This is a very introspective, self-aware piece that shows you have taken the time to get to know yourself and are able to deal with all aspects of 'you'. You did a great job of separating mind from soul and giving them both their own voice.
Hi Harry I am here to give you my thoughts on "Pigeon Parade" , which was listed in "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I think the last line summed this poem up nicely. You have created a parallel between man and bird and showed how life would be easier if we could always see what may be best for us.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I enjoyed the free verse style of this poem. It read more of a prose than an actual poem, telling us a wonderful story.
I found no grammar or spelling errors.
OVERALL
This was a great piece of writing that I really enjoyed reading.
Hi His_Angel_01 I am here to give you my thoughts on "Endless wants" , which was listed in "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
MY PERSONAL VIEWS
I actually thought you did a great job with the descriptions in this poem. You painted a very vivid picture for the reader and I felt the emotion of the longing and sorrow come through every line.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There was only one spelling mistake I noticed, shouldn't skys be skies?
You did a good job with the rhyme up until the last few lines. I would suggest keeping with the scheme you used for the rest of the poem to keep with the flow. Also, the rhythm seemed to be a little off in places, making me have to re-read parts of it.
OVERALL
Even with the issues, I really did enjoy reading this poem. You have a very good grasp of imagery and portraying that to the reader.
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC!
Hi ShiShad I am here to give you my thoughts on "A Valentine's Lament" , which was listed in "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
What a sad and emotional poem! You can feel the pain and heartache with every line and verse. You capture these emotions very well, leaving the reader feeling the sorrow and hurt that is felt.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I did not notice any grammar or spelling mistakes and for the most part the rhyme scheme worked well, though I did notice a few, especially in the third and fourth stanzas, where the rhyme was off.
OVERALL
A very moving and sad poem. You paint a great picture with your words about this person's feelings.
Hi Justin I am here to give you my thoughts on your chapter which you posted "Invalid Item" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
This first thing I would like to mention is the format. The way it is with the large spacing and the broken lines makes is very distracting to read. I would suggest fixing that so that others could have an easier time with it.
The plot itself is quite interesting so far, though it being a prologue we really don't know a lot about the characters yet. We meet the King and the oracle as well as a general, but at this point we are not sure how they all fit together. We do know that the king is not a very kind man and takes pleasure from other's pain.
Some of the dialogue felt a little forced, especially when the king was speaking to the oracle. Also, there were a few dialogue tags missing and some of the writingML was not done appropriately, most noticeably the italics ones.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I didn't notice any obvious grammar or spelling mistakes, so you did well on that point.
OVERALL
It's really hard to judge just a prologue, but the characters and plot will keep the reader's attention so far. You definitely ended it on a good note, making the reader want to read on to find out what happens to the oracle and what happens when the kind decides to go to the southwest.
Hi SarahSedaii! I am here to give you my thoughts on "With Trembling Hands" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
This is review 2 of 2 from the Thank You Package gifted to you for being one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers from:"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"
This is an amazingly emotional story. You capture the feelings of pain and even guilt very well. This is definitely an emotional roller coaster of a story. I found the descriptions, though horrible at times, to be done quite well without putting to much emphasis on them so they didn't overshadow the story you were telling.
The dialogue read very naturally and it moved the story along nicely.
The ending really made quite an impact. You could feel the fear in her mother's voice as she calls out to Kristen. Well done.
Overall, I think this is a very well written story. I did notice a few grammar/spelling things, but they do not distract at all.
Hi kiyasama I am here to give you my thoughts on "'The Incident'" , which was listed in "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I think you did a great job with this dialogue only story. It was easy to follow and I didn't have any trouble following who was speaking. You even managed to add a little personality to the characters, which can be hard to do with only dialogue. Well done.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
The only thing I noticed was the capitalization, and sometimes lack there of, of the words "Mom" and "Dad". The only time you would capitalize these words is if they are replacing the proper names, not when you use the word "my" in front of them.
OVERALL
Again, very well done with the dialogue and having a complete story.
MY PERSONAL VIEWS
I found this to be a great tribute to a wonderful friend, though I would have liked to know a little more about what made this person so wonderful. A few descriptions or lines to let the reader 'know' this person would have been good.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I found no grammar or spelling mistakes in this poem.
OVERALL
It seemed a little short to me and I think it would make a great impact on the reader with a little more description.
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC!
Hi Metropolitan Aranyak I am here to give you my thoughts on your story/poem "Frozen" , which was listed in "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
MY PERSONAL VIEWS
The struggle between which road to take in life is very apparent in this poem. The way you started and ended each stanza worked very well to cement this point for the reader.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I found no grammar or spelling mistakes, and while there was no specific rhyme scheme, the poem had a wonderful flow.
OVERALL
A very interesting poem with great descriptions.
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC!
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item" review of your story, "Quiet Fire" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion, and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I have always found these stories very hard to write. You did a great job with the descriptions, painting a vivid, fun picture for the reader. I could easily see the children running and laughing and then diving into the pile.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed and it read smoothly.
OVERALL
You did a great job with this. I enjoyed reading it and you put a smile on my face.
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item" review of your story, "The Xeric Conspiracy" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion, and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I found this to be quite an interesting story. You laid the groundwork for a very important message, and the tone seemed to fit it perfectly.
Your character development for such a short piece was done well. There weren't anything physical description of this person, but we got to know him and his personality.
Your first sentence was done perfectly. It was short and to the point and a great hook to grab the reader's attention and make them want to read more.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
OVERALL
I really enjoyed reading this. It has a great voice, good characters, and an important message.
Hi Dazzled with Ray-Bans! I am here to give you my thoughts on your story/poem "Life is Hard" Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I think this is a great little acrostic. You did a great job with expressing emotion with every line and sending a powerful message to the reader.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes, and even though there was no noted rhyme scheme, the poem had an internal rhythm that made it flow well.
OVERALL
A very good poem with a great message. Life is a journey, and not always an easy one. It's how we handle the hard parts that makes us who we are.
Hi cackalacky! I am here to give you my thoughts on your poem "Simultaneously" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
This is review 3 of 3 from the Appreciation Package gifted to you by fyn from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" . This comes with the message "For being a good friend".
I found this to quite an unique little poem. After reading the author's note, I did read it again, and found even more depth to it. Though, sometimes I do wonder that if we have to explain our writing then either we did not write it clear enough or we, ourselves, are not happy with the result. I did not find this to be the case of the former, and only you can say whether it was the latter.
Though this poem did not have a rhyme scheme, I found that it did flow well from one line to the next. It almost has an urgency to it, building slowly from the first line to last.
I found no grammar or spelling mistakes in this poem.
Overall, I really though it was another great poem.
Thank you for letting me rummage through your port. You are very good at emotional writing, and your descriptive quality really paints a wonderful picture for the reader.
Hi cackalacky! I am here to give you my thoughts on your poem "Wrapped In Words" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
This is review 1 of 3 from the Appreciation Package gifted to you by fyn from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" . This comes with the message "For being a good friend".
I found this to be a wonderful poem with a very lovely story. You did a fantastic job of describing each moment in these two lives. Your descriptive language brings the reader right into the scene and lets us envision these particular moments.
The rhyme scheme you chose and the rhythm of this poem puts it over the top. If flowed effortlessly as you move the reader forward in time.
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Overall, a brilliant piece of work. You mastered the language and the emotions. Well done.
Oh, what a funny little poem! You had me laughing out loud, and my husband looking at me like I lost my mind. You did a great job with the rhyming and each stanza flowed very well.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
OVERALL
A wonderful job! Great poem with a very cute story!
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item" review of your poem, "Computer Woes" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion, and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I know this! I think everyone and anyone who has had a computer has had these exact thoughts. There seems to be a love/hate relationship with this machine sitting before me.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I really enjoyed this form and rhyme scheme. You did a wonderful job following it. Each stanza flowed well and I was amazed that they also has a complete thought. The rhythm of the poem came from the meter, which you managed very well.
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item" review of your poem, "This, For You" . Please remember that this is only one person's opinion, and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
This is a very beautiful and touching poem. You can definitely feel the love and emotion through every line and every word.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
The format isn't anything I have seen before, but I think it works well here. The indented last lines of the first two stanzas really force the point across.
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed. The poem flowed well and had a nice rhythm.
OVERALL
A very nice poem, a great tribute to your friend's wedding.
Hi broken pen nib I am here to give you my thoughts on your chapter which you posted "Invalid Item" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
First, in the description of the story, you need to capitalize the character's name.
This is a story about a girl, Emma, after graduation, trying to find herself. She is a likable character and has some great qualities. Her personality comes through very well.
The flow and pacing need quite a bit of work. A lot of what is here really isn't needed to move the story along, and can be cut with a thorough edit.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
Here are a few things I noticed just in the first half of the story.
The first thing I noticed is that this is written as a list of things that happened, and not as a story. You have to be careful of that "show don't tell" you hear so much about. I want to be shown, through action, what is going on and not just simply told. Put the characters into action and make the story come to life. Get rid of all of the 'then this happened', 'after graduation', 'the next day' sort of thing.
Always put thoughts into italics to distinguish them from the rest of the narrative.
“WOOAH! To collage and hot girls!” College.
Some idiot friend yelled across the bar his glass raised in toast. There needs to be a semicolon after bar.
The next morning arrived on schedule. Is this really needed? Why wouldn't the next day arrive on schedule?
She braked suddenly, and the truck came to a crunch at a midsection in the road. Was there a crash? If not, I would change the word {b:crunch to something else.
The word Okay should always be written out.
There are more things in the second half, but I think you get the picture.
OVERALL
This story could really use a good edit and maybe read it out loud so that you can hear the dialogue and the natural pauses. There are a lot of unnecessary things in here, especially the descriptions, that do not move the story along and can be deleted. Tighten it up a bit, and I think it would work a lot better.
Please continue writing and working on this, I know you can make it shine.
Hi Coujoskia I am here to give you my thoughts on your story, "Forbidden " , which was listed in "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
MY PERSONAL VIEWS
I think you did a great job with this sample. It's interesting and kept my attention. You introduce just enough of your characters to let the reader get to know them and want to read more.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed in this short piece.
OVERALL
A well written sample. Good job!
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC!
Hi G. W. Aodh I am here to review your poem which was listed in "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
MY PERSONAL VIEWS
The poem didn't seem to match the title at all, in fact, it seemed quite the opposite. There is so much more you could do with this, especially in the imagery department. Let the reader hear, feel, smell, and taste spring.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed, however I would suggest working on the structure and flow of the poem to make is more pleasant to read.
OVERALL
I see this as a beginning, and I would love to see you expand it.
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC!
Hi Legerdemain I am here to review your poem which was listed in "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I think you did a great job with the emotions in this poem. Each line flowed well and gave us a glimpse of this person's feelings.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
OVERALL
I think you did a very good job with this poem. Even though it is so short, your message comes through clearly. Well done.
Hi ShiShad I am here to review your poem which was listed in "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
Such a sweet poem. You can hear the missing and the emotions in every word. I like how you included the picture so the reader can put a face to the 'beanpole'.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed and the poem flowed very well.
OVERALL
A loving poem to someone who has passed on. I'm glad you decided to share this with us.
Hi Marleigh Rose I am here to review your chapter which you posted "Invalid Item" . Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
Since this is only the preface and I haven't yet read any further, I must say that I'm not sure about the restraints the first person narrative will cause. While we get to know the protagonist on a more personal level, this will leave out the thoughts of the other characters further down the road. There cannot be a scene without this character since you have made her the narrator. Just something to think about.
As for the preface itself, I found it to be interesting and well written. You give us the basic plot idea without much description or unneeded words.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling issues that I noticed.
OVERALL
I think it's a good beginning. I would just think about the POV issue.
Hi StaiNed-House Targaryen I am here to review your poem. Please remember this is only one person's opinion and the decision to change your work lies with you.
PERSONAL VIEWS
I love the imagery in this poem! Even though it's so metaphorical, it still brings an awesome picture to the reader. Your muse has done you well with this this one.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed, however, in the first line of the fourth stanza, I would start it with "A" instead of "I". Just a personal preference, though.
OVERALL
Overall, I think you did a great job with the poem and the prompt. The last line is my favorite, and it sums everything up very nicely.
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
~ Vikki ~
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You did a great job with the rhyming and each stanza flowed very well.
