! I have just finished reading "The Cobbler
and would like to take a moment to review your work! Please remember I am not by any means a professional writer or reader and these are just my opinions on how you could better your writing!
Overall I thought this poem was great! I love the structure of it and the inspiration you found in a poem by Robert Frost. I think you've done a great job with it. I do have some suggestions that I'll point out below, but overall I think you have a great poem here!
This is where I go over your punctuation, grammar and spelling.
I found no spelling, punctuation or grammar errors in this poem. Great job!
This is where I go over what I enjoyed about your writing.
- I love, love, love the structure of this poem. I had to go back and read it a couple of times, not really to get the structure, but to read it correctly so the rhyme scheme sounded natural. I always have to do that when a structure is unique or really complex like this one. But I loved it. I didn't think the rhyming felt forced except for in one spot, which I'll point out below. But other than that, I loved it.
- With a highly structure poem like this, its sometimes hard to fit in some imagery because you're so busy trying to get the words to sound natural together. But I think you did an excellent job. My favorite line of imagery was this:
His tiny hammer strikes a chime,
There were a couple of reasons I thought this line worked. Not only because of the word "tiny," (which admittedly made me giggle) but also because of the word "chime." You use different senses with your imagery. I can hear that tiny hammer hitting its chime! I can hear the small clink as he's striking away on his shoes.
Also I really enjoyed this line:
That sings the tale how wars are lost
This line sort of put me in the era that this poem is taking place. It puts the reader back into a time where horses were used for battle. Personally, I think of the civil war era. Now, you leave enough of it open for interpretation to the reader, but I just really enjoyed thinking of a civil war era cobbler pounding away on a horse shoe. It was a really good image, whether that's what you were going for or not.
- So many times when I'm reviewing, I point out needless repetition. I'm so glad to see a poem that uses repetition the way its supposed to. Your last two lines are great. Now, I'm not familiar with Robert Frost's poem that inspired this one, but I'm assuming that's where you got the idea from. Either way, whether it was your idea or not, I think it works great. It gives the reader the feel of all this work that needs to be done by the cobbler. "So many pairs of unshod feet," just really gets us inside the cobbler's head to where he sees all this work he has to do. It really works here.
This is where I go over what could use improvement in your writing.
- Here's the one part I was talking about where I thought that the rhyming felt forced. And I think it's simply because of the structure and wording of the sentence it's in. It's in the second stanza there, this line:
Committed to the need to meet
- I think the dual use of the word "to" is what makes it sound funny to me. Maybe look at changing it to something like, "Burdened by the neverending needs to meet" or something along those lines. the line just sounded funny to me the way it was written and I really would like for you to look it over and tighten this poem up, because I think you have something great here. But that's really the only place where I think this poem needs work. The rest of it works for me.
This is where I go over my favorite part of your writing! (Because who likes the ugly?)
Overall, my favorite thing about this poem, is the setting. I like so much about this poem, I think it's amazing. But I like thinking of a cobbler sitting there with a ton of work to do. I like the way you use repetition to create a sense of overloaded work on the cobbler's shoulders. And I liked the rhyme scheme you used to help the flow of the story and tell the tale. You've done a great, great job! Just take a look at that one line and I think you could tighten this poem up a bit and make it wonderful!
Overall Star Rating
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .