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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/weirdone28
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261 Public Reviews Given
301 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
for entry "Exiled
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a sad story!

I have to be honest, I probably would not have reviewed this if I had not encountered it in the "I Write. . ." activity, so I will do my best.

You do some interesting things with the prompt words. I would probably not have thought of using the word, "rifle" that way. Probably, the one that I like the least is the sentence where you use the word, "physics". That entire sentence seems a little bit extraneous.

Still, it is overall a very touching read.

I hope you get better.
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2
for entry "~ Heart Cath ~
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi.

This is honestly not the sort of thing I would normally want to read or review, but it was ahead of me in the "I write in 2024" contest.

I had no idea what a heart cath was so I actually googled it. It sounds like a fairly disturbing procedure although the google site claimed that it was painless. You also say you suspect they used conscious sedation. I'm a little surprised that they would do something like that without telling you.

Anyway, I didn't see any technical problems here. Although, again, I normally would not see much point to reading it.

I hope that you feel better
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for entry "Lost
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay, this is a little difficult to review.

As far as I can tell, it's mostly free verse. The closest thing to a form that I can find in here is that each stanza is four lines. The first and the third lines have no rules except that they have to be fairly long and sandwich the second line which is always a three syllable, "where are you?" It's an effective refrain because it is so simple. The fourth line has to contain the word, "lost" which I understand is the prompt for this contest.

It is an interesting poem because we have no idea whom the speaker is addressing or how they lost this person.

I guess this is actually an effective statement of loss without saying much.
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Review of No Love Lost  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is an excellent poem.

I think it's a very good form the way the shorter lines "sandwich" between the longer lines. I will say that when I examined the lines carefully and counted the syllables, I found that the second line is one syllable too long. Maybe you can change it to something like:

"They gaze at mine without pleading"

Aside from that, the first stanza is very powerful. Somehow the second stanza seemed a little weaker. The rhymes of "glance, romance and chance" seemed a little less interesting than "misleading, pleading and acceding.

But overall, its good.
5
5
for entry "Failure to launch
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
This is a very strange entry. I looked up the contest that you entered it in and I was surprised because I had never heard of it.

Well, the story itself is interesting. I guess Andre is the owner of the bar and he has a literal muse.

Andre is funny in that he talks about the bar being a charity or non-profit organization when he is actually just giving himself drinks.

I also got the joke that this posting is exactly one word less than the 300 word minimum.

It's entertaining although I'm not sure how well it stands alone. Maybe if I read more entries about the characters I would appreciate it more.
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6
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a good paragraph. I would like to know more about the rest of the context, but it seems to come from a discussion of the question whether there is such a thing as an unforgivable sin, which is an excellent question. You come to an excellent short answer.

I like it very much.
7
7
for entry "Practice Kindness
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a very inspiring entry. I don't know Glen Campbell and I had never heard this song before, but I looked it up on Youtube and I can see why some people would find it moving.

I like your idea that one starts with a random act of kindness every day and gradually becomes a full time kind person.

Can it really be done?
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Review of Brad's Epiphany  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. I actually just entered the very same contest which this was written for. Although, my take on the subject was much darker.

Overall, this is a decent story for the propmpt. The entire thing is a little bit predictable, but maybe that's what you expect when writing for a prompt like that.

The main character is definitely believable as someone who would have suicidal thoughts. Whenever you contemplate suicide, probably the first thing that stops you is wondering what your friends and family will think.This character has no friends or family to speak of, so I guess it's understandable.

I'm glad he was saved.
9
9
Rated: E | (3.0)
All right. I just entered the very same contest that this was written for, so I feel a little biased.

Anyway, I am actually a little divided on whether I like this entry. The first part sounds like nothing but a list of platitiudes about writing with no relationship other than the letters of the alphabet.

I thought it got a little better towards the end. Particularly when the author becomes self-referential about how the poem isn't that good. The part about "xylophones mak"ing more sense" and "yeah, that was a stretch." At that point, the interaction between the lines was better.
10
10
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
All right. I know what the prompt for this story was, mainly because I thought about entering the same contest, but I couldn't come up with anything.

It's an interesting little story, but I had a little trouble following it. I had to read it twice to get the idea that this character lost the ability to dance because he got a ticket and got it back when the ticket was dismissed.

The judge responded, with a wicked smile. "Mr. Moore, I'm not auditioning for a Broad Way play, so performing my favorite One Hit Wonder song isn't going to help your case."

This line struck me as a little bit illogical. Normally, when people are auditioning, you don't play their favorite song.

I guess my point here is that the whole story sounds like something that was rushed and not really thought through carefully, which I'm sure it was.

Maybe you can revise it later.

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Review of Better Together  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wow! That was a powerful testimony and as someone who has had similar experiences with not wanting to join communities, I can definitely relate.

I am also an introvert, but I participating in churches has been an important part of my spiritual journey.
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Review of Another lesson  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nasty little poem.

It's written in free verse, which is always a little bit hard for me to evaluate, but I think you used the medium rather well here because each line is a brief to-the-point idea about how angry or hurt the author feels.

Most of the lines are good and to the point, but I might suggest rewriting a few of them more crisply.

For example:

"Even when that is never my real plan"

could be rewritten as:

"Even when that is not my real plan"

"Despite the anxiety that had erupted in my body"

could be

"Despite the anxiety that erupted in my body"

But all in all, it's a good poem and I think it's interesting that you say it's a "never-ending" cycle.
13
13
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah. this was the first book by Agatha Christie I ever read. In a way, it made everything else I read by her a disappointment because too many of her other books were just repeating the same tropes, but this one was definitely a departure.

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Review of Fair Day  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a an interesting little story. I see that some words at the beginning are bolded which I assume were the prompt words for the contest. And actually, I can't help noticing that all of the prompt words are used at the begining before the plot really gets under way. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that, but it almost gives me the feeling that this is two pieces. The first being just a description of a night at a carnival using all of the prompt words and the second being the story that you wanted to tell.

Anyway, the story itself is good if not great. A girl proving herself by beating boys at a game is a nice story even if it has kind of been done before.

I liked this story.
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Review of Soup of the Day  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very Good. This is an interesting sonnet. The first quatrain seems almost funny because it's about something so simple. But the second quatrain shows that there is more going on here. And then the third quatrain shows how both soup and love are unified for the narrator.

The final couplet is a little contradicotru. The narrator says that he wouldn't have it any other way. Well, isn't the point of the poem that he would rather be in a real relationship with the soup server? But maybe that's just poetic license.
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Review of Finding Power  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello. I am randomly reviewing your piece.

I see that it was an attempt to write a story about the antagonist of a novel. Well, I can certainly see how an experience like this one would turn an individual into an antagonist.

This character has a truly terrible parent and has other reasons for hating his mother. I shudder to think what kind of cop he becomes,
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Rated: E | (3.0)
This is an interesting little recounting.

I certainly don't think that product sounds very goood to say the least.

The last part seemed a little bit strange. I have to say that I don't think it was a very strong punchline, which brings me to the larger point that I'm not really sure what the point was.
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Review of Meet Me There  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a touching story! We know almost nothing about the characters, but we know enough to feel the narrator's sense of loss.

And of course, we can relate to not wanting to part with things that remind us of our loved ones.

I also noticed that "paranormal" is one of the genres listed for the piece. I think that's a little curious because I'm not sure if this story is paranormal unless maybe the blackbird is paranormal.
19
19
Review of Enlightenment  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is fun. When I first started reading it, I thought that I wouldn't like it because it seemed like a silly story with no explanation for who those characters were or what was going on with them.

But then, I got to the twist ending and it all made sense.

This was a fun read.
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20
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello. I have randomly selected this piece to review.

It is an interesting exchange. The original letter is by an extremely devout person who seems to believe what he wants to believe rather than actual evidence.

On the other hand, the response is a little strange too. I remember hearing abput Whitley Streiber's Communion although I never read it. This person has some strange ideas about religion, but there is no resolution to it.

I guess I wanted it to go a little further.
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21
Review of Jimmy's Last Job  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is different. It's a gangster story and a science fiction story with Horror mixed in.

I like the idea that being a hitman becomes a different thing if there are aliens living among us in the world.

The story itself is a brief gory tale with some science used to make it gorier.

It's short, but worth a read.
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Review of Love Necromancer  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Who is this Sam Adams anyway? I mean I know he played a part in American history and was also a brand of beer (Not to mention a bar in Boston) but in your poetry he is a recurring character.

Anyway, this poem tells an interesting little Horror story which might have been more interesting if it was fleshed out into a story. I'm not sure it was meant to be told as free verse poetry, but it's worth a read.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello. This is interesting. I chose something random to review and it took me to another poem about Sam Adams that you wrote.

Anyway, I like this one better than the other one that I reviewed about the Martians appearing. This is definitely a much darker story with more to say.

Also even though, it is completely free verse as far as I can tell, it flows much better perhaps because it captures the feel of an alcoholic libertine lifestyle.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello. I decided to review this randomly although it is sometimes difficult to review free verse poetry.

I have been to Bangkok. It is definitely a very loud city with quite a bit of partying. This poem is about a stange topic and it does not follow any real pattern that I can see.

I guess I enjoyed this poem, although it was not particularly impressive.
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Review of Heaven  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very lovely poem about wanting to see God.

The rhyme scheme for each quatrain seems to be xaxa, which is fine giving each quatrain a closed feeling. But, as far as I can tell, the quatrains don't really have a syllable pattern. The unevenness of the lines in the syllable pattern is perhaps the only flaw. It makes the poem feel a little bit off when you read it.;
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