Ahhh, a real love story. I enjoyed this very much. Of course I know some readers wouldn't understand that a person's perspective can change that quickly, but we both know that it can happen, and does.
What does a wide open tire wrench look like? I guess I've never even heard of a tire wrench.
In the following the single quotation mark should be before the question mark, with the double quotes after the question mark, as you have it: “Did you say, ‘melted butter?’" "Did you say, 'melted butter'?"
Oh, how true - a baby is a life changing experience and a test of a couple's love. You put this into your storeom so well.
Writing things that happen in the past compared to other places in a writing in present tense, then things afterwards in present tense, confuses. I don't care of most things written in present tense anyway, but in this work, it doesn't work for me at all.
Again, you present the reader with truth in rhyme.
I'll have to say I enjoyed this humorous verse. I think if I were he, though, I'd become a bachelor for sure.
A comma shouldn't be used to set off a clause or phrase that is needed for the meaning of the sentence. For example, in the following line, a comma isn't needed to set off the phrase: I ate a goodly portion, by cleaning up the loom.
This article has some interesting material and information.
I let my twelve-year-old grandson read it today, and he found it rather below his reading and interest level as written. He said it was for "a little kid." The grandson in second grade thought it was great.
As an Enlgish teacher I would suggest it be written in regular essay style rather broken up with the sub-titles and numbers.
Too many exclimation points distracts from the writting.
You give younger children information to help them understand the purpose of trees.
I can feel the sorrow, the loss in this poem, but I can also sense the peace and hope. Watching a loved one slowly die is difficult, tearing a hole in the heart of the one waiting.
I like the way you end the poem on a note of hope, the hope we have that life doesn't end when a person moves from this relm.
*reding* You took the prompt and turned into an interesting and ironically funny story. I enjoyed the twist at the end very much, but I like stories with twists.
Periods and commas should go inside the end quotation marks, not inside. At the first of the story, you put them outside, and then you change them inside as required.
This is a wonderfully loving love story. I like the message and the ending very much.
To strengten this, you might want to avoid using to be helping verbs when possible. For example, The rain started as I was reaching inside my mailbox. You might rewrite "The rain started as I reached inside my mailbox."
Titles of magazines should be italicized rather than in quotation marks.
This story has wonderful glimpses of scenery and detail. The concept of the story is excellent, holding much promise. The idea of online romance is very valid and modern.
I'm left feeling as if only part of the story is here. More is needed about the meeting, why they didn't connect in person, maybe more about how their relationship developed online.
If you revise, add to the story, please let me know. I'd like to re-evaluate this item.
A rather unusual poem from you, Harry, but it's entertaining. You really get into alliteration with Big Bad Black Bart and a unique rhyming of every line except one (and it was a sort of rhyme).
You manage to tell a complete story in your verses as usual. Very good.
The last line of the first stanza doesn't really rhyme with the other lines since it's plural. If you could use part rather than parts, you would have the rhyme.
This poem has such a powerful message that my heart is touched. You use poetic language and rhyme to write a soul searching prayer.
A few places the sentence structure needs work because you have fragments that don't add to the poem but distract. For example, in the following lines, you really have just one sentence: Please take my hand.
Bring me to You.
So I'll be surrounded
By all that is true.
You need to eleminate the period after You.
Paid is the correct spelling rather than payed.
Thank you for sharing this moving prayer in poetry form with us.
Yes! Your article is soooo right on. (Excuse the slang, but the idea of someone addressing this problem excites me.) You expressed the problem clearly and kindly. I hope that people who write disparaging descriptions of their own work will read this article and take careful note.
You use correct grammar and punctuation as far as I could tell as I enjoyed your writing. Your tone is more conversational than formal, but that fits the need of your audience.
Okay, you present your position very clearly and honestly. Anyone who doesn't understand is in deep mental difficulties. (And I can't spell tonight, please forgive me.)
The only suggestion I have is to avoid so many commas before conjunctions that don't join independent clauses.
Oh, you may review any of my items that you want to read.
The imagery of this poem takes the reader right down to the sea shore. Lovely, lovely work.
The only suggestions I would make concern punctuation. There are some places that need commas, and at least one stanza needs a verb to avoid having it be a long sentence fragment.
Commas could be added at the ends of lines 1 and 11.
In the last stanza, a quick revision idea will help. Please know that this is just one possible way (please note the punctuation, too):
How peaceful this scene,
The hazy air soon turns crystal clear,
An artist’s conception of a wonderful dream,
A priceless treasure to behold
When painting at the sandy shore.
Okay, Harry, I'll admit I read all the parts of this continuing saga before I started reviewing this section. I had to know how it all tied together and ended. You keep the story going and the suspense building with this chapter.
Okay, except for the continuing use of first person, which you kept consistent, I have no ideas for improvement.
You have many valid truths in this p;oem. I like the repetition of "What did you do to me?" but you might want to use it a bit less often.
I owuld like to see some poetic language and/or maybe some peotic devices used. For instance, My fears have disappeared like fog beneath sunshine.
After each "What did you do to Me" there should be a question mark.
Writing the title in all capitals makes it seem that you're yelling at the reader. You might want just to capitalize the first letter of the main words of the title (don't capitalize the, an, and, if, etc, unless the first word in the title).
This is just a suggestion: You might want to ask the question and then give a couple of the answers before asking it again.
Ah, the continuing story in poetry I see.
What new adventures can there be?
A damsel in distress, no less,
joins the brave one in his quest.
I enjoy your stories in poetry form.
One thing bothers me, though, the switching of verb tense. You start in past tense, then switch to present. I don't care for the present tense much anyway, but the switching really isn't something I like.
So the story will continue more, I assume? Good, then I'm off to read the next chapter.
As usual, Harry, you manage to write a whole story in verse, and use rhyme while doing it. Amazing, absolutely amazing.
Hmmm . . . I can't seem to find anything to suggest or find any errors or . . . Come on there has to be something that needs revising or changing or something.
This poem has the concepts needed for a very, very good one. The beach, the ocean, a loved one all combine to make an excellent love poem.
Your title (which by the way doesn't really need to be all caps, does it? I feel as if I'm being yelled at ) states the poem is about suset, and the last stanza talks about sunset, yet the first verse says you're waiting for the sun to rise. I'm confused.
In the second stanza, I'm left thinking you look to see the sunset's face and remember why you fell in love with the sunset. I know that's not right, but the only noun before the pronoun her is sunset. You might want to change the wording a bit, maybe to something like
*green* I see the sunset come
and look at my love's beautiful face.
Now I remember
why I fell in love with her.
I also corrected some punctuation in that.
Love is such a hard subject for a poem because of the clichés, but you did a credible job.
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Ahhh, a real love story. I enjoyed this very much. Of course I know some readers wouldn't understand that a person's perspective can change that quickly, but we both know that it can happen, and does.
What does a wide open tire wrench look like? I guess I've never even heard of a tire wrench.
I did enjoy this story very much.
Oh, how true - a baby is a life changing experience and a test of a couple's love. You put this into your storeom so well.
Writing things that happen in the past compared to other places in a writing in present tense, then things afterwards in present tense, confuses. I don't care of most things written in present tense anyway, but in this work, it doesn't work for me at all.
Again, you present the reader with truth in rhyme.
This was enjoyable.
I can't find anything to change or to suggest revisions. Both the writing and the photo go together wonderfully well.
Thank you for sharing.
The repetition of the phrase "angels' wings" ties this whole poem together. I like the way you use it to show the different stages of life.