It sounds like you were trying to write a Science Fiction story which in some way made a point about the real world, but I'm not sure exactly what that point was.
Are Claunon and Jesica supposed to be the protagonists? Because we never really meet them as people. We just know that they do a lot of advocacy for the poor, but we don't much about them.
There are also some technical errors like:
"Claunon and Jesica was at every one of these meetings" Was should be were.
And:
“No, we are going to be in control of it,” yet another Upper Class Representative said. “It’s going to be the Smaller and Smallest Classes who are going to control it.”
Here the character contradicts himself.
Finally, the story doesn't have a real ending except that things get better two hundred years later.
What a touching poem! This is a disturbing poem because it represents a situation most of us find ourselves in at one time or another. Namely, seeing something cruel or unpleasant happening and being too scared to do anything about it.
The poem itself seems to have a rhythm, but as far as I can tell, there are no hard and fast rules about the rhyme or syllable count. It seems that the author just gave it rhythm which "felt right and it works.
Okay. You need to calm down a little bit. When I was a kid, I actually found spiders fascinating. I don't particularly like them now, but I also don't feel the need to destroy them. I usually just leave them alone. If I'm in the presence of an arachnophobe like yo, I'll just put it outside rather then kill it.
On the other hand, I can't stand the idea of handling snakes. I would scream if someone put a python around my neck.
Basically this was fun read. I particularly liked the references to Charlotte's Web.
Great. This is a fairly simple poem, but I like it for what it is. A simple rhythmic march. The pun on fourth and forth is fun.
I also like the lines about "see the freedom that they won/ celebrate before it's gone" The rhyme is a little bit imperfect there, but I can forgive that because the sentiment becomes a little bit darker and a little bit more relevant at that point.
All right. This is an interesting idea. Writing poetry about one of your favorite recipes. I also think it's strange that you represented some words with pictures which is unusual for poetry.
I understand from the prompt that this was supposed to be Senryu, which I thought was a form similar to Haiku, but the form here is definitely not the three line, seventeen syllable form of Haiku. Honestly, I'm a little confused about what happened here.
Personally, I don't think frying a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich in butter sounds that good, but that is just me.
This is an interesting little essay. It's not about a topic which I find all that exciting, butI think it's interesting that the author did not take all of the advice from the book.
Mechanically, the writing in this essay feels a little bit wooden. One thing in particular is that the author used the word, "meditating" instead of "meditation". For some reason, that feels wrong to me.
Also:
. . . when you did sit back and just kind of look at what our thoughts. . .
That is ungrammatical. Do you mean look at what you're thinking
So overall, I would recommend giving this an edit.
This was a very nice poem dedicated to a mother I always enjoy reading poetry about mothers. And I think that you used the required key words well enough.
I will say that You have chosen a somewhat eccentric rhyme scheme, and, as far as I can tell, there is no syllable scheme. I would say that it is musical, but not exactly memorable.
Well, I am a little bit unimpressed by this story. For one thing, I'm not sure it was a very good entry into the contest. I actually went to the page for the contest which this was written for and they said that they wanted stories with surprising twists. You stated how the story would end right in the intro.
Plus, the twist (i.e. the wolf's den is already occupied by foxes) doesn't strike me as particularly surprising anyway.
I did enjoy reading about these wolves with human personalities, although I would have liked to see more of them.
This is definitely a nice story. I could feel myself in the garden with the characters. I also like how magic and the supernatural are talked about well. . .naturally. It makes me wonder about the universe that this story is set in.
In fact, really the only thing wrong with this story, is that it leaves me wanting more. Just what sort of people are these and why do they know so much about magic. Is it part of a greater story?
I liked this story as far as it went. There, obviously, isn't much you can do in a 300-word story, but this is enticing.
The situation is humorous in a twisted sort of way. I don't know whether the husband amused by this or angry. You would think he would be angry, but story ends on a relatively light note.
Well, that was definitely different. Manticores are not the most popular of magical beasts. We also don't usually expect to see manticores doing average things like watching television and eating vanilla pudding.
It's a very simple story in which not a lot really happens, and in way, I wanted to see more.
But I guess it works as far as it goes.
On a more technical note, I did see some punctuation problems. For example, this is a run-on sentence:
Simple was very particular about his stylist he saw Misty every time.
This is an intriguing story. I kept wondering what the mark actually meant. Was it put there by the government or by someone else? And what did the narrator do to deserve it? The funny thing is that everyone seems kind of unimpressed by it. The boy is just worried about what will happen at school and to undo it, he just has to do normal things like help his mother. It´s a strange idea, but I would like to know more about it.
All right. It's very difficult to write a complete story in that amount of space and it is also very difficult to review such a story, but you rose to the challenge and now I will.
This story definitely makes its point very clear. It's cute and maybe a little bit more profound at the same time. (Why don't we get everything we pray for?) We never find out who Joshua is speaking to, but I imagine it's a parent who now has some uncomfortable things to explain.
Oh, it was a nice story, but it was mean. I wanted Pixie to have fun getting caked and pied by the clown. In addition to making the story more likeable, it would have also made things not so one-sided. Tshis entire story moves in one direction and one direction only.
After I read this, I googled what an NCLEX exam was and learned that it was for becoming a nurse. I hope you have more success.
Seriously, I probably wouldn't review something this short under normal circumstances, but I think it captures a terrible feeling that all of us have had at one time or another.
This is a moving poem. I thought about entering that contest, but I chickened out. I'm trying to decide if I would know what the poem was about without having peaked at the bottom. Maybe, but it's hard to say. In any case, I think you have used free verse very well to create something that is readable.
This is an excellent story. It truly captures the spirit of those Grimm/Hans Christian Anderson stories which I love. At first, you almost think it's going to be a story of how short haircuts became chic for women, but obviously there's more to it than that.
Some of the violence is actually illogical. For example, why didn't Camilla cut her own hair the same way she cut her sister's hair? It would have saved her some cuts on her hands. But never mind, fairy tales are often filled with logical problems like that.
There's also no explanation of poison water from the swamp, but I guess that's best left to the imagination.
Once upon a time there was abullfrog. Everyday,he would search the pond for a golden ball in the hopes that he would be able to return it to a beautiful princess, who would then fall in love with him. One day,he found a golden ball, but it didn't belong to a beautiful princess. It belonged to a fat ugly girl with acne. Because of that, she sat around playing ball all day by herself because nobody invited her to parties. Until finally, the bullfrog felt sorry for her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Magically, the ugly girl was changed into a beautiful bullfrog, and the two lived happily ever after.
This is a very nice poem. It uses alliteration and onamotpoeia to recreate the feel of a storm. The line and syllable count do not follow any pattern that I can see. I almost wondered if it was supposed to be a shape poem (The poem sort of resembles a cloud), but I don't see any pattern for that.
The note at the end from Scientific American is very interesting and it does give the poem a little more power, although I admit that I am a bit prejudiced against a poem that requires some explanation like that. Actually, the good news is that the poem is powerful without it.
It's a little bit hard to review this. I actually checked to see what the prompt was and I agree it would be difficult to write, but I think the person in charge of the contest wanted something a little more creative to happen.
Since I don't know any of these people--at least not personally--maybe I'm missing part of the joke.
Great. To be honest, I'm a little unsur how to review this, but I did enjoy reading it.
I think you have set some excellent goals for yourself in 2017. I was moved to check out some of your links to things which I had not heard of. Traveling to Scotland should be awesome. I hope all goes well with you.
This is a sweet little story even if the plot is spread kind of thin.
I thought the part at the beginning was kind of strange when you described Nella's perfume. At that point, it wasn't clear that we were on a fishing boat and when I did realize that, I was surprised that we were describing perfume in a scene with fish.
Parts of the story seemed mysterious to me. Exactly how did Nella help Eli become a police officer?
The story is short, but since it's kind of one-toned--I assume it was supposed to only have one point of view--it probably shouldn't be much longer.
On a more technical note, I feel I should say that I am not a fan of the way you set up the paragraphs here. The conventional way is to indent at the beginning of a paragraph. A more modern approach is to leave spaces between paragraphs, but with neither of those things a story can become kind of difficult to read.
A truly inspiring poem! I really felt the narrator's faith and the power behind it.
I thought your word choices were mostly excellent and the form which seems to have involved eight syllables in every line mostly rolled off the tongue.
I have never heard of the Rondeau rhyme scheme. One thing I´m not crazy about here is the line labeled R, "As I intone." It's a nice line, but it kind of breaks up the poem. Maybe whoever invented this form intended that, but I'm not sure I like it.
Still I like this poem a lot.
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it was a nice story, but it was mean. I wanted Pixie to have fun getting caked and pied by the clown. In addition to making the story more likeable, it would have also made things not so one-sided. Tshis entire story moves in one direction and one direction only.