|OK, I am going to review your poem. I like the overall premise of your poem. An adventure of deceit.
The title is very good since it draws the reader in.
You are missing some important aspects in classical rhyming poetry, that I am happy to mention for your education. None of my suggestions are meant to offend you in any way, so I hope that you will take them constructively. ;)
When you are structuring this type of poetry, all of your stanzas should have the same number of lines, like you had in the first two quatrains (4 line stanzas). In a quatrain you have the choice of rhyming the first two lines and the last two lines (as you did in the first two stanzas), or you can rhyme the first and third, and second and fourth lines. Also, in classical rhyming poetry, you should have a rhythmic syllable count.. Let's look at your poems first four lines..
The Witches cursed and left us for dead. (eight syllables) Also...Who is us? You need to let the reader know who us is...perhaps
it's a girl scout group or a club, and you should put how many of you there are for the witches to take.
Into the woods we did then fled (also eight syllables)
Each night they took one away ( seven sylls.)
Fooling ourselves they'd be another day (ten sylls.)
You need to bring more uniformity to the syllabic count.. I'll give you an example by re-writing the same 4 lines"
Three Witches cursed us, and left us for dead. (ten syllables)
Into the woods, we'd decidedly fled (ten syllables)
Each night they captured one, took them away (ten syllables)
Fooling ourselves that we'd have one more day (ten syllables) So every line has ten syllables. I also gave the witches a number, but you could make it any one syllable number, like five, nine, or ten. When you can give the reader more details, you make your poem more believable.
After the first two stanzas you have 4 stanzas with 9 lines, which means that one of the lines becomes odd and has no line to rhyme with it.
My suggestion is to turn this poem into a prose piece, Prose is like poetry, but you don't have to make the lines rhyme, or have the same syllabic count. Prose is like using words artistically. Here is an example..
She walked like a phantom restless, and free
Her rags twirled around as she danced
Everyone watched, as I tried in vain to catch her
My stony fingers were helpless
Some people call prose "free verse poetry", which is fine. You might have noticed that I have capitalized the beginning of every line, which is another method applied to poetry and prose.
I have some advice which might be helpful.. Try writing a few short classical rhyming poems with only 3 stanzas, each having four lines. (A quatrain). It's easiest to create poetry with 9 to 12 syllables per line, but you never want to wander from the count very much. If the first line has 9 syllables, then the second line should too. The third line may have 10, but the fourth should have ten also in that case.
You never want to have more than two different syllable counts in any line of a poem.. I mean that if you have used 9 and 10, you should not use 11 or 12 in the same poem, because it ruins the cadence or rhythm of the poem, which should be almost like the lyrics of a song.
I like to use 11 and 12 syllables usually, since you can fit more information into the line, and make the syllable count work.
There is one rule that can give you a loophole with the syllable rule and that is, You can use 3 dots(...) as a pause that represents a syllable without there actually being one, but that should be a last resort. ;)
Do you know about rhymezone.com ? It's a great website for finding words that rhyme.
So write me a 3 stanza poem with my instruction in mind and send it to me for review. Classical poetry is not easy and takes time to master. It took me years of practice to do what I do.
I hope all this was helpful! Whitemorn (Ron) :)