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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/western
Review Requests: OFF
103 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Game Models  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've read the short story three times now and I'm enjoying the images created by the writer. I do understand this is a work of fiction, but then again, so was Facebook until it was built. I'm reminded of the exciting early days of the internet. The feeling anything was possible to create and see working online.
I also partook in the excitement of building a website and running a web-based business. While all this may seem like a bit of science fiction at the present time, no one knows what possibilities lie ahead. The author should continue to explore to opportunities afforded by a great start.
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Review of The Newsletter  
for entry "June 2019
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked the page and I very much liked the article on audio books. Thanks to the society, I will return.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Since I'm so unfamiliar to poetry, it is a little difficult to review such work. I can only tell you it did make me visualize certain people I've know. A few as you have pointed out in your last lines have returned from exile, so to speak. I do think poetry is suppose to move the imagination, if that was your intent, well done.
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Review of D is for Monkey  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is reminiscent of a childhood dream after watching a twilight zone episode. Yes, I think a short story could unfold from a start like this, sort of a plot line for TV.
5
5
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have rarely read such a well constructed, spell-binding piece of writing. I, first wish to apologize for not getting the review request. I hope it has not put you off. I would be more than happy to review anything else you wish a comment on, in regards to your work. I feel you are already an accomplished writer.
The only point I would make, which is a personal preference, a wrap up paragraph. A way on seeing what might happen. I do understand, letting the reader fill in an end is intriguing, I prefer that wrap up from the authors view.
This will be the first 5 star I have ever given, well done.
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Review of Cheating Death  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
There really isn't any critique possible on this marvellous story. The only possible response, in my humble opinion, is thank you for sharing your story.
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Review of Evil Wind  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jack,
I really liked this work. Long ago, back in 72 I put on a badge. I wore several over the next ten years. Then divorce and depression hit, I left the badge and went into entertainment. This took me back, for good or bad to those years. You did a great job describing an eventful graveyard shift. I worked swings and graveyards most of the time, no brass around to get in the way. I just thought I would drop a note and let you know how good another old ex-cop thought you did.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (4.0)
OK, you got me. At first, I didn't think this was a poll, I thought it was an article on the usage of a comma. I need that article. Then I hoped, after voting, the results would show, not only the results, but also an explanation of proper usage.
Please, let me know if you write such an article.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The first question I have, is this the proper catergory for this work, or would it fit better in fantasy? The writing is good and I can follow the story well enough. It is not a genre which I follow, so how good it is against others of the same type, I am not sure.
I found the story interesting to this point in the story, just not quite enough to hook me. I am not qualified to give advice on grammar, so others will have to do that for you.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Chuck,
First, let me express my apolpgy for taking so long to review this article. I have been busy with other matters and with my own rewrites.
This issue goes all they way back to the founding of the country under the current constitution, as you mentioned in the Marberry versus Madison decision. I also remember the fellow convicted of a crime, due to his phamplets falling from his window in New York, though I can't site the case.
I think this a fine scholarly article, worthy of publication in any legal journal, if that is where you intend to publish your work. My question is, could you make this simpler for public consumption? I have a distinct reason for this, he is called Donald Trump.
Simply stated, he is tapping into the massive anger at government interference into the private lives of the citizens. There are lots of people which feel this same anger, just approaching the solution from different directions. My facebook page is almost totally devoted to the different views people are adopting. I have every view from those opposed to government intrusion into any area, near to the anarchy scale, those who advocate violent revolution, all the way to people advocating a constitutional convention of States. I do my very best not to take sides on most topics, although I often lean towards a Con Con.
I have taken enough of your time with my review, I would be happy to discuss any of these issues in an email format.
I would also ask you to take a few moments to read at least one chapter of the novel I am writing, Then the Darkness Fell 2048502.
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Review of Cheerleader  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi doc15
OK, I am just going through having a look at different writing styles. I am a new writer and as suchI like to see how others are writing. I am no grammar maven, but I like your style of writing. It is touching, sad and hopeful all at once. I hope you continue the story. I sounds interesting. You could expand using the theme of help from above.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Yarndog,
Yes, for your niche market, a really well put together back cover. Intriquing, yet doesn't reveal more than needed. I know a couple of folks who wouldn't be able to resist, if only to argue about your choices. I hope you have done as well on the inside of your book. This back cover will get some to open it surely.
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Review of Sorry...My Fault  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Gosh, two items by the same author on the same day? Never done that before. You can and should write. I love the descriptive way to lay out emotions and circumstances. I have a feel for what the character is going through. That is what I want from a story. A feeling the characters mean something to me. Otherwise, it is too much work. I need to care about the characters to continue reading. You make that happen.
Please review mine. I haven't said good things to influence your review. I wrote what I feel. That is what I need from you. item 2048502
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Review of Broken  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Yes Alice, it is tragic. Yes it will haunt me. The story is vivid to the mind. The description is akin to sinking down into water filled with ice. I do find myself wondering if this person missed. Many years ago I found myself contemplating a similar end. Too long a story to bore you with but in contemplation, with a trembling hand, the trigger was pulled by mistake during my tears. The explosion brought me back to reality I lived. I would make but one suggestion. Either in the tags or description state death or depression. Sort of a fair warning/
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Review of The Hood  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It appears we may have the start of a Dennis the Menace story centered around little Randy.
The beginnings of a new life, for them and for your protagonist. I want more. I'd also like to know what your plans are. This is a great story line. Write on as they say here.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Chuck,
As you might infer from my title on this site, I once carried a badge. That I have carried lots of different badges might not be so clear. I also worked in corrections. In one of the many positions I held, I worked for and knew Frank Eyman, one of the officers who arrested John Dillinger. I later worked in many other capacities as a LEO.
None of that implies I have any special knowledge, just different experiences to many other people. I only say that as a background to what I have read in your work.
Each and every part of your essay, though it might seem strange to you, I agree with. Both sides of this issue revolves around one fact, we are all human. Well at least most who would read this I think. Therein lies my problem. I have been involved in the arrest of several persons later convicted of murder. Since I worked in a maximum security prison, I've also known a few.
I point these issues out as a distinction from your legal and educated perspective on the matter. Whether you've known such a person is unknown to myself. I doubt you've known them, shall we say on the sharp end of the stick.
That is my dilemma. Give what I wrote above, I find my fear of what might happen, sometimes greater than my fear of a mistake. I would greatly love life to be as clean, tidy and safe as reading this article. The problem is, life isn't that simple.
I do enjoy your work, I must say. It makes me think.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was an interesting way to get brain cells working. Considering. I'd not had my first cup of coffee, that went very well.
Sir, I will go on past the 250 character stipulation I'm sure, mostly this is a response from the heart not brain. I applaud the scholarly approach you've taken. Depending upo the audience you wish to reach, this was a very well done article. I just don't think, joe six pack, or john tree hugger is going to take the time.
Perhaps, that is your point. I do understand, politics is not a game for pawns. But, neither should the game be controlled by those out of reach by the pawns. Personally, with your capabilities, I would be interested in a Will Rogers approach to the topic. Thank you for your time in reading this review.
On a side note, this is the first five I have ever given.
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Review of This I Believe  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (4.5)
Kirsten, you write beautifully. Your words create imagination, your descriptions create visions. I am pleased I searched your portfolio to find the preceding essay, to your "Believe". Continue to write, you have what it takes. It is acceptable as an action adventure, though it is more suitable as a travel essay, just my opinion. I am thankful it was in this section, since I would not have found it in travel.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Dogpack,
I am going to do my best to be kind. I am fairly new to the work of writing. When I saw the entry, Book subtitled about writing, clicked quickly upon it. I do wish to learn. I hope you wish and honest review.
Please, please use spell check, before you post. I became so distracted by the spelling errors, I could get more than just halfway through your work. It really is such a simple thing to do.
I am, probably the last person, who should comment on grammar. I won't begin to comment on yours, except one point. I think you have quite a bit to offer, with your insight and approach. The big problem is caused by not double checking your work.
Now, I also have work posted on this site. I would be happy for your review of my work as well, it's item number 2048502 for chapter one.
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Review of A VINTAGE DREAM  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (3.0)
Arjan,you have the makings of a great story here. I like the theme a great deal. It implies freedom, joy and taking risks. These are qualities everyone should seek out and encourage. Well done. I do like the interaction between the banker and the lady. It seems genuine to me. If, I would make one suggestion, just a few too many words. Try to trim it just a little.
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This is a start, but just a start. I really need to know more before I can agree, or disagree. Some examples would help, or even some further view as to what type of criticism you are finding fault with. Many times, for example, a film critics have panned, goes on to become a hit movie. The same with music, or even writing.
It is a great topic. but consider, I used over 400 characters to convey my feelings
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Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi AuthorS,
I like the interaction you have going on here in this story. The way other characters are spoken of creates the images I need to see the setting. One thng I would suggest, it appears set in Europe, so Hickory wouldn't work, but Oak would. Another thing I would expect, with all the references to the Church, is a Bishop or Cardinal or any other Church official. The Rulers many times would get money from the Church. This was done to finance the expansion of The Church influence. Just something to consider.
I know you said you'd be willing to have a look over another authors work so here goes 2048502 Then The Darkness Fell. By the way, it auto awards.
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Review of Chapters 1-3  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi There,
OK, so I get it so far. I have my own thoughts on what is going on next, but I am anxious to see. That's the thing about reading, if the book is doing things right, the reader wants to know what happens next. Well done on that score.
Here is the thing though, You are a teen, and you know that view point, I am an OLD ex-cop, so i know a different set of things. If you think it would be useful, I can tell you what might be happening from a cop's point of view.
I am a newbie at writing as well. I can't help you much on grammar, it looks like you spell checked so well done there, that's all good. But, I learned this site has some neat tools to make it easier for a reader. The next time you edit, or change part of this, look at the panel that pops up at the bottom. Advanced will show up there. I am not good at explaining things like this but, find the button that double spaces your work. That makes it easier to read.
Again well done, if you want to look at my writing my Item number is 2048502 Either way write on.
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Review of The Visit  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Walker,
Yes I can see this in my minds eye. I and my friends have done similar and worse as teens in High school. The description is crisp and you show me the scene, I like that. I don't correct on grammar or on sentence structure, I have enough problems of my own in that area. What I do go for is story, can I read it, do I enjoy it. The answer to yours is yes.
With all that said. That was high school. Why is this so important to be carried on after you're married? If you had stopped before the last paragraph, probably a 4 rating as is. 3.5. But good enough to tell a reader why. That might send my rating up.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of On the plains  
Review by Arizona Lawman
Rated: E | (3.0)
The only emotion left to me is darkness. I can understand the emptiness, I have seen the great plains. I have seen the desert and the dunes. This seems to have no real starting point to set the story in. The ending seems uncertain. It is worth more, more time, more energy, more thought.
I did notice you said you burst wrote it. For that effect it is not bad, but the emptiness a reader is left with is disturbing.
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