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56 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Unlucky Shortcut  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Since you took the time to read and comment on one of my works, I figured I should check out some of yours. Though I have read several this morning, I haven't spent the time to review any except this one for now. This one caught my eye because I wrote something similar about a shortcut I once took in Africa. Rather than coming across a rattlesnake, I stumbled onto a pride of lions. I was saved by local villagers and lived to tell the tale. Nice job here getting a large story told in a few words. I detect a bit of truth in this story and not fictional. You obviously have a background in descriptive writing.
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Review of China's Chernobyl  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Percy, or Matty:

With nothing to do but sit around and read what others are writing about these days, I came across your interesting and well written article. No need to discuss your writing skills, because it is obvious you are well educated in constructive and descriptive techniques. So, I'll concentrate on your subject matter instead.

I was one of those crazy people featured on National Geographic's, Doomsday Preppers (episode 11, Season 1). We believe the wonderful lives we lead today will all go to hell in a handbag and everyone should start preparing for that now. So many of us have different views as to how Doomsday will come about. My prediction is that it will come at the hands of the Chinese and will have everything to do with economic control. I think this virus thing is a good wake-up call for Americans to see just how much we depend on Chinese goods. Who would have known that most of the virus test kits come from there. And what about medical protection gear? There are thousands of goods made there that America cannot function without. And we used to make all that here! Even the transformers that make up our electrical production grid are exclusively made in China now. We did this ourselves starting with Nixon's peace visit to China. Since 1976 we have been deliberately closing down our manufacturing plants and allowing them to set up there. It is almost as if we have always wanted America to eat from the hands of the Chinese. Most of us will never understand why. Some thought it was a way to keep peace by turning China into a Capitalist society. All it has done is to increase our dependency on them and turn China into a World Super Economic Power.

Maybe when this virus scare is done with, our leaders will start moving to get vital goods manufactured in the US again. I am not holding my breath, though. I keep my stuff ready for Doomsday.

Great Article and well written!
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just love opinion essays, especially those that reflect what I believe in. Yours was written brilantly and full of common-sense; something Hollywood script writers seem to be missing. I wrote a piece once called, "Why am I Responsible?" It pretty much covered a lot of what you imply.

It is my opinion that the entertainment industry has been responsible for most of the bad things people have done since the written word. Let's just go back to the dime novels deplicting the glory of killers like Frank and Jessie James and the fast gun of Billy the Kid. Those novels were entertaining and responsible for creating some of the most vicious killers of the time.

Then came the movies. Humphrey Bogart's iconic sucking on cigaretts in every movie caused an epidemic of lung cancer around the world. No one used to curse in public until Hollywood made it common. And, being a homosexual was always looked down upon as perverted behavior until Hollywood and the media convinced everyone it was natural.

Me.... I am a prime example of allowing Hollywood to influence my life. I was a teenager when police shows replaced westerns on TV. There was Dragnet, Adam 12, Chips, etc... All made the profession look exciting and the job everyone should seek. So I did. In the 4 years I served as an Austin, Texas cop, I was hospitalized 4 times, my gun was taken away three times and never recovered, and I never once saw any glory in the job. I was lucky to get out alive.

Great job on your essay. You got me thinking about so many things we do as a result of what we see and hear. Problem is, I don't see how it will ever get right when the wrong people run things in Hollywood.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I had to read about you after you read my Daniel Boone historical essay. Anyone who reads my stuff has to be checked out. The "Princess" in front of you name made me curious. Is she royalty? Apparently not, but scanning through some of your stories, you write as if you are acquainted with royalty. We apparently have a lot in common; age, music, both in the medical field, etc. You are missing only the political side. I write, not necessarily for others' entertainment, but to clear the cobwebs of thought that clutter my brain. Once I get it all down on paper and push that "save" button, a ton of bricks tends to fall off my shoulders. I see something different in your works and I like what I read. You are a passionate writer and write with perfection, clarity, and include plenty of descriptive wording. I look forward to reading everything you have published.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Overall I found this portion of your work as character building with little to offer in new action. That is, until I got into Chapter 40 and you throw the magic ring thing at me. How interesting! I'm betting as you develop the story further, the ring is not magic, but contains some sort of high technology that makes it do what it does. I just hope it doesn't make the owner turn invisible and was created by some elves to control 7 kings. It took me a long time to finish those books years ago.

I liked how you slipped in the part about bullies picking on Nathaniel in school. It sounds like they eventually get what they deserve. I think everyone is aware that society no longer tolerates them, nor the school leaders who turn a blind eye to what they do. What I had trouble following was why Linda somehow blamed Joan for what happened to Nathaniel. The excuse didn't quite fit to what I had read in the past scenes.

Once again, you put a little sex in the story. This time again with Michael and Joan. I'm still trying to figure why Seto and Linda appear to be OK with that relationship. But I am an old timer who can't come to grips with men getting married to men these days. I know Joan and Michael are married and wonder how Seto and Macumba are going to marry her without her getting a divorce first.

Back to the magic ring...... I look forward to getting more on that ring. I had to go back to refresh my memory where she got it, only to find it was in a box she opened after having sex with Michael. I couldn't find where it came from and think I may have missed something from one of the previous chapters. I am sure I missed that somewhere, but maybe you want it to stay mysterious.

Overall, good job! Notice I don't bother to evaluate your grammar or punctuality. It is always perfect.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
My college English teacher once told me that if you want to upset at least half your readers, write something about Creation vs Evolution. I proved her correct when I was in the Texas State Legislature and introduced a bill that allowed teachers (not forced them) to give alternate theories that contradicted Evolution theories. The only rule they had to follow was that there could be no mention of the Bible and it had to be theories based on evidence, observations, experiments, and conclusions. Some called it Creation Science and others called it fairy tales.

In almost all cultures you will find mention of a catastrophic flood in their country's pasts. There is ample scientific evidence that such a thing happened within the last 10,000 years. But, because the Bible has a story that sounds like a fairy tale about Noah, the Evolutionists blindly deny a flood ever took place. They go out of their way to refute the theory with unsubstantiated publications. Fossils on the top of the highest mountains, huge erosion like the Grand canyon, and sedimentation upheavals prove otherwise. Or, at least those observations justify scientific theories of a massive world-wide flood. Yet, try to incorporate such teachings along side Evolution and you will get half the population wanting to burn you at the stake.

My hat is off for how you wrote your piece. No one can point the finger at you claiming you are one way or the other. You used a style of reasoning that can cause either side to understand the other. And I love the parable of the little boy and the boogeyman in the closet. It made your point that any reader can interpret what you are getting at. I see you wrote this for a contest and I hope you did well.
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Review of Why?  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I usually check out the works of those who look at mine. This one caught my fancy because I spent a lot of time in Kenya in the early 80"s. The people you describe outside the house meet the description of the folks I saw every day.

For such a small piece, this one paints an early picture of the situation in the reader's head. That is almost an impossible writing trick because most readers are slow to see what you are talking about and get lost. I could instantly see the skull, the fear of the husband and wife, and the half-naked tribesman outside holding spears. And what a finish! The husband's head stuck on the top of a stake.

I see you had entered this in a contest and hope it did well. The "Dear Me" piece you looked at was my second contest submission. I never heard back from the one in December, so after submitting this I went back and re-read the rules. There was some confusing instructions about adding a before and something else after the piece number of which I did not do. I just submitted the number. I received no notice that I was properly entered. And, there was no way to go back and re-attempt to enter the piece. So confusing! If adding other characters when submitting a simple number are required, the staff here have made entering contests too difficult for guys like me.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting short story. You used a lot of descriptive writing that allowed me to see the characters and the local scene in my mind as if I were there. You painted a very good picture of Alice stuck in the pipe. In my experience, that is the meat of writing, even if the reader doesn't like the story itself.

You labeled your piece as a comedy. I believe by adding the wolf to the story you turned it into a fantasy also. Being raised in Texas on a cattle ranch, I have seen my share of wolves, and none would fit the playful character you put in here. If it were me, I would have called it a large dog, like a spunky Labrador or something.

Writing fiction is very difficult for me, but appears easy for you. I recently submitted a fiction piece in a writing contest and am waiting to hear how well I did (or how bad). I wrote it as if I were the main female character. Boy, was that tough! Fiction and comedy appear to be your top skill level. I will be looking for some more of your writings.
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Review of The "Rapture"  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I searched back through a lot of talent and picked this one to read. This is more of a comment by me than what some would call a review, since I couldn't find anything wrong with grammar or the ability to get thoughts across to the reader.

Though your profile doesn't mention you are a man of the cloth, I am assuming you are or have spent a lot of time listening to pastors and researching your Bible. So have I. The subject of the second coming has been debated by the best. It seems every pastor I've listened to on the subject has his own interpretation. I think yours comes as close to my beliefs as I've seen. Most of my believer friends think we will be spared from any tribulation. I do not agree with that as neither do you.

As a believer and family supporter, I try to stay prepared for the worst to come and pray to God it never does. Main thing is, nothing will catch me by surprise. I was on Episode 11 in the first season of National Geographic's, Doomsday Preppers.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is definitely a time-sensitive piece. Sounds like you just wrote it because it is pretty much up to date. The only criticism I have is there should be space between paragraphs. It appears crowded and I found myself getting lost between lines. Joe Bite-me should be capitalized.

You write this as a common-sense individual looking at the situation. At least, a conservative like me sees it that way. A die-hard liberal will read it and call it all lies and would probably write you a horrible review, based on prejudice against Trump. I found myself agreeing with every item. You and me think alike!

I wonder how historians like me will write the legacy of Donald Trump and this impeachment thing 50 years from now. I was there when Ronald Reagan came out of nowhere and became president. The Democrats and their P.R. staff (the American Main-Stream Media) hated him and did their best to distort the good he accomplished. He should have been the one to invent the word, Fake News. In his eight years, interest rates came way down, inflation dropped to nothing, our GNP soared, and people went back to work. Yet, you won't see a Democrat or a reporter from CNN, NBC, CBS, or the NY Times admit to any of that to this day. It has been 40 years since he was elected and still you don't see much about his accomplishments in high school or college textbooks. But, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama are saints on what they accomplished in history already. Try to name one good thing either was responsible for.

If I could advise the Senate Republicans, I would have them have an early vote against impeachment, instead of a lengthy trial like the Democrats want. It would send a clear message to the Dems that the impeachment thing was political and meaningless. Having a trial will not increase Trump's support, but could harm it should Bolton or someone from his staff betray him.

Great piece and I hope you are spared from an attack review from a Trump-hater.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I went way in the back and found this cute little contest essay you wrote long ago. And it was worth the read because it got me thinking. We all imagine this subject for a good part of our lives. "What would I do with my last day?" When I was younger and didn't believe in the Hereafter, I would imagine killing my worst enemies. I wasn't going out alone, I figured. Now that I am saved, that kind of thinking has been moved out of my brain. Since I have seen and done more things in my 67 years on Earth than the average man, I just can't think of anything special I want to do. Then I read your piece. Yes, that is probably exactly what I would do. A very inspirational work of art!
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is not what I call a review, but maybe some sound advice. Like you, early in my life I had to make hard choices as to what I wanted out of life. I wrote my own essay about my experience and your article made me think you should read it. I believe it address much of what you say in your second paragraph.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A quick and simple essay that is easy to read and contains all the facts it needs to get the point across. I applaud your knowledge on the subject and talent to get is said, so even a moron like me can understand.

Last week, for the first time, my doctor said I have now officially reached the status of obesity. Since the age of 50 I have seen my Testosterone level go from 750 to 199 as of my 67th birthday. With it, my metabolism has also tanked. No diet plan works, no matter how long I stay one. I simply get fat on air!

Since my last physical, I've decided to follow my doctor's advice and take the appropriate actions to slim down, or die. First, I've gone on a Testosterone program that should get my numbers up and increase my natural fat-burning abilities. I've reduced my sugar intake, mostly by stopping my daily consumption of margaritas. And mostly, I have gone on to the intermediate fasting plan by only eating in a 7 hour window each day. If all this doesn't work, I'm doomed! Thanks for the inspirational article.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I make it a rule to read people's works who took the time to read mine, though I don't always write a review each time. This one causes me to want to comment based on my own related personal experiences. There is no need to speak of writing abilities here, because you are obviously not new to creative writing. I can visualize everything you jot down extremely well. I mostly want to relate my own experiences of love and the Philippines.

My father was stationed in the Philippines during WWII with MacArthur prior the the Japanese invasion. Though prohibited, he fell in love with a beautiful local girl and had plans to return after the war to marry her. He would tell wonderful stories to us kids about their love and times together; of course, only out of earshot of my mother. As fate would have it, a severe case of malaria hospitalized him and he had to be shipped stateside to receive proper healthcare. They placed him on the same plane as General MacArthur as he fled the islands prior to the invasion.

After the war ended and Dad was discharged, he managed to work his way back to the Philippines crewing on freighter ships. He said it took him almost 6 months at sea to get back there. He managed to locate his sweetheart's family, only to find she had been killed during the last days of the occupation. He remained for months helping the family through hard times and eventually returned and met my mother.

Dad's love story convinced me that my wife would someday be a Filipina. At the age of thirty five I went to work for the World Health Organization and helped commission hospitals throughout the South Pacific. I made trips to Manila now and then to search for my wife-to-be, but never met a lady that the Holy Spirit inside approved of. Then, on an island out in the middle of nowhere, I saw her in a small church overlooking the sea. She was the picture of beauty my Dad had described in his stories, and about 10 years younger than me. Instead of boldly approaching her, I located her father and asked if he would mind me talking with his daughter. After giving me the third degree, he took me over and introduced her to me. In six weeks we were married and she traveled the world with me for the next 10 years. We had our only child in the Middle East three years later. That was thirty six years ago and she is still as lovely as she was when I met her in that church.

Obviously your story is about your parents and is a wonderful tribute to them. Someday I will write something similar about my Dad and his first love. I wish now he had done that before he passed so I could know her name to make sure she is remembered.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Michael,

I make it a point to check out the works of those who read mine. What we both have in common is the love to research parts of history no one else thinks or cares about. I was actually considering doing a piece on this very subject before reading yours. Now, I don't think I will because I can't outdo this.

William Robinson (1840 - 1885) was a relative of mine on my mother's side. His son was Judge Edgar Robinson, who was the grandfather to Barbara (Pierce) Bush and my mother. That made them 1st cousins, and me second cousin to George and Jeb Bush. I throw all that out to impress you and pad my story a bit.

William was visiting Texas from his home state of N. Carolina when the war broke out. Though he told those who grabbed him he was not from Texas, they said it didn't matter because if you are in Texas you are a Texan. Throughout the war he kept a journal which was handed down to my mother and eventually to me. Mom used to read us tales from the journal now and then, because she was about the only one who could read his horrible hand writing. What stuck out most was his renditions of what he ate while in the Confederate army. According to him, there were no cooks or a central place to gather to be fed by someone. All men were issued a cup, a tin jar, and a small skillet. They kept all this in their backpacks containing sleeping gear, gun powder, and lead bullets. Each morning they would line up and receive about 2 cups of cornmeal in their tin jars. If they were lucky, they would also receive a pinch of salt, but never pepper. Everyone was taught how to cook cornbread in their small skillets. If you burned it, you ate it anyway or went hungry. At times, deliveries of jerky would arrive and the men would cherish it more than their guns. He wrote that he would never eat cornbread again if he survived the war. He obviously survived, but I don't know if he ever ate cornbread again.

Great piece. This is the kind of stuff I look for and plan to read a bunch more of your works. Thanks again for looking at my Davy Crockett piece.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
And the plot thickens...... I don't even know where to start on this one, so I will ease into it the best I can. First, let's get the basics out of the way. Punctuation, sentence structure, and quotations were done by a master. I didn't have any problems following your train of thought or where you wanted to take my imagination. Very good!

Now for character building: You threw in the top characters in the beginning of this continuation in Chapter 21 and gave us a good insight on Joan's mother Gertrude (Trudy). Obviously, she is a Bible thumper and is not a happy camper with how her daughter is living her life. You gave me some history on Joan's past and how her heart was broken by a college guy named Iimo. The Jesus conversation between Joan and Trudy revealed that Seto just might be an atheist and such subjects make him nervous. I had a bit of a problem seeing Michael's role in the scene, unless he was supposed to be their waiter for the event. You threw a phrase on me I think might be original, because I have never heard it until now; "serving as arm candy". Very fit for the circumstance.

Chapter 22 was a bit boring for me since I am not into gaming. I assume "Monsters of the Duel" is a made-up video game, developed by Seto and loved by the masses. Maybe younger readers understand some of the terms, but not me. I found myself fast forwarding until near the end when they stopped the game and started discussing Joan's sexual intent with Mokuba.

You did warn me that this section of your novel will be a bit more sexual descriptive and it was seen in Chapter 23. This chapter helped me understand the bond between the Kaiba brothers in that both are willing to share the same woman.

But it was Chapter 25 that blew me. At first I thought it was Joan just joking to Seto about marrying the two brothers and being their loyal whore. But as I read further, it was no joke and they were all planning on how to accomplish the goal after several months. That definitely makes me want to read more.

In summation, this is a work of art and captivating. Your talent is up there with the best. Let me know when the continuation is out.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I don't have much feedback to give you this round. As usual, I like your style and find reading this very enjoyable. You did shock me a bit by being more detailed about the sex act in the first few words. Again, you added characters, like the mother, and developed an image I could see. You also left me wanting to read more. Keep it up.

Mr. Wayne
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well written, as usual. I was able to see all the characters in my mind while reading through from top to bottom. What threw me off was the image I've always had of Seto. Though you never thoroughly characterized his appearence, I had it in my mind that he was a big heavy-set sort of person. They you described Joan struggling to her hips into his leather pants. Then, my image started seeing him as a more thin-frame of a guy.

I love how you keep this at PG-13. I wouldn't have problems with my 14 year old daughter reading this. She is smart enough to understand prostitutes and sex, but I'm not ready for her to read play by play sex. You do a great job of keeping young minds on track.

Though you keep intruducing more characters, such as Tricia the reporter, I still manage to keep what's called "character confusion" in check. Knowing that I may never hear about her again, you painted her picture in my mind and I can visualize what she looks like even now.

Like before, you leave me wanting to read more. You have a great talent for writing and I hope when you finish this story that it will make its way to publication. I will definitely purchase a copy.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! Exciting cliff-hanger at the least. When doing a review, I never go back to pick things out to include. If I can't remember what I read, then the writer did not succeed in his/her objective.

I was hoping you would do a follow-up of #1 and you did. Though the whole subject matter is prostitution, I think you did a fine job of keeping it more G-rated than would would expect from such a piece. You used terminology that few, unless partaking in the trade, would know. For example, "bareback". I doubt one man out of ten would know that term, but won't have to look it up after reading this.

One of the reasons I couldn't get past the first chapter of "Harry Potter" was because the author bombarded me with what seemed to be a hundred characters. Trying to get a hold on a story that has so many characters is difficult on the reader. He has to store those names in his mind and remember what character each represents every time the name comes up. Just off my head and without looking back, here are the characters I remember and what their parts are in the story:

Joan: A young Japanese prostitute with little experience
Mark: Joan's close friend who pimps her to business associates.
Michael: Joan's husband, I find at the end
Seto: CEO of the gaming company who has this thing for Joan
Roland: Seto's bodyguard and prostitute arranger
Mokuba: Seto's brother
Duke: One of Seto's game developers
Laura: Secretary (I assume to Seto)
Pegasus: Not sure

I am sure there are more characters, but these come to mind from memory. Luckily, you did not throw them all at me in the first chapter, which gave me time to grasp their roles in the story. I do caution you that in writing the author has to keep in mind the limited capacity the reader has when it comes to names. Put too many in there and you lose your reader. Sweet old Miss Davis from high school said to try to limit short stories to 3-4 characters, at most.

A neatly done thing of making it appear that Mokuba is developing this crush on Joan makes me want to see how that progresses. But, slapping him with the news that Joan is married to Michael just might put an end to any kind of relationship going forward.

Your descriptive writing is second to none. The details made it easy to focus on the surroundings. For example, you described the bar Mokuba took Joan to very well. I could see the guard at the entrance to the upstairs VIP lounge vividly and Duke (Devlin) sitting near the stage with the poles. Your events flowed easily through my mind and your surprise ending left me wanting to read more. Seriously, I had thought Michael and Mark were the same person from your first writing in #1. Near the end I find they are not. Now, I will have to go back to read that section again to determine who Michael is. Again, too many characters can confuse even high comprehensive readers like me.

I will be waiting for #3. You definitely have me hooked on this story and I can't wait until the movie comes out.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

I can see in your writing that you may have had a Miss Davis in your past. I could clearly see the meeting at school and feel the discontent of your friends. You obviously know how to tell a story and get your feeling across to the reader.

I don't usually comment on the content of a story, but this is one I relate to because of my 67 years as a white man, raised by color-sensitive parents. When I brought my Philippine wife home to meet my parents, my mother kicked us both out and I never saw her again until her funeral. I would like to share with you a bit of my past and my experiences with people of color:

Me and my 3 brothers were practically raised by an live-in unmarried black mother with a boy child. The child was my age and I spent more time with him growing up than I did with my brothers. We attended different schools, because in those days schools were segregated. I eventually graduated in 71 from a totally white school and had never spent much time with black folks except for my Nanny's son. We are still best friends to this day.

The only thing I knew about black people was what my parents would say. They were uneducated, stupid, unclean, and would steal the cloths off your back if given the chance. I never saw any of that with Nanny or her son, Jack. I never believed my parents, but never questioned them either.

I did not want my parents' help while attending college at UT. I got a job as a night policeman in Austin, TX and attended school in the daytime. My beat was east of Congress, or what was called the black part of town. It was the first time in my life I saw racism at its worst. We were all white cops in those days and no one wanted to respond to fights in black bars or tangle with any of the black gangs that hung around neighborhoods, selling dope. Though there wasn't a prejudiced bone in my body when I joined the force, I ended up worse than my mother by the time I resigned 4 years later. I had been hospitalized 3 times in those years as a result of arrest attempts in that area. My gun was taken from me twice after I was rendered unconscious when responding to emergency calls. In almost every street fight involving black males, there was a black female ready to get in the face of police, accusing us of being racists. If we attempted to arrest her, the fight would stop and the men would focus their anger on us.

From there I went to work for the World Health Organization. My first assignments were in the deepest regions of Africa, where I worked closely with village leaders to commission new hospitals we built for them. In those 5 years I developed very close relationships with the locals throughout the country and completely ignored the fact they had black skin. And, they never looked at me as a white threat to their way of life. They truly appreciated what we were providing for them.

Before retirement in the US, I worked side by side with a lot of black people and made many friends my deceased mother would never have approved. I have no friends who are racists, nor do I tolerate any talk of bigotry around me. I have heard many stories similar to yours; however, I have never witnessed that kind of racial behavior in my past. I firmly believe that such racial behavior is looked down upon by most white people these days. Sadly, there is still some around and comes mostly from uneducated white trash. At least, that is what I call them.

I look forward to reading more of your works.
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Review of Rules For My Life  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Pastor,

This is not a review, but a simple reflection on your message. God gave us the 10 Commandments as a guide to become good people and forsake all that is evil. Your 19 guidelines are a better breakdown of how the Good Lord meant for us to believe and act on. If we all could just follow a few of your personal rules, our lives would change and we would find ourselves happier and more fulfilled.

For many years now I have been teaching young adults how to turn their lives around by kicking self defeatism out the door and adopting almost exactly the rules you listed in your piece. Art Linkletter formed our organization many years ago to help people learn the Power of Positive Thinking. Many of us are believers and we include our Creator as a means to achieve greatness by following the teachings of our Savior. But, I am just preaching to the choir here.

I think I have read just about everything you have written so far. I don't comment on all because I don't want you to think I am stalking you. You and I are definitely on the same page with just about every subject you have written on. There is not a rule you have put on this piece that I do not follow myself. There is just one you did not put here that I have but cannot always follow:

"Do not get obsessed with national problems you can do nothing about".

That one is difficult for me because I see constant party fighting in DC that is taking this God-fearing country down the tubes.

Keep cranking out these great works! If you get a chance, take a look at my more recent work:

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very descriptive. The only thing I would change is to go back and put a space between your paragraphs. It would make it easier to read.

So you know, I have been to Vegas several times in my life. The only thing of mine that stays in Vegas is my money.
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Review of Running Away  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! Those of us who have buried our parents identify with your grief. Mine have been gone now for more than 15 years, but I still constantly think of them. They left this world within a few short months of each other. I was born on their 7th anniversary, so when March 9 comes up every year, I identify with your short and wonderfully written piece. You nailed it for me!
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Review of Holding Hands  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your piece is difficult to finish because it reminds all of us who have had to bury our parents of the sadness it brought. It would be difficult, if not impossible, for me to put into words any of the good times I had with my mother and father. They left this world within a few months of each other and it was more than I could deal with in such a short span of time. Hardly a day goes by that I do not think of them and wish I could have been the better son they so deserved.

You have nailed descriptive writing and I suspect you had a Miss Davis somewhere in your past. I could see every picture you painted and had no trouble visualizing what you wanted me to see. I just can't figure how you managed to compose it with all the tears on your keyboard. Great job and thanks for writing this masterpiece.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your story is a subject we can all identify with. In my day we did not have kindergarten and started school in the 1st grade. Your story reminded me of my first day with 26 other children and sweet Miss White. Through your words, I could visualize the room, teacher, and children. Not because I was there once, but because your descriptive writing abilities are right on. I suspect you had a Ms. Davis somewhere in your early years also. This was a good piece with a lot said in a few words. That's not easy to do.
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