WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU
I am reviewing your work as a PDG member of DWG "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP"
Am I haunted? Words in titles should be capitalized. Am I Haunted? I don't know and am curious to find out what the answer is and what's going to happen.
You move into your new house,you start noticing weird things but your not hunted....right?
PictureYour word art is off to a good start. The picture is nice but it can be make much better with a few tweeks and additions.
What and why:
The premise of your story is a start for exploring the "what if?" questions writers often ask as they develop their word art. Depending on your intent, of this being a narration or something else there are some considerations. If you are talking to the reader to tell the story this is ok, but if you are intending to show what is happening which is what most readers are interested in reading then some changes should be considered.
I like the start of your idea. This can be shaped and molded into a very interesting story that would catch and keep the reader's attention so that they continue to read rather than put down the book.
The question posed about being haunted or not is interesting because it can take the reader in a few different directions throughout the story depending on how the characters and events are created.
There is plenty of room for exploration into the characters, the events, the setting(s), the conflict, and whatever else may come to mind during the story development.
Your description of your story works well for a sentence that states what your story is about. Thinking about the what-if possibilities, consider how best to formulate a sentence that would excite curiosity, questions about what happens, and what if you were looking for a story to read that would grab and hold your attention what would need to be included in this sentence.
I'm not sure about this because there is room for more details which could show the reader a great adventure, excitement, conflict, and other things similar to our life experiences,
By showing using short sentences you can speed up the pace of a story. By using longer sentences you can slow down the pace of a story. The pacing of speeding up or slowing down impacts the rhythm.
While reading your story I was able to get the idea which I thought was good. My mind was able to wander a bit. I needed to focus more on concentrating rather than on what was happening in the story.
Some conflict about being haunted or not helps but it can be strengthened by adding character information, why the move, what type of house, and what happened, other life events and experiences will come your way as you think about "what if".
The potential for believability is reachable when you get to know your characters by doing a character interview. Ask questions about who they are, what they do, how they look, interests, jobs, strengths, weaknesses, follow where ever your imagination goes and use what you can in this story and save the rest for another story.
Why did you start writing this story? What if it was different? How do you think the reader perceives the setting, characters, storyline, and other factors? Where can you make changes to bring this story into a move active scenario? How can you make the characters more like real-life people? These and other questions can be asked to further develop and improve your story.
SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS:
My thoughts and ideas which may be of interest to you:
You and your friends are all sitting at the table ready to summon a ghost with change the article a an Ouija board as you start joining hands you start wondering how you got here and you start visualizing your entire day starting in the morning.
If this is a narrative or you the writer is speaking to the reader this approach can work. However, changing some of the words, the order, and sometimes the means by which the story is first presented to the reader can be a make it or break it situation.
Do these characters have names? If so I would try this. Consider personalities, names, and other things about the characters.
Who is the main character? Who are the supporting characters?
This is my suggestion and example of showing rather than telling a story.
I'msittingwith friends a seance table ready to summon a spirit who, why, what is going to happen? by joining hands over an Ouiji board. Wondering how I who is this? what do they what does this character want and why?got here as I daydream about my day.
This introduces the main character, supporting characters, setting, action, and tells a little about the main character's personality or state of mind.
My thoughts and Impressions:
I've given a lot of thought-provoking information because the potential of your ideas can blossom into a very intriguing and perhaps mysterious and scary word art picture.
Please let me know about any questions you may have. You and your story can go anywhere your imagination is able to create.
Let me know how things are going. When you are finished editing your story, tell me, and I'll be very happy to change the rating.
Thank you for sharing your word art, and for allowing me to read and review for you.
Safe travels and many blessings.
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