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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/walkinbird/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/2
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205 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.0)
Came across this helpful item -- a collection of four recipes -- with the possibility of more to be added and linked to a blog. I now wonder how many Writing.com members have created or have dabbled in creating cookbooks here? I hope to see more in this one, and also hope the author receives some quick support to keep her upgrade!

I have a vague understanding of why some create gluten free recipes, and the author helps by stating that these four recipes are "wheat free and mostly corn free too." The Blueberry Dijon Chicken caught my attention, but then my tastebuds are willing slaves to anything sweet mixed with mustard. I'm guessing my family would try Cake Batter Pancakes, and I'd have to try adding blueberries to that too. Recipes are great passages to collaborative efforts. This reviewer / eater thanks you for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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27
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
A unique piece to read at the new year -- has the stripped down, and so, elegant, appeal of an old Twilight Zone episode. At under 3000 words, this story provides the right amount of backstory and description for the present environment. I appreciate that there is a realistic level of physical action infused in the piece to describe drunkedness and the toll of heavy smoking. There is a hint of paranoia, and a centrally placed reference to the title that, whether consciously or not, placates the reader until the twist ending.

Since I noticed some errors that a Spell Check would miss, I'm glad to bring them to your attention. It helps your readers to enjoy without having to ask themselves if they read something right or not.

"pealed off" should be peeled off
"stories circulating among my other students" needs to be rewritten for clarity, perhaps removing "my other."
"Then, miraculously it was Frank, but his opponent that was shown to the door." Add missing "not" before Frank.
"I passed out at the feet of my opponent, with taking a single punch." Change "with" to without.

Cheers!
Walkinbird
http://www.writing.com/main/profile/biography/walk...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have a wonderful insight into yourself here. We (people in general) do not seem to have learned how to distinguish such an important grey area of being social. I'd call it a leadership capacity. (And not all leaders are at all times willing ... think of Moses.) Extroverted Introvert. It is not a new idea, but it is wonderful how you present it, in describing yourself.

Thought you might be interested in this site:
http://theintrovertentrepreneur.com/

It is something I came across on Facebook and liked.
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Review of The Soul Of India  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
An engrossing depth is the highlight of this tribute, and the whole of it surprises the reader upon reading to the end and finding it is less than 500 words! I wished for a touch of clarification and/or expansion here and there, but it is likely the author wanted the piece to be brief. The mix of mystery and history allows for a good read.
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Review of Little Moments  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am drawn to the title -- for myself, I'd want to use it in the poem. I do like the concept, a mother contemplating this little outdoor moment. And I know that you can guide the reader to see the mother's admiration, but nearly sad reluctance to let time proceed. There's more here to build on.

Listen now, this is where I want to make an honest assessment, but not be deemed harsh. Maybe you have young readers that you intend the poem to reach, so the simplicity of its purpose might be best as it is. But if I assume that is not the case, let's address this. The phrases, "happy as can be" and "Making lasting memories" are trite. Can you hear how common those phrases sound? Aspire to engage all the senses in poetry. It is easy to allow advertising slogan-like statements to replace the real actions you are wanting to describe and hold in memory.

I can also use this line: "Out under that bare old oak tree" as an example. I felt the rhythm got thrown off at this line. Even with a simple poem, through each word you use, your reader should end up approximately where you are picturing the action. So point is, how many of the words in this one line are needed by the reader? What do you want them to see? We are already outdoors, the children under the tree. Probably with leaves on the ground we picture the tree as bare. That last point could be argued either way, sure. But, what is it about the tree that's central to the poem. Is it just the location? Go deeper with what you captured and you can transform this poem's ending to seeing with the mother's heart.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
31
31
Review of A Face  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am always impressed by the poetry that states inherent truth with uncomplicated words, making a mental image that can be universally acknowledged. This is a piece of poetry like that. The fourth stanza ties into the idea of a thing being taken for granted, however -- for me -- because it did not hold me, connected to a mental image relating to a face, it derailed slightly for me there. I still believe that can be altered to have just the slightest tie-in.
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Review of The Visitors  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Oi! Great characterization and word choice. I understand it is just a vignette, but as usual, I almost always encourage writers to expand when the piece is so polished. Take note that for any reader unfamiliar with Tolkien's Middle Earth (Yes there are some), this piece might not connect fully. Even knowing this for myself, I got a bit lost at the end -- just a bit more description in the final lines to make it clear that the "visitor" is another of the alien visitors, I think. Cheers!
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Review of My Brooding Love  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like the narrative poem, My Brooding Love, since it echoes what I might say if someone desired my opinion on the topic. So the casual, dotting of rhythm rather than strict adherence to a rhyme pattern throughout troubles me, but is excusable. It makes it that much more realistic to a storytelling narrative borrowing romantic notions instead of forcing the enjoyment of discussing pop culture vampires into poetic restraint.
** Image ID #1829238 Unavailable **
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34
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
A decent tribute to the bond these committed people shared. There are two areas where the poem needs a little more attention to detail. Perhaps it is what could be termed awkward and might be improved. For me, the third stanza forces the rhyme scheme and the interjecting statement at least he didn't talk about it stalls the flow of the sentence. And, the second to the last stanza, expresses everything in present tense, while the rest of the poem is carried by past-tense verbs. I know what you were going for, but it causes a bit of a speed bump in the reading, in my opinion.

It's likely you knew each of them from their most recent interactions as a married couple, so the description of the nurse as one who helps{/} and supports does sound more like a wife role. If you want to bring forward that Nurse archetype, then use the word healing somewhere.

I am sure that your effort has touched the sorrowful soldier nonetheless.
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Review of Have You Seen...  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (3.5)
Like most of the short poetry or prose that I review here, I encourage you to make this piece longer. Once you have expanded on it, you may, in truth, still want to only put a shorter form of it up on-line: As it is true there are more people willing to review shorter pieces.

The best lines in this, as it is presented now, are:

Have you seen the winds as they claim the leaves,
howling through with a mighty breeze?

Have you seen the man all dressed in dark,
have you seen him when he's knocked?

Work from here...I see potential to focus seasonally; these pairs of lines evoke the Fall season, high winds and the mystery of Death come knocking. Think how all the rest of it could be pulled together of there were more pairings like this for each of the four seasons

Others have written on this topic - Here's a quote from The Little Prince, "What is essential is invisible to the eye."

Welcome to the site.
36
36
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good micro fiction. I encourage you to whittle away words that are not definitive. In the second line, do away with "could be." See, how it still states what is needed? At the end of that paragraph, also, an -ed ending to the verbs instead of -ing smooths the cadence of the sentence.

Thanks for joining. I'll be happy to read more another time.
37
37
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
Just as joining a community of writers opens one's eyes to how many people crave an outlet for their creative writing, this memorial brings the feeling of awe full-circle. This is a respectful way to highlight the writers denoted by white cases. This informative collection allows a greater understanding of the depth of connection made by communicating through the written word.
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Review of In Passing  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (3.5)
The description, "Time is fluid" is like an advertising "tagline" you've given this piece, In Passing." And I think it is well-stated, it gets me ready to read your poem. I think that the poem in its simplicity is quite deep. It is the type of piece I would hold onto for another reading, because in another time, even just in another moment, it may open up differently for me.

The lack of immediate clarity in the mind of a reader might be a drawback too. I, like many readers, struggle a bit with poetry. Sometimes it's easy to feel like an incompetent reader because, particularly with poetry, you feel that you can never be sure what the author really felt and wanted to convey.

Up to the point where it introduces "Waterfall" as an image, I am in space, I am on a Universal level. So, the following idea of footprints not lasting on the shore makes me think more of the ocean and walking in sand. This also would keep the metaphor on a grand scale, as opposed to a waterfall and river. Certainly I think that could still be a part of it, but if you see what I am connecting to, you might see how the poem could expand.
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Review of Omitted  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm sure the system would alert me if I had reviewed this particular poem before. I'm fairly sure I did read it over once before (but scampered away without reviewing then). I wanted to at least make the comment that the brief description hooks well. I wonder if it catches the attention of Tolkien fans more often than not? Aragorn and Arwen have their story relegated, for the most part to the LOTR Appendices.

A very good observation toward the way fact mirrors fiction.
40
40
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sweet, fine path your poem evokes. It makes me wish the end stanzas were not sad, and rooted in reality. From about the time the voice of the poem questions if she could manage without glasses, I saw a reversal that could have taken the ending either way. There's a phrase here and a break there that are awkward, and could be improved. Overall, however, it is a joy to read and go along for the journey.
41
41
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (3.0)
Maybe this is like my house, where if one too many electrical things get turned on, the circuit switches off to avoid a larger overload. But for a short piece of prose like this, there's a bit of something that hangs the reader up without even a cause or slight explanation. The reader has to wonder, "Why the lamp and the digital clock, but not the light at the switch?"

"Yelp that hangs in the air" is an interesting thing to say, but its awkwardness could be avoided. As it is, the rhythm stalls there and while I admit, you could add a strong sense of time passage with this part, just adding a strong action verb could do wonders.

I do like the ironic line at the end, as it is so universally understood. That accomplishment is the best part of your work, "Technical Difficulties.

Write On!
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42
Review of The Three Trolls  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
The action in this of course reminds me of the Troll troubles from Tolkien's The Hobbit. I also was reminded of one of my favorite scenes from the movie, Ladyhawk. Matthew Broderick's character talks to himself, and when he thinks he's being stalked in the woods he suddenly starts talking in different voices to make it sound as if he's with a group of armed men (before he runs like crazy).

The description of the surroundings is quite good. I see it all as if I am the character. There's almost no description employed for our main character, which leaves me a little wanting, but not a fault , really. I might not have identified so readily if there was a drawn-out characterization.

In the action, he call's out. "Their over here!" "Their" should be replaced with "They're." Done for an e-zine, hmm? Still keeping that venture up?
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Review of Confessions  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.5)
Totally engrossing after the first section - much of it is so personal, and I ache to think it is really YOU. It is hard to read something graphic in this way and not know its origin; how much fiction, how much truth. You see, "Kym-e" you've put me in that frame of mind where the questions become the form of the work, and I really loved that about this piece. It has sad, abusing fragments to it, but ultimately it is revealing. And if it is at all on a personal level for YOU and these are true confessions, then you have achieved in the later part of the piece what the beginning states YOU never have.

I had a little feeling that the "I" and "you" self-conversation just "came up," (that's how I've had some writing teachers phrase it). Something really emotional spoke itself without you having to structure it . So it comes in suddenly, behind a few phrases at the beginning that are not as strong, so, even for something as beautifully portrayed as this, I urge you to look again at how it starts. Find a way to grab the reader immediately - don't start at low tide.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Pax  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is more a fluid piece of prose, but I like you, do little in a true poetic form. The story seems true to life for the place any man can find themselves searching but unaware.

I very much like the valley image as the man gives himself over to faith. I do have something to note on the imagery here: "distant thunder" is a cliche, and in the place where you use it, I think it would be the opposite - the sound would be tremendous and close to cause echoing.

Another beautiful line: "the warm air rolled over my body
like gentle silk,"

I do understand the idea in your relating comfort in "the ground below caressed my feet like the hands of a slave to it’s master," but just the terms slave and master seem wrong.

I would suggest refining this one more; it's been sometime since you posted it - I find that such a distance can be very helpful to profound rewriting. I hope you share this with many more people.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
45
45
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Very effective analogy. Knowing the deeply layered torment that exists for a rape survivor, I think you point out every aspect with your word choices. For me, rather than the "soul" I would substitute (or add) innocence. But that is drawn from my own experience - not feeling any part of my soul was eliminated, but certainly innocence! Certainly not a criticism, for it made me think and reflect on my own experience - the greatest goal for any written piece.

Remarkably brief, yet effective. Should you rewrite, you may want to restructure the layout - I sense poetic form rather than prose. And is all the verb tense how you would like it?
46
46
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A very fine collaboration. I can credit the editor certainly for the idea (head Boomer of the bunch), but it's different in rating this, knowing so many made submissions. I could rate it a little lower for the submissions by the male authors, but that would be Male Boomer Bashing plain and simple - I don't want to enter that camp. Therefore, I put my personal judgment aside on whether some of the items are in poor taste. I may have to age just a little longer to have the perfectly aged sense of humor required.

Good show!
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47
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This set of lyrics is not too biting a political commentary - for its purpose I think that is good. The first word choices are quite good; i.e., lines using "play," "piled" "plight." And there actually is a noticable rhythm. Its effectiveness might be improved if at least one more solution (other than debt forgiveness) were incorporated. I suggest the part beginning with "Do you have a mind?" "...utmost to help mankind..." Is where a more direct statement can be made. I can't help with the detail I'm suggesting it needs...for I admit I know little about the proposals to end the poverty through G8 and "One." I am glad you took the time to make a statement that makes everyone think on it themselves.
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Review of Nada's Blog  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! Nice to get to know you fraiser - That's really what I got to do reading only a week or two of your blog. You have one busy, busy life. I assume you can type something like 90 wpm; I could never get that much information out in one blog entry doing everything you do. You Go, Girl!
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Review of Wiccan Queen  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Why you're always a favorite read, Bill - variety. I do not think I had yet created a niche in my brain pairing billwilcox with goth. Well, now there is such a space. I am impressed by the first quatrain where "moon" and "ruin" give an unexpected rhyme. That ABAB pattern doesn't come up again, however, and I guess I was expecting it.

The only phyiscal switch you might try (for pleasing my poetic pallet, don't know about anyone else) is to switch the 3rd and 4th quatrain's positions. Read it over again, and you'll see that if the lightning happens first, then seeing the witch follows logically. My additional hope is that you would expand this poem into something longer.
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Review of Dead in 2005  
Review by Walkinbird
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A challenge to get the vampire story enthusiasts of "Invalid Item [] by A Guest Visitor
    writing on a contemporary bent has been well met by our leader, DragonWrites~The Fire Faerie~ . I most enjoyed the essay by a vampire within the story. This is the most engrossing part of the piece.

It is a much longer piece than I am usually capable of cranking out for an assignment. Kudos for that; plus it is a good length. I think with the length comes the curse of not wanting to proofread. I did notice a bit of verb tense flip-floppery and very few typos (but one's that could've been caught by spellcheck (i.e., agains where it should be against).

A fine example of the skill by which DragonWrites~The Fire Faerie~ leads and writes *Smile*
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