As a 22 year Navy veteran I’ve shared a bit of scuttlebutt in my life. In the Navy a drinking fountain is called a Scuttlebutt, similar to a water cooler in an office building where sailors or office workers would go to share gossip.
I really enjoyed your story and cannot find anything to criticize. It was well written. The deference to short paragraphs makes it easier to read in small bites, compared to one long one that would seem to drag on. I looked forward to the end to find the prank, which enjoyed. Good job!
Interesting read. First thought, what IS Jem up to I wondered? Read faster. Oh, it all comes together. Then the note. I spent 22 years in the Navy, many at sea or in foreign ports. First my high school girlfriend who became my wife, exchanging letters at least weekly, hundreds of letters over the years…I kept everyone of hers. It wasn’t until she passed away that I discovered she had kept mine. I understand his feelings and need to hold on to the past.
Interesting read. The flow is good and makes for a well written short story. A few recommendations: you reference his back pain to a fall, but what causes his left leg pain?; 6th paragraph, hummingbirds flitting maybe should be flittering?; 8th paragraph, her comment, no “ at end. Despite these things I truly enjoyed the story, reflective of something my wife and I used to do before her passing. Brought back good memories.
Jerry, you are a wonderful writer and I am so happy you are my brother in Christ. Your story hit my heart. My family and I have been trying to do this each year. Old toys in good shape given to toy drives for homeless and unfortunate kids to make room for new ones. Containers of food given to the homeless and down-on-their-luck folks, dry goods given to our church pantry to go with turkeys for those who would otherwise go without. Bags of clothes given to Goodwill or church clothing drives.
The prose excellent, the words deep, the reader can feel you relationship and you loss. Makes me sad that I didn’t know more of Jack in his last years. Tears stain my cheeks, I wish I could be there to console you.
Serene and elegant. I like the image it creates in my mind. It elevates the reader to a scene above the clouds to watch the animals fly and frolic, wishing they could join in. The fact that these are wild animals (except the pig, although it could be a wild boar) and not domesticated, gives the reader a feeling of being on a flying safari. It would make a good bedtime story for children.
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