Trying to think about this and you did not give very many parameters. Did they lure her there? Maybe a Craigslist item she has been looking for that they somehow knew about and made up the perfect lure for her. Best of luck to you!
I am sure you felt a strong emotion when you wrote this, but other than the you and me dialogue, there is not much else. Simple line for a simple emotion: love. Best wishes on your writing endeavors~
Well, I am a little confused about the elements of time that you are imagining. There are some basic wprd mistakes you can catch when you reread it carefully, like "fill your" vs. "full you". For me "my words are soft as fur and sharp as needles didn't make sense. I like the soft as fur, but I don'''t really get time talking. You wake up happy, but then time will leave, and you will be sad. I wish I understood, but I don't. Then there is the film footage which is a good analogy for passing time, but the idea of being the director of a new film, that is because you have found your happiness? I watched the movie "happy" the other night and this reminds me of some of the thoughts they were stating. You have lots of good thoughts, but for me it was a bit of a jumble.
I don't hear the connection between the two. I am still trying grasp music filling a room like furniture which I like, and then you are being tortured by women. I really like the last stanzas. Poetry is then the subject, decorating time, filling a line. I would like to see you tie that all back to music or some relief from women. Just me~ Best of luck!
Good description using all Colt's senses, showing, not telling. Of course he doesn't stand a chance, but I'm routing for him. I see just a couple things you might want to take a look at, nothing major. "he'll take all...at all right now." Could say "that much longer". That may be too many adverbs. Miss Kara looks on with a blank...or apathy". Since those are the same(blank and apathy), I wondered if you meant "empathy"? Missing a comma "His heart..., and he feels". "Black dressed" bothered me. I wish it were stated some other way. Misspelling "think" instead of "thing to ask". As I said, little things I mention as a reviewer. Great writing!
I think everyone should write poetry whether just for yourself or for others. I think it would be foolish to declare one is NOT going to write poetry. My first impression of the poem is the emotion; one I have gone through as each of my three children went off to college and again when the summer came that they did not come home anymore. Your words took me back to that time. So that much you have given to me where there was nothing before~ a connection. Style and format are skills you can learn, making a connection, not so much.
Very cute. I started to realize where we were going when the children called him Fatty. I saw what I think might be a omit- he should climb up...for a better vantage point. Otherwise, lots of eggy references. Well done, so many yeears ago. It has stood the test of time!
Ok, so we have the lead characters I think and the one is more in charge than the other. They are running from the psychotic dua including Victor, I think. Otherwise the action is a little slow. Goo practice with the descritions, but they have nothing to do with moving us along. I feel like we are just waiting for these two to finish eating so we can get back to the story-probably not what you want. I think they could be more nervous, maybe a car like Victor's pulls in the lots they are watching but then they remember it is hour between them and So. Boston. Get this thing moving so or increase the tension if you want your readers to stick around. Good luck with your story~
Simple to read ( I can almost hear your voice stating it) but deep with meaning. A nice thought, and I am hopeful others feel that way. Best wishes in your writing adventure~
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