|The Scribe: Yes, this could be a mother's worst nightmare. Losing a child in a store can be horrifying, but then what? As a reader I was looking for suspense, bad omens, triggers, frightened thinking ... I was looking for twists, reversals and heightened danger.
The story might do well to depict a real nightmare, an anxiety dream of sorts in which the dreamer loses someone and wherever the dreamer goes to find her or him, the halls are mysteriously longer, the stores multiply, the number of children who look something like Josh increase, mother gets lost, she sees the kid but can never catch up, etc.
Details and suspense would be good: did the mother ever get woefully lost herself? Even kidnapped? Did the man who took her baby look like a pedophile? Was the mother recently reading stranger danger websites? Was the security guard in on it (he mentions that he was guarding the door, but yet the kid slips past, how?)
Great job. Diane