This is amazing. I truly resonate with this. I have no notes on how it is written or anything, just that I love this. It touches so many pieces of depression, trauma, and self-hatred in one place, without feeling like too much. I love it. I often write about similar things. I would love it if you could check out some of my work and review it. Let me know what you think.
I love the idea of this! I do have to say that the punctuation and grammar can be improved upon for ease of reading, but otherwise, I love this!
I also think it could strengthen the poem if you expand upon some of the metaphors you used. They're very intriguing, and I feel as though you could do a lot with them.
This is such a good idea for a poem, personifying time and begging for his healing to be quick. This is a good take on the personification of time and the idea of "time heals all wounds". I believe you had a goal and achieved it well. My applause to you.
I do not currently have any notes on this piece. Well done! keep writing!
This is not what I expected! Wow, what an interesting story, lol.
I have no notes for improvement; the flow and pacing were good, and the suspense built up well. I do have one note, and that is a question of why he was dressed up as a woman after all those years being a "recluse" and no one really seeing him.
I am not sure he would need the disguise too often, especially early on, because people would recognize his face. But I especially don't know why he would need it later unless he expected people to peek into the house like the reporter. And if he ever expected it, why take off the disguise right next to the window?
Overall, it does make for a good surprise, but I struggle to see the practicality and realistic nature of it all.
The imagery in this poem is very well executed. I have no notes for improvement, just an acknowledgement of how well executed this poem and this idea are.
It really sits and soaks in a reader's mind. Even if the reader may not be able to relate directly, they can feel the loss, the pain, through the imagery given by the speaker/writer. Well done :)
I love this. The simplicity, combined with the pure emotion felt from the love interest, is conveyed through the narrator/speaker's words and given directly to the reader. It is simple, it is full, it is good. I love the sense of yearning that is expressed by the love interest through the speaker. It is so intense that the reader can feel it and relate to it or yearn for that kind of love themselves.
I love how well you convey the strength of that yearning to be one with someone, and how simple and perfect it can feel in a safe and mutual relationship.
I found your work in the review requests. I would love it if you could check out a piece or two of mine and review them.
Love this! It is well-written and heartfelt, and the imagery is phenomenal. I read this multiple times over and find myself really relishing it. Your usage of the required vocabulary is really good. I am impressed.
My only note is that the first three lines do not seem to flow with the rest of the poem. The imagery is amazing, and I love the word choices; however, something about the second line throws me off. I feel it could flow nicer.
This is quite the poem. It is heartfelt and heartbreaking and relatable. I have no notes for the poem itself, but I think you could adjust the name and description to pull more readers in. Maybe use more imagery in the description and use a name that people will understand a bit better. :)
An interesting and simple poem. It gets the point across and shows recognition for those nameless heroes who step up when they don't have to and don't ask for recognition. I would love more, maybe in this poem or another, about the 'hero' and a bit more about why they do what they do. Maybe because no one helped them or because someone did. I would love to see some purpose, you know? You have an opportunity here to get people thinking about this poem longer. Give the reader something to think about, something they have to grasp at and meditate on.
Really, a heartfelt poem that I felt I could relate to in some way or another. There are some points I felt the words didn't quite flow or make sense, however.
"She has beaten, broken" could be changed to "she is beaten, broken." I believe this would fit better with the following line and make more sense. Also, "one day / she rise" could be intentional, but it doesn't flow very well without the "will."
Overall, an amazing poem. I really liked it and felt myself relating to it.
Love the storytelling and the writing! You write very well and have good pacing in your stories. My only note is that a bit more inner monologue would be nice, especially with his emotions. I feel like it's really sudden when Clyde begins crying because we can't really see the train of thought that leads to it. I feel more of that emotional inner monologue would impact that greatly :)
I know many people love a slow-burning enemies-to-lovers or lovers-to-enemies, and somehow you have managed to capture that in 8 stanzas of poetry. You did phenomenal with this, taking the reader with the narrator through each of the words, the experiences, and leaving the reader wondering in a way that feels as though we are wondering and questioning with the narrator.
Love this! When I was 14, I was constantly writing, and this is a lot of what it felt like. I love the anchoring repetition of the last line of each stanza; it really builds a foundation and brings the poem together. The imagery is really good, too. Overall, I loved it!
I am very impressed with this poem, especially after reading the description/from the author below and going back to read the poem again. You need a lot of thinking and intentionality to create a steady stream of ideas in a poem designed this way. Well done.
Nothing much that I can say except applause. This is well written, interesting, and compelling. There were maybe one or two times I felt I had an opinion about word choice, but they were minor things that became insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I often struggle to get into a book of any kind; most of them are either uninteresting to me, aren't even close to my preferred genre, take a long time to build up, or are all cheesy romances, but this is really good.
It doesn't seem like my preferred genre at face value, but as I begin to read this story, I find your ability to draw in the reader, as well as your word choice and storytelling, and I am very impressed and want to read more.
Amazing introduction! The storytelling aspect is really well done and draws the reader in. This feels like how the journey to the center of the earth felt to me when I was a kid. Love it.
This is really good! I love the imagery used in this poem. There is a fight seen here between you wanting your pain to be seen and wanting it to stay invisible, which is so relatable to a lot of people, making a poem like this a powerful one. I really like reading it and find the more I read it, the better it gets.
This poem is loaded and meaningful, wow. I really like it. It really captures both the longing and the avoidance that come with grief. That sense of wanting to find something and mend something that will bring you closer to that person you are grieving, and that aversion and avoidance as you push it away, not wanting it to hurt you more.
You take the reader and bring them somewhere where they either get it or they don't. No metaphors or analogies, just "here is what happened, do you feel it or not?" which creates a solace for those who relate and makes the meaning so much deeper.
I love this; this is very well done, and I feel it draws the reader in. It speaks in a reverent way of God, and I feel it does illuminate the supreme joy he gives.
I really appreciated the imagery and the vocabulary that was given here.
Beautiful imagery and story. The way you play with grief, loneliness, and the hidden insanity that can seem to come with losing everything important to you is phenomenal. I really enjoyed reading this. This is exactly what I like to see in writing. I would love to check out more of your work.
This story really makes you sit and wonder what happened to the boy, what happened to Dexter, and his family. Will anything ever come from Dexter, or will he be wrapped in this grief for the rest of his life? Is this the rest of his life? I love that you tell a solid story, but leave the reader wondering and wanting more. bravo.
Wow, this poem is very well written and makes you think about the earth we live on and what it has done for us and what it would do without us. I loved the lines "perhaps my feelings were never my own / but yours, my every step, a dance / guided by you, dust flying, gracefully flown / in stillness of movement, swaying in trance."
This poem is one I would love to come back to and read again in the future. I find it brings me a lot to think about. Good job.
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