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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vocab
Review Requests: ON
53 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is what's known as going for the throat, so if your on board for someone who won't gently tip toe around the subject but crush said toes, I'm the reviewer for you.
I'm good at...
anything that ain't sappy
Favorite Genres
poetry, emotional and dark
Least Favorite Genres
none
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
every other type
I will not review...
novels
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of All I want  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.5)
it's sounds like this could very well be an emotional situation for you, so I do want to disclose that I'm not considering that in the review and am just viewing this as a piece of poetry.

The structure is strange yet endearing if a little stiff.
The verbiage is rather boring, I doubt that any of them would be outside of the 1000 most used words.
You get the message across well enough even though the style stumbles a bit, so I wish you the best and can't wait to see more of your writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by vapid
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
there were actually a couple of aesthetic choices that stopped me from reading more than anything, so I'll address them since a can't comment on your reasoning.

The font you chose and the spacing it is displayed in had certain words overlap, so red flag right there.

grammar exists for a reason and I highly suggest you go over the entire thing given that every paragraph is poorly punctuated.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Hemera's Resolve  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.0)
first off, your rhyming structure is very clever and unique so hats off to you, it's too bad it had to be there with the everything else.

the language is boring and if I was a more polite man, I'd say the pacing is languid, but since I'm not I'll say it was slow and repetitive, almost to the point where I stopped reading.

the fact that you decided to use the word winter on the same syllable two lines in a row made me feel like I was reading a ten year olds attempt at poetry.

In conclusion, you exceeded my first expectations, because the first impression was really, really bad.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by vapid
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
the message is there the skill is clearly there and it flows well in a syncopated fashion, though I was struggling to understand why I didn't like it. A few more reads through I realize what it is, it's the fact that it seems to want to join the big people's corner of edge and sadness but fails to grasp the one thing that truly make a piece come to life: subtly.

It just seems to drag itself along the ground, wearing the flea bitten hat of angst and the semi formal shirt but it forgot the pants of subtext and wit.

so it's not technically flawed, vocabulary or otherwise, but it tastes like the glow of paper and glue in the back of your throat, dry and bland.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Demon Type Items  
Review by vapid
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
instead of feeling like a piece of poetry, this more feels like a list of the negative words you know, it's not interesting and I don't see much if any potential in it, I hope you continue writing, though I suggest possibly deleting this piece and working on something a touch more grandiose.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Lonely in a Crowd  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.0)
the flow of the piece is impeccable if slightly simplistic and the phrasing is quite nice.
I'm afraid I will now have to get into the negative: the piece sounds like it was uttered from someone roughly as over the top and dramatized as a mid 2000's emo, the language is boring and quite honestly, the mood can be recreated by saying "The snake coils around my heart"

Keep getting better and I'd love to see you improve, but I can't say I'm a fan of this piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (1.0)
the structure is wonky and rushed, almost feels like a rant (it's very difficult to convert people if the writing feels like trying to read runes)

burdernized isn't a word and I suggest you don't use fake words, it makes you sound pretentious.

and finally, I'm very against your concept of thinking that anxiety and depression (two chemical imbalances that are caused by a lack of dopamine) can be fixed by faith.

this is the part where i would normally tell people to continue writing and getting better, but in this very rare instance, I suggest you stop and get a grasp on reality before writing about things you are uninformed about


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of New Girl  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.5)
the structure is well considered and nice, though the plot is slightly overused, not that you can do much about that, I'm afraid. Now to get down to the little things you could change to improve the piece.

I'll go with the subjective first:
the language is a bit boring, probably could've used a thesaurus and the fact that caz didn't know her boyfriend of two years last name immediately pangs of false tension to me.

the objective problems:
just a few grammatical issues,

"Head down I walk the halls, turning this way, counting the doors, thing about Mark."
first off, pick one description of walking down the halls, please don't try to fuse them, second off, did you mean "And start to think about mark."?

"I don't know, don't care; just want them to go away before I end up making even more of a spectacle of myself."
place an I before "just" and you're golden.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Dismay  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (3.5)
The skill is there, the writing skill is there and so is the heightened language, the tone of the piece is succinct, but something feels off, not from so much a critical eye but from a layman's view, I think it might be the shortness and the lack of length or maybe it's the fact that you decided to highlight a single word. No matter what the case, the piece is well written and I look forward to see more!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Students Name  
Review by vapid
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
did you mean to post this and if you did, what led you to doxxing some students to the cruel and torturous world that is the internet?
11
11
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this through random review and travel reviewing isn't exactly my forte, but I'll give it a shot.

you give a good brief analysis of some of these events yet others feel lackluster and overly short, the language is slightly boring but conveys what you're trying to get across well enough.

Overall, fun, mediocre popcorn reading that could e made great with a few additions and refinements


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by vapid
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
in total, the rhymes generally flow with exception of a few that I will bring up later, the language is intricate and interesting enough for me to pull out a thesaurus at one and the emotion carried always seems to have punch behind it.

The main problem was the uses of the rhymes involving honey, mainly because of the fact that they're used so many pieces already and the "hound folks with deadly purpose, leaving a trail of lifeless corpses" felt off.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (5.0)
though I personally believe the stereotype that is portrayed here is wrong, that doesn't stop it from being great writing, it elicits a great deal of emotion with an interesting verbiage, two things that this site lacks in general. Hope you have a great day and hope you find some of us less toxic liberals


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Temple Boy  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.5)
I found the language slightly mundane rather than one or two words, the actual structuring was nice but simple and the story you seem to be conveying is quite simple and uninteresting. As a piece of writing, it is decent if not simple, though as a way to deliver a story, it's sub par


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of The Legend  
Review by vapid
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
the concept is interesting, humanizing the continents you speak of and explain their link to each other in an almost mythological light, though the shortness of the piece and the lack of interesting literary devices makes it feel like you didn't have the experience to execute on such an interesting idea.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.0)
first thing i noticed is that you put too much detail in, enough to make it too dense to read easily, it took me three attempts to get through it and that writing style lets mistakes stick out like a sore thumb, these lines for instance.

"For Christ sakes, I can't get this cuff on to save my life, he fumes."
"Get the wrist cuff on the table, I tell him."
17
17
Review of A Moment Together  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.5)
the vernacular and actual design of the piece is safe and simple, which makes it nice and solid but uninteresting, past that, the lack of rhyming until the very end give an uneven tone undermining the only benefit this piece could have had, nice try and I hope to see more, though it's too generic for me to call it anything rather than mediocre.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Am I  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.0)
Structuring:

first thing, I like the structure, it's unique and like nothing I've recently seen, though the actual pattern of the rhyme is boring and a bit lazy.

language/emotion:

the emotion is definitely there, though that actual vernacular there shows nothing of your hurt or emotion, it's too flat.

conclusion:

an interesting piece and I'll be looking forward to what you write next.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (3.5)
absolutely beautiful alliteration, but that's all there is, a truly great piece should use more than one element,if your planning on keeping it quite that thick, I'd suggest you use rhythm and rhyme as well, keep on writing, keep on getting better.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (1.0)
so where is it? There's nothing more than a sentiment to do something here, do you have an idea yet? Do you have anything written down? This should have been an update, not a piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of haiku  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (3.0)
a little simple and basic, maybe you should think about adding multiple poems to one piece to give it more content.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Chicken Donny  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (5.0)
clever words and rhythm with a slightly childish and invigorated way of talking, I can feel the passion that went into this at the time, though I think you may have a bit of a simplified message, it's not as simple as one being ignorant and one being the working class, not that there aren't people like that, of course.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (3.5)
well, first off, I stumbled across this with the read and review button and was quite skeptical given the size of this, after all, a lot of people will just push out these sort of sentences to gain attention, but looking at the actual point of the piece,I was proven wrong. I only have one glaring problem with it, it's too short, you could expand on this and flesh out the topic more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (2.0)
the rhymes themselves are nice, but the actual sentences and the rhythm aren't polished, this leads to it feel childish, like it could be in a dr.seuss book instead of anything insightful. THe rhymes feel forced and unnatural, seeming more like you had a due date or you were just itching to make content instead of making anything personal or meaningful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Dance in the rain  
Review by vapid
Rated: E | (5.0)
the way that the rain and the natural aspects are personified is quite nice, the rhythm is well thought out, the mood is constant and clear, honestly, this is one of the best poems I've read here. Don't know if I could suggest any changes or critique it at all given the skillful craftsmanship.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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