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675 Public Reviews Given
681 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW-factor in your writing. No in-depth analysis, just my thoughts. #19 PR June 2016. #29 PR July 2016. #10 PR August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 PR Sept 2016.#20 PR Oct 2016. First place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 PR Nov 2016.#36 PR Feb 2017.#67 PR March 2017.#56 PR July 2017.#41 PR Aug 2017. #77 PR Oct 2017. #53 PR Nov 2017. #53 PR Dec 2017.#96 PR Sept 2018. #38 PR Aug 2020.#26 PR Sept 2020. #56 PR Oct 2020. #80 PR Nov 2020.#76 PR Aug 2021. #47 PR Sept 2021. #69 PR June 2023.#53 PR July 2023. #45 PR Nov 2023.
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
reads > 2000 words
Public Reviews
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Review of Propriety  
Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hi PayColeCarmen ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Propriety is the title of your prologue and the name of the city or the country of this Sfi story. So simple, easy to understand and it fits its content.


General impressions
A very well written piece. I loved this beginning into a new world you have been creating. (It brought back some memories of The Matrix 1,2, or 3 where NEO is adressing the crowd and the audience is going to dance.)
In your story's case it is about the introduction of a chip implant. My mind immediately starts to wonder...! So does the mind of your main character John Young. I can see trouble in the next chapters.

Favorite Parts
John Young was standing in line towards the end. Everyone that had already gotten the Chip implant were walking by talking about how easy it was and that they didn't even feel it. He doubted that. Being a part of the military for 13 years had taught him a few things. One of them is that you never trust the government to be completely honest with you. Something smelled funny about this Chip business. P.O.W.s aren't a new thing. People have been captured for as long as the history books go back. So why, now, is the government trying to fix it when they could've done it years ago and saved many more lives. Something wasn't right and John didn't agree that this Chip was the right way to go.

It is probably the heart of the prologue and the start of the next chapters into this SFi story. It is of a very good quality and I am wanting to read on, know more about this.

Suggestions
No suggestions other then perhaps your piece could use more spacing. A blank line here and there would benefit the read. But that is up to you ofcorse.

Final thoughts
All and all the interesting start of a new Sfi story. I am intrigued in where you will take the reader with this.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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177
Review of The Way of Life  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Jellybean4401 ,I found your writing at the review page. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
The title was well chosen but I didn't like that comment into the sub line. I don't like it when writers comment on their own work in the writing itself, being somewhat overly conscious. Comments are for the readers to make.


General impressions
I loved both parts of the story. The African part was very well written and very vividly described, as if you are watching an episode of National Geographic. The colors, smell, and environment of those animals in the African Savanna was very impressive.

Favorite Parts
And the impala run, run down the steep slope to safety, almost like they are flying away, or elegantly sliding, from the chasing predators. Pounding their feet into the dust and sand, nothing on their mind but to get away! Run, run, is all they know. As a group they rumble, and they are now running without the momentum of the tall slope. But the predators get closer and closer, until… it happens. A baby leg is caught on a root. Onlookers’ hearts retract and stop. The silence of the moment presses hard. Even harder as the predator gets closer. The impala is running out of time, the door to hope and to life is almost closed.

It is the heart of your writing.

Suggestions
The only problem I have with this story is that it contains two stories, totally different from eachother and with little to nothing in common except the last few lines. I think that is not enough. You have to do more to bring these two separate parts together into one story. Perhaps mentioning the boy has seen animal life on television, or did a project for school, or something to connect the two pieces? Maybe you as a writer should step in with an all knowing voice?

Final thoughts
All in all a good write and an easy read. You have a nice writing style. If you manage to bring both worlds together this will benefit the story.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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178
178
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Schnujo is Late to Lannister ,I found your writing in the comedy newsletter. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What a delightful short story this is. Very well written, good paced and in a writing style I utterly enjoyed.

I had to look up three words in the dictionary but I always enjoy that since it expands my vocabulary. The words: braying, crevices and extolled. Learned something along the way.*BigSmile*

It is a tale of two neighbors and the menagerie of animals like goats, donkeys, chickens and geese of one. As suggested by the obnoxious neighbor, I googled San Clemente goats and saw pictures of this lovely animal. So cute. (I read that the Navy tried to shoot them since they were a nuisance to the native plants and wildlife on the island of San Clemente, but the welfare group Fund for Animals proved them wrong in court.) Your piece made me do some research and I loved that.

What works for me? Then came the obnoxious braying of her American Mammoth Jackstocks which she bragged (or was it bemoaned, it's hard to say) that the Livestock Conservancy listed them as a critically endangered breed of donkey used to make mules. The animals are huge, as large as a horse and their braying carries across their fields, seeping through the crevices of our home.

It utterly sets the tone of the fact that both neighbors never will become friends. I liked this description of a relationship gone sour in days and weeks. I had to chuckle a lot. It is such a fun piece to read.

All in all a very nice read, I loved it. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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179
179
Review of Catherine  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Robin's Stories , I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

This is a very nice little tale about your job and meet with Catherine, a young girl bound to a wheel chair. I liked your writing style, the story was well paced, a swift and easy read. Very well written.

What works for me?
Catherine doesn’t speak at all. But she makes a lot of sense with different gestures of her tiny, constricted body. If her Mom serves her up a spoonful of something that she doesn’t like, the arms start a flailing, rejected morsels are drooled out and she angrily backhands them to the floor. To express her excitement as I neared her table, her permanently extended body would start flopping in her chair, her skinny legs kicked out of control, and she’d extend her right arm towards me, the palm of her frail hand always facing down.

A very good description of how Catherine communicates.

Suggestions?
There is not much to change, spelling and grammar seems to be okay. There is one thing you could help your potential readers with: could you space out the text? It is now one big blog of words. The story will benefit with the occasional blank line where it is due.

All in all a very nice story, thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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180
180
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi the scribe ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What a charming little tale this is about finding your spouse after braking up with the ex-boyfriend. The story is light and airy and has a good feel about it. Your writing style is pleasant and plot, setting and action are okay. It's just that you are telling the reader a story in stead of showing it. But the descriptions are good.

What i like? As time went on I realized that Kenny was the one for me, scruffy clothes or not. I decided instead of nagging I would try something different. So, when I was getting ready to go out one Saturday evening, I made a real effort, lots of make-up, a long flowing maxi skirt and little halter neck top. The type of outfit I would usually reserve for nightclubs.


You wanted to make your point about the scruffy clothes and do so by not nagging instead you came up with a great solution...that didn't really work either. I had to smile about you trying and him not picking up on it. That's men for you!

But in the end you realized it didn't matter what he looked like, he was the one for you anyway. I loved that acknowledgment. 42 years later you have been prove right about him and the two of you.

All in all a very nice write and read, thanks for sharing this story.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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181
181
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Cheri Annemos ,I found your writing as part of a challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What charming atmospheric drawing of the nineteen hundreds. The bath house, the women, how they were dressed and how they behaved it is all 1911. Very neat. I loved this short story because it goes beyond the emancipation of women of that time, it is the tale of two murderers committing a crime and getting away with it.

What works for me?She sat soaking in the hot water of the round tin tub; out the north window snow hung like a sheet on a clothesline, but the room was bright with the fire on the hearth and redolent of lavender water. Across the room and behind the privacy screen, in a similar tub of lavender water, was the other woman in James Buchanan’s life. It may have been accidental that both of them ended up at the same bathhouse. It may have been coincidental that their conversation turned from polite small talk to the man in each of their lives. Stunned silence emanated from both sides of the room when the two women realized they were talking about the same man. It was with dead reckoning when the first invitation to get even with Mr. James Buchanan was uttered.

In a nutshell what the story is about.

I loved your writing style, the description of the era, the casual way in which both women led him to a bench in winter time while under sedation, to die a peaceful death by freezing.

All in all a good write and excellent read.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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182
182
Review of Under Their Bed  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Starling ,I found your writing as part of a challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What a strange little story this is. I am a bit confused at finishing reading this work. What have I been reading just now? It's the story of an employee who is asked by her three bosses to find a key under the bed. She has a crush on all three of them so she is more than willing to participate.

What works for me? All three men frowned at the same time, like someone had hit a button on a computer and changed the picture.
 It is a funny description, it made me chuckle.

What questions I have? When she saw the men looking at her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, the darkness took over and she fell to the floor. A little bit pathetic and I am not sure if this is a reason to faint. The ending is a therefore a bit confusing. Is it a proper ending? Maybe you should look at it again.

All in all en weird story about a strange girl with a crush. But maybe that's the secret to this story that you are doing strange things and behave strangely when you have a crush on (usually) someone and in this case three men.

Your writing style is appealing though, the pace is good, swift and clear. I am looking forward to reading some other stories.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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183
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Thesilentowl ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
The title is somewhat confusing since it ends where you enter the estate.

General impressions
The story has potential for a longer story. Although the ending doesn't suffice for a first chapter, please write a few lines to make this a piece that can stands on its own? You change from past tense to present tense throughout the story. That is a bit confusing.

Favorite Parts
What worked for me?

I peered through the rain splattered glass, the light pattering allowing me to recollect why I was in a limo being driven by a chauffeur that I hadn't hired. It was hard to imagine, that I of all people, had been invited to spend however long a time I want at the largest mansion in all of the United States. And for what? No reason, I was simply invited, nobody told me what criteria I had met, but I most certainly knew it not to be because of my education, or my job.The man at the wheel alerts me that in a minute we would be there, at the estate.

It is the setting of the story and the motive for the presence of the main character in the limo. It also hold a little suspense to what is coming. It draws the reader in.


Suggestions
Could you choose between past or present tense in this writing. The story seems not finished and I am not only talking about it being the first chapter. A punchline at the end would benefit the story, now it seems to die a natural death.

Final thoughts
All in all a nice and interesting beginning, but that isn't followed through.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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184
184
Review of Wink and a hug  
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive

Hi Smee ,I found your writing as part of a challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What an enchanting story about a society very much loving and caring with hugs and kisses instead of money and possession. In these troubling times it is so good to read a story like this. A most welcoming society this would be. It’s a very thrilling idea and you perfection it.

It reminded me a little bit of the token society. Are you familiar with that? It is a community, based throughout the world, that is giving services to the other person, getting in return a service back. With closed wallets. So you bake a cake for me, in return I teach your kid play the piano.

I liked your society even better.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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185
185
Review of THE CURSE OF.....  
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive

Hi Joy ,I found your writing as part of a challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Ah, what a very nice story on Woody Allen (and yourself the writer). I am a huge fan of Woody Allen so I was drawn to this story.

How original. At first I thought the story of Woody was true, s*** happens so one encounter with lightning and being zapped is believable. But when things got worse and he kept on being zapped I noticed it had to be your imagination. Well done, I loved this piece and did not zap away from your story. It got me glued!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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186
186
Review of The Eyes Have It  
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive

Hi Angus ,I found your writing for a challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Had to read this one twice before I got it, but then I got it...and I laughed out loud. What a great twist to the story.

I am totally in the mindset of serial killers these day myself so I thought I had one right there…Josh Davis. I liked the way he was twiddling with his paring knife and I thought he’d start on carving up people. It totally made sense to me, although the setting of the birthday singing colleagues in the back was a bit odd. But I thought hey…it’s Angus who wrote this, this will work out fine.

I enjoyed with your main character the pealing of the skin after the carving of the eyes. A serial killer indeed!

Then the twist…and what a twist…he was pealing potatoes. Ohhh. How mundane! Great story..you did it again!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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187
187
Review of Living Hardware  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi brom21 ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

What a nice story this is. It reminded me of movies Tron and The Matrix both.

It has a distinct beginning, middle and end and its characters are well developed. I especially liked the way you are showing not telling the story, a fact I am focusing on since it is very hard for me to do in my own work. You are a master, especially in the beginning of the story.

What worked for me?

"Akk! This is useless. I need something to help me sleep; maybe some warm milk.” Albert moved his legs over the side of his bed and stood. He walked out of his room clicked on the hall lights and walked straight past the living room to his fridge. He opened it. The cold metal handle gave him the jitters. He got out a milk jug, poured it in a glass mug and zapped it up in the microwave for two minutes. The warm feeling soothed him and he exhaled deeply then took a sip.

It got me at the front of my seat although it is a mundane action, coming out of bed, walking to the fridge; opening the fridge…I liked it.

The paragraph after activation of Proteus 13 can use some spacing perhaps? It is now a big blog of information. It would benefit reading.

I noticed three typos?

And and , the double and, one suffice. He typed in the word and and a tingly feeling filled his head that went down to his feet.


He could not feel limbs but his mind seemed to experience the internal workings of a computer. Feel his limbs?

Right now feel tired. You meant I feel tired?

All in all a very interesting tale about the takeover of a computer program on a college professor. Spooky given, but you made it very interesting. It is fueling my cyber phobia and therefore it is like a horror sfi story to me.

A very nice read, very well written. Thanks for sharing this short story.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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188
188
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Harry ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

I never review poetry since it is hard for me to do so, but in this case I am glad it caught my eye so I read and reviewed. What a grand poem this is, I liked it very much.

I counted thirty times rhyme on ‘eyes’ or ‘ize’ or a derive of this, both internal rhyme as end rhyme.

It is the poetic story of a grandfather at the tombstone of his grandson talking about the miserable life and death of the grandson.
It’s very well written, has a very distinctive rhyme and a slight cadence which I liked.

What worked for me?

“I’m not here either to criticize or to demonize.
As I scrutinize the past, I can only surmise
all my attempts to advise you went as failed tries.

It’s the very personal account of the grandfather not so much blaming or shaming the grandson but with best intentions tell him how he feels.

It’s a poetic tale with a beginning, a middle and an end. I liked the description given of the boy, how his life was:

your life. Your addiction, your love of the highs
came to scandalize and brutalize, then jeopardize
your parents’ faith in you.

You captured the sadness of both parents in:

Your final act ensures your mother will agonize
forever over her inability to devise a way to catalyze
a life-saving change in your behavior.

Did the boy commit suicide or did he over dose? You are speaking of his final act so I think one of the two.

All in all a great poem which I loved. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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189
Review of No Rest  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

This is very interesting story about two homeless guys on top of a steam train. I loved the idea and it did turn out a great piece. You are a master of dialogue, I liked that even more than your descriptions and the inner monologue of Grits, your main character.

You start with a great introduction of Grits losing his teeth. It is funny and it draws the reader right into the chaotic world of a mentally challenged main character. Living rough has taken its toll, both physically and mentally. This character is interesting though, and fun.

Questions I had were about his rambling thoughts on society and the steam train. It was the thoughts of an illogical nature so therefore not easy to follow. I got the hang of it though, but had to read those parts a couple of times before I understood his reasoning. After a year or so, the pseudo-government – the Man – had put the trains back on the train tracks. What does this mean?

What really worked for me? The musing on the hat. I think it’s great and it made me chuckle.

“Give me your hat.”
The Snakepit Man stopped guffawing.
“What do you want that for? It’s my hat.”
“Give me your fucking hat, for I take it from you,” Grits spat on the ground, away from the other hobo. No need to be too confronting.
“Aww, now Grits,” the SnakePit Man said, already cowed. “No need ta be like that. I’ll give ya my hat, if that’s what ya want. No need to be like that.”

Totally hilarious is the tossing of the hat.

Grits grins and throws the hat.
“Hey now!”
Grits doesn’t throw the hat.
“Geez, Grits. Don’t do that. That’s my hat.”
Grits throws the hat.
“Jesus goddamn it Grits. That’s my favourite hat. Don’t do that to my hat. You said you was gonna look after it,” the SnakePit Man stomps his foot, a dangerous move on the roof of a moving steam train.

All in all a great piece which I loved reading. When I got time I will look into your interactive story and watch the rest unfold.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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190
190
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi David Shaw-Parker ,I found your writing in the newsletter. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Wow, what an uneasy tale on bullying, seen through the eyes of a bystander/ the writer, with a good ending nevertheless.

You have a very distinct writing style with lots of interesting word use, some of which I had to look up in a dictionary. Which to me is always a good thing, I can learn a lot by reading this piece.

The story is beautifully construed, with a beginning, middle and an end, good character descriptions and development, lots of action and practically no dialogue, which I don’t miss in this piece. Its POV is very clear.

What worked for me? The name of Rodney Wilson alone was enough to make us uncomfortable. it belonged to a lean, brown-eyed raven-haired youth who could easily defeat any other thirteen year old boy standing in his way. It sets the tone of the story immediately and is the very beginning of this somewhat uncomfortable piece of work.

Why is it unsettling? Because it is a rather sad tale of a bully and what it can do to the people watching the bully pull his act and pick on someone. Bystanders are forced turning into cowards because if they take a stand they are the next victim themselves. Very nasty business.

Questions I had were about Steve and Madeline, why are they in the story? They seem to lack a function and take away the pace of the piece.

He was looking forward to a simple and spectacular victory, eager to dispel any cynicism which might, due to lack of recent evidence, have adumbrated his pugilistic prowess. He had dispatched two of his henchmen to make sure that the luckless Mayfield would be as good as his growl of defiance and not disappoint the waiting crowd. I had to read it several times, look up words in the dictionary, but I think I got it in the end. This was a rather difficult part for me as a non-English reader.

All in all a beautiful story about a very nasty strain of events. Bullying is a topic that is very hot these days, both teachers and kids are subjected to it. Your piece is showing why it is such a sorry business to be bullied, although the victim here fought back in the end.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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191
Review of The Visit  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi River ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Haha, LOL, I had to smile when reading your piece. Is the main character a pushover or what! Find out and do this quiz: http://www.zimbio.com/quiz/EJDAUVM03DQ/Are+You+a+P...

About your writing, I loved reading it. It is swift paced; it has a writing style I totally enjoy. The title and subtitle spoke for itself. It covered the content to a tee.

What worked for me? Soon I received a long detailed message from her, then another and another and another. It became difficult to keep up with the messages. The next week I got a phone call from her. She talked an hour and a half, nonstop. It was all about her, her family, and her cats --- mostly the cats. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. The phone calls came with increasing regularity. The next contact was Skype, I was actually happy when my computer crashed, and I had to delete Skype. But what you are describing is not so much a Drama Queen as a stalker first class.

That’s also what I lacked in this piece: the reason why the main character, you, put up with her in the first place. You never explain why you are so lenient and accommodating. You not even go there. I can think of a million reasons, but I would like you to tell me in a line or two. Up to you of course!

All and all it is a lovely story on a befriended Facebook contact that goes berserk. Next year another shot at it. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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192
Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hi Vera, Chuck and Dave ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Wow, this is a little master piece. So my advice to you would be: start writing again, start a blog, just be sure to put your thoughts into writing again, because you can, as so many others can not!

Your writing style is fluent and easy to read, your choice of words is grabbing, there are no flaws I can think of. No bad grammar or spelling mistakes. So maybe it’s the motivation then? Look around at WdC and be astonished, get inspired, get going on this websites with its perks, its contests and its reviewing. You probably fit in nicely into this writer’s community. Because, you better believe it, you are a writer!

What works for me? Like a jilted lover, I tremble each time I consider penning down the flurry of thoughts running amok in my head. Maybe what you are looking for is a forum to pen down your thoughts? Well it’s here at your disposal.

The girl who grew up on words and who was succored by their ability to offer beauty and solidarity amidst chaos is still out there somewhere. Someday the stranger will let her in again and so will begin another stormy love affair. If you are looking to meet your Muse again, start writing, just do it and the rest will follow I am sure.

I have suffered from a writer’s block for months, it disappeared as soon as I got really involved in WdC. You should try it. Nothing to loose, everything to gain.

All in all a very good write, and an excellent read. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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193
Review of Jake  
Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
WakeUpAndLive
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hi Tomk6103 ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Ahhh, what a nice little story this is about a boy and his dog Jake, with this sad ending. As a dog lover myself I could totally relate to this short story.

Your descriptions where good and sometimes hilarious, I had to smile a lot. You are good at ‘show do not tell’ which is difficult for me to do in my writing, so I looked for it in yours and it is rather well done. Show, don't tell is a technique often employed in various kinds of texts to enable the reader to experience the story through action, words, thoughts, senses, and feelings rather than through the author's exposition, summarization, and description. (Wikipedia). As you probably well now.

What worked for me? We ate everything together, except he ate my broccoli, cause I never liked the stuff, and a couple of times I tried his dog food, I didn't like that stuff either. Funny, but gross.

As the bus would stop, he would come flying down the driveway, barking, tail going so fast he would almost fall down. I think this is my favorite line, being able to picture this happy greeting of your beloved dog.

Your dialogues were nice, and it is comforting to read your parents try to ease the pain for you. Very loving detail.

All in all a very nice tale I liked very much. Thanks for sharing. It’s a good In memoriam for Jake.


Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Naveed ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

How totally unexpected this story of yours is. It’s very beautiful and I am pleased it got you a ribbon. This piece deserves one indeed.

Pakistan is, for me as a European, the other end of the world. It is surprising how you describe your country, and the country of your grandma, long lost.

Sadly all I know of your country is what’s been said in the newspapers, which is not good: lots of poverty and a war at your borders which is affecting your internal affairs as well. That’s what I know about Pakistan…and then your piece!

Beautifully written and a very nice choosing of words. I liked it very much. It’s almost incomprehensible to understand that you don’t have Spring, as we here in Europe have this wonderful time of year every year.

Your grandma is showing you what is no more, and you are thrilled by that, although you are sad not to experience it yourself since it is gone.

What worked for me? Grandma speaks about trees a lot. She tells how the trees were lush green during the spring. She tells how squirrels, who are now extinct, ran up and down the trees, while grandma and grandpa enjoyed the scenery of their garden in their youth. These trees combined with the blooming, fragrant flowers and creatures like butterflies and squirrels and the wind made such a melody and atmosphere, that it was impossible for grandma and grandpa to not dance their hearts out. She remembers those days as the time of her life. It describes the heart of your piece.

All in all a wonderful piece of writing. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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Review by
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Rated: E | (3.5)
WakeUpAndLive
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Hi Julius Thompson ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

I am one of those readers scrolling down the website, entering your portfolio and starting to read this piece on Why I really should read your books. After reading the story I get it. You are a published author and you know it…this story is about you, not the reader. But that’s okay, since there is a lot you have to tell me.

It’s a self-help guide into the works of the author. Very well written and an easy read!

What worked for me? I loved the part where you explain your start as a writer and where you are coming from. From an early age in Winder, I was a dreamer, walking down the dusty red clay dirt roads of the Bush Chapel section, of this small Northeast Georgia town, while watching the cars motor on the Hog Mountain Road.
Every evening I heard the whistle of the Southern Railroad trains passing through Winder creating a nagging longing to know the destinations of the trains. Really good prose and I could feel the longing in your words.

Then you are changing the subject into the main core of your article: 3 pointers as to why I as a reader should really read your books, or in this particular case, this writing.

1. Writing from the heart and Personal Growth! I develop new ways of seeing the world and how our experiences shape us mentally. TELL me about them!

2. Books to help people reach their writing goals! Books form a unique perspective of experience and knowledge to help others avoid the errors and the mistakes you failed to overcome in reaching your goals. Is this only about signing books, or are there other writing goals, I am sure there must be, but SHOW them to me!

3. My Books of fiction based in real places. You mention the Trilogy, but WHAT’S it all about?

In conclusion, you should read my books to see characters living their hopes, facing challenges, overcoming fears and working hard to reach their dreams. You forgot to explain in more detail what these hopes, challenges, and fears are.

Of course there are your books, so I should read them! But in giving me this introduction there are a lot of questions I am still having.

All in all I have mixed feelings about this introduction. I can sense by your writing style that you are experienced, so that’s not the point. But are you willing to meet me, the reader, half way into understanding better why I should read this piece?

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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Review of FEAR  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Gray20046 ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

This is a nice story about a scary trip by foot in the dark.

I thought it was a rather good story but I got side tracked by the layout as being NOT there. Maybe you could pimp it up a little by using blank lines to separate the paragraphs? It would be so much nicer to read this piece.

I loved your story, the way you told it made me feel as if I was walking beside you in the dark, experiencing the whole scary night with you. Well done. Your fears, imagined or real were described nicely.

I especially liked the police car entering since I thought: oh…now he can be brought home by a police man, or at least he could ask if he was heading towards the right direction, but no…nothing of that..instead the policeman told about this man with an ax.

What worked for me? So there I was in the middle of nowhere, cold, damp, aching, lost and now there's a mad man on the loose, could this day get any worse? It is the heart of your piece, summing it up very nicely.

My mind started playing tricks on me and sometimes I'd hear branches breaking behind me which would really freak me out, and so I'd start running. I just can picture you in the dark, speeding up to hurry on home.

This short story has a beginning, a middle and an end and is written in a good pace. Apart from the editing I was very pleased to read it. The atmosphere described was creepy. You were convincing in your effort to make it a thrilling experience.

All in all a good read.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

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197
197
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi Meghan Creager ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

It’s a nice story about a single mom at her first few hours of giving birth to a wonderful son. It’s well written and an easy read. I liked it. Since it’s the first chapter of a series I understand it’s not finished.

What worked for me was the second paragraph where you tell the reader where you are coming from. Becoming a single mother was terrifying to me. Growing up, I believed in "perfect families", which in my head was the typical suburban family of a mother and father with the average 2.4 children, pet cat named Tabby, and white picket fence. A lot of new mothers start that way, you no exception.

I also liked the musing about your mother and the breakup with the father of your child. It gave the story very much a personal background.

The story has a definite start and middle but the ending is a bit abrupt, although it is the first chapter. I would have thought a line or two at the end of the story wouldn’t hurt.

Because you use the past tense you have to be careful not to write too passively. I mean by that that because it’s a story you are telling, not so much showing, combined with the past tense will become easily a passive read with little or no action.

I am writing this because it’s something I am doing frequently myself and it’s difficult to change that into a more active approach of writing. I can spot in other people’s work not my own. How to change that I can’t tell you, but the information is out there and on this site. See for example: "WRITING SECTION"  [E]. This info is an eye opener to me. Check it out!

All in all a good read which I enjoyed. I am looking forward to reading the rest of this story. From one newbie to the next: enjoy this site.


Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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198
Review of Quiet  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)



WakeUpAndLive

Hi He’s Brian K Compton ,I found your writing in the blogging section. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Usually I don’t review poetry (although being a poet myself), since I am from abroad, my English is rusty and my knowledge of poetry limited. I feel like I have to apologize, but I read two poems on your blog and I wanted to read more.

I was hooked.

So here goes, my review of Quiet.

Wow, what a really really beautiful poem this is about the absence of a beloved cat. I loved its rhyme and rhythm and the almost constraint like use of words. It’s never too emotional, it’s never pathetic or over the top…it’s right on the spot. What a sad poem this is. I loved it.

What worked for me was the repetition of the words It got quiet, because she died in various ways in the three strophes. It was almost a mantra of grief in this beautiful prose poem.

And how life goes on after the death of old yellow cat: All the autumn leaves, now rotting inside, make good beds for field mice and their baby mice...

Your descriptions are so vivid, so clear and yet veiled by the sorrow of the poem.

Your personal evaluation at the end of the poem: My hollow gaze catches a craggy reflection in rain spattered and dusty pane... Too painful.

All in all the most beautiful In Memoriam I have read so far. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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Review by
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WakeUpAndLive

Hi J. A. Buxton ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

How nice to see this piece so many years after the inauguration of President Barack Obama in 2009. A lot happened since then and now your country is in the midst of election time. I really wonder what your thoughts are so many years into the political game. But that's a topic for a new essay I hope.

Back to this writing. I am a fan of Barack Obama so this is classified as fanfiction. And I loved reading it.

You described that day, (I watched it too back then on CNN, can recall the moments aswell), and your own personal feelings.

It was clearly written, full of information, some of which I had to look up because I am a foreigner, so I had no way of knowing what the Thomas/Hill event was all about.

A very personal writing with a clear beginning, middle and end. It's plot and setting were well covered. I liked it very much.

I hope you write another piece describing the years of his presidency, when you do, you will have one fan already.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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Review of I Lost My Wand  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
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WakeUpAndLive

Hi Chester Banks , I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

I liked this little tale very much, enjoyed reading it. The title is very good since it covers the subject to a tee. The subtitle clarifies things a bit.

What i liked was the description of loosing the wand in the first place and finding the letter. You had me at the edge of my seat wanting to know more.

Also I loved your ending. I had to chuckle because I didn't see it coming, the story had a nice twist.

All in all a good read, looking forward to the rest of your writing.

From one newbie to the next, enjoy WDC,


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