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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wiesblaize
Review Requests: ON
476 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW factor in the writings of my choice. #19 on the Public Reviewers list June 2016. #29 Public Reviewer July 2016. #10 Public Reviewer August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner in June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place in "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 Public Reviewer Sept 2016.#20 Public Reviewer Oct 2016. First place in "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 Public Reviewer Nov 2016.#36 Public Reviewer Feb 2017.#67 Public Reviewer March 2017.#56 Public Reviewer July 2017.#41 Public Reviewer Aug 2017. #77 Public Reviewer Oct 2017. #53 Public Reviewer Nov 2017. #53 Public Reviewer Dec 2017.#96 Public Reviewer Sept 2018
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
very big reads
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of No title yet  
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, First of all: thanks for sharing this highly personal story. I think it's great, very vivid, full of good descriptions. I love the way you manage to remember in such detail your past experiences. I am very much in love with your writing style, you switch from description to personal and back. Great resonance. It's a sad story, I feel the sadness seeping in every detail. From your subtitle, I now know why. I hope you find a fitting title. Every story needs one to attract more readers.
4 things to take into account:
* ..three whits (white?) steps...
* I didn't understand this sentence: I will hide it so well that I lose it forever...
* There is a double paragraph: "I found hospital bills...ziplock bag." If this is intentional, it doesn't work for me. Please lose it.
* Why is there no end? Although this may be part of a sequel it's important to have a beginning, a middle and an end in every piece. Maybe just the one sentence? It would make the write stronger I think.

All in all, you are an excellent writer. I loved reading it and say Good luck with your further endeavors. Take care.

Umbrella for poetry blog

2
2
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not much, but with a kind heart! Thanks for all the work *Heart*
3
3
Review of The Road Ahead  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, jdarts

I found your plug in the Newsfeed and since you're new and it is your first over 150 word write I thought to take a look. *Bigsmile*

A lovely short but well written story. It's a little bit sad, but I liked reading it. Especially the contemplation on his mistress Smoking hit hard, being a smoker myself. I definately should quit before it's too late. Your wonderful little tale told me that. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

Sunglasses and name
4
4
Review by
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Bob retired ,

Thanks so much for sharing this intensely sad but courageous poem. I salute you in bringing some purpose and meaning back into your life with this tragedy that's unfolding. I hope you find meaning in your poetry, it can give solace to many facing a similar ordeal. Please, keep writing and take care!

WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons
5
5
Review by
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Bob retired ,
Thank you so much for writing this poem. My uncle, youngest brother of my late mother, died while serving in 1961 (when my mother was pregnant with me). So, uncle Frits and Papua New Guinea have a special place in my heart. He stepped on a mine on the last day of serving for his country, the Netherlands. Quite ironic. Only 21 years old. Tragic.

You capture the image, smell, and heart ship of war very well.

Thanks again,
WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons
6
6
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tim Chiu ,

A lovely little poem on anger management. Well done! I loved reading it. It has a good rhyme and rhythm, the words were well chosen and told a clear story in 4 stanzas. I think it's your own experience, is it not? In that case, it's even better because you overcame your anger and analyzed it and found an answer to this predicament. Good for you!

Thanks for sharing, write on!
WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons
7
7
Review of Mr. Right?  
Review by
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow, what a hilarious poem. This made me smile, it was so funny. And the ending was even better, what pun!

I loved your writing style, the choice of words and the rhyme and rhythm. It has a distinctive flow and it is crisp and lively. The story is told in 15 stanzas, very well done!

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing!
WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons
8
8
Review of The Letter  
Review by
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Patrick McDonagh ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
The title is great, it fits its content. The sub-line lets the reader know what it is all about. Simple but eloquent, I liked it.

General impressions
A great poem, I read it out loud a couple of times and it grabbed me totally. It has a warm feel, it's emotionally sound and it has a very powerful cadence. I loved reading it.

Favorite Parts
I asked him why the long sad face and could I help in any way.
He looked at me with an emptiness that haunts me to this day.


A great and simple part that is the start of the story. You immediately get the feel of suspension that is in this poem.

Suggestions
The first 4 or 5 parts are 19 syllables each, it has a great cadence, then you changed that into more syllables and sometimes less. Perhaps you could try to make it all an even count of syllables. How? Read out loud and count. Maybe it will make it a slightly better poem that way. Just a suggestion, of course.

Final thoughts
A very good poem with a solid story. I loved reading it out loud, it has a great feel. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Writing.Com Signature Image for Upgraded Registered Authors! Image #1939830 over display limit. -?-
9
9
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Jack Henry , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Great title, that covers its content, partly. The by-line is self-explanatory. Although the main issue is book reviewing. Perhaps you can add this to your title?

General impressions
A good and solid book review. More than that, half of your story is about e-books and self-publishing before you get to the actual book review itself. I liked that because it made the portrayed subject more profound.
Your writing style is very good, factual but not tedious, with humor and wit. The facts came across because of this, which is very difficult because telling about numbers can be difficult. You nailed it because of your refreshing writing style.

Favorite Parts
If you, the aspiring author burdened under the weight of numbers is thinking give-up, throw your hands in the air, and die, well that is an option. Having the gumption, tenacity, and perseverance to complete a book in the first place... possibly not a good one.

A very funny motto for reading on and exploring this book of Jason B. Ladd.

Suggestions
Be careful with links in your writing. Although it gives perfect information, it can decrease the tension of your own piece and take the reader of your writing out of the flow of reading. Sometimes it is better to just add a line or two yourself instead of giving the link. Just a thought.

Final thoughts
A profound and good book review on this Book Review Banzai formula. It is interesting enough to try to lure the reader into reading the book itself.
I loved your last line. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

10
10
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Jack Henry , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
An intriguing and very inviting title which promises a lot for the story. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
To start with, it was a difficult piece for me to read. I am from abroad, from the Netherlands where English is not my mother tongue. I had to look up a few words and read this piece several times before I could fully understand its wit. I liked that, I learned a lot from reading this profound and witty blog.

I could understand immediately that this was a blog from an experienced writer. The pace, the irony, the wit, the humor and the writing style are very good and developed. It is a grabbing piece.

Favorite Parts
Parody, lampoon, sendup and ‘Yo momma so fat’ routines are the fabric of many stand-up comics brave enough to face an audience. When it comes to social media whereby a creator hides behind unanimity, a joke can take the mickey in a malevolent mousey way. And it’s not restricted to individuals. Social media sites create memes deriding other social media. Which begs the question, is social media the new age pillory post?

A very good start to your blog.
I also liked the way you make headers for every little part in the piece.

Suggestions
Perhaps it is my lack of understanding the language, but I missed out on a conclusion of your piece. You started with a question, it would be nice if you finished with a sort of conclusion. Although it's a blog I kinda missed a last line in this piece. Perhaps you could add a final thought on the matter?

Final thoughts
A great and powerful piece of statements I could relate to. I liked your writing style a lot. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

11
11
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Logan R.H. , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
A good and interesting title for a horror piece. I was eager to read on. Only when I read it, the fact that Noah was in a car crash never entered the story. Why put it in the by-line? It has no function.

General impressions
Good, solid horror story. I liked the pace of the story, climbing towards several climaxes of horrific moments. Your writing style is also appealing.

Favorite Parts
Darkness surrounded me and so did the creature. The creature is darkness, the personification of the dark.

Great line, it grabbed me by the throat.

Suggestions
Despite this great story, something bothered me from the start. It was the tenses you used in describing this tale. Because of its tense, it's a little bit stiff and it lacks life in a way. Perhaps you could try to rewrite this piece and use the present tense instead of the past tense. It would benefit the story in my opinion. Just a thought.

Final thoughts
A tale with a lot of suspense, well written. Because it only contains description it's a little bit stiff. Perhaps changing the tenses would give this story more power. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

12
12
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi lucifer very very very 1st , I found your writing in the psychology genre. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Intriguing title and sub-line that covered its content. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
What a great poem this is. I loved it. It's repetition, it's tempo, it's rhythm. It reminded me of the wonderful poetry of Gertrude Stein.

Favorite Parts
a winless win is a winless losing
a winless win is a winless showcasing
a tie is a conquer of a tie
a tie is a conquer of a winless tie
a tie is a conquer of a conquering tie
conquering is conquering a,
conquering tie


What beauty, it left me speechless.

Suggestions
Although it's just a detail: I would like you to put a space after the comma use in : time is to conquer,time is winless,time is showcasing. It's distracting.

Final thoughts
A philosophical poem with great meaning and rhythm. I loved reading it out loud. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

13
13
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Jules , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
A great title, and a sub-line that is covering its content. I was eager to read on, and I wasn't disappointed.

General impressions
A fresh funny little tale with a humorous content and a fun flair for writing. It is light, airy and very well written. It really made me smile. It had the right pace, with the right amount of speed increase and decrease. It had a good amount of words, not too little, not too much, just well crafted. Very well done.

Favorite Parts
The opening wowed audiences, it had them cheering. But soon the action sequences were dizzying, literally. To fit every character into two and a half hours, producers sped up the film sequences so fast it was hard to tell who was on screen. Was that a flash of red from Ironman or Spiderman? Was that flash of black the Black Widow or the Black Panther? Who could tell at that speed?

The questions are great, it made this piece very funny.

Suggestions
..Superheroes. on the screen, they were all out...must probably be ...Superheroes. On the screen. They were all out...

Final thoughts
A great short story of how things can go wrong on and off the screen. As a movie buff myself It was a hilarious experience to read this tale. Very funny. Great last line. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

14
14
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi A. C. , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
An intriguing title and sub-line. It made me want to read on.


General impressions
A really interesting little story about a woman's memories of a very important part of her life. But the most important part, her last hours of her life you left out. I thought this was a missed chance since you are the writer. What happened to her, was it a deliberate act or an accident? What did she do, feel and encounter that last period of her life? Although the finding of her body made a good ending I was missing that part you didn't describe. It felt like an important part was missing.

Favorite Parts
As Wayne held the four-leaf clover up to the mottled sunlight, a single ray caught it, illuminating its tiny silhouette. Suspended in the golden glow, Rosemary remembered how the shamrock resembled a small seraph bestowing her blessing.
And so it was that fifteen-year-old Rosemary Aldoy sat beneath an oak with Wayne Rhetson as dappled daylight drifted from the heavens to dance on a pair of satin slippers and cowboy boots.


A very intimate and tender part of the story. Well done.

Suggestions
Could you take a look at the paragraphs and put a blank line in between? It will make the read better, now the text is a big blog.
Furthermore, take a look at the tense of the ending, you might want to change that into past tense?
And I missed that important part of the story, her last moments before she died.

Final thoughts
A promising story that isn't finished. You are an excellent writer so it must be a piece of cake to put in more details of those last moments into the story. Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

15
15
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Dane , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good title and sub-line that covers its content. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
An interesting tale with a lot of text to describe the scenery. Try to put empty lines between paragraphs, otherwise, this blob of a text is a bit intimidating.
To avoid dullness in the beginning of your text you might consider short and longer sentences.

Favorite Parts
The hallucinating trip of both students at the end of the story. Finally, something is happening.

Suggestions
* Anyhow (,) there isn't a whole lot to show
* And dr. Tau (,) you can just join me
* My name is Clementine
* so (she) just nodded
* "My body is so strange" and other thoughts in Italics?

Final thoughts
You are a very good writer I can tell, no doubt about that. But in the beginning, the story tends to fall into a slow motion of beautiful description and small talk between people who just met. Please examine this beginning again and see if you can spice things up a little bit. You don't want your readers to stop reading.

I liked what you were trying to accomplice here, but the pace and rhythm of the start are a little bit too slow for my taste. Perhaps long and short sentences alternating? Perhaps more blank lines between the paragraphs?

I liked the ending very much. A complete surprise, a pleasant one.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

16
16
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Anthony ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Another chapter of your sequel. I am looking forward to reading this one as well.

General impressions
A Strong chapter with lots of good conversations and interesting detailed technical information. Vivid descriptions like in a movie. The scenes are real and glued together marvelously. But be aware of your previous chapters, you wouldn't want to have overlap. The descriptions of the slaughtered men could be somewhat more detailed, to enhance the feeling of horror.

Favorite Parts
All technical descriptions, they grow on you and after 9 chapters the reader is very familiar with your writing style.

Suggestions
* Should have seem(n) it from a mile away
* that the ship will (would) be there when we get (got) back
* who He was shot from behind
* most of the time only our flashlights
* Some of them OR The holes were so enormous...
* You couldn't break me , old man

Final thoughts
Another good and solid chapter in a sequel. I am looking forward to the rest. Be aware of the other chapters so there won't be overlap, that way you risk becoming somewhat boring and predictable.


Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

17
17
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Donkey Hoetay , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Good and intriguing title and sub-line. I was pushed into reading this short story. The photo was also a hit, it made me curious into reading.

General impressions
Wow, very good and interesting story. Your writing style and the pace of the write were very compelling. I was sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time, enjoying this sparkling story.

Favorite Parts
I enjoyed very much your conversations in the dialect or speaking language. It was right on the spot but you didn't overdo it.

Suggestions
The only thing that was a little bit disappointing was the end. I thought it was too thin in structure. You managed to paint a whole new world in this tale which I utterly enjoyed, but the ending was too thin, too flimsy. Could you expand the ending a little bit so that it will be more thrilling and is adding to the suspense? With your writing skills that must be doable.

Final thoughts
Great story with a beautiful writing style, pace, and dialogs. A disappointing ending though that should be considered anew or should be expanded in my view.

If it were not for this ending I should have considered this tale a candidate for the Quills nomination. Proves how disappointed I was about those last lines of your story. Could you take another look, please and revise the end? It would definitely benefit the read.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

18
18
Review of My Name Is Nicky  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi zoomsqrd , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Good title and sub-line covering its content. A dramatic story I was anxious to read.

General impressions
A very powerful drama unfolding in this short story. But because of the errors in comma use and other details, I was distracted from the story. Therefore the drama was less powerful.

Favorite Parts
Across the parking lot she could see that her 28 year old son Corey had not left for his job yet. Corey lived next door to her in another concrete box. As Nicky drew nearer to his truck she could see Corey through the window except he wasn't sitting behind the wheel. His body looked as if it were draped over it. "Corey!" she screamed as she ran towards the truck. She jerked the door open and a metal scorched spoon fell to the ground. The ting rang through the gentle gulf breeze.

The heart of the story. Very thrilling and dramatic.

Suggestions
Your comma use must be revised. It is throughout the whole story and in almost every paragraph. A lack of commas. Please look into it throughout the whole story.

Examples?
* Son, calm down,
* they may have done nothing, then
* now listen to me, you have
* see what you did, mom, this is all
* she glanced around the room, grabbed
* Not again, she thought still

Furthermore:
* Nicky remembered the paper bag and make (made)
* Hello to you to(o) mom

Look at the comma use in the rest of the story too, look at the tenses of the sentences.

* As (his) body shook
* no longer his enemy, (she) moved
* she did what (she) should've

Final thoughts
An interesting and dramatic story, but the story didn't come across because of the errors and comma use. If you can change this it would benefit the read dramatically.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

19
19
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi C.M.Morrison ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Interesting title, but the first part - she acted the fool - of the sub-line isn't quite covering this content. Perhaps because the chapter isn't finished?

General impressions
Wonderful new chapter in a sequel. It is very well written en full of exciting features describing the crowd before a heist from the main character. I really loved reading this chapter. It was thrilling, good pace but the end was disappointing. It is not finished in my opinion.

Favorite Parts
Enurin's lips curled into a tiny smirk. The nobles were decked in all of their finery and regalia, wearing the latest fashions of the Eyrothian court. The noblewomen were decorated entirely in jewels and various precious stones, which gleamed so brilliantly it could outshine the sun itself. While their bodyguards towered over them, their hands always within reach of the weapons in their sword-belts; prepared to deal with any threat against their sworn lord. But that detail did not bother Enurin as much as it would others. Despite all of their efforts, Enurin was well aware that they could not detect her or her powers. With those burly barrels of muscle out of the way, the nobles would prove easy pickings for her and her 'hands'. By the end of the day, she'll be hauling chestfuls of bounty back to her hideout; she was certain of it.

Very well put, this is the heart of this chapter.

Suggestions
* where they will (would) all drink from it to ascertain if any of them will (would) inherit...
* for her beloved "hands" are (were) a direct extension...
* whatever it is (was) they felt...

The ending is no ending and therefore very disappointing. I would love to read a proper ending of this chapter, perhaps you could finish it?

Final thoughts
A great chapter full of thrilling and exciting elements. There are some problems with the tenses of some sentences, but you could easily change that. I hope you will look into another ending of this chapter, it would benefit the read.



Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

20
20
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi C.M.Morrison ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
An intriguing title. The sub-line covers its content. Although I didn't read the first chapters I was inclined to read this one.

General impressions
Interesting and very well written chapter. Your writing style is appealing, the pace is good, the dialogs are very exciting. I liked this chapter, it tasted like more.

Favorite Parts
The scent of smoke began to fill both their nostrils as the two neared the centre of Favrion. The whole town was nearly consumed by fire; thick vines of smoke swirled towards the heavens. There was great confusion and panic as some of the villagers trampled over each other trying to reach the village gate.

A powerful description of a town on fire. Very descriptive, it read like a movie scene.

Suggestions
*Neyrand knew that it (won't) wouldn't be long...
*She understood that it (is) was of the utmost...
*There (will) would be a time for tears...
*Her heart filled with worry over her best friend...

Final thoughts
A very powerful chapter with interesting descriptions and dialogs. There are some small issues with tenses in the sentences but you can look into those.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

21
21
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Signature WakeUpAndLive

Hi Timothy Sam ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good and catchy title and sub-line that covers its content. Because I lost my father unexpectedly just two years ago I was inclined to read this story.

General impressions
A very powerful story, very well written and with the right amount of emotion and detachment appropriate in this eulogy. I was touched by this story.

Favorite Parts
The photographs have always been there. I simply hadn't put much thought into any of them, failing to appreciate the fact that I am here today only because two people fell in love decades ago. My cousins and I--we never fully comprehended or acknowledged the roots of our existence. It was always right in front of our eyes, but we didn't notice it. Like running water or electricity, I took life for granted. We took life for granted. We wake up every morning, carry out our routines throughout the day and crash into our beds late at night. It took the death of someone whom we hold dear to give us that well-needed wake up call. It took the death of my grandmother to remember all the good and the kindness we were blessed with.

This is the heart of your article on the loss of your grandma. Very powerful notions on regret.

Suggestions
What I missed, however, were some of the fond memories you must have had with your grandma. Although in life you have missed out on a few occasions, in this article, there is the possibility to dig deeper into your mind and the life you spend with her. Please add some if it's possible, it will benefit the read.

typo: wake-up call

Final thoughts
A good story on the loss of a loved-one, with a profound ending and suggestion to the reader. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

22
22
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi John Yossarian ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
Pinned butterflies is a very good title for this lovely story. Indeed bittersweet!

First Impression
A story with two parts. I loved the first part where the love of a grandchild is shown through the eyes of a granddad. A warm and friendly tale that makes your heart go out. The second part is a good addition to the first, granddad died and the love of the granddad for the child is shown once more in an expression of love just before death. Or is love and death the same? An intriguing ending.

What needs your attention
Perhaps you could add two more genres for your story, instead of "other", "other". For example family, relationship or something. That way readers have more chance to find your story and read it.

What part I liked best
If there are perfect moments in life, I guessed this to be one. Gazing into Abby’s eyes, I considered the nature of love. Beneath the sterile lens of science, I’d heard it defined as the complex interaction of neurochemicals and genetic bias. But as Abby’s lids fluttered, her blinks longer and heavier I knew with certainty that wasn’t true. Love is an element beyond self, substantial and real. Something as tangible as a cool spring rain or snowflakes on an icy December night.

A beautifully phrased description of tangible love. Very warm and loving.

Overall impression
A sympathetic tale of moments of love in a life time of a grandfather. A good start, middle and ending.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

23
23
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi dragonline (dragon online) ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
The title fits the story's content. Perhaps when the contest is over you can add a different sub-line to lure more readers in?

First Impression
A great tale with a surprising ending. I thought it was the preparation of the husband being murdered by the spouse, but it was the other way around. Perfect thriller.

What needs your attention
The pun of the story is two folded. First, this is not about a murder on the husband but the removal of weeds. Perhaps you can add to the suspense by adding a blank line so it's even more thrilling. Second, it's the murder of the wife, the main-character. Also put a blank line there, that will add to the suspense.

What part I liked best
It was a grey and overcast day. I'd been waiting for a day just like this with its threat of rain and lack of sunshine beating its radiant rays down on me in admonishment. The killing needed to take place when there was less of a chance to be seen by the neighbours.

A great start that makes the reader thinks it's a killing of a human being. I was totally convinced because of this start that this was the case.

Overall impression
Good story with two great puns. Good writing style, nice pace, excellent plot.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

24
24
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Winnie Kay ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
A very admirable title and sub-line that covered its content. Friendship is one of the most precious things in life, so I was eager to read on.

First Impression
What a nice, friendly little tale this is. I loved reading it. I like your writing style, the pace and plot of this story. Finding real friends when you are somewhat older is a real challenge. And you weren't even looking, it was delivered on your doorstep.

What needs your attention
No grammar or spelling errors found.

What part I liked best
Minding my own business, I hadn’t had much dialogue with the neighbors. I didn’t really care whose car was in whose driveway all night or if the blue-haired lady directly across the street bent her blinds to see if my boyfriend was coming in for a night-cap.

I loved this observation of yourself, portraying yourself as a person who doesn't like to gossip or be over interested in other people's lives.

Overall impression
A very warm and heart-felt story of a beginning of a friendship that is apparently still lasting. I loved the observations, the descriptions and the pet-loving remarks.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

25
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Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Naveed ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive‍‍~skeletons , I am also one of the sly foxes.


Title
I was rather interested in your article because of the title and sub-line. It encouraged me to read another article as background information: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/catriona-luke/democr...

First Impression
Your article shows great concerns on the issue whether democracy would fit the bill for Pakistan. I think that's legitimate but it's also a tricky one because democracy can be the ultimate goal and outcome in a long and difficult process. It's hard to judge a country when in the middle of becoming a democracy, it's obvious there are many ups and downs achieving that goal. One of the things I didn't read in your article is the great role of the military in your country. I thought that was an omission. Furthermore, corruption is playing a great role I think.

What needs your attention
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors in the article.

What part I liked best
Democracy is, no doubt, the best political system there is, but it has its limitations in certain parts of the world. The alternates, monarchy or dictatorships, are a straight no. Then what is the answer? The answer, I feel, is education. Unless people become literate, unless they learn to differentiate between good and bad, unless they start understanding the greater good, no system can ever be successful.

I think indeed education is key. Unless people have the knowledge and can become better citizens they are always ruled and fooled by people who take advantage of them.

Overall impression
A very well-crafted article I loved reading. It gave me insights in the whereabouts of your country. That is necessary I think because Pakistan is only in the (western) news when dealt with terrorism, poverty, and scandal. Your concerns are very legitimate.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

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