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675 Public Reviews Given
681 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW-factor in your writing. No in-depth analysis, just my thoughts. #19 PR June 2016. #29 PR July 2016. #10 PR August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 PR Sept 2016.#20 PR Oct 2016. First place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 PR Nov 2016.#36 PR Feb 2017.#67 PR March 2017.#56 PR July 2017.#41 PR Aug 2017. #77 PR Oct 2017. #53 PR Nov 2017. #53 PR Dec 2017.#96 PR Sept 2018. #38 PR Aug 2020.#26 PR Sept 2020. #56 PR Oct 2020. #80 PR Nov 2020.#76 PR Aug 2021. #47 PR Sept 2021. #69 PR June 2023.#53 PR July 2023. #45 PR Nov 2023.
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
reads > 2000 words
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Dave ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.



Title
As a poet and a member of this group, I love the name of this group The Poet's Place. It's all in there, simple and eloquent and with its own rhythm. The sub-line clearly states what this group is all about.

First Impression
Although I haven't been able to participate much in the group lately I am planning to be more active in the Poet's Place Café after GOT is over. As a beginning poet in the English language, I crave and need the information and the writing opportunities this group is offering me. I will participate hopefully in September again.

The different poetry forms that are being offered are not just fun to work on but really necessary for the craft of the poet, and this group is the only group who is covering it all. Therefore it is a real asset to this site.

What needs your attention
There is nothing I can think of other than to state that I hope to join again more frequently soon.

What part I liked best
I am a great fan of the library that offers so much for the poet. It is only accessible for group members and I have frequently visited this library when I was more active. There are even poetry courses to follow-up, which I did in the beginning. It helped my writing a lot.

Overall impression
A great, great group that was very important in my first six months of joining WdC. Due to my involvement in the Rising Stars, New Horizon Course and other activities on this site I haven't been able to participate at all for the last six months or so. I am planning to change that since this group is very important to me. Thank you for taking the time to do so much for this group, Dave, I appreciate that very much.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

102
102
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Writing.Com Support ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
I love this group and the name Random Acts of Kindness. It's a wonderful name that says it all. One of the great features of this wonderful site where there is, to my knowledge over my 15 months of joining and participating here, only kindness of writers and for writers by a wonderful staff. I love the mere idea of taking care of a membership package for two months for those who cannot afford a membership or need more time to accumulate GPs by themselves. You provide in that.

First Impression
I have been graced by an upgraded membership of two months in my first quarterly of joining this site. Truly a blessing. The only thing I had to do was have enough reviews in my first months as a writer here at WdC, which was easy. It was granted and I was over the moon. It really meant the world to me as it did for all those others, past and present who are granted this upgraded membership. It is a token of the kind environment that Writing.com is and I love you for it.

What needs your attention
There is really nothing I can think of, this group is just wonderful and the information on requirements is very clear, although some writers fail to acknowledge this as I can read on the forum sometimes. But that is no fault of the group, it's easy to understand what the reviewing requirements are.

What part I liked best
Next, to this wonderful gift, this group is also teaching writers aka persons to be grateful for that gift and to not take it for granted by having a link to "Thank You RAOK". I think that is very clever. It is a sign that yes, you can have an upgrade if you meet the requirements, but pay attention to this gift, it's not just nothing, you can thank the group who is responsible. I love that too.

Overall impression
A wonderful group that teaches grace, helps writers and is a blessing to us all. Thank you for that!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

103
103
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Wordsmitty ✍️ ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
Nice title and the sub-line clarifies its form. Since I am not familiar with the original nursery rhyme I had to look it up.

Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow

And everywhere that Mary went,
Mary went, Mary went,
Everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go

It followed her to school one day
School one day, school one day
It followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules.

It made the children laugh and play,
Laugh and play, laugh and play,
It made the children laugh and play
To see a lamb at school

And so the teacher turned it out,
Turned it out, turned it out,
And so the teacher turned it out,
But still it lingered near

And waited patiently about,
Patiently about, patiently about,
And waited patiently about
Till Mary did appear

"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
Love Mary so? Love Mary so?
"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
The eager children cry

"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
Loves the lamb, you know, loves the lamb, you know
"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
The teacher did reply

First Impression
Nice, funny, and educational version on the first lines of an old nursery rhyme. I had to read it several times to pick up the details.

What needs your attention
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best
The names and the questions asked in this poem. It was funny to rehearse them.


Overall impression
Answers: Mary had 9 animals to look after: a little lamb with no name, a goat Joe, cow Patrice, duck Fred, rooster Red, turkey Hank, pig Frank, dog Jack, and cat Fanny.

3 walked on two.
9 had just paws.
4 were big
5 were small
(or according to the title: 9 were small, calling them littles?)
1 with claws

A funny poem with a strong educational component, it was great to count and name the animals and to answer the questions in this poem.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

104
104
Review of Trees  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Danial Lucas ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
The title and sub-line of this poem cover its content. It's great to create a tribute on trees since they are indeed of enormous importance to us all and to the life on this planet. I wished that more people looked at trees this way. In Europe, there were a lot of forest fires lately, that killed thousands of acres of trees. And in countries as Indonesia, they should read your poem as well since they destroy a lot of trees for human purposes. Current disasters in for example South America with mud streams that destroy whole villages and kill a lot of people has also something to do with taking out trees from the landscape. All in all a very strong and powerful subject.

First Impression
A very strong and powerful statement on the importance of trees. I could sense the writer among a forest, taking in the high majestic forms of trees and contemplating on their importance.

What needs your attention
I could not find any grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best
from always was
to will always be
trees


Great ending of this pamphlet. It has its own rhythm. Well done. You have an optimistic view on trees, that they always be there on this planet. I sincerely hope you are right!

Overall impression
A strong and powerful start, middle and end of a poem with an important main-character: trees. A nature-themed poem at its finest.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

105
105
Review of Hello Old Friend  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi T.M.W ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
The title and sub-line are consistent with its content. Since I know little about this disorder I was interested to read this poem.

First Impression
It's a very good poem on the level of its meaning and what you want to express: your relationship with the demon 'bipolar disorder'. Against everything, you refer to it in your title as an old friend, but in your poem, you express a difficult relationship.
I liked it that you tried to describe what this means to the writer in daily life, the difficulties and the symptoms as described as depression, the low, and the mania, the high. It was very revealing.
I also liked it that you gave your demon a voice, it was speaking to you.
And last but not least I loved it that you were taking control back on the disorder, taking responsibility and not be solely a victim of a difficult condition.

What needs your attention
The rhyme and rhythm of this poem feel somewhat forced sometimes. Perhaps you could look at it again and try to change it to make it better?

Like: I've known you for awhile now
But failed to catch your name
You are there through the sunshine
And beside me during the rain


If you take out the word 'the' in this last phrase, the rhythm is suddenly better.

Also, it would benefit the read if you bold the text of the phrases when the bipolar condition is speaking. That way, you make a distinction between you and the bipolar. Of course, you could also use parenthesis to this effect.

What part I liked best
We are no longer friends, now that you've been exposed
You still stay and say that you have no place to go
And our relationship to others remains undisclosed
I now must keep you at the furthest distance
To preserve my existence
I do accept now that I require assistance
Not on anyone's but my own somber insistence


The writer accepted the condition and is taking responsibility by seeking help. Very powerful!

Overall impression
A very strong poem that helps to educate people on what it means to survive with a bipolar condition. On the level of rhyme and rhythm, it can still use some attention to make this an even better poem.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

106
106
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Winnie Kay ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
The title and sub-line cover its content but I thought it also gave away your ending of the story. That way I already suspected that there was an error causing trouble. The aspect of surprise was somewhat gone because of it, which made the story less thrilling. Perhaps another title or sub-line?

First Impression
I liked this short story. Your writing style is very good, your writing technique of showing rather than telling made this an excellent story. Especially in the beginning with the description of the arrival of the main character. It was the start of an evening a lot of people can relate to, coming home from work, greeting the animal, sitting at the computer. I liked it when the story turned into a more thriller like story and ended dramatically for the main-character and her victim. Too bad I already suspected something as described in the ending because the title gave away the pun.
I thought it also was a clever move to do the online conversation in small lettering as you did, that way it added to the reality of online communication.

What needs your attention
Perhaps another title?

What part I liked best
Alice glanced around the second floor entry-way and jammed the key in the lock. With practiced, choreographic movements, she turned the key, opened the door, stepped into apartment 210, and slammed the door shut with her shoulder. Balancing the take-out bag in one hand, purse dangling from her forearm, she turned the deadbolt and engaged the security chain.
“Max? Here kitty, kitty. Mama’s home.”


Great start of the story, like a lot of people come home from work it immediately set the tone this story could happen to everybody.

Overall impression
A good solid story with a thrilling aspect that could become more scarier if the title didn't give away the ending.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

107
107
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Kitchap ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
Just an ordinary title that covers its content. I didn't know what to expect, really so I began reading.

First Impression
Wow, what an amusing little tale this is. I loved it. It's fresh and funny from the start till the finish. It's about all the miscommunications you can have in a stale marriage without overdoing it but construed in such a way that it has everything. Irony, realism, fun and a slight twist. I love you writing style, the dialogs are really good and the pace is quick and sharp. The psychology of the main-character is true and consistent, very believable.

What needs your attention
The only thing is to consider your layout. Perhaps add a blank line between paragraphs? It would benefit the read. Now it's one big blob of text.

What part I liked best
'George.'
'Yes dear.'
'I want a divorce.'
'Yes dear.'
'I said I wanted a divorce.'
'Well take an aspirin dear,' I said trying to concentrate on the rugby. 'You'll soon feel better.'
'I'm not ill.'
'I thought you said you feel worse?'


It's fun theater pur sang. It even is a better story if you read it out loud, which I did several times.

Overall impression
A really good write with funny dialogs.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

108
108
Review of Sleep  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi Alissa Rose ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
A simple title and sub-line that covers its content. As sleep is psychological very interesting a phenomenon, I was interested in reading this poem.

First Impression
A very nice poem on sleep, it is rather psychological fact and theory than emotional. I liked that very much in this poem. Apart from the last line: that is very emotional because of the use of the word "monsters". Very powerful ending.

What needs your attention
As you know a haiku poem consists of three lines, with the first and last lines having 5 moras, and the middle line having 7. A mora is a sound unit, much like a syllable, but is not identical to it. Since the moras do not translate well into English, it has been adapted to where syllables are used as moras.

So, I have been counting your syllables and came up with some irregularities:

One of horrid silence = 6 instead of 5
Sleep is our very need = 6 instead of 5
Seeming sheltered and calm = 6 instead of 7
The monsters wanna play = 6 in stead of 5

If you want this to be a haiku chain, please look into your lines again?

What part I liked best
Midnight hour comes by
begging you to shut your eyes.
The monsters wanna play.


Strong ending because of the words "monsters" and "wanna" instead of "want to".
You can hear the monsters nagging. Very powerful.

Overall impression
A great theoretical poem on sleep. Great ending. You should, however, look into the syllables again to make this a haiku.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

109
109
Review of A new friend  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi P. K. Jørgensen ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
The title and sub-line cover your story, but I was wondering why you called this a story about friendship? The main character only meets this man once and although it was a pleasant meet there were no real in-depth interfaces between the two to call this other than a superficial meet in the park. Perhaps if you enlarge the story by adding lines about what this meet meant to the main-character after they parted? The plot is interesting enough to work it out to a larger story.

First Impression
Nice, but rather a shallow description of a meet with a ghost. The story never gets thrilling and meanders a bit too much. Unfortunately, because this is a very good start of a ghost story. It has everything in it to make this a very good story, just add some suspense in it and make this a larger story if you can.

What needs your attention
As pointed out it can use some more spice because it is a very unusual meet, and the fact that the main-character meets a ghost is not your everyday cup of tea, but I find no evidence of a dark or suspense layered story in here.

What part I liked best
And then my new friend Tom, disappeared right in front of me, with that strange smile of his painted on his face.

“Take care, Tom.”

That was the first and only time, we’ve ever talked.


It is the start of an interesting parting between a ghost and a human. It has all the facts in it to write more about what it meant to the main-character.

Overall impression
A good start to a ghost story. It has a nice beginning and middle, but the ending needs more.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

110
110
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones

Hi scribe ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
Haha, were you smoking pot while writing this title? I liked the scrambling of words in your title, it had a funny touch. The sub-line clarifies its content.

Since I am from the Netherlands and we have a long history of legalizing soft-drugs and personal use of marijuana, but are still severe on distribution and growing the stuff, I was very much interested how an American would see the subject.

First Impression
An interesting article on how things are seen in the US. For me, as an outsider, this article provided good back ground information all the way back to the Nixon era. A great insight into US politics and legal system on the use of marijuana.

What needs your attention
Can you specify "gateway drug"? I suppose you mean: marijuana seen as a gateway to hard drug use like heroin and cocaine and such?

You forgot to mention that in some cases young kids can have mental issues over marijuana use, like having psychosis when using.

There are indeed a lot of studies that show that marijuana is relieving pain in for example cancer patients.

What part I liked best
According to a study by researcher Jon Gettman, Ph.D, the Federal Government currently spends approximately 10 billion dollars a year in direct law enforcement costs related to marijuana alone, and approximately 15 billion a year is poured into the office of the Drug Czar every year. FBI stats showed record marijuana arrests in 2006 of 829,627, 43,000 more than in 2005, and by 2010 that number jumped to 853,839. That is like incarcerating the population of a small city every single year. Imagine if all those resources were trained somewhere, anywhere, more productively.

Wow, I never knew this. Great fact finding and a very good conclusion.

Overall impression
A very good and informative article on the legalization of marijuana. It gave me more insight into the reasons why it is still illegal in the States.

In the Netherlands personal use is legal, but distribution and farming the stuff is not. Which is very strange of course. So, there are years of trying to legalize that as well. There are even pilots for the Government to grow their own crops so that it will be legalized. I don't know what has become of those studies, though. But it is interesting!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

111
111
Review of Nocturne Remorse  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Alexia Wynd ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
A great title, and a wonderful by-line. I wanted to read this ABAB poem, so I started reading. What a lovely and powerful read.

First Impression
A great start with the description of a meet you never forgot. I loved your rhyme and the words you have chosen to write this beautiful poem. A great atmosphere is painted of a party at a castle: I could envision the whole thing very well. Great job. Then the story changes for the worse, it is a vampire ready to strike and leave her mark on your neck. I had to smile with your funny note: I thought it still a loving peck. You were so under her charm and influences you barely noticed the danger.
Great start, middle and ending. Really a good poem.

What needs your attention
I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors.

What part I liked best
Her passion took away my breath.
How was I to know she would be my death?
Even when her teeth pierced my neck,
I thought it still a loving peck.


I thought this was a rather funny remark in a dark and potent situation. I had to smile!

Overall impression
A very nice poem with a good ring to it. It is a powerful expression of a dark meet between a mortal and a vampire turning the mortal into a creature of the dark. Chilling and potent! I loved it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

112
112
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi SrKinney ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
I was intrigued by the title since I watched the movie Dunkirk (2017) just recently. The Battle of Dunkirk was a military operation that took place in Dunkirk (Dunkerque), France, during the Second World War. The battle was fought between the Allies and Nazi Germany. As part of the Battle of France on the Western Front, the Battle of Dunkirk was the defence and evacuation of British and Allied forces in Europe from 26 May to 4 June 1940. (Wikipedia)

Your story is set a few years later, but there also something went wrong. Your story reminded me of what happened also in 1940.

First Impression
Good story but flimsy. With the knowledge of today, you could have written a longer piece on this subject. I liked your writing style though and the fact that your main character is one of the soldiers, probably very young, and in a horrible situation. We know that, but you didn't write it, missed opportunity.

What needs your attention
Because of the subject, this is a very superficial write. If you have time, please make this a longer story with more (personal or historical) details. It will benefit the read.

What part I liked best
On the eve of battle he was calm he knew the plan perfectly. There’s nothing that could go wrong. He was sick of being on a boat; he was ready for war. The night before he lay in his cot in deep thought while others gambled and smoked. He hated smoking - it reminded him of the smoldering of an artillery shell after it destroyed a foxhole with your best friend in it. He never smoked for his health, what could go wrong?

The start of the story is very powerful. But you asked a question and never answered it.

Overall impression
Good start of a military story. Perhaps you could watch Dunkirk to get some inspiration to finish this write. If you do, good luck with it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

113
113
Review of To Save a Patient  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Magicmama ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.



Title
Good solid title and sub-line. Since I am not that familiar with steampunk I had to read this story. It didn't disappoint.

First Impression
From the first line, you set the tone and the atmosphere of the Victorian age. I immediately got flashes of the cars that rode those days and of the hustle and bustle in the streets in front of big Victorian houses.

A great story, with the nice and quiet pace that's characteristic of those times. I liked your writing style.

What needs your attention
I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best
The gas-cylinder hissed back as she coolly shot. “With special bullets filled with splinters soaked in holy water, and blessed by a priest? Yes, I do!” The vampire dissolved into dust, and Dr. Elizabeth Newcastle, vampire hunter, smiled.

Good ending. I was very surprised when she took out the pistol, I thought first she wanted to kill her sister or the brother-in-law, soon to be surprised by the presence of a vampire.

Overall impression
A sympathetic little steampunk tale with a surprise ending of the killing of a vampire. A bit of a feminist approach of a female doctor who also caught vampires, unusual combination. Nicely done!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

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114
Review of He Did It!  
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Natasha ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
Title and sub-line are okay, although you could come up with a more prominent by-line to lure your readers into the story?

First Impression
A good and sympathetic detective story. As a writer, I could relate to the main character sipping coffee in the morning and looking out of the window. So it could have happened to me, I liked that! The story somewhat reminded me of the movie Rear Window (1954) by Hitchcock with the main character James Steward looking out of the window keeping an eye on his neighbors, discovering foul play.

What needs your attention
I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best
I watched out the window, hoping that Ken was finally going to get what he had coming to him. An hour later, Cpl. Miller and Sgt. Ames led the man out in handcuffs. Sirens blared, and curious neighbors gathered around to see for themselves. It took a while, but the crowd finally dispersed as the squad car took the suspect to the police station.

A vivid description of the surroundings, making the story very much alive.

Overall impression
A good detective story with a nice ending. Who wouldn't want to get paid for being an attentive citizen?

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

115
115
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Craig Henders ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.


Title
A good and intriguing title, reminding me of the titles the writer Ludlum uses for his adventures. Good choice. Sub-line is okay.

First Impression
A nice start of a story. But it's not finished, leaving the reader very disappointed. The story has a good start and a middle, but no end.

Very funny concept: the high-tech transmitter onto a crown of a tooth.

What needs your attention
"What do (you) mean? What do you want?"
...feeling angry, confuse(d) and unwilling...

I hope you will write the rest of the story? It is very disappointing to leave the reader without knowing what is coming next.

What part I liked best
"Mr. Marshall. David. We need to keep in constant communications with you over the next 6 hours. I'm sorry to say sir but you are now working for us. It's non negotiable. We have a job for you and you ARE going to do it."

"Why the hell would I work for you?! You put a radio in my mouth! What do mean? What do you want?"


It's a good example of how confused the situation is. But it tastes like more...

Overall impression
A nice start of an intriguing story with the potential of becoming a great story. You only have to finish it. Good luck with that!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

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116
Review of The Sun Also Sets  
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi ♥Hooves♥ ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.



Title
The title is a good reference to Hemingway's novel. The sub-line is covering its content. Since Hemingway is a great novelist, although I never read anything of him to my shame I must admit, I started reading.

First Impression
What a lovely simple but eloquent tale.

I never knew this about Hemmingway. So I looked it up:

He came to Pamplona for the first time, traveling from Paris, on the 6th of July 1923, in the full swing of the Fiesta of San Fermin. He came in 1923, 1924, 1925, 1926, 1927, 1929 and 1931. Following the parenthesis of the Spanish Civil War, in which he actively participated for the Republican cause, and WWII, he came back twice: 1953 and 1959. If anything can be said of Hemingway’s time in Pamplona, it is that he never came as a distant onlooker; the author lived the fiestas to the full, submerging himself totally in the atmosphere, as befitted his passionate and intensely vital temperament.
From: http://sanfermin.pamplona.es/verPagina.asp?idpag=5...

I am going to the library later and order this book by Hemmingway, you made me very curious.

What needs your attention
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best
Hemingway looked at me. I looked at him, my eyes telling the tale of my kind.

"What a fine, noble bull!" Mr. Hemingway stated correctly.

"I think he looks a little like Gertrude Stein, in that beret," muttered one of his drunkard writer friends.

I snorted in a fine, noble, and inspiring way.


This was very funny. Since I am a great fan of Gertrude Stein I thought this was a nice touch to the story.

Overall impression
A lovely simple tale about a historical figure and the writer (and bull) Hooves. I loved it where you combined fiction and reality together in a kind of sci-fi story.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

117
117
Review by
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Angus ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.



Title
A good title and a good sub-title that covers the content of the story very well. Another one of your interesting stories I liked reading.

First Impression
Wow, what a well-crafted story this is. I liked the story inside a story. Well thought off to do it this way. It starts innocent like but with a twist. The reader immediately is drawn into suspense since there is a mysterious dream coming up. I loved the horror of the dream and the way that dream becomes a reality at the end of the story. A really simple concept you crafted into a very well written piece.

What needs your attention
There are no grammar or spelling mistakes and I cannot think of anything that kept me and my attention from this short story.

What part I liked best
And that was all his seven-year old mind remembered, until the policeman started asking him questions one hour later. He told him everything, including about the man with the cape and the top hat. At the time the nice policeman seemed to believe every word. But of course, he didn’t. Oh sure, he believed Ben was telling the truth about what he thought he saw, but he didn’t really see that, now did he? They’d checked the closet and there was no trace of a man with a cape or a top hat. Little boys sometimes just think they see something. It was called ‘imagination’, and even grown ups sometimes think they see something when really they don’t.

With this part you kept the story real and realistic, making the ending altogether more powerful and gruesome.

Overall impression
A great little tale that ended badly for the main character. Suspense and mystery, a great combination in your capable hands. Loved it!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

118
118
Review of Creatures  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Black Widow ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
The title is intriguing and the sub-line clarifies its content. I am a psychologist by profession so I am not easily shocked. These are great lyrics (and a poem) that describe a sad, but very real and honest reality.

General impressions
Wow, I think this is a great way to describe a brutally honest reality. I loved it!! It is raw and fresh and I think a lot of teenagers and young adults can relate to what you describe. You are certainly not alone in this, assuming it's personal?

I immediately heard a rhythm underneath the words and I think it's a rap!! I don't know if you can write music yourself or know somebody who can but this would make a great rap. I am sure of it.

The words are very intense, outspoken and brutally honest. Chapeau!! I loved your writing style, the pace and the rhyme.

Favorite Parts
I loved the repetition of the two parts

Where do you think we end up; Heaven, Hell, or neither?
And what’s your opinion on God? Personally, I’d love to meet her.


and

Of course all humans look the same
because we have all the same features;
though we walk the world recklessly,
on all fours like creatures, creatures.


It made the whole song in balance.

I personally had to smile because of "And what’s your opinion on God? Personally, I’d love to meet her." That God is seen as a woman is great!

Suggestions
A few suggestions for you to take into consideration: Can you change the two words that are the same in the first stanza? I am referring to "hide" and "reality". Perhaps change the second 'I hide' into 'so out of sight'? and the second 'reality' into 'the world'? That way you don't have the same words that close to each other in the first stanza. Just a thought.

Also, I would add: my eyes wide open wide...just because of the rhythm.

Final thoughts
I think this is a great poem and make out fine lyrics into a rap song. I think you should continue writing these kinds of lyrics/poems, you are very good at it. Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

119
119
Review of Body Imperfect  
Review by
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos [13+] "Game of Thrones


Hi Cheri Annemos ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , I am one of the sly foxes.



Title
The title and sub-line covered this little peek into the world of the main character very well.


First Impression
I had to read this story three times before I could work it out. Although I don't mind doing so, it illustrates the difficulty I had understanding as a non-English reader and writer. The writing is indeed intense and very compact.


What needs your attention
Perhaps unraveling the story a bit by adding more lines, expanding this blog, this moment in time, giving the reader more clues, would benefit the story?

Perhaps using the term ED, as in Eating Disorder perhaps? you would like to write the full term. Now I think this is what you meant, but I am not sure. It confused me a bit.

Your story lacked a beginning or an end, it is a moment in time. Perhaps you could add more lines to make the story more comprehensible?

What part I liked best
Crying into her pillow never answered the question of why she had discipline in everything except her eating.

It is the first sentence where I understood the focus of this story, namely the eating.


Overall impression
I loved the intensity of the piece and after reading it several times and understanding what I was reading, I liked it as well. But I think this can be part of a longer story where the writer has more time and space to explain more.


Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

120
120
Review of My unusual story  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I found your cute little story because Angus put you on the Newsfeed, so I stopped by and read your piece.

A nice, little story. I liked your writing style and the way you used little sentences to spice up your lines, like so cold! and so good! It livened up the writing.

What I missed was some sort of explanation why this experience took you to memory lane. What were you thinking about? I would like to know.

One typo? "maybe I dreampt it should be I dreamed it?
Please, check your story for comma's, they lack a few.

Other than that, cute..it put a smile on my face!
Thanks for sharing.

And a Happy Anniversary birthday at WdC aswell.

WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024
121
121
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Angel ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good title and a sub-line that says it all. In your essay, you answered this question very well. No, nothing has changed. There were child laborers in the past as in the present.

General impressions
Wow, you opened my eyes on a very invisible subject: the young caretakers of the UK. I wasn’t aware of this problem since I am from The Netherlands and the situation is somewhat different here, but I think also an existing problem. A Recent study shows that there is a Children’s right’s list where the Dutch fell from 7th to 13th place and the UK stands somewhere at the bottom of the list, right beside Afghanistan and Pakistan. Go figure. We thought kid’s rights were secure in the West. It turns out not.

Your article shows these facts of a society who is poorly taking care of their youngsters. That was a fact in the past and is still a problem in the present.

I liked the way you presented hard facts with an explanation, and the personal touch by introducing the lady who worked as a 14-year-old during Wold War II. It was a good balance.

Favorite Parts
So, we should celebrate how we educate our children and the fact that we’ve stamped out child labour for good. The question is, have we stamped it out? It appears not. We have a nation of children, working underage and unpaid, sanctioned not only by government but also by society. Who are they?


It is the core of your presentation. Very well put.

Suggestions
I found no spelling errors or grammar errors.
The essay is short, it could have been longer because there is so much to be said on the subject. You choose to end it where you did.

Final thoughts
A very sympathetic essay on a subject not many people know it exists. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
122
122
Review of Hellspam  
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Seuzz ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Good title that fits its content. The picture too was a real asset to the story.

General impressions
Intriguing form of texting a story. Unique, and it worked very well with its own pace and writing style. You managed to build the tension very well, it was a spooky story. Great, how you planted the clues of this horror story into a strange melange of happenings, in itself innocent enough but at the end a freaky pattern of paranormal occurrences.

Favorite Parts
Oh, they have their own special version of Bloody Mary here. She was a freaky unpopular girl, and she was the first to get an iPhone and tried to make herself popular with it, but it didn't work and she killed herself in the E-wing bathroom. She haunts it, and if you text "Bloody Beryl" into your cell phone while standing in that bathroom in the dark, she'll come for you.

The horror story in a nutshell!

Suggestions
No grammar or spelling errors found.

Final thoughts
I loved it how you managed to combine the texting mode and writing a normal text so this story was very readable. The thriller elements were definitely there. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
123
123
Review of Ardria  
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Ashanti ,I found your writing as part of the Read a Newbie section and reviewed it for the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I had to think for a while but Ardria is the name of the country this fantasy tale is taking place. Perhaps you could come up with a more catchy title as your story progresses?

General impressions
Wow, I love fantasies like this. They are written in the style of the old fairy tales and I like that very much. Your story was interesting to read and swift-paced.

Favorite Parts
The queen rejoiced in this daughter because she alone knew that truth that this daughter was destined for greatness as written in an ancient text that was known by only a few scholars. She bore the mark of the guardian. This mark had not been seen for centuries and it was only passed down in the females of the royal line.

I was intrigued by this part.

Suggestions
In order to make it easier on your readers, can you insert blank lines in your story? Spacing out your text will benefit the read.

Final thoughts
A great story with a lot of potential for other chapters. Thanks for sharing and I hope to read more.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
124
124
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Schnujo is in the Falklands ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Title and sub-line are well chosen, it fits its content. I loved the theme of this contest entry, very surprising.

A benevolent dictatorship is a theoretical form of government in which an authoritarian leader exercises absolute political power over the state but does so for the benefit of the population as a whole. A benevolent dictator may allow for some economic liberalization or democratic decision-making to exist, such as through public referenda or elected representatives with limited power. It might be seen as a republican form of enlightened despotism.

Leaders such as Napoleon Bonaparte, Fidel Castro, Benito Mussolini (at least until the war against Ethiopia), António Salazar, Iosef Stalin, Isaias Afwerki, Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, Lee Kuan Yew, Mao Zedong, Pervez Musharraf, Hugo Chavez, and the Medici dynasty adopted the title. Long-seated dictators are more likely to be regarded as enlightened because they acknowledge public interest in order to remain in power and to be regarded as legitimate. (Wikipedia)

It’s not democratic so I am not in favor, but your take on things is rather funny at times.

General impressions
It’s a great story, and I liked reading it a lot. Your writing style with prose poem elements is great. The rhyme and rhythm are wonderful. I liked your pace as well.

Favorite Parts
Now for the rule of pets in general…yes, everyone shall have one at least once in their lives. But choosing more often, is up to you, be they horses or dogs or simply bee hives. However, mistreat your pet and they shall rule over you, all the rest of their days. You shall eat from a bowl on the floor while they lay on the couch. You shall cook them their dinner while you dine from a can or a pouch.

Very funny indeed. I had to smile at this rule!

Suggestions
Too bad you didn’t find time to elaborate more on how you want to accomplish this dictatorship exactly and where it came from.

Final thoughts
All in all a great insight in how you would rule the world. Of course, I am totally against the idea of a dictator, how nice she is still trying to do what's best for the people. It is just one view on how things should be in the world, there are so many other views to take into consideration. But you did an excellent job! Your joy in writing this story is very visible. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
125
125
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Imran Butt ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

It is extremely difficult, yet even impossible to review this piece of writing because the writer doesn’t provide a context for this memo. It is written and therefore read in a void without the chance of knowing what it is. Is it a letter to someone he/she loved before taking drastic steps? Of what kind? The reader doesn’t know. But that there is a feeling of dramatic urgency that’s for sure.

So the question is valuable if this is writing for the writer’s purpose only or does the writer wants this piece to be read by others? I have to assume the latter since there is a review request attached. So here goes…

I didn’t understand what’s been written. There is no context; there is no help from the writer to the reader how to evaluate this memo. I thought to provide this context by reading the other writing in your portfolio but that didn’t help either.

Your writing is what they would call in my country the Netherlands: hermetic, which means that it is closed, sealed off and that it is up to the reader to make a break through into its meaning. But you have to make it easier for the reader, so you have to provide the reader with clues as to how to interpret such a piece of writing.

If you want your writing to be accessible to others you have to try to meet them half way and provide something of a context. Without that, it is words without meaning and the message will be lost to others. But perhaps that’s what the writer wants? I am puzzled, without knowing what I am puzzled about.

Hopefully, you will make up your mind as to if you are willing to let others in on your thoughts and feelings. If you do that you will find that your writing has great potential since it is ready to have urgency and dramatic power.

Take care and hopefully, you share your work in a way that is more accessible to readers in the future.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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