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This is a very touching poem. (I´m not sure why you call it ¨Silent Poetry¨, but that´s an intriguing title.
It´s interesting that although the poem is written in rhyming couplets, the lines are not actually set up that way.
As for as I can tell, you were not going for any set syllable count and that brings me to my one major criticism of the poem. There are times when it feels like syllables have been crammed into the lines and it does not flow as well as I would like.
Many years ago, I was told that a poet should avoid conjunctions, articles, and prepositions even if it means bending the rules of grammar a little bit.
Dedicating this poem, isn't as hard as it seems
How about:
Dedicating this poem, not as hard as it seems
It's hard to comprehend, or even try to understand. Why the Lord would take a life, that now has just began.
I would eliminate the word, ¨even¨ and possibly the word, ¨now¨.
Those are just a few examples of how I think this could be tightened and made more effective.
On a sadder note, I have to say that the last lines of the poem make me wonder a little bit. Is the narrator talking about her own death? That brings the poem from moving to kind of depressing.
This is flash fiction which can be extremely difficult to review.
But it is an interesting en medias res scene with the main character eager to find Terrington, although exactly why is not explained. I guess the scene is exciting enough as it goes, but it leaves the reader wanting to know more about the situation.
This is a little difficult to review because it's so short, but I like that it captures the wretchedness of the troll. The implication that this troll was once a god is intriguing and I would like to know more about it.
I'm not sure I understand the part about the troll "on the card", but the last line implies that this is a beginning not an ending.
This is an intriguing little piece for what it´s worth. It obviously was required to be short so it couldn´t go very deep. Ebby is a person we never really know. Only at the end, do we realize that she is in the house for a bet. We also don´t know much about the ghosts which threaten her. Again, this is probably because of the piece´s length.
So, I guess you could say that it´s okay, but not really enough to be satisfying.
Cool. I enjoyed this poem. It is definitely an unusual way of looking at life. I liked the fact that while it is mostly free verse, you put a rhyme at the end of the first and last stanzas which was the title of the poem giving the whole thing a certain punch. The other three stanzas followed a pattern of describing the lost moments as people and then explaining what they symbolized. I actually liked that because I might have had trouble understanding the symbolism without it.
How disturbing! I enjoyed this. Some years ago, I saw a play with a similar idea about the Peanuts gang as teenagers. Snoopy had just recently been put down. In your version, Snoopy lives a long time for a dog. Charlie Brown was still best friends with Linus, but the latter had become a stoner who wanted his blanket back. Meanwhile, Lucy was in therapy and Schroeder was dealing with the fact that he might be gay. Interestingly, the person who wrote that play had similar ideas to yours about Pigpen. He had gotten his act together and become a preppy neat freak.
An intriguing opening to a story. I have to admit I was motivated to read it more by your intro then by the story itself, but that´s okay. I enjoyed reading about C.A.L. By the way, I noticed that in the intro there are no periods after the letters in his name, but in the story there are. Is this an acronym? I find it strange that he actually calls his programmers ¨Mom¨ and ¨Dad¨. It makes me wonder what sort of people they are. Parts of this excerpt were a little ¨tech-heavy¨, but other then that, I enjoyed it.
My goodness! You sound a little bit addicted. Don´t get me wrong. I´m a huge Star Wars fan myself which is why I like this poem so much. And I like the second stanza about how it connects with your real life. Although, it makes me worry a little bit. Particularly, the part about ¨Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru not yelling at each other¨. Are those your parents? If so, your real life sounds kind of unhappy. Plus, the part about the princess, farm boy, and rogue being your friends implies that you don´t have very many real friends. I can relate to that.
The poem itself is mostly cheerful because it focuses on the Star Wars, but there´s an implication that the narrator´s real life is rather depressing.
Well, I can certainly sympathize with this guy. On the first page, his wife sounded like a royal pain in the neck. (I, personally, can´t stand people who ask for your opinion and then complain about your choice.) We don´t learn as much about why he´s attracted to Scarlett, but maybe that´s because the story is 18+ rated. No, seriously, have you noticed that we don´t get much description of Sarah. (One of the few things we do learn is that she smoked Marlboro cigarettes which makes her less appealing in my eyes, but that´s just me.)
Still you´ve captured the situation of a bad marriage with just the right amount of humor.
Interesting poem with an intriguing premise. I remember seeing that contest and the prompt.
The rhyme scheme seems fairly straight forward with AABB.
The rhythm is a little bit harder to figure. It seems that most lines are seven syllables, but a few are eight or nine syllables. This causes the poem to read a little ¨clunky¨.
I also noticed that you made the second, third, sixth, and seventh stanzas shorter. I assume this was to give it a sort of refrain.
This is a very nice scene. I enjoy reading about places in the fall. I don't know exactly how this is going to fit into the rest of what you are writing about, but I get the sense that Taryn is coming there from a much less happy place.
Their foliage turning vibrant shades of red and yellow, though some green still remained, stubborn in its desire to not forget summer.
This is a favorite sentence of mine because it personifies the green.
Taryn herself had joined this group, though she had no dog, she had her refill mug filled with Balzac coffee from the shop at the end of her block, a short walk away.
This sentence I'm not so sure about because it seems to imply that the coffee is a substitute for the dog.
Cute. I do get the last line. Although I would point out that Sadie was not quite as devious as Tom Sawyer was when he got his friends to whitewash the fence. Tom Sawyer actually got his friends to pay him for the privilege, and Sadie only took advantage of her friends' desire to be helpful.
Seriously, I enjoyed reading this in a "staring at trainwrecks" kind of way. The narrator is such an idiot, it's hard to feel sorry for him. On the other hand, I also can't help relating to him. We've all seen our bank balances drop to disturbingly low levels.
This is a very interesting story, although I found parts of it to be unsatisfying. I like scary stories set in fun houses. (Actually, that's part of the reason I decided to review it in the first place.)
The narrator is an unusual character. I don't know if you meant it this way, but I thought he was kind of a jerk and something of a coward. The fact that he turns out to be manipulating Becky's feminist impulse into coming on this adventure is cool, though.
The story really took off for me after Becky and Johnny disappeared. I couldn't believe that they were gone for good. That said, I wanted the ending to say more about what had happened to them. This bit of unresolved supsense made the story disappointing.
As for what did happen, that brings me back to how the narrator is a jerk. I think he's the one who should have gotten the worst of this, and I think he should "go to hell" for being the one to propose this adventure. And if we want to get religious about it, telling or confessing to what he did should be his only chance for salvation.
That's a very powerful essay. I enjoyed reading it and I am happy to hear that both you and your sister were all right. I do think you might want to watch your verb tenses.
For example: Disappointment, disbelief and fear filled my mind as I lie on my side
I think it should be "lay on my side" or maybe "fear fills my mind".
Interesting. The narrator has an unusual dream (I'm not sure why the dream is set in a courtroom, but maybe that's a little bit beside the point). She only knows he's her soulmate although how she knows that exactly is something that I'm not sure I understand either.
I was really surprised by the ending. That the man was her best friend's boyfriend. That was a great twist.
Okay, to be honest, I don't always like to review Flash fiction because there usually isn't a whole lot to say.
This is an interesting little story and the main character is likable for as much as we see of her. She's an aspiring dancer who's having a big audition. She also meets an extremely nasty competitor. She's the sort of character we love to hate.
I like that the narrator doesn't let the other girl get to her and the other girl is impressed.
So I guess for what it's trying to be. This is a nice little story about proving yourself.
Okay. Honestly, I do not get this at all. Of course, reviewing hint fiction is always a challenge. (Not to mention that writing it is an even bigger challenge) I assume that the "blue" in this story refers to sadness. But what are the characters sad about? And the ending seems to imply that the solution is arson.
First of all, the emotion is definitely here. I can feel it.
That said, my experience with this piece was a little strange.
First, I wondered if the house was infested with poltergeists or something. That made me wonder a little about the protagonist. Why was she angry, rather then afraid, of this situation?
When I finally realized where the story was actually going, I thought it made more sense, but then after I finished, I sat back and said, "Wait a minute!"
You see, by then, I had almost forgotten about the wreckage in the living room at the beginning, and when I remembered it, I wondered what the explanation. Surely, this act of adultery couldn't have caused that much damage.
The only thing I can think of is that there wasn't just an affair, but a party while the narrator was away. (And a crazy party at that.)
I really like this a lot. I don't know if there is supposed to be any sort of pattern to it, but I don't think it really needs one. It creates, for the most part lovely images.
I did stumble over a few lines:
Her concentration holds
Draws the water up
Maybe, it's the English teacher in me, but I think "hold draws the water up" would work better.
"She draws them out," bothered me a little because you have to be reading carefully to know what "them" refers to.
This is an eerie little poem. The Pumpkin-head man appears to be a servant of Satan or some such thing. Most of it is eerie, but there were a few parts that were kind of silly like the line about, "No more smack". I'm not so sure I liked this juxtaposition.
On a more technical level, I see you chose a rhyme scheme of one ABB for most of the stanzas. It also seems like most lines are about eight syllables long, but there are exceptions to this. Some of them are seven and some of them are nine. This does keep the poem from rolling off the tongue very well.
This is a nice little read. I like how it takes us into the mind of a writer.
The opening part where Robert offers to go with the narrator on her walk and she emphatically refuses, made me wonder if there was something more going on, but I guess there wasn't.
I also liked how you painted the pub with its character. I guess my one complaint about this is that I wanted it to go somewhere more then it did.
Hello. I am reviewing this poem for the "I write. . ." contest.
I enjoyed this poem for what it's worth. It's a pleasant meditation on the topic of friendship.
You use a set rhyme scheme of ABCB for all four stanzas. That works fine, I guess. The rhythm is a little bit more interesting. When, I counted the syllables, I noticed that most lines were eight syllables long meaning that the poem can be read as either iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but a few lines like the first and fourth had only seven syllables. I don't know if you were aware of this.
Still, it was actually some of the eight syllable lines that bothered me more:
Hearts, bound in affectionate love
That's exactly eight syllables but it doesn't flow right as iambic or trochaic tetrameter partly because the first syllable "hearts" is set off by itself and partly because there are three syllables together in "affectionate."
Oh well, I guess that goes to show that syllable count isn't everything in a poem.
First of all, I will say that this story never bored me. It was definitely a "different" read. Your decision to write it in the present tense creates an effect which, perhaps keeps it from being boring. (On a technical note, be careful about that. This sentence, Violet pushed the talk button and says, "It is starting!" contains a past tense verb.)
The opening paragraphs are, like the rest of the story, kind of preachy. There are no characters likeable or otherwise. Still, I admit it drew me in because I wondered where the story was going to go with it.
When we finally meet a protagonist, Violet, I'm not sure I like her. She seems oddly indifferent to the circumstances. Then, when she decides to go rescue that woman,it feels less like "freewill" and more like an obligation she feels. I'm not sure that works as a "Save the cat moment."
When she heals the woman, I was intrigued about this whole idea that pain is all emotional. I actually wanted to know more about that.
On that note, I wanted to know more about this whole situation. Who is Violet that she knows all these things which most everyone else doesn't. At first, I thought she was a member of the military, but what military operates this way?
I don't know if you want to expand this story and tell us more about this disaster and its philosophical implications. I'm not sure that would be a story for everyone, but I would be interested to see what you did with it.
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