*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/waynemart9025/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
56 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of Holding Hands  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your piece is difficult to finish because it reminds all of us who have had to bury our parents of the sadness it brought. It would be difficult, if not impossible, for me to put into words any of the good times I had with my mother and father. They left this world within a few months of each other and it was more than I could deal with in such a short span of time. Hardly a day goes by that I do not think of them and wish I could have been the better son they so deserved.

You have nailed descriptive writing and I suspect you had a Miss Davis somewhere in your past. I could see every picture you painted and had no trouble visualizing what you wanted me to see. I just can't figure how you managed to compose it with all the tears on your keyboard. Great job and thanks for writing this masterpiece.
27
27
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your story is a subject we can all identify with. In my day we did not have kindergarten and started school in the 1st grade. Your story reminded me of my first day with 26 other children and sweet Miss White. Through your words, I could visualize the room, teacher, and children. Not because I was there once, but because your descriptive writing abilities are right on. I suspect you had a Ms. Davis somewhere in your early years also. This was a good piece with a lot said in a few words. That's not easy to do.
28
28
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this. I have something similar of my own that you might want to check out. If you don't mind, I have included your link at the bottom of mine.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
29
29
Review of Beliefs  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
30
30
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
31
31
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
32
32
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
33
33
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
If I was to define this piece, I'd label it as an inspired psychological look on man's basic response to facing downfalls. The reason it caught my eye was the title, Seeking Vindication. I thought it would be about getting even with those who wrong you. In my 67 years, I cannot count the number of times I wanted to get even with someone for what he did to me. But, your well written account of things working out made me stop and think of the good things that came to my life as a result of the bad. For example, my first wife of 4 years left me for a man she had been quietly sleeping with for months. I actually took steps to kill the both of them before killing myself. That would have sure fixed that problem, I thought at the time. But, I didn't do it and instead went on with my life. Years later I met my sole mate and have never been happier after 36 years married to her.

My hat's off to you on this one, Ray. You obviously put a lot of thought in to it and I am sure those who read it will walk away with a different way of thinking. I look forward to reading more of your inspired work.
34
34
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting essay and filled with common-sense. I wrote a similar piece; however, mine is more based in the science of creation and the religion of evolution. If you don't mind, I linked your essay at the bottom of mine. Yours is much better written and addresses more of the common-sense side of the subject.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
35
35
Review of Ufology  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. I do like sci-fi. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Short and good descriptive writing, I can say about your piece. In your first two sentences, I was able to see the image of Colonel Rod in a space suit and the mist on the inside from the cough. From there, the movie in my mind was started and I could visualize the situation he was in.

Then came the Buck and Cody in the shack talking about what Cody saw from window. Immediately I knew one of two things had happened. Either Colonel Rod was an alien who crash-landed on Earth, or somehow his mission to space got turned around and he ended back on Earth unknowingly. And maybe all he had to do was open his helmet to survive. In either case, I didn't get that answered by the end of the piece.

Great descriptive writing and I am sure you have others I want to check out. You must have had an old Miss Davis in your past somewhere.
36
36
Review of Unfinished  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

You nailed the movie part in my mind in just the first two paragraphs. Problem was, I didn't know if the main character was a male or female until mention of putting on the perfume. From there, I had to go back and put some pieces together in my mind of the images I had to leave out. If I were to suggest anything, I would establish the gender earlier in this piece.

There are a lot of writers out there who put things to words, but end up not having a story intent. This one confused me a bit. I assume from what I was reading is this is a woman who met a guy on-line and was about to meet him for the first time. The confusing part was mention of photos of him with his girlfriend. Ie..., "I realise only now that I don’t actually know what he looks like other than the odd pictures that he posts with his girlfriend." You would think a guy wanting to meet someone he finds on line would not post photos of himself with another girl. That made me doubt what I construed as the intent of the story.

Your abilities to paint pictures in your reader's mind is spot-on. I was disappointed with the end because the meeting did not take place in this story. I felt betrayed because that was the part I was most interested in seeing if she was happy or sad about her choice to see a stranger she knew nothing about. And, there could be the fact that I may have completely misunderstood your story intent altogether. No one should ever walk away from a story feeling that way. This is a good piece that I think could be made great with just a few changes.
37
37
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

I can honestly say that if I have not already started a good picture in my head by the end of the first paragraph, I stop reading and go onto something else. Yours placed me in the mood to read on by putting pictures in my head of a person (male or female) being broken down on an isolated road near an unidentified small town where an old man in a beat-up truck stops to help. That was a lot to say in such a short paragraph. You filled in the question of gender shortly in the second paragraph by introducing the main character as Susan. Now my movie was complete to continue filming as a I read on. The rest was icing on the cake.

My first conclusion after finishing this well-written piece is it ain't your first rodeo. I suspect you had someone like old Miss Davis in your past also. Your descriptive writing abilities capture the reader's imagination completely. I could clearly see Charlie working under the Impala and Susan shucking corn in the kitchen with Mary.

Some writers create stories without an intent. Once you finish it, you wonder what they were trying to get across to the readers. Yours had a definite intent. At least to me it was a story of a young woman trapped in a dull life in the city who unexpectedly finds piece in a laid-back town with friendly people. Well done and I will be looking for more of your creations as you post them.
38
38
Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Being a 67 year-old white American male who has worked himself around the Earth several times, I can say that the world of call-girls is not new to me. I always marveled at how such ladies could see multiple clients a day and treat me as if it were the only encounter for months. Your story exposes the laid-back world of Joan's profession in almost a comical manner. Well done and spot on relating to my experiences. With that said, you surprised me deep in the story when Joan told Mokuba, "You and Seto are only my second and third clients ever." I had to go back a couple of times and re-read that, because I was certain from the video you placed in my head that she was a professional with a lot of experience.

One thing I have no experience in is gaming. You used terminology here that I have never heard before. It took me awhile to understand where Mark took Joan after he picked her up. But, eventually I figured the scene out and understood what followed.

You have obviously nailed descriptive writing. From the moment Joan stepped off the Caltrain onto the platform with cell phone in hand, I had the vision started and it flowed like a movie throughout my reading. I could see clearly the walk with Mokuba and picture this cute Japanese girl holding his hand.

At the end, you left me wanting to know more. Did she meet with Roland later on and did he act like a Psychopath? So many questions left unanswered for me in this story. But, you let me know this was only part of the story in your early notes. Very entertaining and I will keep an eye out for more.
39
39
Review of Whistler  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your first paragraph captured me right off. I could see an African boy and his read dog in a grassy field near a railroad track on a hot day. From there I had to read the rest because the picture was perfectly planted in my head. The rest was just icing on the cake.

I suspect you are not new to writing and maybe might have had an old English teacher like Miss Davis. You have inspired me now to finally write about my first encounter of walking up on a pride of lions in Kenya many years ago. I was there getting a new hospital up and running and missed the bus one morning getting to work. I took the quickest route from the village and walked into a clearing full of lions resting under a big tree. The male was startled and stood up to look at me in my frozen horror. The deafening roar took 10 years off my lifespan.
40
40
Review of How Do You Know?  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HOW DO YOU KNOW?

After getting to know you a bit, I decided to scan through several of your excellent pieces. All the ones I've read are well done, but this editorial intrigued me. I'll bet you an ice-cream-Sunday you have used this in a sermon from time to time. Wonderfully written in plain enough English for the worst of us to follow. And the flow of common-sense is next to none I've seen in my experience. The message is spot-on regarding whether we believe the Word of God or what we are taught by the world.

I can see why you read my Creation Science piece. This editorial expounds on the other factor of Bible vs Science. Even Creation Scientists do not believe many passages relating to the universe and perceive them as man's concept of what he couldn't understand at the time. As believers, and as you say, when we read something that doesn't match up with what we already believe, it is difficult to accept the new idea. Most of the Bible deals with the history of Jews and the ministry of God's son, ending with the road to salvation. In those hundreds of passages, the writers attempted to address the question of Creation the best they could for what God lead them to understand.

If you don't mind I would like to either post the link to your editorial on my family FaceBook wall or just copy and paste it for all the Martin's spread out across America to see. This subject always pops up at family reunions and I think it answers a lot of questions we leave unanswered. I hope I can hear you preach someday.
41
41
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
After reading your first Alice in the hole piece, I looked this one up as well. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see. This is old news to you from my previous review.

I think you have descriptive writing nailed in this piece. Early, as I read, I was able to picture a bored Alice near a bus and a tree nearby with a rose sitting inside a hole in the middle of the trunk. At that point, I was captured and wanted to see what happened next. The rest was just candy on top.

I will continue to search for more of your writings. You definitely have a wonderful imagination and know how to get what is inside your head into mine.
42
42
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. "Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see", she used to say.

If I didn't know better, I swear you spent a lot of time with old Miss Davis. While reading your piece, I was able early to create a video in my head of the cat tracks in the snow near the old cracked-open barn door. In other words, your first paragraph set the scene and the reader was captured. The rest was just candy on top. I suspect you have spent a lot of time reading and writing and you are no amateur. I will be looking for more of your works as a thumb through this site.
43
43
Review of My Life  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (2.5)
Interesting. Born in 2005 makes you just 14 years old this October. I don't remember doing anything at that age except chasing cute girls, nonetheless writing short stories like this. I am more of a historian than reviewer of short biographies. I look more at spelling, punctuation, and body before content. For example, your sentence:

"My brother was always there for me just like I was always there for him until he started to get in trouble with the law he started to push me away and started to hang around with the wrong crowd and him and some of his 'friends' got into some trouble and he was sent to JDC if you don't know what that is it is the Juvenile Detention Center he took the blame for something they did just because was older and felt obligated to take the blame."

Now, that is a lot said in one long sentence. It is more like a paragraph than anything. Dividing it up into smaller sentences would give the reader a chance to catch his breath and absorb more of what you are trying to say.

I gather that your story intent is to convey to me that you and your brother had a difficult childhood due to your mother's condition. In just this short piece, you manage to get your situation and feelings converted into words. That is what writing is all about and you succeeded. I would suggest on your next piece, make shorter sentences and write like you want me to see what you see through words. For a girl of 14 (assuming Haven is a girl's name) you show talent and ambition. I look forward to reading more of your works.
43 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/waynemart9025/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2