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76
76
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your article. As someone with a long time interest in energy and technology I find a balance in your piece. Yes, I too believe the internal combustion engine will be around for quite some time. There are always minuses to balance the pluses and those demanding immediate conversion to renewable, nonpolluting sources of energy simply ignore the extreme demands of our energy dependent world. Certainly, we live in interesting times.


What is more, refuelling does not take more than three minutes which is a clear advantage over the convectional battery powered... (refuelling - refueling) (convectional? Is this conventional?)

Despite this, it is unlikely that the internal combustion engine will be replaced, with predictions that oil shall still posses an 85% market... (posses - possess)


There are major problems with hydrogen. There is very little free hydrogen on planet Earth so it cannot be considered an energy source but an energy storage media. Huge amounts of hydrogen are produced, but most comes from natural gas. Hydrogen produced by electrolysis is simple but from an efficiency standpoint a poor choice as a personal transportation fuel. Even compressed to the liquid state, by volume, hydrogen contains far less potential energy than gasoline.

The Chevrolet Volt's claim of great end user efficiency totally ignores the fact that it must be recharged from a not-so-efficient electricity provider. All things considered the Volt may get, by comparison, a fuel efficiency of 38-42 mpg. And this with a 40 mile range.

The Volkswagen X1 or the Chrysler Town & Country? The X1 or the Volt? It is an apples and oranges comparison. The Town & Country, at 21 miles per gallon, uses about 6000 btu/mile or 1.75 kwH/mile. The Volt (end use) is probably around 950 btu/mile or 0.275 kwH/mile. At 282 miles per gallon of diesel fuel (around 140,000 btu/gallon) the X1 would use 500 btu/mile or 0.145 kwH/mile. This would put the X1's efficiency at almost twice that of the Volt's, a near impossibility, except that no other data is known. I do not contest the numbers. I simply don't know the contributing factors...rolling weight, drag, etc., but certainly we can't be comparing apples to apples.

While GM is building the Volt they are also building a Cadillac with a 500 plus horsepower engine. Why? I don't know, but it will be interesting to see which sells better.

In the end, a motor fuel usage reduction may be more than a question of technology. It may well depend on a change of attitude.

Certainly, nothing more than my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
77
77
Review of Black Frontier  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.0)
An action adventure. I thought this was pretty good and followed along in anticipation, eager to read what comes next.

Below are a few observations and comments. As always these are offered only as my opinions and point of view. Please make of them what you will.


Dave said, backing a few steps away from the crater and raising his left wrist to activate his comm. system. (In a few places you do not put a period after "comm". Suggest removing the period from each. comm system.)

He carefully back away, taking care not to make... (back - backed)

Jack had seen enough. He carefully backed away, taking care not to make a sound or to disturb any of the foliage around him. When he judged he was back deep enough, he stood up straight, put his back to the clearing and ran through the jungle as fast as he could. - (When he judged he was back deep enough... Suggest revising this sentence. When he judged it safe?)

Then, about ten months ago, a military deep patrol making patrols around the next series of colony worlds actually tangled with an alien vessel. (Probably military deep-patrol, but consider revising sentence.)

The patrol ship’s passive sensors picked up the strange K-band radiation and the captain was just finishing his report to Titan control when the ship was hit with a high energy blast. (Titan control seems to be proper. Titan Control)

On the CNN tapes, the ship gave the impression of a predatory black beetle, bristling with sharp spikes, and moving with an almost liquid speed. (I don't know what liquid speed is.)

The shuttle came into view, circling the plateau and flaring to a stop50 yards in front of him. (stop50 - Besides the missing space I suggest spelling out many of the numbers. fifty yards - thirty seconds, etc.)

Three hours later, after Admiral Clark had gotten the yelling out of his system, Jack stood at the observation window to main med lab with the Admiral and two of his aids... (Either observation window to the main lab - OR - observation window to Main Lab)

Lead fillings suggest 19th century Earth. Why would the alien have a thousand year old necklace made of human teeth? Why does the alien have blood similar to humans? These are some of the questions left at the end. I don't see new insight into the alien that makes Jack's last statement the end of the story. Although listed as a short story I didn't get the sense that the end has been written.

Wally
78
78
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Again. Well written.

As good satire, it kind of makes you wonder what is wrong with us. What a twisted sense of who our "heroes" are.

Besides our military, police and firefighters we have everyday folks performing acts of real heroism, many never known to the public. Yet we equate heroism with shooting a ball through a hoop or throwing a baseball 95 miles per hour. Where did we lose our perspective?

I enjoyed reading your story.

Wally
79
79
Review of It's Too Late  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written. A real pleasure to read.

It brings up the question of just what kind of fire are these scientists playing with. Hmm, what would we do in our last days?


Only one thing you might want to look at:

Osborn sat there, his face impassive as Kevin continued to speak. He didn’t understand much of what Kevin was saying, but he’d heard of the Large Hadron Collider, and understood little of the experiments being conducted there. (Looking at the rest of the sentence it seems most likely that "a" is missing. ...and understood a little...)



When it comes to black holes I doubt that I know any more than Dave, but I would think that, although the size of the black hole would increase to some extent, an observer would see the event more of an implosion where matter surrounding the black hole would be sucked into its rapidly increasing mass.

Nothing more than my opinions, please make of them what you will.

Wally
80
80
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (2.5)
Here Every Little Opinion Vexes This Grievous World Through In Where Ever Rural Order Onto All Fun New Utopias Did Unanimously Keep Every Cryptic Saying Lest Even After Years Trekked When Deities Teachings Never Offered Haven All Open Under An Obscure Omnipotence?

I totally failed at trying to punctuate this to give it more than a vague meaning. The message within the message is easy, but to work well this must also be clear.

“Even you” seems to be an address to the most religious. The statement would be less confrontational if “even” is left out.

To answer your question: The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. If God is to be blamed for taking life, remember, He is also responsible for giving life.

Only my opinions, please make of them what you will.

Wally
81
81
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very good points you make.

I don't know that an author truly know what he has written until someone tells him. We attract readers from all walks of life. Some with like experiences, some totally different. I have gotten reviews ranging from "loved it" to hated it" on the same story. Both are valid opinions. Both deserve a civilized response.


This is one of the reviews I received:

Pretty good I gotta say, and sorry about all the exclamation points to come, but you gotta get Gp's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe this one doesn't deserve such a civilized response, but generally these people don't last long.

Thanks. I enjoyed reading your essay.

Wally
82
82
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC.

Reading from differing sources I believe you present a viewpoint of many today. Just how fair is it when one country is so rich while others are so poor. Even in one country there is a divide between classes. Is it fair?



I had a bit of difficulty with the read, a few missing articles and some sentence structure I had to study to really get an understanding of exactly what you were saying at times.

If little of that spent on such a huge celebration in different parts of the world was spent to fight poverty we would have been safe from terror for so long.

Not that you should but I might have worded it something like:

If a little of the money spent over the years on huge celebrations, such as this, had been used to fight poverty we would be safe from terror today.




I am certainly not a rich man. At times I would have been viewed as quite poor. As this is an opinion piece I will provide some counterpoint.

Hungry gazes of poor at jeweled buildings and expensive fireworks ashamed me of the celebrations that we had.

Who benefits from the jeweled buildings?

Of course there are wealthy company owners becoming more wealthy, but who else?

Masons, electricians, plumbers, steel workers, miners, glass workers... How long should the list go on? How many paychecks are earned with the construction of only one jeweled building? Does this money simply vanish or does it pass through the hands of grocery store clerks? Does some of it find its way to a family owned restaurant table in the form of a tip?

Without the wealthy, who builds the jeweled buildings? Who supplies the jobs?


How many workers fed their families building the fireworks that shame you?

How much of this money winds up in food banks and other charities for the poor?

Certainly there are people, trapped by circumstances, living a life of poverty, but envy of those who have found success provides no justification for violence. Taking from the rich and giving to the poor, in the end, can serve only to make all of society poorer. One nation or one world, it makes no difference.



My opinions only. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
83
83
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC.

Please accept my comments as those of only one reader. I hope you find something useful. If not, please disregard. It is your story--your story to tell the way you want to tell it.


Abbie walked through the dark, abandoned midnight of Morgan city. Here city is a proper name. It should be Morgan City.

Mainly I point out gaps in logic. Two are below.

It was cold outside, and she was wearing an extremely small, sleeveless red minidress...

She tried to run, but they each had a firm grip on her coat. When did she get the coat?


One of the men slammed her against a brick building, breaking her back.

She punched him in the face as she ran from them. Running with a broken back?


On a lesser note: I wonder at the statement when the man first meets Abbie. It just seems like the most unlikely thing for the man to say. Her response, well I can't imagine either.


I don't see anything really technically lacking and the story is yours to tell. The only real problem is in the logic.


As always, only my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
84
84
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC.


I enjoyed reading this short satire. Probably subtle enough to draw the ire of a number of people.


*

The one thing I would bring up is the three uses of "Sarah Palin."

Sarah Palin approaches...
Sarah Palin used cunning and whit...
Sarah Palin is a political genius.

I have tried to weigh the value of using both first and last names in this satirical piece against what might be the redundant overuse in other venues.

Sarah Palin used cunning and whit in the early stages of her planning...

I think I would have made this: Sarah used cunning and whit... - Palin used cunning and whit..., would not work due to the fact that you are (in satire) a fan of Sarah's.

Although I would probably choose this, it is a close call for me and bring it up only as something that caught my attention.

*

Could Sarah be elected? I doubt it. In fact I believe her nomination would be a defeat for the Republicans. Fame and popularity wanes, but as long as both the left and right keep her relevant her support of a viable candidate could very well contribute to putting a Conservative Republican in the Oval Office in 2012. And that, would be fine with me.

*

Only my opinions, please make of them what you will.

Wally
85
85
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well written and yes...Twilight Zoneish.

It is not my intent to give away your story. So I can only say that Rod might have made this one of the hour long shows, not the half hour version.

*

Without a designated leader, the group was little more than unfocused discussion and speculation.

I read this line at least a half dozen times. Pared down: ...the group was (equals) unfocused discussion and speculation. I know exactly what you mean, but... - Without going over the word count, without cutting here and there, I can't see this but something like: Without a designated leader, the group's discussions were unfocused and speculative.

You are a master of the three hundred word or less story. To me it seems this time you have chosen a story that cannot be told with a 300 word limit. The subject...yes, but not this story. Nothing moves, Mrs. Eckerman enters the chamber, everything works, three days and everything quits, the chamber reappears. I think the reader needs at least two cycles. Honestly, although I would like to believe I would know what was happening, I am not sure that I would without the title.

*

As always, nothing more than my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
86
86
Review of Simon's Home  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Your story is well written and easily readable. I liked the feel good ending.

I try to not give away the story. It is here for everyone to read. I will say that I enjoyed it.



I can't give you more than my opinion. What others may get from the story I can't say. In the end, it is your story to tell the way you want to tell it. For what it is worth this is what I see.

*

Under this moon sat a lone man, seemingly a pile of rags. (Why would he be seemingly a pile of rags. I think his appearance would be easily defined by anyone who saw him. Only for consideration. Something like: Under this moon sat a lone man, as filthy and worn as the rags he wore.)

The two girls were smiling. (Two girls caught me for a second. Ah, mother and daughter. I think I would make it both. The woman and child were both smiling.)


The man stumbled down the alley. Any onlooker would think him just another bum, wandering about aimlessly in the night. But they were wrong. (From above a lone man sat in the alley. Any onlooker would think. This says that if there were any onlookers they would think. I would add a word. -But they would be wrong.)

They were dead wrong. (This would need to be changed as well. I wonder about the word "dead" here. Somehow I don't see it fitting in the story at this point, but that is only the way I see it. Only for consideration: They would be so wrong.)

For once in his life, one time his miserable life, Simon knew exactly where... (one time his - one time IN his)




For your consideration only:

There must be a reason that he has kept this Jack Daniels bottle. It must have long since been drained of its original contents. It now must be refilled again and again with the very cheapest gin or rum. What tie does the bottle have to his former life?


For once in his life, one time in his miserable life, Simon knew exactly where he was going, exactly what direction he was heading, and exactly where he was needed.

From the story I get the impression that Simon is more driven by self pity than concerns for his family. Simon should be returning home where he is needed, but I believe there must be a real need for him to return and a strong reason for his failure to find a job and a reason for his failure as husband and father. His family still loves and needs him. How he knows might be a little tricky.

Maybe a long time family friend bumps into Simon while he is begging in the street. This could have set off the round of memories. I can't say, but something.

Maybe the drinking is the cause of all his failures. It must show that Simon is truly returning home because he is needed. His failures causes him to leave. His determination to overcome the cause of his failures sends him back home.

*

As always, only my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
87
87
Review of Hell  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC.

I found the description of your personal hell interesting. In the lowercase "hell" I see overpowering despair. Most have known despair. Relatively few, I would think, have ever sunk to such a level as being in hell. Fewer still return.


...darkest corners of you mind and stuck reliving every moment... (you - your)

With nothing to reach for. (This is a fragment. I don't have a problem with a fragment or two. In fact, sometimes fragmented sentences are more descriptive. The question is does it belong to the sentence before it or after it. There is a slight problem with the formatting (double spacing) that compounds the problem. It does look as if it stands by itself.)

...as the fiery pit covers your... (as - As)



Hell is when all traces of light have disappeared and you are isolated to the deepest, darkest

corners of you mind and stuck reliving every moment of suffering, every second of every day.

The darkness and emptiness surrounds you, the ground you stand on becomes molten tar, which

slowly engulfs you, bit by bit, burning you, draining you, making it impossible to come free.

With nothing to reach for.


Hell is when all traces of light have disappeared and you are isolated to the deepest, darkest corners of you mind and stuck reliving every moment of suffering, every second of every day.

The darkness and emptiness surrounds you, the ground you stand on becomes molten tar, which slowly engulfs you, bit by bit, burning you, draining you, making it impossible to come free.

With nothing to reach for.

The only suggestion I can make is to check the formatting.



Wally
88
88
Review of The Stranger  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well written. I enjoyed reading it.


*

If society turned his back on him then he would become apart from society. (turned his back - turned its back)

For consideration only:

Don't supply that last bit of information. Although there is already more than enough evidence to deduce the long haired man's identity leave out the clincher. Are we absolutely certain who the man is? Will Gerry change? Leave a little for the reader to ponder. I think this can easily be made to be one of those stories that lingers on for a time after the last word is read.

'What did he look like ?' urged the nurse.

"He looked like a man--just a man."


*

Nothing more than my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
89
89
Review of Time  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.5)
We almost had it, but then: "The rest is ripped; a note is scribbled on the back in pen. Red pen. Never mess with time."

Probably the quote I like most is attributed to Henri Bergson. "Time keeps everything from happening all at once."

Thanks for the interesting piece. Time to ponder.

Wally
90
90
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I thought you essay is well written. Your opinion well stated. While I may have some disagreement with your opinions, I certainly can't fully appreciate your background and experiences. You present us something to think about.

*

According to chapter one of the book, the creators of the Constitution decided to simply leave out the issue of slavery.

According to the first chapter of what book?

The paragraph speaks to the issue of slavery not being included in the constitution. You are correct, but looking at the times, could the Constitution have ever been ratified if such language had been included. Could the rights of women be included, as equals of white men? Some of the framers were strictly anti-slavery, some pro. The Articles of Confederation was a disaster. Something desperately needed to be done. Out of it came the Constitution, perhaps imperfect, but acceptable to the states as they were at the end of the eighteenth century. Could it have been accepted if ratification meant an end to slavery? I doubt it. 75 years later the country was ripped in half over the issue. 75 years of which the Constitution was the law of the land.

The framers, I believe, did see the future need to change or add to the Constitution through the amendment process, although they made it not easy to do so.

*

Only my opinions, please make of them what you will.

Wally
91
91
Review of Life's Lessons  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Success and failure. There are few that have not experienced both. I see in your essay a determination to overcome adversity, to change directions.

*

...you think you are so sure your doing the right thing at the time. (your - you're)

I know she is their under the cracks just waiting to come out and take... (their - there)

Ralph Waldo Emerson once quoted, "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." (Emerson wrote this. He did not quote. Others may quote from Emerson's writings.)


I will pick myself back up and I will see my destination and it may take lots of healing, but I am strong enough to do what I set out to accomplish no matter how long it takes me. (This is a defining line. I have known failure, but I will not give up.) (It does need a little work. Only as examples below:)

I will pick myself back up and I will see my destination, although it may take lots of healing, but I am strong enough to do what I set out to accomplish no matter how long it takes me.

I will pick myself back up. I will see my destination! It may take lots of healing, but I am strong enough to do what I set out to accomplish no matter how long it takes me.



On a technical note. Toss a few coins onto a table. Only the rarest of individuals can instantly comprehend more than seven. It is a pretty good rule in writing. Limit your paragraphs to about seven lines. Look for the most natural breaks. It will make your stories much easier to read.


*

Nothing more than my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
92
92
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (5.0)
A real chuckle here. You had me at Clyde. Tell me, have you been listening to old Ray Steven's songs recently?

Nothing I can help you with. I like it just the way it is.

Wally
93
93
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The main criteria in how I rate an opinion piece (though you do not include opinion as a genre) is on how well you present and support your opinions. In this article I find a logical plea for logic. In that, I find nothing to contest.

In these days, opinions are not formed by, but supported by sound bites. Choose what you wish to believe and there will be bits and pieces to support those beliefs. Unfortunately, gaps only widen in what could normally be rational differences of opinion, real points of debate, when a person only pursues those things that only strengthen their beliefs.

I find a call for reason much preferred over simply attempting to sway someone to your way of thinking. One might even find errors in their own beliefs.

Wally
94
94
Review of The Message  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is something I simply don't know. Is there a word limit? The work seems to be complete, although cryptic. It appears the author is bound by some length limitations.

Imagine all the people, Living life in peace. - Second verse from Imagine (John Lennon)

I can't say that the author has really hit the mark with this story, but, as with really good short pieces, it does leave the reader with things to ponder. The problem may lie in the fact that it does not set limits in what we might "Imagine."

I see intelligence in this piece and encourage the author to submit more. It would be interesting to see what else might be offered.

Only my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
95
95
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The view from “his Place” will be revealed exactly as it is seen with his eyes, the eyes of Jack “Ironman” Carbonne’

What we get is the author's view of Jack's world. We are told what Jack sees and of his life, the present and a little past. I take no purest view of seeing vs telling. I have tried to imagine the story told from Jack's point of view and decided that he cannot describe his life in a meaningful way to those of us who see the world so much differently. The impact would not be the same.


*
A few questions, observations and comments:


With the incomprehensible (at least to me) Wonderful world of instant communication... (Wonderful - wonderful)

It has since been the home of large numbers of rodents that feed on what can be scavenged from rail cars that wait patiently on the siding for a ride across the river to Ohio where several clusters of mills and processing plants still are clustered along the big bend in the river. (There are a few (not many) long sentences that could be broken up. At the least I would remove the word "that" and break the sentence. - ...scavenged from rail cars. They wait patiently on...) (clusters and clustered stick out a little. I would probably remove the first. - ...across the river to Ohio where several mills and processing plants still are clustered along the big bend in the river.)

There is a large pack of feral dogs that exist upon the rodents, and the dumpsters that line... (I know what you mean, but consider something like: There is a large pack of feral dogs whose existence depends upon the rodents...)

...old bridge above his hidden place, Jack can plainly see “Christmas!” Sparkling in the night. (Sparkling - sparkling)

He purposefully, peaks out at the clear plastic sheet that forms the outside skin of his Place! (peaks - peeks) (Here I see Place being a proper name.)

The resonant structure is comprised of key Individual pieces of lumber held in place by wires tightened... (Individual - individual)

Trapped Inside this resonate 500 cubic foot refuge, his odor is overpowering! (Inside - inside) (Possibly only one of my pet peeves, but consider the use of exclamation points. I use them only on rare occasions.)

He comes and goes in the dark, keeps as low a profile as he can, a stealthy rat like shadow that avoids contact with anyone else! (rat like - rat-like) (exclamation point)




He always did what was expected of him, he followed orders, and his innovations provided the bare essentials for his troops in places whose names he never could pronounce. After serving this master for thirty one years he was quickly was retired when he suddenly began asking the question why? The first time, the major with whom he was meeting, thought he was joking, laughed a little which came to an abrupt halt when he encountered the stone faced expression worn by the highly decorated Sergeant-Major. (years he was quickly was retired - years he was quickly retired)

That incident almost cost him all his stripes, but for a colonel who owed this man, his life. The Colonel was a Lt at the time, and Jack was an E4 sergeant. Earned Jack a silver star and a lifelong friend. Loyalty spelled M-A-R-I-N-E!

This really needs more explanation. Not much, but some. All we know about the incident is that Jack asked the question "why?" It seems Jack was close to being brought up on charges of insubordination but received an honorable discharge due to the Colonel.



A wave of pain so strong it crackles like electricity surges through his whole body he shivers then his breathing stops; his heart slows and stops. It is finally over, His life. Perhaps his debt is paid.

Is "surges" a noun or verb? Does the pain crackle through his body or does the pain surge through his body? I am certainly not a master of punctuation, but I believe this is something to look at.

A wave of pain so strong it crackles, like electricity surges, through his whole body. He shivers, then his breathing stops; his heart slows and stops. It is finally over, His life. Perhaps his debt is paid.

A wave of pain so strong it crackles like electricity surging through his whole body; he shivers then his breathing stops, his heart slows and stops. It is finally over, his life. Perhaps his debt is paid.

*

Certainly nothing more than my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
96
96
Review of The Cave  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (5.0)
You gotta wonder.

My wife is treasurer for a local church. She's always fretting over how the church is going to pay their obligations to the Conference.

It amazes me that Disney, or someone, hasn't come up with "Jesus World." Three nights for four, only $500.

I would have laughed, while reading your story, if the reality wasn't so pathetic.

Wally
97
97
Review of Inevitably  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent in its simplicity. The paradox of time travel revealed. The past may be altered. Once altered, it may be changed again and again. The reality becomes what we know as history. Anyway, that's the way I remember it.


The hair on his arm stood up and the crack of a huge static charge drew his attention towards the darkness.
If there is one thing to point out, it is that a static charge is not going to crack. A discharge very well could. Believe me. I've been there.

I enjoyed your story. It goes far beyond the three hundred words.

Wally
98
98
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (4.0)
First. Welcome to WDC.

Pretty well written. I believe your article tells us your point of view. I may not agree, but read from all sides and try to pick up bits of logic, here and there.

Believing that one of the main reasons we are here is for improvement, most reviews I do may seem to be negatively critical. They probably are. But the fact is: the story is here for everyone to read, to see for themselves all the good points. Good or bad advice, you'll have to decide. I can only offer things for you to consider from my point of view.

*
Just a few things to consider:

Jonathan Haidt is identified as a psychologist, but we don't know who Sent-ts’an is. I would at least make him sixth-century, zen master Sent-ts'an or something.


We have isolated ourselves from the prospect of global community, looking at the rest of the world as spectators aware of yet uninvolved with. (prospect of global community - I would combine global and community or make it - of a global. We have isolated ourselves from the prospect of a global community... We have isolated ourselves from the prospect of global-community...) (...world as spectators aware of yet uninvolved with. I am no authority on punctuation and don't make many comments. This is a stumbling block. Suggestion: ...world as spectators, aware of, yet, uninvolved with.)

...while finally recognizing that our problems cannot be solved by are affiliated views we can unite as human beings...(by are - by our)

“Moral roots of Liberals and conservatives” (conservatives - Conservatives - if Liberals is capitalized)

An idea of opposing equals each only function(s) as a result of the other and both necessary in maintaining balance. (?)

Sent-ts’an said, “If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against, the struggle between “ for and against” is the minds worst disease.” (single quotes - 'for and against') (minds - mind's)

...redefining not only our domestic and international image but the rest of the worlds as well... (worlds - world's)

Republican party make an extra effort in attempts to secure the white house in 2012. (white house - White House)

...rebuilding our economy is and will continue to work but we wont see a majority of those improvements for another-oh, I don’t know, four years. (wont - won't)

The United States would not despair to consider adopting a de facto multiparty system. (would not despair - this seems to say: The United States would be wise to consider.) (de facto - by 1st definition this is correct - actual - which serves no purpose in the sentence. By 2nd definition - Exercising power or serving a function without being legally or officially established. No matter which definition is intended, the 2nd definition will be read.)

...United States and a stronger nation by recognizing states as “city states” per-say. (per-say - per se)

When running a business Its essential that both analytical and personable people are present in order for this business to mature. (Its - it's - preferably, it is)

...(three decades) we have seen the party’s disagree for no reason other than to disagree, to blatantly disregard the will of an American people... (party's - parties) (of an American people - of the American people)

...forth badgering can only make us look uncollected to the world... (uncollected - disconnected - maybe)

To quote John F. Kennedy “Let us not be blind to our differences-but let us also direct our attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be…” accepted. (can be...accepted.")

...administration has the means to inspire and motivate an American peoples’ willingness... (an American - the American) (peoples' - people's - unless speaking of groups of people.)

*

Only my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
99
99
Review of Mafia Ink  
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: E | (5.0)
I always like to return reviews for reviews, when I can. My problem is that I am the least poetic person in the world.

I seldom comment on prose. You have gotten high ratings from others, as you will from me. Not for quality (I simply do not have the tools to judge), but because others see quality in your work. Coming this far I will tell you what I got out of of it.

*

CHURCHING - delivering a sermon. We are led into economic ruin by so-called experts, guiding us to live beyond our means. No need for self control we are taught.

Springing Jerry-like, or maybe Jerry Springer-like. Media spin and nonsense abound. Real news is virtually ignored or twisted.

Politicians have turned control over to the real power brokers who now shape the country.

In the end, we do realize we are failing, but once again are being wooed, with grand ideas for change, but by the same powers that have manipulated us as before.


PREY FOR US - I can only ask the question, is this PRAY FOR US?

*

This is the way I see it, but then, I've been wrong before.

Wally
100
100
Review by Wally Setter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Excellent story. Well told. The twist in this story comes in the unfolding truth more than the normal misdirection in a more classic twisted-tale. Occasionally a story sticks with me. I'll remember this one.

*

Some, it seemed, were too small to believe they fit her children. The years had gone by with little fanfare, or fervor. (Is this, (Some, it seemed, were too small to believe they had once/had ever fit her children.)?)

The weather teemed much warmer now and the box lay almost empty. (teemed? I don't know of any definition that makes this word fit.)


Patty wept bitterly and sobbed. Normally people would want to finish a project like this. She was so close -- her last patch. But she couldn’t push herself to do it. In the morning she thought, she would cut out the last patch and finish the quilt. Then, she wrapped the quilt around her and clutched the onesie to her cheek. The warmth surrounded her from her almost-completed quilt. For the first time in her life, she felt a completeness she had never known. (This may only be me, but while reading, I had the impression that tomorrow she would finish the quilt and then the story suddenly jumped to after the quilt was finished. With the next sentence I was back on track. Only for your consideration.)

Then, she wrapped the almost-completed quilt around her and clutched the onesie to her cheek. The warmth surrounded her.



She called her aunt and asked what kind of thread, how big of pieces to make, and the stitch type to use. She also measured how big she wanted to make it and where it might hang. (Once we find out that Patty is an old lady, this sentence is recalled. If the call took place, just how old is the aunt? Possibly this call happened only in Patty's mind, but it seems that, except for her fixation on supplying herself a family, she is lucid.)

*

Only my opinions. Please make of them what you will.

Wally
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