Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your
story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Hi!
I’m reviewing Despair.
Hooks: The title caught my attention.
Overall Impression: This story is about a person's journey to heaven and his experiences along the way. Story suffers from formatting issues (no paragraph separation) and numerous spelling and grammar errors that interrupt the flow of this tale making it difficult to read. There are also gruesome elements in the story and this is not reflected in the rating.
This was my favorite part: "I’M FLYING !!!" This comment is uttered by the character when he realizes that he is free from earthly constraints and physical ills.
Final Thoughts: This is not a genre I normally read, but the failure of the author to attend to correct sentence structure, correct spelling and grammar as well as syntax severely affects the flow and structure of this story. The use of the word lianas in the story created powerful imagery when describing the character's struggle with the vines.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your
story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Hi!
I’m reviewing A Summer To Remember
Hooks: The title and first line piqued my interest.
Overall Impression: The story met the criteria of the writing assignment. There was an undertone of suspense throughout.
This was my favorite part: "The sun was beginning to dip in the sky, and the sound of play was fading. Sweat dripped, with cruel joyfulness into his frightened eyes and his breath, ragged with pain, hissed from between clenched teeth. His shoulders felt like they were being pulled with agonizing slowness from their sockets.
Don’t let go"
Final Thoughts: Suspenseful short story about the dangers that playing near a ravine can bring with an implied ending. Story may have a spelling error (boast instead of boost). The back and forth between the unseen character and the kids on the edge of the ravine was not always a smooth transition making it challenging for the reader to follow at times. Overall an interesting read with vivd imagery that meets the criteria for the contest.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Hooks: I was drawn to your story by the title and the first four lines made me smile.
Overall Impression: It reminded me of a place I spent my childhood. It flows nicely and tells a compelling story.
My favorite part: "But the grass is paved, and the fence is gone". I thought using the imagery of paved grass was creative.
Final Thoughts: The piece is well-developed and kept my attention throughout. I found one area where I thought that creative license was stretched and that was the use of the word "there" to rhyme with "there". No spelling or other grammatical errors were found.
I really enjoyed this poem as it reminded me of a family farmhouse where I spent a lot of time as a child. And I could identify with wanting to remember things the way they were.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your
story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Hi nfdarbe! I’m reviewing Pegasus’ Ordeal.
Hooks: I was drawn to your story by the title and the first paragraph compelled me to read more.
Overall Impression: Pegasus’ struggle to save his friends is clearly described. His condition and suffering are crucial to his mission.
This was my favorite part: No time to worry about my wounds, he thought as he mounted into the air pain shooting through his body, I must find the black crystal and crack it. I must free Ode and the others.
Final Thoughts: The piece is well-developed and kept my attention throughout. However, the ending felt weak compared to the rest of the piece. There were grammatical errors, a few run-on sentences and problems with spelling and tense consistency.
For example, I believe you meant “rumors of the attack” and not “roamers of the attack”.
I like the topic, the imagery and the formatting - very unique.
I didn't like the repetition of lines as I felt you could have stretched your imagination and imagery more, but I understand what you were trying to do. And it worked for the formatting.
My favorite part was the the last verse, I think it was your best. Creative composition.
Some creative imagery but poetry a mix of iambic pentameter and rhyming lines.The author seems to lose the direction of the journey part-way through the poem. It is unclear what the poem is about - fear, death or survival on earth.
Writing about such a horrific and dramatic loss is difficult. The author tries to make a point about others misinterpreting observations or perhaps jumping to wrong conclusions and sums it up nicely in the end. However, the opening sentences are a bit jumbled and there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors that interrupt the flow of a suspenseful potentially good story.
Recommend the author continue writing with attention to grammar and language. Creativity is evident.
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